AN: Thanks to everyone for reading I really appreciate all of your comments. I also want to thank everyone that read my latest chapter of Burnt Marshmallows.

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"Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it." – Joan Vinge

Chapter 7

I am so fucking nervous, my hands are shaking and I can't seem to stop them. I have already been by the apartment to make sure that it is clean and to drop off my dinner. I am now standing at the post waiting for the girl to show up, fervently praying that she hadn't already come and gone.

Thankfully, Garrett and Sebastian, a couple of my band mates are in the area checking out a local band at one of the smaller bars. It's the kind of dive we usually perform in…when we all have the time to do actually do a gig.

It's not that we don't have talent, but life just gets in the way. It was easier when we started the band six years ago, but now Marcus and Sebastian are married with kids to support. Garrett is single, but he also has kids. With everyone's schedules it is very hard to meet for practice. But not wanting to let go of that small part of our youth, we manage to get together once a week for practice, and what not.

All the guys know what I do with my spare time. They don't judge me; they have been around long enough to know that this is just another phase James and I are going through.

"Man Jazz, do you normally get this worked up before you see a girl? Damn. You're all shaking and shit." Garrett says while smirking. Sebastian chuckles at his observation.

"No, it's just this girl…she's got me in a fucking tizzy." I shiver, as I remember just what she does to me.

"Is she "The One?" Sebastian pokes fun at me.

"Shut up, asshole." It is just then that I spot her car. "Don't you guys have somewhere to be?"

"And miss this fucking show…I think not. I am a married man; with two young kids…this is the closest I am going to get to any action for at least another month." Sebastian says.

Garrett just looks at him like he has lost his mind. "A month. Fuck man, I am never getting married."

"Yeah, just keep on spreading your seed all over the city because we need some more of your bastards running around." They playfully continue there banter in a non-threatening way. We have no filter around each other, and it doesn't seem to bother any of us.

I am barely paying attention though as she sits in her car and waits for me to come to her. Does she really think I am falling for that shit again? Uh-uh. If she wants it, she's going to have to come closer.

She finally figures that out, and moves her car directly in front of us. "I'll see you guys around." I say in parting.

"Wait man. Aren't you going to make her come out? I wanna check her out. Please…" Sebastian begs shamelessly.

"Shit man, your life is fucked, isn't it?" I say with a smirk.

Why not? She embarrassed the hell out of me yesterday. She deserves this, although, I quicly send up another prayer that she won't say "fuck it" and take off again, not wanting to put up with my bullshit. The idea that she will run off again almost makes me run to her car, but then I see her car door open, so I force my posture to become casual and seemingly unaffected by her arrival. Little did she know how affected I really am. She would turn and run if she knew.

She literally stomps over to me, with a look of pure irritation, and grabs my still shaking hand. She turns it over and slaps money into my palm.

"Just get in the fucking car already." She pouts.

Garrett and Sebastian crack up. I pocket my wages quickly, and turn to give them a wave.

When I get in the car I decide to tease her a bit because her little attitude she displayed out there was just too fucking cute. "Now don't be like that darlin'." I say with a grin.

She hesitates, but then turns to me with the sexiest smile. My dick twitches. How the fuck does she do that?

I know I am just mere minutes away from being inside her…but I find myself trying to come up with a way to postpone it. I'm not ready to have this over so quickly. That fact is that I am interested in her and I want to know more about her. It doesn't matter how unattainable she is.

Questions that frequented my mind in the last month come rushing to the surface. What has she been doing? Has she thought about me as much as I have thought about her? Did she regret what we did? She must not feel too badly about it if she is back…right?

Panic sets in because I know that when we get up to that room, there will be no talking. It will be all business. We will be on sensory overload, and I usually prefer it that way - no small talk or awkward conversations– but not with her…at least, not this time. I feel like I need to know everything about her.

Before I realize what I am saying, I blurt out, "I hate to do this to you but we may have a minor issue." I lie, unabashedly. Whatever it takes.

"What?" She replies, looking perplexed.

"Well as you know, I just started working when you picked me up…"

She lifts her brows slightly waiting for my untruthful words, "Yes?" She becomes impatient.

"Well, James might not be, uh, finished yet." I should be so ashamed, but if I get what I want it will be worth it.

Fuck! This is so messed up!

"OK?"

"Do you mind if I run up there first and see if they're still there?" I figure that will give me enough time to grab the lasagna that I made yesterday for lunch. I planned on eating after she left, but her stomach has not stopped grumbling since I got in the car.

"God no, please go ahead." She says sounding horrified. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. She is so expressive. "They'd be in his room, darlin', you wouldn't see anything."

"Well than how are you going to…evaluate the situation?" She is so fucking adorably uncomfortable with this subject, but regrettably, from past experience I am able to form an accurate response to her question.

"By sound." I grimace slightly as memories assault me.

Unfortunately, I have had the displeasure of being in the next room and, when we attended Purdue, sometimes in the same room, during some of James' screwing sessions.

I know all of his sounds - from the hideous beginning all the way to the excruciating end. He very rarely ever deviated from his pattern of audible checkpoints. It was like a roadmap to his orgasm.

Thankfully she didn't want me to expand on my simple answer. She was actually quite ready to change the subject. "So how many times a night can you...do...this?"

I let out a sharp bark of laughter at her almost constant inquisitiveness. "Well, there's my curious monkey."

She pulls up to the front door of the apartment building and I take that opportunity to quickly get out of the car to avoid the question she had just asked. I really don't want to discuss the other women. I want to forget while I am with her. Doesn't she want that too?

I run up to the apartment and grab my lasagna out of the fridge and warm it in the microwave. I put a couple Pepsi's, paper towels and forks in a bag.

I start to pace. What the fuck am I doing? Lying, so I can spend a few extra minutes with her. I am being presumptuous, assuming she will even want to eat anything I bring to her. God, she is here to fuck, not to eat out of a Tupperware dish. I am probably wasting her time, but fucking damn, I can't help it. I just want five minutes. Five fucking minutes before my mind is consumed with her naked body, sweating and writhing underneath me. The images make me groan out loud, and I dig my palms into my eyes.

The dish is finished being warmed and I run it out to the car. "They should only be a few more minutes."

I sigh inwardly. I wish I could be truthful…tell her that I just want to talk to her for a few minutes before we go at it. Learn a little more before I have to fuck her, and then give her up. I feel badly for deceiving her…but only for a moment - because once I look at her again…she looks…happy, my heart does a flip.

Maybe, just maybe she doesn't mind that she's being detained.

Dammit, it is just stuff like that, her looking all happy and shit, that makes me believe that I could have a real chance with her. That I can have someone like her…even if I don't deserve it.

"Watcha got there?" She asks, as she eyes the bag. I take my dish out, and offer some to her. She blushes, embarrassed that I had obviously heard the evidence of her hunger, but she takes a bite without hesitation, and when I watch it rolling around in her mouth my insides shake. I want to know what if felt like to have my dick rolling around in that mouth, or my tongue, but that is where I have to stop. This girl would have me panting and begging at her feet if I ever let my mouth settle on hers.

When she finally swallows, her eyes roll back in her head. "Oh my God, this is incredible!" She says and then moans. Fucking moans. "Where did you get it?"

I could feel my face getting hot. I am actually fucking blushing.

Should I tell her? It couldn't hurt to let her know I am domesticated. For some reason I really want her to know that. "I made it."

But when she asks her next question I know that I have to stop while I still have some type of rein on my emotions. Do I like to cook? It seems like a simple enough question, but I have to draw the line. No personal questions. The rules.

"Too personal." I try to smile unsuccessfully. Dumb rules.

I quickly grab her iPod to distract myself from my thoughts. I definitely find something that distracts me…

"Edward's playlist." I read aloud. "Was that your husband?"

After some hesitation she says too quietly, "too personal." She is trying to be a smart-ass by using my own rules against me, but I saw the pain in her eyes before she could squeeze them shut.

Edward. I want to hate him…but for what? Because he appeared to have had what I wanted so desperately? A normal life with a fantastic girl…but he was dead now. There was no hate in me, no jealousy even…just a strange kind of sadness for someone I never even knew…just for what he left behind.

She stops eating, of course…I just mentioned her dead husband after all. Who would have an appetite after that? Maybe I can be even more inconsiderate and ask her what sexual positions her recently dead husband preferred. Keep up the good work, Jasper.

The loss is obviously still affecting her in profound ways. When she starts to wipe the little splash of sauce on her face I can't stop myself from detaining her hand that held the paper towel with my hand while I brought my other one up to wipe the offending mark away. Without thought, I pass over her succulent lips. They feel perfect. The way she opens her mouth slightly, and breathes on the tip of my thumb is amazing, sending my heart into overdrive. The urge to pull her lips to mine is almost unbearable.

I don't know how I manage, but I force my eyes away from hers. I stare at her iPod trying to focus on taking steady breaths.

The first day we met she had asked me to look through her iPod and I had given it back to her without knowing a single song that she had on it. I had been too preoccupied with thoughts and strange emotions. This time would be no different. I couldn't fucking think or concentrate on anything except her warm, sensual body right next to mine, begging for my attention. Begging for my lips to suck, my hands to roam, my body to slide against…

Fuck, I am hard as steel, and I can feel the sweat build all over my body as liquid fire floods my veins. As experienced as I am these feelings are foreign to me. Never have I felt this surge of desire and longing. It is as painful, as it is pleasurable. I've gone too long without letting anyone in. I have long forgotten the joys of pure lust, too long I have coldly and methodically fulfilled my duties, only feeling satisfaction at the physical release.

This girl is totally unaware of the havoc that goes on inside me every time I see her. She brings out all of my baser instincts. I want…no need…to possess her, to make her mine. Forcing myself to back off, and keep a distance, mentally, is a struggle that is kicking my ass. I want her, there is no denying it, but I want her in ways that are just not possible. Ways that I refuse to think about anymore.

I hand her iPod back to her claiming that I don't know what to play. I have no idea as to how this conversation is going because I am trying to control my clamoring emotions.

She is really trying to lighten the mood. She seems more comfortable with me. She seems almost happy. The thought makes me smile. She is currently teasing me about not being able to do something as easy as picking a song from music she has already deemed as her favorites by having it on her iPod to begin with. I laugh with her, because the sound of her laugh is infectious.

She all of a sudden has a faraway look in her eyes and sighs. What is that? What is she thinking? I had to know, but I have no right to ask. Instead I just pick a random song from Led Zeppelin. I know whatever I play from them I will like.

She seems surprised at my choice. "Led Zeppelin is a little old for you, isn't it?"

"No, my band is…" I stop abruptly. FUCK! I look down at my hands. I can't seem to stop myself from making mistakes around her. When I am with her I can't remember my own rules, my filter, my job, my life.

I divert attention by cleaning up the mess from our snack, as I try to focus on another topic. I am not quite ready to go up to the apartment yet, and since she is not acting like I am putting her out by stalling, I decide to squeeze a few more minutes out of her.

"So…what have you been up to the last five weeks?" Oh no, please tell me I didn't.

I CANNOT believe I just asked her that! What. The. FUCK! I gaze out the passenger window as I contemplate just how fucking stupid I am. Did I just tell her exactly how long it had been since I saw her last? Instead of her making fun of me or freaking out at my stalker-like tendencies she simply answers. "I've been pretty busy. I work a lot and I take some classes."

I snap my head around to look at her. She was fidgeting a bit, she is tracing the steering wheel with one of her fingers for nothing more than something to do. I am too afraid to speak. Afraid I might say something else that I shouldn't. I want to ask her about her classes and what else keeps her busy, but I have overstepped my bounds. The next move will be hers.

"So how much do you charge for "extras?" She asks, her curiosity returning. Oh God, how I want to do those things with her. I want to taste her pussy, and I want to fucking tell her how much I want to, but those are ala carte, and I am an expensive son of a bitch.

"It depends on what you want." I say lightly.

"You mean you don't have a price list that I can peruse?" I laugh at her obvious joke. I love this girl's sense of humor. I know if I talked to her much longer I would love much more about her. I turn serious as I know my time with her is up.

"No, but I'll look into doing that." And then I quietly add, "I should check to see if James is done." We smile at each for a moment before I get out and run into the building.

I move into the lobby and rest my back against a wall that she can't see me from. I shut my eyes and try to psyche myself up for this. Random words float through my mind, reminding me of my position tonight as her whore.

Professional. Business. Proficient. Indifference. Detachment. Can't Feel. Don't Care.

I push myself off of the wall and signal her in. Watching her walk in…her hips swaying, her long chocolate hair blowing in the breeze, a small smile playing on her lips, I can't remember one of those words that not thirty seconds ago, I tried to imprint into my brain to prepare me for this coming encounter.

When we are in the elevator I find that I can drudge up one of the words. Indifference. What a fucking laugh. I am not deluding myself just enough to know the chances are pathetic, but I am still going to try my best to remember that word for the remainder of the evening.

Practicing my skills at impartiality I head right for my room, and right to work. Getting directly down to business I flip on the dim lamp for "ambience" and then turn to her, bearing down on her, I remove my shirt. I immediately reach for her shirt and pull it over her head. I take her in briefly before I unbutton and discard my jeans. Without hesitation she does the same so that she is left in nothing but her underclothes.

Before she can unhook her bra, I put my arms around her and whisper in her ear. "Let me, darlin'." I cringe at how easy the term of endearment falls from my lips. Her breath stutters, and she rubs against me sinuously, making me impossibly harder than I already am. She tilts her head, giving me full access to her flawless neck, and I take advantage by skimming my lips and teeth over the tender flesh.

Remember - indifference.

I place open-mouthed kisses on her shoulder, biting the strap of her bra. Again she brings out the primitive urges in me. I have to consume her, I want to bite into her flawless skin, mark her as mine, but I can't. I quickly divest her of her bra and press her naked breasts into my body as tight as I can.

Her hands lift to my hair, fisting it. I feel wetness on my nipple ring, and I almost come undone as I look down to find her pink tongue poking out against my nipple. I lead her to the bed and practically throw her on it. I stare down at her trying unsuccessfully to gather myself. Too much, too soon. How is that possible?

Indifference – don't desert me now.

She gets impatient. She sits up and yanks my boxers off my body. Aww fuck! My throbbing dick is just inches from her lovely mouth. I could scream; it was so close and so goddamn far away.

Oh sweet mother of God…fucking help me now.

She wants to put her mouth on it, I can see it her eyes. She wants to suck me off and fuck, I want to let her. I dip my head back onto my shoulders and groan when she breathes on it. When I am tempted beyond reason to push my cock into those waiting lips and hold her head so I can fuck her mouth senseless I push her backward on the bed and follow her down immediately, landing full on top of her.

Wanting to give her some of her own medicine I attack her collarbone with my tongue and lips while I manipulate her nipples with my fingers, giving her the most pleasure. My lips follow my hands as I swirl my tongue along her nipples. Her hands move erratically through my hair, she arches her back off the bed and moans softly. My hands roam in wild abandon over every surface of her body, never, ever, getting enough.

Grasping at the indifference that I am so desperately hanging onto by a thread, I stand up and move to my dresser, suddenly needing the space between us. I get a condom from the drawer, look down at my raging hard on, and then at her. Silently asking her if she wants to have the pleasure. She immediately and enthusiastically accepts. Once she accomplishes that, I remove her only remaining garment; her panties. I try so hard not to look at her beautiful pussy, but I can't take my eyes off of it. I want to worship it.

I crawl over her and lower myself, but she moves from underneath me and I land on the bed. OOOkkaay. I look up at her for an explanation, and holy fuck did I get one.

"I want to be on top." She says breathlessly. Jesus. This girl is going to send me to the deepest pits of hell with a smile on my face…but I deserve this. I deserve to have a glimpse at something I can never have. I'm just masochistic like that.

I don't speak, because I don't honestly think I could even if I tried. I watch heatedly as she climbs on top, and straddles me. I position my cock for entry, but she grabs my hand and whispers, "not yet." My hands slide over her thighs as I wait for her to have her way with me. Then she begins to move her wet cunt back and forth over my shaft.

The friction is driving me fucking crazy. I want to tell her, in detail, exactly what she is doing to me, but thankfully for some reason I still have some semblance of control over my mouth. My body, however, is a different story. My chest is heaving spasmodically and my hips are grinding into hers in a frenetic pattern. I want to yell, I want to plead with her to ride my cock. My stomach is burning and my balls are tightening. This can't happen.

I am a professional. What was that word? Fuck. Oh Yeah. Where the fuck is my indifference?

Finally, she takes my cock, and impales herself inch by slow fucking inch on it, but she doesn't move. I want to growl out my frustration. She takes my nipple and nipple ring in her mouth.

I decided that this is fucking torture. I feel like I am being stretched out on a rack, where bones are breaking and muscles are tearing.

She lifts her mouth from my nipple and pinches it. "This is so fucking sexy." She whispers. My hips come off of the bed as I let out an agonized groan. Why is she doing this to me?

Thank heaven she starts moving, slowly sliding up and down my engorged shaft. I have handfuls of her hair in my hands, but the rest is spread out on my chest. I try not to visualize that image, I am already too close to cumming, and I am sure that would send me over the edge.

I feel her orgasm approaching as her pussy clenches around me. One touch to her clit should put her over the edge. I stall, not wanting this to be over.

She trails her tongue up my neck and she tugs my earlobe with her teeth and then whispers, "God, you are so fucking hot underneath me. I wish I could fuck you all night."

Indifference- officially MIA.

I lay helpless as I watch myself lose control. No amount of self preservation can stop me from grabbing her hips and driving her up and down over my dick.

Goddammit. Please cum.

Knowing I am on the edge, I beg silently for her to reach her peak. I watch her above me, her hair is wild and tangled, and her lips are parted as she breathes in rapidly. She has beads of sweat on the bridge of her nose and on the top of her lip. I watch a bead of sweat travel from her pale neck and trail down between the valley of her beautiful tits. She is so sexy. I avert my eyes to the ceiling, knowing I am playing with fire.

I am so fucking close, but I am pretty sure that I can hold off as I feel her tightening against me.

Fuck, that feels so good.

Lost in the sensations, she catches me completely unaware when she bites down on my nipple. My hips lift off the bed once again, and I realize that the battle of holding onto my orgasm is now over. Without permission my body stiffens and her walls tighten around me as I grow impossibly large inside of her. Fuck! "Cum!...Cum now, damnit…Ah, FUCK!" My stomach shudders uncontrollably as I shoot streams of my hot cum inside of her. Thankfully, in the throes of my orgasm I feel her climax around me.

She buries her head in my neck while her spasms take hold of her. I undulate against her, until her tremors subside, trying to prolong her pleasure, but me…my mind is racing. In all the time that I have been doing this…the countless girls that I have been with…I have never came before the client.

"My name is Bella, by the way." Jesus Christ, she is trying to kill me.

Bella. I don't know how I resisted the urge to grab her by the hair and push my tongue into that beautiful mouth, now resting on my ear.

I don't want to fucking know her name. I don't want to feel this sudden surge of contentment as she lies over top of me, my softening cock still encased in her wonderful warmth. I don't want to feel the relief that she came back to me. I don't want to feel the pressure in my chest that signifies I will once again have to let her go, not knowing if she will ever return again.

If this was anyone else I would be up and dressed by now, but I can't help but hold her for a few more seconds, relishing the feeling of having her naked form wrapped up in my arms.

"Sooo, it didn't seem like you were too into it, did you like it?" I open my eyes and am surprised when she is looking at me with a devilish grin on her face. She looks supremely satisfied with herself for her accomplishment.

I want to focus on her, right now. I can dwell on the other things plaguing my mind later when I am alone.

"So, you think you're just all that now?" I tease her, catching onto her contagious behavior. She shakes her head vigorously. She is so fucking adorable.

"Oh, yeah? Well what do you think of this?" I tickle her. We switch positions so that I am now hovering over her, tickling her incessantly. I love watching her like this. Love?

When the urge is too strong for me to rest my lips on hers I roll over. Oh fuck. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I am falling for her…hard. I need to be alone ASAP. I have to think about what my alternatives are here. Did I have any choices? This was going to take some time to think through for sure.

"Can you drive me back?" Back to reality.

The car ride is silent. I am going back over what happened tonight. How I came undone so easily for Bella. Thinking her name, unwillingly made my heart soar. Why did she tell me her name? Was she planning on seeing me again? I want to ask, but I refrain just in case her answer is no. I didn't want to ruin this aura of complete contentment that Bella has placed around me.

She stops to let me out and again the urge to ask her if she will be back is overpowering, but I force myself not to and settle on a simple, "Bye, Bella." That is the first time I say her name out loud and it sounds so sweet. I could definitely get used to saying it more often. I step out of the car fervently hoping that I would be able to.

XXXXX

As soon as I walk in the door Rosalie is immediately on my heels. "Jasper…we need to talk."

"No."

She is not going to ruin my state of euphoria. There was only so much time that I was going to have Bella's smell on me, her taste still in my mouth and, fresh, unfettered memories. I am not going to waste this precious time bickering with my so called sister. I try to move past her, but she won't let me pass without at least trying to stop me, and I really don't want her touching me.

She crosses her arms over her chest defiantly. "Well, I won't be leaving until I do."

Resignation and defeat reside in me. I let out a huff of extreme annoyance. I move past her as I say scathingly. "Well, first, let me just make sure you didn't poison James while I was gone."

It is her turn to huff irritably. I snicker, remembering how easy and fun it used to be to exasperate Rosalie.

Did I just giggle? What the hell is the girl…Bella…doing to me?


AN: SOOOO, was he exactly as you thought he would be when you read Finding Relief? I appreciate all of your comments, so please let me know what you think so far.

How many have you dared to go see "New Moon" already? I consider myself a pretty bigtime Twilight fan but there is no fucking way I am getting near a movie theatre for the next couple of days...at least.