Wherever you are

Nearby or far

Black, white, lemon or lime

I hope you last a long, long time

Semisonic – Made to Last

---

He'd returned to his own apartment the night Jess left; lying awake for hours before cursing and getting up, driving to her place and finally falling asleep in her bed. While he'd hated being in her apartment during her time in hospital, finding it oppressive and painful, he found it comforting during her second absence and never ventured back home.

Staggering through the door, hot and sticky and jaded after a particularly tedious day, he immediately noticed a different. It wasn't that he couldn't do housework; just that he hadn't worked up the motivation to tackle the mess that he was creating in her home. When the path of destruction, empty take-out cartons and beer bottles and dirty laundry, had become too overwhelming, he'd started spending even more time in the Precinct and O'Sheas.

But a cool, calmness had been returned; music played at a modest volume and the staleness had been replaced with the sweet scent of fresh air and clean laundry.

She had her back to him, sorting a stack of paperbacks collected from the bedroom and coffee table back into their places on the bookcase. Dressed in shorts and a purple floral tank-top, her arms and legs were darkly tanned and hair sat loosely curled on her shoulders. Slowly she turned to him, and he thought she'd never looked more wonderful. She'd left a scrawny, pale, shadow of her former self but returned radiant.

"Hey" she greeted him shyly, tugging on her bottom lip and scrunching her nose anxiously.

His feet were momentarily stuck as he drank her in; the sun-kissed glow across her cheeks, the dimples as she smiled and the effortless beauty that had been found again. Finally regaining the use of his legs, he made his way across the room to meet her, his grin widening with every step. Taking her in his arms, he hugged her tightly, "Hey."

:-:-:

She let him hold her for as long as he wanted, their breaths synchronizing. He could smell the scent of her body lotion, the expensive sea air fragrance one she didn't usually use for every day, and the coconut of her shampoo. Her previously gaunt body seemed a little fuller in his arms. Twisting his fingers through her hair it felt silky and smooth, and brushing across the nape of her neck he marveled at her soft, warm skin.

Pulling back, she pressed a tender kiss to his lips, blushing as he smiled "You look really good Jess." As he reached out to hold her once more, she caught his hand; leading him to the sofa and perching on the coffee table.

"There are things I need to say…"

Shaking his head, he argued "You don't need to say anything."

"No Don, I do." The sincerity in her tone and need in her eyes silenced him; suddenly knowing that whatever she had to say was part of her healing process. Leaning forward, he grazed his lips to her forehead, "I'm listening to you; whenever you want to talk I'm listening."

They sat silently, their fingers intertwined until she eventually spoke.

"I thought I could just ride it out; that as the gun shot healed, all the crap would go away. But it didn't; everything started…I started…to go crazy. Denying things were easier than dealing with them, and soon the denial started to seem like the truth. When it all finally stopped, it was scary as hell." She looked up at him, giving him a rueful smile, "Turns out I'm not so good with scary..."

"Oh Jess", he breathed.

She crinkled her nose again, "I'm not sure what was worse", before shrugging, "but I guess it doesn't really matter. You were the one that was there; the one who stopped everything. That's what matters."

Frowning, he looked at her a little confused.

"You were the one that saw the truth; that I was out of control. You were the one that said it out loud. You didn't walk away when I was crazy, you told me that you loved me; you told me that no matter how bad things got. Thank you."

He shook his head, lifting her into his lap in one deft movement and apologizing "I wish I could have stopped it being scary to start with."

Resting her forehead against his, she calmly resolved "I think it's maybe okay to be a little scared sometimes." Then, adding under her breath with an exasperated shake of her head "Most definitely not my finest hour though…"

They sat together for a long time; lost in their own thoughts. Finally she shifted a little, laying a gentle palm on his cheek and softly brushing her lips to his; managing to convey, in one simple action, all the depth and soul and emotion that her words couldn't describe. "I really hope it'll always be you, that you'll always be here Don; I love you."

"I love you too Jess," he tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, "and I don't plan on going anywhere. But baby, you know weren't crazy, don't you?"

She nodded, rolling her eyes and balking a little "According to my psychiatrist, I am indeed not and have never been, 'crazy'." As he raised an eyebrow in question, she explained, "I hated that asshole the hospital packed me off to, so Ali called in a favor and got me referred."

Seeing the concentration in his face as he tried to work out her movements, she snuggled into his embrace "Ali's bought a place up on the coast, she's been doing it up over the past few of months; Matt's been giving her a hand too and the house can be ours sometime, if we're willing to work for it. Anyway, I've spent the past week or so up there living under the McGregor Regime. We came back down yesterday since I had an appointment this morning, but just stayed at hers. I wanted to sort things out before coming home; you don't mind do you?"

He shook his head, tightening his arms around her. He wanted to ask questions; find out what she did in her time away, what her doctor said and how she now felt but decided, it was better to let her talk at her own pace.

"Ali just pushed me round; loading me with food and forcing me out in the sun, giving me a few lectures and stuff. You did the difficult bit by putting up with all my craziness…"

"Don't say 'crazy' Jess", he rebuked, "Don't say it, not even in jest."

Nodding again, she sighed "I know."

"The shrink thing was okay actually, Dr Hanns is pretty nice…kind of like someone's Mom. We just talked; there were no weird ink pictures or crap." He saw the way she squirmed when she mentioned 'shrink' and his heart went out to her. After the bomb he'd seen a counselor for a long time, far longer than the Force had actually required. He'd never told anyone about his sessions, fearing that they'd think less of him, but reasoning in his own mind that it wasn't that different from seeking guidance from a priest.

"We talked about you actually" she volunteered suddenly, smiling fondly "I told her what a nice boy you are!"

Chuckling, he kissed her again before falling silent once more, his fingers following the ink lines on her tanned wrist until his belly rumbling broke the moment. She rubbed her hand across his stomach, laughing "I see some things haven't changed! Come on Detective, you've eaten me out of house and home but let's see what we can find you."

:-:-:

He woke the next morning, bright sunshine streaming through the blinds and feeling more rested than he had in months. Her side of the bed was empty and he lay for a few moments listening for signs of life. As he heard the door click shut and footsteps, he propped himself up on his elbows and watched her pad into the bedroom; already dressed in shorts and a hoodie, carrying a take-out tray with coffee and humming softly.

"Morning sleepy head" she grinned, gently jostling him so he shifted across the bed.

Passing over a breakfast bagel and kiss, she poked out her tongue as he teased "This part of the 'McGregor Regime' too?! An early morning breakfast run and a hymn!"

"Don't joke about it Don; the 'McGregor Regime' was actually a little frightening at times…that girl really can be crazy!" Biting into the bagel she groaned in delight, "How did I manage to go so long with hardly eating? This is so good! And just so you know smarty-pants, I was going more for the Elvis version rather than the hymn version!"

He laughed, a real deep laugh that started in his belly, before nestling closer to her side and watching her eat with gusto, thinking just how apt her choice of song was, be it the Elvis or hymn version; '…I once was lost but now am found'.