Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.

Songs- Cold Desert by Kings of Leon (Meddz says you HAVE to listen to this while you read this chapter – it will change your life!)

Tissue Index= Still pretty damn high, guys! Sorry but it will start to come back down soon…*hands out more ice cream, tissues and big hugs and kisses to everyone that stayed* ILY!

OooOooOooOooOooOoo

The black was bliss. I was numb and unaware in the black. All too soon, however, the light began to seep in around the edges and bring with it all that was real.

It started slowly. I remembered that I had lost something and I was sad about it, devastated actually, but in the black I couldn't feel the devastation – couldn't remember the loss.

My hand moved reflexively and was met with flesh that was not mine. Relief flooded through me as I realized that what I thought I had lost was indeed right beside me. I could not even feel my own body yet. I had not fully floated back to it from wherever I had been, but I was desperate to touch him – to feel him – to prove that he was real. I forced myself to move and rolled into where he was. I felt his arms close solidly around me and I relished it. I turned my face toward where I hoped his was and found his neck instead. My lips met his skin with a wild hunger. I could devour him if given the chance. I felt insatiable in my relief. I needed him more than I had ever needed him before. I kissed and licked and sucked his flesh, never getting my fill of him, never able to pull him close enough to me. There was a resistance from him that had never been present before. We never denied each other anything – ever. There was no, 'I'm too tired', or 'I have a headache', we were both always all in – always. Hungrily, I made my way up to his lips, knowing that he would no longer be capable of resisting me once I got there.

I kissed my way up his chin unseeingly, just going by feel, my eyes had yet to make the decision to open. I found his lips easily and pressed against them eagerly – instantly I felt it – he was tentative, unsure, hesitant, wrong – it was all wrong. The texture, the taste, the temperature, the tingles – everything was off. Where there should have been warmth, there was cold, where there should have been soft and yielding there was hard and impenetrable. Inflamed desire had been replaced with polite restraint. Where I should have been kissing a flesh and blood man, I was kissing cold hard stone.

A corpse.

It stood to reason, my brain told me calmly and with no emotion, because Jake died last night. Suddenly, like flood gates being ripped wide open, the events of the past forty-eight hours began to play out in rapid Technicolor succession behind my eyes.

The light was coming too fast. Everything was too vivid – too bright – I couldn't see it all. There was too much – and with every new thought, every new realization – came a pain so sharp, so intense that I couldn't absorb it. Like contractions in labor that come on too quickly with no respite in between. I couldn't process the pain, and then just when I thought it might pull me under for good, I was in the black again.

I felt a coolness pressing against my lips, and then a soft, sweet breeze passed over my tongue and carried on down my throat, causing me to inhale sharply – a reflex reaction to the intrusion.

"Bella? Can you hear me, bébé?" His liquid velvet voice was everywhere and nowhere, yet the comfort from the realization it brought was instantaneous – I wasn't alone in the black.

"Yes." The word was no more than a strained whisper.

"Good, then exhale." I did as he asked.

"Now, inhale," he directed. I tried but found that I lacked the ability, no matter how hard I tried.

I felt the coolness against my lips again, followed by the gentle flow of air. Again, my instincts kicked in and I inhaled against him. I felt him pull back as he allowed me room to breathe but I could tell that he was holding me firmly to him with no intention of letting me go anytime soon.

"And exhale." The command was but a breath in itself and I willingly obeyed. I tried before the next request came this time, and to my surprise, found myself able to inhale without assistance.

"Very good, bébé, very good. And again, try it again." I inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. He praised me again and requested a repeat performance. I could feel his body moving in rhythm with mine as if he was trying to encourage me with his own breath. This went on for many minutes – me breathing in and out and him commending me each and every time I had accomplished the task without his assistance. It reminded me of potty training Bethie.

Bethie.

Masen.

Jacob.

I needed to know where Jacob was, where my children were, where my cat was. As comforting and reassuring as this place was, I was needed elsewhere. There were things I needed to do, decisions to make, jobs to do, lives to mold. I couldn't just hang out in this black hole with him for the rest of my life could I? Could I?

"Jasper?" I asked while still attempting to maintain our established pattern.

"Yes, Bella?" he answered into the black. I could still see nothing but I could feel that I was sitting against him, like I was on his lap. I felt surrounded by him. All that existed was me, him and our breathing.

"Where are we?" I rasped, my throat hurt and my voice sounded like I had been screaming for days.

"Physically, we are sitting on the couch in the living room of your home. Emotionally, we are in a little place that I have created for you. It's to protect you from the sensory overload that is bombarding your system right now which is causing you to forget how to breathe." His voice was a sheepskin security blanket that I wanted wrapped around me forever.

"So, you're creating this black hole?"

"Yes, though I prefer to think of it as Bella's Breathing Space rather than a black hole, but, yes, I am controlling your emotions and I have taken you into a place in your mind where you can feel safe," he explained quietly.

"I didn't know that you could do that." I was incredibly intrigued by this, I had no idea that his gift could be used in that fashion.

I felt him chuckle against me. "Pretty cool huh?"

"Yeah, it is pretty cool. I feel very safe here." I confided honestly.

"Good, mission accomplished then."

"Jasper?" The question was bubbling up, yet I knew that I could ask it in this place. I could deal with anything here.

"Yes, bébé, what would you like to know?" I would like to know if this voice could surround me forever.

"Did Jake die last night, Jasper?" I whispered.

"Yes, Bella, I'm so sorry to have to say that he did." His sincerity filled me even as his words seared through me.

Jake really was dead, it wasn't just a horrifying dream.

"Inhale, Bella," he instructed calmly. "Your only job is to breathe, that is all that is required of you in this place, so breathe please, bébé." I guess I didn't comply quickly enough as I once again felt his icy breath enter my mouth and proceed to my lungs.

After that, an ample amount of time was spent again getting me to a point where I could breathe on my own once more. When I had completed at least one hundred complete inhalations and exhalations on my own under his careful watch and guidance, I attempted another question.

"Where are Masen and Bethie?" I couldn't get used to how foreign my voice sounded.

"They are in their beds, sleeping. Seth is sleeping on the floor in Masen's room and Quil is in Bethie's. They arrived around three this morning. It's only just six-thirty now. Sam is down here with you, as is Carlisle." My mind was rapidly filling with questions and he could obviously sense it as he continued to explain. "I have been sitting with you for about five hours but you haven't been having an easy time. Even though I was influencing your emotions, you still needed an outlet for all of your pain. There was a period of two hours where you wanted to scream but were afraid of waking your children, so I held my hand over your mouth and let you do what you needed to do."

"I did?" I croaked, having absolutely no memory of that but it definitely explained my sore throat and raspy voice.

"Mmm Hmm," he murmured gently. "It was around that time that Sam, your brother, and Quil arrived. It was decided that it would be best if one of them slept in each of your children's rooms. That way, they could be there for them when they woke up. We also wanted to prevent them from coming down and seeing you in the condition that you were in as no one thought that you would want that."

"No," I agreed whole heartedly, "I definitely wouldn't want them to see me like that, I'm very sorry that anyone had to see me like that."

"It's alright, there's no need to apologize. It's just a part of the grieving process and avoiding it only makes things that much worse." As I listened to him, it sounded like he was speaking to more than just me. "It's obviously what you needed as you are now able to speak coherently and without screaming so I would say that you are making definite progress. Plus you haven't begged either Carlisle or me to kill you in the last hour either so that is a positive as well." He chuckled.

I was beyond shocked. "I begged you to kill me?" I was incredulous.

"Yes, Bella, before the screaming started you were begging us for death, that's the reason why I allowed you to scream because you seemed to have so much pain that you just needed to get rid of and didn't know how to. After the screaming, you slept for a couple of hours. You probably would have slept longer but it was suggested that we try to rouse you before your children woke up so we could determine if any intervention would be necessary before they saw you."

I was beyond embarrassed about my behavior and what I had put him through during the night, but I had no idea how to address it except to meekly ask, "What sort of intervention?"

He sighed and for the first time since waking in his arms I felt I had toed upon the edge of his patience. "Both Sam and Carlisle believe that it would be in your best interest if you were medicated with a mild anti-depressant for the next couple of days. It would just be something to take the edge off your grief and to assist you in coping with the events that are sure to be occurring. They have also been thinking about putting you on a ventilator to help regulate your breathing." I could feel him working against the panic and fear that was trying to take hold of me but couldn't overcome me because of his influence. "It's okay, everything is alright. I woke you because I wanted to know what you want – what you will feel comfortable with. I knew that no one but you should be making these decisions." He sounded almost angry, and again, I had the feeling that his message was directed at someone other than me.

"Thank you, Jasper," I said, humbly. "What do you think I should do? I mean – do you think that I need those things to happen in order for me to be okay? Tell me the honest truth, okay, don't spare my feelings." I was really concerned because both of those choices sounded quite scary to me but I was willing to entertain the options if he thought they were truly necessary.

"Bella, I will always tell you the honest truth, I want you to be able to count on that." He paused and it felt like he was debating about what to say next. "I honestly don't believe that you need to entertain either of those options if I'm permitted to stay with you and continue to assist you in slowly acclimating yourself both physically and emotionally."

"Well, okay then." I answered, relieved. It sounded like it was really a non-issue and I wasn't sure why it had been brought up in the first place. Then his wording sunk in – if I'm permitted to stay – the realization dawned on me – he wasn't going to be allowed to stay with me. Once again he spent the next few minutes assisting my breathing and getting me back to breathing on my own. When I could speak again, I asked the question that I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I didn't want the answer to.

"You can't stay?" My heart writhed in my chest as I waited for his answer.

I felt his arms tighten around me, and there was coolness at the crown of my head as he slowly exhaled into my hair. It sent a shiver through my whole body and he pulled me into him all the tighter.

"It has been suggested that it would be in your best interest if Carlisle and I left before your children wake up."

"Why?" I just couldn't comprehend why that would be necessary at all.

"Because, Bella." It wasn't the smooth, whiskey velvet voice that had been sharing this space with me. The intruder's voice was deeper, huskier and a lot more irritated.

Sam.

"Do you really want Masen to come downstairs and see you essentially making out with a vampire on the couch while we try to explain to him that he no longer has a Daddy?"

Oh. My. God.

Masen knows about the Cold Ones and is scared to death of them and now there are two of them in my house. I'm the worst mother on the face of the planet! And what kind of wife takes comfort in another man's arms not even hours after the death of her husband? Wherever Jake was, I knew he would be angry and disappointed with me.

I suddenly felt so ashamed and guilt ridden that I was assaulted with a wave of nausea. I tried to breathe my way through it, and I could feel Jasper trying to restore my equilibrium but he was hindered by the fact that he also had to assist my breathing. I knew that we were losing the battle and I tried to pull back so I could get sick away from him but he wouldn't let me go. I felt movement and then a whispered command against my right ear.

"Just let it happen, bébé."

I couldn't have stopped it if I tried. I was overcome as my stomach heaved repeatedly. I reached out a shaky hand to try to steady myself and felt the coolness of porcelain under my fingertips. Thank God. If I had to do this, I was at least glad that it was in the washroom and not all over the area rug in my living room, or the couch, or Jasper.

Jasper!

Damn it!

He was witnessing this, I just knew it. There was no way I was accomplishing this by myself. I didn't think that I could be more mortified and yet, there it was, washing over me and causing my dissipating nausea to return tenfold.

I retched again and again. Finally, I felt Jasper's influence overtaking my own emotions and helping me to calm down. I slumped down and felt his cool hand against my forehead, guiding me back against him. I was absolutely exhausted. Jasper helped me rinse my mouth with some water and then I felt him gently wipe my face with a warm washcloth. I also heard him flush the toilet and I was very grateful, if not still completely mortified. After that, he just held me in his lap for a few minutes, gauging my emotions and breathing with me. It was during this time that my eyes finally decided to open and I found myself gazing up into the most beautiful golden eyes I had ever seen.

I had never realized before how unique Jasper's eyes were. Unlike any of the other Cullens, his eyes held a sunburst just around each pupil that was absolutely mesmerizing. Why had I never noticed it before? It appeared to always be in motion, expanding brightly and then contracting almost completely only to expand again brighter than before. I was enchanted. I couldn't look away though I was able to register through the muted light that we were definitely on the floor in the en suite bathroom in my bedroom. He said nothing and just held me close to him, his eyes never leaving mine.

After several minutes he lifted a finger to his lips, indicating that I shouldn't say anything. In one smooth motion, he was suddenly standing, holding me securely to him bridal style and I realized for the first time that he had me tightly swaddled in the fleece blanket from my couch. He walked swiftly out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and out the sliding doors. I saw my bedroom disappearing behind us over his shoulder before I could even register the pain of being in there. He walked us through the backyard purposely. His jaw was set determinedly, there was almost a look of defiance about him. My heart began to clench as he walked us toward the back gate and visions of the previous night's events began to creep into my mind. Just as I began to succumb to the pain caused by the memory, it was gone, replaced by a numbing calm instead. We went through the gate and then in the opposite direction of the path. He walked arbitrarily through the forest for a moment before coming to rest about ten feet from the fence line – the house still clearly visible through the trees from where we stood. I finally forced myself to look away from his face and turned my head to see what had caused him to stop.

Or rather, who had caused him to stop.

There they were. For a minute, I thought that I was hallucinating – that the voices had finally manifested into full blown apparitions. I had to blink rapidly a few times before I was sure that I could trust my vision. There was no doubt about it – it was them.

Standing in the forest behind my house yet looking like they could have just walked off of the runway for any of the world's top designers.

The remaining members of the Cullen Family.

I gasped. Realization struck me hard when I recalled Carlisle telling me that the family was there. At the time, I had thought that he meant Forks, not that they were standing vigil in the woods behind my house.

Esme was the first to step forward and break the silence. She reached out a tentative hand and gently stroked her hand against my cheek.

"My beautiful Bella," she whispered so softly I could barely hear her, "I am so very sorry, sweetheart." She took her other hand and cradled it against Jasper's cheek before shifting her gaze to him and murmuring, "You're going to get us all in trouble, you should take her back in."

He just shrugged and said in his regular speaking voice, "She has a right to make an informed decision. She needs to know what all of the options are, not just the ones that are the most appealing to others. Outside of her fence line is Cullen territory and she is permitted to be here. "

"Yes, but he didn't want her knowing that we are here." Esme countered softly. "You are directly counteracting his wishes."

Jasper moved to begin to speak but I interrupted with my one word question.

"Why?"

"Because it makes things way more complicated than they need to be, Bella." Sam answered angrily as he entered the clearing, his fists clenching and his form visibly shaking. He quickly closed the distance and was standing in front of Jasper, so close that I could feel the heat from his body through the blanket. "This is a direct violation of what we agreed upon. Give. Her. To. Me." It was the furthest thing from a request. I had never seen Sam look so fierce, for the first time ever, I was frightened of him.

Jasper's hold on me tightened and he said nothing, I thought that I could hear a growl coming from one of them but I wasn't sure who. Carlisle had followed Sam into the forest and he stepped toward us and put a hand lightly on Jasper's shoulder.

"Son, he has claimed her as one of theirs, you need to give her to him now."

Jasper hesitated for a split second before acquiescing. He handed me over to Sam without so much as a word. Sam turned and began to walk swiftly back toward the house. Though I was acutely aware of the loss of physical contact with Jasper, I also became conscious to the fact that his hold on my emotions was weakening the farther away we got from him. As Sam entered my bedroom, I was bombarded with imagery and overwhelmed with feelings of grief that this room created within me. Sam laid me on my barren bed, telling me to get some sleep before the kids woke up. He said that I had to focus on my responsibilities and realize that this was about more than just me. He told me that one day I would understand why he was asking this of me and that I needed to trust his judgment and that this is what Jake would have wanted for me. Then, he walked out the door, closing it behind him.

I was gasping, the pain was so thick it was choking the breath from me. I scrambled off the bed. There was no way in hell that I was ever sleeping on it again. What part of my husband died on that bed did he not understand? Everything good and wonderful and terrible and devastating happened in that bed. The walls were covered in pictures of me and Jake. Sepia toned photos in rich brown frames. The family photos were in the living room. This room was just about us. Me and him. He was everywhere and nowhere.

Gone.

Jake was gone.

I should have been able to handle it, I should have been stronger, but I wasn't. I was weak and I was selfish. I should have been concerned with protecting my children and the tribe, and honoring my husband's memory, but I couldn't breathe. Jake would want me to be able to breathe wouldn't he? Wouldn't he?

The kids needed me to be able to breathe. I couldn't do any of the things that Sam wanted me to do if I couldn't breathe. I was pretty sure this was one of those situations that called for a paper bag to breathe in to but I didn't have one. I knew what could help me to breathe though. I knew what would be even more effective than a paper bag. I knew what I needed. I stumbled through the sliding door, barely managing to get it open. I could hear the sound of my raspy breaths and I knew that I didn't have much time. I swerved and veered through the yard, my destination was the back gate. I never took my eyes off of it even though it kept lurching to the left and then to the right of my field of view.

Somehow, I made it there. My hand clutching my chest trying to keep both my heart and my lungs from exploding, though I was beginning to think that maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing as long as I was guaranteed not to survive it. Knowing that I was out of air, I grabbed onto the gate post and launched myself toward the forest. I hit something hard and cold but it wasn't the ground. At least, I don't think it was. I don't recall a time when the ground ever reached up and held me or rolled me onto my back and began breathing into my mouth. I should know with the amount of times that I have been intimately acquainted with the ground during my lifetime.

"Bella," Carlisle's voice drifted into my consciousness, "you've had a panic attack and are hyperventilating, try to breathe normally and focus on my voice." He continued to talk to me, guiding me to inhale and exhale, yet, I was confused as I could feel lips resting against my own as I was lowered gently to the ground. Who was it that was effectively acting as my paper bag, allowing me to use their lungs to collect my own carbon dioxide and breathe it back into my lungs? I realized, almost as soon as I thought the question, who it had to be. Just the fact that I was lucid enough to ponder such things told me that it was in fact, Jasper.

Slowly, I began to regain coherency and soon found myself, once again, gazing into those amazing swirling eyes. As I was beginning to feel like I could pull away, I heard a deep voice exclaim from behind me,

"That's kinda hot!"

I turned my head to see Emmett grinning at me – two huge thumbs pointing up enthusiastically.

I watched both Esme and Rosalie simultaneously smack either side of his head. The sound was deafening and I winced. Jasper held me to him protectively so that I was still sitting on the ground but now leaning against him. His chest was vibrating and his lips were moving minutely. As I looked around me, I could see everyone in a similar stance and they were all glaring at Emmett. I watched as his thumbs wilted slowly until he finally put his hands down by his side and he shifted nervously.

"Um, what I meant to say, Bella, is that I'm very sorry for your loss." He looked so adorably chagrined and apologetic, that I couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you, Emmett, I appreciate that very much," I whispered. His smile reflected his relief and he winked at me.

Slower than I had ever seen her move before, Alice came forward and sat down so that she was eye level with me on the ground. Wordlessly, she reached out and hugged me to her gently yet fiercely, filling the hug with so many unspoken emotions. After a long moment, she pulled back and placed both of my hands into hers. I had never seen her look so sad, so defeated, so un-Alice-like. What had caused this change in my bubbly, over the top, best friend? I felt so concerned for her and then I saw her eyes flicker briefly to Jasper and back to me. Just then I was hit with a moment of perfect clarity and I felt like the world's biggest idiot. Here I was lounging in her husband's arms, the same man that I had tried to make out with when I had first awoken this morning and the very same man that I couldn't seem to stop clinging too. I was embarrassed and ashamed and I only hoped that she would forgive me once I got the chance to explain. I immediately tried to move off of Jasper's lap, but he held me firmly to him. I opened my mouth to try to clear up this unfortunate misunderstanding but wasn't given the chance.

I heard a throat clear, and I turned to see Sam standing there with his arms crossed and an angry scowl on his face.

"I couldn't breathe – Jake would want me to be able to breathe," I murmured.

"I know." He sighed, his posture softened and he ran one hand through his short, thick hair.

"Bella." His dark eyes looked imploringly at mine. "I really need you to understand what's going on here. The kids are going to be up soon and we are going to have to tell them what happened. Charlie's going to be here as soon as his shift ends and we are going to have to be very careful about what and how we tell him. He's the Chief of Police and should have been notified before we did anything else, but obviously that couldn't happen. He is going to be livid. It's really best if the Cullens aren't here for either of those conversations. Masen is already afraid and Bethie isn't going to understand any of this. Charlie will want to know why it is that we could contact the Cullens but not him. Plus, your sisters want to come and help clean up the house so the rest of the tribe and members of the community can come to pay their respects before the memorial service. It's customary. I know that this is hard for you and I'm sorry if I'm making it harder, but, honey, you have to understand how serious this is and how much I need your help here. I can't pull this off by myself." He sighed again and all the anger I had been feeling toward him melted away in that moment. He looked as lost as I felt and I could see that the weight of the situation was wearing on him. After all, who leads the leader?

"You need me to be part of the solution, not the problem; I understand that, Sam, of course I do. I know that this is hard for you too." I made the hard choice and I pulled away from Jasper. He responded by raising us both to our feet in one fluid motion but he kept one arm around my shoulders. Alice rose to her feet as well and moved to stand by Esme.

"That needs to come off." Sam gestured toward my right hand. I looked down and saw that there was indeed something wrapped around my wrist. It was a black leather cuff.

A black leather Cullen cuff to be exact.

I just stared at it in wonder – having no idea how it came to be wrapped around my wrist or which Cullen it belonged to. I fingered it reverently remembering a time when I would have sold my very soul just for the privilege of wearing anything emblazoned with the Cullen Family Crest. I knew that each of them valued their symbol of family greatly, and I really couldn't remember a time when I had seen any of them without theirs. So, who had parted with this one and why?

"It stays," Jasper said with finality. Gently, he pushed it up my arm a short way and then pulled the long sleeve of my incredibly dirty blue shirt down over it. He pulled my other sleeve down as well so I would match.

"Absolutely not!" Sam roared as he stepped toward me looking for a moment like he might rip the cuff off of me with my arm still in it.

"Charlie is five minutes away." Edward stated calmly and suddenly I could hear a faint siren in the distance. He seemed rather indifferent. It was kind of like he was announcing the score of a baseball game but wasn't really interested in either of the teams that were playing. Nice to see you again too, Jerk.

The siren began to grow closer and I knew that it wasn't my dad who was on his way to our home, it was Chief Swan. Sam was right, this wasn't going to be good – we needed to get our stories straight and fast.

Sam grabbed me away from Jasper roughly and began pulling me by my arm back toward the gate just as Seth and Quil emerged from the back of the house each carrying one of my children in their arms. The kids both looked like they had just woken up and wanted to know the whereabouts of their parents. My heart clenched as I took in the innocent expressions on their faces. I was absolutely sick with the knowledge that I was about to turn their worlds upside down with just four little words.

Daddy died last night.

I heard Sam yell for Seth and Quil to get back in the house but before they could obey, I saw Seth freeze as his gaze locked on something beyond the fence line. I turned my head to follow his line of sight and realized that he was staring directly at… Alice. She was standing at the tree line, about five feet from the back fence. Her eyes were locked on his, a look of wonder on her face. As I glanced back to Seth I saw the mirror reflection on his face but it was amplified by a million. I heard Sam utter a low curse. As the realization of what was happening hit me, I was immediately propelled forward toward Seth. Sam and I reached him just as my son began to fall from his slackened arms. Sam caught Masen easily and then stepped in front of Seth, breaking him from his Alice-induced trance. Startled, Seth blinked rapidly and then tried to move so he could look past Sam.

"No, Seth," Sam said, assuming his Alpha tone and Seth immediately stopped trying to get around him. "this is NOT the time. Charlie is here and we need to get in to the house."

The yard was suddenly awash in flashing red and blue lights. Charlie had cut the siren when he had hit the residential district as it was still rather early in the morning and there really wasn't any traffic once he got off the highway. The flashing lights were enough to send us the message that The Forks Chief of Police was here and he meant business.

Sam and I followed the guys back into the house. Seth and Quil took the kids to the kitchen to have some breakfast and Sam and I sat on the sofa to wait for Charlie. I tried to straighten my shirt but could see that it was wrinkled beyond all hope. I went to run my hand through my hair but was abruptly halted as my hand fell upon a tight plait. My hair was braided, and quite intricately too from what I could tell. When had I braided my hair? The look on my face must have shown my surprise and confusion because Sam huffed out with a sigh.

"He did it when you were – uh – sick. I guess to get it out of your face. You want me to pull it out?" I just shook my head and he grimaced as we heard Charlie's key hit the lock.

"Let me handle this, Bella. It was all my idea and you were too upset to know what was going on, got it?" Sam said quickly and I nodded as we heard the lock click and the front door opened with a squeak. I was instantly overcome with fatigue. I slumped against Sam and he slid his arm around my shoulders, creating the illusion that he was the one comforting me. I realized in that moment, as I watched Charlie walk down the short hallway and into the room, that Jasper was keeping a secret. He didn't need to be touching me or even be in the same room or building with me in order to influence my emotions. He was helping me just as capably from outside the 'boundary line' as he had when he was holding me in his lap. I knew that I needed to try not to let this fact be revealed to Sam, so I leaned even further into him. Jasper must have felt the same way because I slowly felt myself fading back – not quite to black but everything took on a grey tone and I was no longer a hundred percent aware of what was actually happening. I heard Charlie and Sam talking. I saw Charlie as he tried to talk to me but I really couldn't make out what he was saying. There was a low buzzing in my ears and I couldn't really hear over it very well.

Eventually, the odd sentence began to make its way to me.

"I refuse to watch her fall down the rabbit hole again."

"I have no idea how to tell children, I deal with this with adults all the time, but children? No, that's out of my league."

"I don't care what it takes, tell Gerandy that I want the best grief specialist in the country here ASAP."

"Just get him! Whatever it takes, nothing else matters when it comes to the mental health of my daughter and grandchildren."

"We won't tell the kids anything until he gets here. Take them to Sue, she's doing some baking, that will keep them busy."

"We're in luck, he's in the area on a family vacation."

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I think that I spent the majority of the day on the couch. It was like I was watching a movie. I saw people that I knew and loved come and go – all of the wolves, their wives, Billy, people I knew from the La Push community. They tried to talk to me but were given words like 'non-responsive' and 'catatonic', so they settled for whispering their condolences and then squeezing my hand, kissing my cheek or patting my hair.

My poor heart almost couldn't take it as I watched Embry's wife, Dena, kneel in front of me. She and Emily were my closest friends and they both had worked hard to run interference between Rachel and me over the years. Dena always had a joke, never took life too seriously and wasn't the least bit concerned that she wasn't a Native American. She was, in fact, of Middle Eastern descent, and Embry had imprinted on her anyway.

I loved that.

I think that is the biggest reason why she and I were so close. We were both seen as outsiders but Dena would just laugh and say that everyone else was the outsider and why did it matter anyway. We always referred to each other as 'bro' because we thought that it was funny and it always seemed to tick Rachel off, which was an added bonus.

Dena sat in front of me and whispered words in Arabic and I waited for her to translate them, because she always did. This time was different though. I still couldn't speak, but I tried to let Jasper know that I needed to give her something. I couldn't just stare at her blankly when she was sitting there with tears streaking her beautiful face. Then I felt it, my right brow arched minutely and her face lit up at the sight.

"Shut up, bro, this is a very emotional moment for me." She whispered seriously before breaking out in laughter at her own joke. She laughed through her tears before leaning forward and pulling me into a hug. I was able to hug her back and then she was called away to help Emily replace the sheets on my bed. They knew that they were the only two people that I would want in that room. After she left, I sunk back into the grey.

The overpowering scent of cleaning products filled the house. I could hear a lot of activity in the kitchen and every once in a while I would catch a question as it floated past.

"Where does she keep her cheese grater?"

"How long should I put it in for?"

"Is it Bella that doesn't like raspberries or Bethie? I can't remember."

Actually, it was both of us. We didn't like chewing the little seeds, but in that moment, it just didn't matter. Nothing really mattered. At one point, I felt Charlie replace Sam at my side and I cuddled into him reassuringly. I wanted him to know that it wasn't as bad as it looked and that Jasper was most definitely keeping me out of the rabbit hole. I knew that Jasper would still be out in the forest since I could feel his influence.

I thought about what had happened between Seth and Alice. Did Alice realize that Seth had imprinted on her? What would Jasper do to Seth? I wasn't able to really focus too long on it or get too upset but I knew that it would be a definite problem that would need to be addressed delicately.

I wondered if the rest of the family had stayed or if they had quietly disbanded. I hoped that I would get to see the Cullens again but I wondered if they had decided that they needed to heed Sam's directive. I knew that, ultimately, they would do what they considered to be best for their family and I had to respect that, and just be grateful that I got to see them at all after all this time.

As I was thinking this last thought, the doorbell rang. Charlie twitched but refused to move from my side to answer it. I heard someone in the kitchen open the door and greet the caller. Suddenly the room was filled with the whiskey velvet voice that I hadn't thought I would hear again so soon.

"Good Afternoon, I am Doctor Jasper Whitlock. I was informed by Doctor Gerandy that you require my services…"

A/N- Yes, Jasper, yes we do! And I wonder how his name got to be at the top of that list… hmmmm…

Oh yeah, and actually, it's Krista that doesn't like raspberries… Hope you won't hold that against me but I've just never had the mad love for that particular berry! The seeds are pure, concentrated evil… I'm just sayin'…

I really hope that you guys liked this chapter. It was brutal to write and that's why it took so long to get it here. I actually wanted to post on Meddz's birthday which was at the end of September! Sigh… I'm so incredibly lame… But as a belated present, I gave her Embry instead! It's actually my birthday today but she can have it cuz I don't want to turn 37! :( So, Happy Birthday, Meddz, I hope that you like Dena. You are the best beta on the planet and I'm a very lucky 'ol spoon to have you in my corner!

Meddz made an amazing banner for this story, the link is on my profile. You will fall head over heels crazy in love with it, I promise! PS – Meddz is back on twitter, go check her out at MeddzInCanada. She does the twitter waaaaaaay better than I do and is there a LOT more!

Thank you to my awesome pre-readers, BamaBabe, Gredelina1, Kammy68 and Juliannanight. Yes, I needed four pre-readers AND a beta this time around because I am my own worst enemy and it takes five people to haul me out from under my desk and make me post! :o

Thank you to everyone for loving on this story the way that you do. To date, this story has received 12,407 hits on FFN and 243 on TwiWrite! I just – you guys – I'm completely – I never in a million years – I … just… wow. You guys humble me to the floor and I thank you with all that I am. Thank. You.

Next chapter will be JPOV but I'm not sure where to start from. Please let me know what you would like to see.