Disclaimer: Since Nintendo and Intelligent Systems own Paper Mario, I'll just have to settle with owning all original characters.
I have to ask before I continue—what's with my lack of reviews? Three reviews for six chapters? I'm going to keep writing regardless, but I'd really appreciate it if you all could just tell me what you think of my story.
Anyways, let it begin!
Chapter 1
The Tale of Sir Koopahad
"Wooooowwwww."
Goombario had to echo his young friend's eloquent statement.
It had been a short and easy trip to the teleporter near the Shrine, and a simple jump to warp to their destination. Neither one of the two Goombas knew exactly what to expect.
And upon arrival, they couldn't help but admire the view.
The land before them was a field, pleasant and refreshing, almost like Pleasant Path—except instead of the green pleasantry, there was a brown and yellowish luster. Trees with bright orange leaves surrounded the area, and yellow grass stood beside a beaten and travel-worn path. The sun hung in the air, but even though it was morning (at least according to Goombario's reckoning) it seemed to be orange and setting.
The whole area gave a feel of perpetual autumn.
Goom snapped out of his reverie. And an enormous grin spread across his face.
"THIS…IS…SO…COOOOOL!!!!" He began running around, running through gathered leaf piles, laughing. "Everything's all brown and yellow and stuff! I've never seen anything like this before—wow, look at that sun! I've seen the sun, but never like that! Look…"
Goombario chuckled. Just a kid, alright, he thought to himself. Aloud, he cleared his throat. "Goom, the land's nice and all, but we need to find that Star Stone. Goosha said there was a village of Koopas around here, right?"
"Yeah, that's right!" gasped Goom, out of breath from his running. "Goosha told me old Goombrian loved Koopas…said her mom used to call him half-turtle." He jumped in excitement. "C'mon, let's get goin'! I've never seen a Koopa before!" He ran ahead, and Goombario ran after him.
"Hey kid, slow down! We don't know what's in this place…" He stopped, and saw Goom fly backwards, skidding to a halt behind him. Alarmed, he ran to his side. "Are you okay?!"
"I-I think so…look out!" Goombario jumped aside just in time to avoid a spinning red shell. The shell stopped, and out popped two yellow arms and legs, and a scowling, beak-like face wearing curved sunglasses and a spiked neck-collar. "I-Is that a Koopa?"
Goombario nodded. "Yeah, but a Koopa of the nasty variety." Hearing angry mutterings behind him, he groaned. "And it looks like he's not alone." Turning around, the two saw a pair of Goombas. One was normal, but the other wore a green hat with a single spike jutting out. "Goom, take out the normal one! You know how to Headbonk, right?"
"Y-yeah." Getting up, the boy jumped in the air and landed on the Goomba head-first. With two bonks, the Goomba fell down unconscious. The Spiked Goomba grew angry and jumped towards Goom, but Goombario jumped in the way, receiving a nasty poke from the spike. "Goombario!"
"I'm okay," said Goombario wincing. "Leave this clown to me!" Heaving his hammer up, he brought it down on his opponent's head. The Goomba fell back, dazed. Goombario smirked, until he heard the sound of a spinning projectile behind him and narrowly jumped aside. "Forgot about shell-boy…"
"I've got him!" Goom jumped again, and with his Headbonk, the Koopa fell over on his shell, flailing his arms around helplessly. Goombario gave the turtle another Headbonk, and a final attack from Goom sent the Koopa to Dreamland. Goom sighed. "That…was nasty."
Goombario shrugged. "These guys are small fry compared to what's out there. Still, I think it's best we stay together 'til we get to the village….don't wanna let them have the first strike. No more running off like before, okay?"
Goom nodded. "Okay...I just hope we don't run into many more of those guys."
The older Goomba laughed. "Don't worry, kid. First time's always the worst. These guys won't stand a chance against us before long."
----------
True to Goombario's word, the following battles with the Goomba and Koopa brigands went much smoother, and merely served as minor interruptions along the pleasant walk along the path.
"Goombario?"
"Yeah?"
"What are Koopas like? Have you ever met one?"
He nodded. "Yeah—in fact, I traveled with a Koopa when I went on that adventure with Mario. His name was Kooper, but I don't think he's a shining model of what Koopas are like. To be honest, he was kind of a nut." He paused. "Koopas…are laid back creatures. They don't really keep up with what's going on as long as it doesn't affect them. They're usually friendly and helpful though, so we should be able to find out where the Star Stone is."
"Oh." He looked down. "Man…I thought they'd be more exciting than that…" Both Goombas stopped as they saw a gap ahead, with no way to cross. "Soooo…any ideas on how to get across, Mr. Expert Hero?"
Ignoring the jibe, Goombario looked around…and saw a tree close by. "Got a pretty good idea, yeah." He smacked the tree with his hammer and with a THUD, a strange blue square with an exclamation mark painted on it fell from the branches. "Voila." He pounded the switch, and there was a rumble as a large wooden bridge sprang up and unfurled itself.
"…Okaaaay," said Goom after a moment of silence. "Did that happen all the time to you on your adventure?"
"That or something like it," replied Goombario as they went on.
Ahead, the two saw a large overhang. Printed on the arch, with faded writing, was the greeting, Welcome to Koopalot.
Both turned and looked at each other, and simultaneously asked, "Koopalot?"
The two looked again and saw smaller writing below the greeting that read, Yes, Koopalot.
"Huh," said Goombario. "This must be the place." They walked under the arch, and looked around.
The village was very old and archaic looking—instead of houses, there were clumsily made straw huts, with crude smokestacks sticking out on top. The Koopas who walked around wore clothes that appeared to belong to some older time—the men wore raggedy jeans and simple straw hats, while the women wore modest hoods around their faces. They looked dirty and poor, and yet, there was a curious expression of humorous joviality on each of their faces, the kind one wears after hearing a very good joke—Goombario noted some who were talking together and suddenly falling onto their shells in laughter. The simple village seemed to somehow comfortably meld with the autumn landscape.
"Oy! 'Ere now!" Both Goombas jumped and saw one of the Koopas coming towards them. "Blimey—visitors! We ain't 'ad one 'o those since I can't remember when! Goombas too—and young' ins by the looks of it." He smiled. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Koopalot. Not much of a kingdom, I know, but right pretty, eh?"
"Hmm…" Goombario blinked. "I think Goompa told me about this place—said it was real old-fashioned…"
"That's right, lad," replied the Koopa. "We don't believe in none of them fancy high-tech lifestyle stuff, like plumbin' or electiwhatsist."
"Um…don't you mean electricity?" suggested Goom.
"Probably," said the Koopa shrugging. "Actually, you boys might 'ave chosen a bad time to visit. Ain't my place to say, but we 'ere have a mighty bit of trouble goin' on. Go see the king if ya wanna know more…right now, I need a joke." He walked off, and the two Goombas looked at each other.
"I wonder what trouble he was talking about," mused Goombario.
"Well, let's go see this king!" replied Goom. "If he's the head honcho here, he probably knows about the Star Stone." He walked ahead and Goombario followed.
As they walked through the village, the Goombas noticed bizarre things around them. They noticed two Koopas slapping each other with Cheep-Cheeps, a Koopa taking ridiculously long strides with his feet, and an importantly dressed Koopa yelling at others to "stop being silly."
"…Goom?"
"…Yeah?"
"Is it me, or is this place weird?"
"It's not you," Goom responded. "I did hear though, that Goombrian had a very strange sense of humor. Maybe he shared it with the Koopas…"
"You're not from around here, are you?"
Both Goombas turned around and blinked. A Koopa stood before them—a young female Koopa. But she didn't look like any of the others. She had short purple hair that was streaked with pink lines, and a bored, apathetic pair of green eyes. Piercings permeated her being, with several on her nose, both sides of her head, and even one in her shell, and black lipstick covered her mouth.
"Ummm…hello," said Goombario, not sure how to respond to her.
She grunted in response.
"I'm…Goombario," he continued uncertainly. "And this is Goom."
"How come you look like a weirdo, Miss?" asked Goom—a question that was answered with a BONK! Rubbing his head, he glared at Goombario. "What did you do that for?!"
"Don't be rude!" hissed Goombario. Contrary to looking angry, however, the Koopa actually gave a small smile.
"I think I like you two clowns." She gave a small bow. "Koopita, Princess of Koopalot, Lady of Fairness, blah, blah, blah. Just call me Rust."
"You're…a Princess?" Goombario asked in confusion.
"Yeah, just like my Dad's a real King—King of a mighty empire." She rolled her eyes. "If you're coming to live here, I'd urge against it. Land's boring as heck, and local residents are out of their mind. Case in point—are you a Koopathic or a Proteshell?"
"Umm…neither?"
"Doesn't matter—any answer gets you an interrogation with the Inquisition." She pointed towards a group of Koopas dressed in red who were poking another (who looked to be paralyzed with laughter) with soft cushions and screaming at him to confess.
"I'll keep that in mind…" muttered Goombario. Aloud, he said, "Actually, we're looking for something called a Star Stone. Have you ever heard of it?"
Rust shook her head. "No, but if it's valuable, chances are my old man has it. 'Course, now might be a bad time, but whatever. C'mon, I'll get ya an audience."
"Really? It's not too much trouble?"
"Nah, he doesn't have anything to do but sit around and look important. I'm doing him a favor."
---------
"Heya Dad."
Goombario and Goom looked around the dwelling they had been taken to. Though the residents called the King's place a "castle" it was really just a fancier and larger straw hut with more expensive looking wood forming the walls and door. Sitting ahead of them was a large octagon shaped table, and sitting above that was a large cushioned chair. Sitting on the "throne" was a middle aged Koopa with a stern face, who wore a crown upon his head that appeared to be made of plastic.
"Gadzooks Koopita!" rumbled the King. "Did I not say to remove yourself from my presence until you were clothed in apparel suitable for a Princess?!"
"Whatever," replied Rust. "These two wanted to see you—something about a Star Stone, I dunno."
"Indeed?" The King turned his gaze upon the Goombas. "And for what purpose do you two seek this treasure?"
Goombario walked forward and bowed. "Your Majesty, we—"
"WAAAIIIIITTTT!!!!"
All the figures jumped as an aged Koopa with a white beard, and clothed in a blue robe and a pointed wizard's hat, ran in with a wild look in his eyes. "Your Majesty, I, the all powerful Kooplin, shall use my magical power to divine the purpose of these Goombas!"
Rust rolled her eyes. "Like the time you divined that the purpose of the Toad Town ambassador was to spread Koopa Pox across the land?"
"Still your tongue Koopita!" snapped the King, who gazed upon the newcomer with eager excitement. "Please Mighty Kooplin, if you would."
"Of course!" Kooplin closed his eyes for a moment—and immediately they flew open. "You are John Goombaton and John Goombaton Jr., on an important business trip! A trip with the purpose to reveal inner corruption and graft in the Department of Flying Pidgits!"
There was a pause.
"Fantastic!" said the King clapping his hands. "You are truly amazing, Mighty Kooplin!"
"Yeah, he's amazing all right," said Goombario sarcastically. "I've never seen someone guess something so completely and utterly wrong before."
Another pause.
"GAAAAAAHHHHHH!" shouted Kooplin, throwing his hands and eyes heavenwards. "WHHHYYYYYY?!!! WHY HAVE MY POWERS FORSAKEN ME?!!!!"
"…Riiiiight," replied Goombario. "Your Majesty, we need the Star Stone to fulfill the Goomba Sages' ancient prophecy. I was told that the great Goombrian spent a lot of time here—surely, he told you of this?"
"The prophecy?" said the King, his eyes widening. "Has that day truly come?"
"They may be imposters, Your Majesty!!" shouted Kooplin. "Minions of Doormama, in disguise to deceive us!"
"Doormama?" said Goom in confusion.
"You raise a fine point, Mighty Kooplin," replied the King. "Do you have any proof of your claims, young Goomba?"
"He does, King Guy," replied Goom, which made the King wince. "Observe." The boy took the Compasss Gem out of the little bag it had been put in and gave it to Goombario. At the Gem's appearance, the King and Kooplin gasped, and at the shining colors it radiated at Goombario's touch, they looked as though they would faint dead away. Even Rust's bored eyes widened slightly.
"The Gem…the Chosen One," gasped the King reverently. He jumped off the throne and fell to the floor. "O Legendary Hero, please forgive my doubts. Lord Goombrian spoke of your coming—I should have known…"
"Um…it's alright, Your Majesty," said Goombario uncomfortably, and trying to ignore Goom's snickering. "I…um…just need the Star Stone, that's all."
The King rose. "Would that I could grant your request Legendary Hero, but alas, I cannot. The Stone disappeared at the same time our kingdom came under attack from the evil Doormama."
"Doormama used to be my apprentice," said Kooplin in continuation. "He was a lazy, unprincipled good for nothing, who couldn't cast a spell to save his life. Then suddenly, one day, he rained terror upon Koopalot, with powers even greater than my own."
"And you're surprised…why?" muttered Goom, which earned him a bonk from Goombario.
"He resides in the ancient castle to the east of our kingdom," said the King, only now revealing a deep despair in his eyes. "He comes down periodically to demand whatever he pleases from us—gold, food, servants, anything and everything." He looked in sadness upon the table. "My Knights of the Octagon Table have each valiantly attempted to storm his castle—only to come back as broken, sobbing shells of the brave Koopas they once were. They scream of monsters of their worst nightmares—Sir Lanceoopa screamed of liverwurst. Whatever powers, he wields, it is too horrible for anyone to bear. We attempt to live our lives the same—relying greatly upon Lord Goombrian's legendary jokes—but we cannot live like this. I fear—we shall perish from despair by and by."
Goombario nodded. "Then I guess there's no other way. We gotta beat this Doormama clown."
The King looked upon Goombario uncertainly. "Legendary Hero…I do not mean to doubt you, but…well…"
"Hey, don't worry!" replied Goombario. "I helped beat up losers who bullied people even before I was a Hero! This clown doesn't stand a chance."
"You are brave, Hero…if I may venture to say, perhaps rashly so," said the King slowly. "If you wish to battle this plague and attempt to save us, I will not stop you. Unfortunately, your challenge begins with entering Doormama's castle…for it has proven inaccessible for all save a Koopa Knight. And all lie stricken with terror within their homes, unable to even set foot outside."
"Forgive me, Your Majesty," interrupted Kooplin, with a much quieter voice than he had previously used, "but you are incorrect. There is still one who remains…"
But at his words, the King's face grew furious. "Kooplin, I have told you, as I have countlessly told my daughter, I will not have that Koopa mentioned within my kingdom!!! He is a disgrace to the Knights and to all of Koopakind, and I would sooner leave this world than send him to this task!!! UNDERSTAND?!!" He gazed around the room, and all nodded quickly and nervously, even Rust. Quickly, he calmed down. "I don't know how you will enter…but I wish you luck, Legendary Hero. For our sake."
Goombario nodded and bowed before walking towards the door ever so quicker than what might have been normal. Once outside, he shook his head. "What was THAT about, I wonder?"
Goom blinked. "Goombario, if this guy's the only one who can get us into the castle, then we gotta get his help."
"I know…but how do we find him? I doubt the King will tell us—you saw how mad he got when he was mentioned."
"I know where he is."
Both Goombas turned around. Rust was standing behind them, a curious, almost sorrowful look in her eyes. "His name is Sir Koopahad. He's a hopelessly stupid, chuckle-headed moron, even by this village's standards. There's no way to reason with him—a jackhammer couldn't penetrate that concrete wall he calls a head. You'll never get him to help you."
Goombario shrugged, mentally noting the lack of bite to the Koopa's insults. "Maybe, but we have to try, right? If you know where he is…"
"Here." She handed them an envelope. "This is a letter with the Royal Seal or whatever on it. The guard at the end of the village will let you through if you show this to him. Once you get to the second part of Autumn Road, just keep going southeast, past the castle, and you can't miss his shack. Be careful though—the place is crawling with hoodlum Koopas. Some have even formed a kind of gang—calls themselves the Black Chickens or something."
Goombario nodded. "Thank you. We'll do our best."
"Just don't get your hopes up," replied Rust scathingly, as she turned to walk away. Goombario looked at the envelope—and noticed something that had been hastily wiped away.
A kiss mark—the color of black lipstick…
And that's it for now! The chapters will be longer from now on, so expect bigger adventures! And please review!
