AN: Thank you Pumpky, Van, jshaw0624 for your reviews. Hope you like this chapter as well. Please read and review. Thank you.
Chapter 7: Inner Monologue
Quinn couldn't return to the feast. She walked back to her room instead. Once inside the room, she closed the doors behind her and walked up to the mirror. As she stood in front of the mirror, her reflection appeared in there. Quinn stared at herself with a blank expression on her face for a while. Then she started to take off the jewelries one by one. She let the dress fall off her shoulders and pool at her feet. There, in that moment, while standing completely naked in front of the mirror, Quinn realized something about herself. She realized she's not good enough for anyone, let alone a prince.
"That's right, look at yourself. Look how pathetic you are." Quinn heard a voice in her head telling her that. A voice that belonged to her own subconscious.
"How could you possibly think that an elven prince would want to marry you? What a fool you are Quinn!"
Suddenly an illusion of Quinn's aunt, appeared in front of her. "Quinn, didn't I tell you many a times that you're gonna end up alone? What boy in his right mind would want to be with you? I really think you should just stop having hope and accept that fact. Only if you had looked pretty enough." Her aunt spoke with pity in her voice but it was more poison than pity.
"Not only you lack in good looks but you are not even talented. Or that smart for that matter. Tell me are you an A+ student? Are you good in sports? Are you a talented writer, singer, dancer, artist, anything at all? No, you are not good in anything. Because you are good for nothing."
"Stop it!" Quinn shouted, putting her hands on her ears because she didn't want to hear her aunt speaking to her anymore.
"Just because you don't want to hear them that doesn't mean, it's gonna change the truth Quinn." This time her subconscious spoke to her.
"Don't you get it, your existence means nothing to anyone, no matter which world you are in." Tears gathered in Quinn's eyes and started to roll down her cheeks. Because she really thought that things would be different for her in middle earth.
"You're right I shouldn't have hoped for things to be different in my life" said Quinn to herself rather quietly.
"And do you want to hear something honest, I'm not really surprised that Legolas doesn't wish to marry you. Why should he? He is an elven prince of the woodland realm. His father is the king. Who are you Quinn? A nobody. And a nobody can't be a princess of such a handsome looking elf. If you ask me, he did the right thing by rejecting you. It's your fault that you came here and became such a nuisance for him."
"I didn't come here on purpose. I didn't even know what was happening." Quinn tried to defend herself against her own subconscious.
"But going back is in your hands" said her subconscious mind. "Or do you still wish to live here for the rest of your life and cause more trouble?"
"But I have people here who cares about me, Lord Elrond, Gandalf and Gilrael. I don't have anyone like that on earth" said Quinn not wishing to go back to earth even after Legolas' rejection. Because except for Legolas everyone else was very nice and friendly with her. And that meant a lot to Quinn. She didn't wish to let go of that. However her subconscious scoffed at her.
"How innocent you are Quinn and completely delusional. Do you really think that Lord Elrond, Gandalf and everyone else care about you. They are merely curious about you. You did come from another world after all. But once their curiosity is satisfied, what do you think will happen then. You will be nothing but a burden on them Quinn. At least back in earth, you can graduate high school, find yourself a work to earn money and live your pathetic life on your own without troubling anyone else."
Quinn's subconscious knocked some sense into her. What was she thinking planning on living the rest of her life in middle earth? Sooner or later her life would become just the same as it was on earth. She will be ignored by everyone and no one will have any time for her. Not to mention, there is a dark lord here threatening to destroy everyone good. Quinn will be nothing but a problem if people here have to provide her security as well when they will be very worried about the safety of their own loved ones. Quinn can't be such a burden, such an annoyance to anyone here. It's better for her to leave middle earth on the next eclipse. All she has to do is wait it out.
"Finally a wise decision Quinn" said her subconscious.
Quinn sighed out heavily and looked for the clothes she owned from earth. Lord Elrond was right. She shouldn't try to be someone, she wasn't. And by wearing elvish dresses, or by trying to look pretty, Quinn was simply doing that. She was trying to be someone else she was not. She was just Quinn, a nobody. And she will remain that for the rest of her life, no matter the plane of existence. After putting on her dress and tying up her hair in a bun, Quinn took out her necklace from the bag. She put it on and decided never to take it off again. Because without the necklace she cannot go back. And now that Quinn was thinking about it, she realized that going back to earth would not only be good for others but for herself as well. At least earth has movies and TV shows which provide hours of entertainment. At least in earth Quinn will never get bored and handle her loneliness better.
Quinn inhaled a deep breath once again and exhaled heavily. She pulled out her diary from the bag and decided to write in it. Writing in the diary always lift off weight from her heavy heart. Quinn walked out of her room and went somewhere no one would come looking for her. She sat down on a stone bench near a torch so that the light would help her see and write. Inhaling one last deep breath, Quinn opened her diary and started writing.
"Dear Secret Keeper,
Everything has changed in my life. Even the world I live in. And I mean it quite literary. Right now, I'm in middle earth. It's an enchanted fantasy world where magic exists along with many other things. The only thing that hasn't changed is my fate that unfortunately has decided that I don't deserve to receive any love from anyone, neither I'm good enough to ever be anyone's concern.
I suppose I should write from the beginning. It all started when I got the necklace..."
Quinn was about to close the diary. She has already written everything down. And she was feeling much better actually. Yes, getting rejected by Legolas still hurt her but Quinn knew that she will be alright. That she can pick herself up again and move on with her life. After all if anything that Quinn is good at is handling rejections, ignorance and abandonment. Besides, it wasn't like she was in love with Legolas for years. It happened in the spur of the moment and only a few hours ago. Some will even say that it was only a crush. And perhaps that's what the truth is. However Quinn did feel that Legolas is the one she has been waiting for her entire life. That he is the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Clearly that's not an issue anymore.
Quinn wasn't angry at Legolas for hurting her feelings, if anything she felt ashamed of herself for causing him problem. Quinn also didn't try to get rid of her feelings regarding Legolas. She failed to understand how it would hurt anyone else but herself if she loves Legolas from afar. And Quinn had no problem dealing with a little heartache. Though she wouldn't complain if those feelings eventually fade away. But one thing for sure, she wouldn't put any effort to vanquish them from her heart. Also Quinn refused to turn herself into a bitter bitch just because she carries a lot of pain in her heart. Quinn believes that just because bad things are happening to her, that doesn't mean she needs to turn herself into a bad or rude person. She would rather smile and suffer than be hateful towards everyone.
Suddenly someone tapped on her shoulder. Quinn yelped and jumped back a little. When she looked up, she found a dwarf staring at her. Not to mention the same dwarf that had scared the living soul out of her when she first arrived in middle earth.
"What are you doing here? Everyone is looking for you at the feast" said Gimli with stern and grumpy tone of voice. Quinn took a moment to reply since she had to calm down her heartbeat first.
"I- ah just don't like parties. Crowd makes me nervous." It wasn't a lie at all. Quinn indeed doesn't like parties and crowd indeed makes her nervous, specially if the attention is focused on her. That's why Quinn could never stand on a stage and speak. And being a girl from another world, Quinn was sure to draw attention at the feast.
"Hmm, I shall let your friends know that" said Gimli. He started to walk away without trying to convince Quinn to join the party. Clearly she wasn't of any importance to him.
"Wait!" Gimli stopped walking. Quinn got up and walked over to him.
"You're Gimli right? I mean you're lord Gimli, aren't you?" Quinn asked. Gimli immediately become alert.
"Why do you ask?" He looked suspiciously at Quinn. Paranoid much, Quinn thought to herself with a small smirk.
"I just wanted to apologize to you for the other day. I screamed at your face and thought you were going to kill me, I fear that I've managed to offend you by my action. And I'm sorry for that." Inwardly Gimli softened a bit as Quinn sincerely apologized to him.
"No need for apologies lassie. I understand you were confused at that time. I probably would have acted no different if I were in your place" said Gimli making Quinn smile at him. It seemed to her after the interaction that Gimli is actually a softy from inside, no matter how tough he tries to look.
"Thanks for understanding lord Gimli" said Quinn. She bowed her head a little and decided not to bother Gimli further.
"You should go to the feast otherwise you shall miss all the delicious food" said Gimli stopping Quinn from walking away.
"It's alright, I will eat in the morning" said Quinn shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. Missing dinner was no big deal to her.
"And starve the entire night? Nonsense. Come with me. I know where the kitchen is. You can enjoy your dinner there" said Gimli as he already started walking towards the kitchen. Quinn walked with him but she felt hesitation.
"Wouldn't that be inappropriate? What if my not attending the feast and then eating in the kitchen offends lord Elrond?" Quinn asked worriedly.
"Well I cannot say about attending the feast but eating in the kitchen is fine. Me and my fellow dwarfs often pay a visit there, so do the hobbits" said Gimli and after a pause he said- "And you can call me Gimli or master Gimli if you like. I believe you are not accustomed to address someone as my lord."
"I am trying to get used to of it. But Gimli is much better" said Quinn appreciating Gimli's understanding.
After Gimli took Quinn to the kitchen, he went back to his friends at the party. He also assured that he would let others know that she doesn't wish to join the feast and be left alone. Quinn thanked Gimli for his help and went to eat something. However Quinn soon realized that she didn't have the appetite to eat anything though the food looked delicious. Quinn can't eat much when she is miserable. Anyhow, she grabbed a banana off the fruit basket, which is her favorite fruit by the way and she decided to go back to her room. Though it was unlikely she would be able to sleep well that night. Even though Quinn doesn't express her feelings much but her emotions affect her actions nonetheless.
Quinn was walking down a corridor while eating her banana. She was rather lost in her thoughts which wasn't anything unusual for her. Quinn was thinking that back in the other world, she used to escape to her imaginary fantasy world in order to deal with her pain caused by the reality. But now that she is in a fantasy world, and still found pain, where should she go now to find happiness. Still lost in her thoughts, Quinn turned a corner and almost bumped into someone. Almost because she halted her steps before she could crash into the person. Quinn looked up and couldn't believe her bad luck because it was none other than Legolas who was standing right in front of her. He had his eye brows raised at her. Legolas was looking at her with an amused expression on his face. Quinn couldn't even imagine how weird she must look to him that moment, wearing strange clothes, holding a half eaten banana in her hand, not to mention her mouth was completely full. She definitely felt like a monkey that time. And to make things worse, Quinn choked and started coughing when she realized that she had almost walked into Legolas. The person she is supposed to maintain at least a hundred ft distance from, more if possible. How very embarrassing the situation was.
Legolas was ready to help Quinn but before he could do anything, Quinn said- "Sorry...Excuse me!" And she ran away from there in haste.
Legolas stood there for a moment, wondering what just happened. He heard that the girl didn't like parties therefore wished not to attend it. Even though she had appeared at the feast earlier which was rather confusing. Anyway, since then Legolas was looking for the girl to tell her that he cannot marry her. The sooner it is done, the better. Clearly things didn't go as Legolas had planned. He definitely didn't wish to make the girl choke on a banana. And why was she eating a banana when there is a feast going on? The girl is indeed strange. Legolas suddenly started feeling uncertain about how to tell the girl about his decision. He didn't have any clue how strangely she is going to react or how he is supposed to handle that reaction. It's probably best if Lord Elrond lets her know of his wish not to marry her. He has been good at handling the girl so far. Making up his mind, Legolas decided to speak to Lord Elrond regarding the matter. Glancing at the way, Quinn ran off, for one last time, Legolas started walking towards the banquet hall. He had a feast to enjoy, friends to socialize with and elf maidens to dance with. It was pretty obvious that Quinn and Legolas were worlds apart. But the question was, would their worlds ever collide with each other?
