A/N: It's in Makoto's POV!
I don't own Sailor Moon or any characters therein; oh! If only I did!
WARNING: THIS STORY IS A *LEMON*! TURN YOURSELF RIGHT AROUND IF YOU DON'T LIKE ANY KIND OF GIRL ON GIRL ACTION! Or are just too young to. This chapter is back to being ok if you're skipping the lemon. Mild swearing throughout. :)
Dedicated to MY Minako, how I Love Her! ;)
"What did you do?" Rei demands, slamming her hands on my kitchen table. I wince since my head is resting on said tabletop. I'm back home after school and I haven't seen Minako since she left after our ordeal. She's probably been avoiding me.
"I think I just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.." I reply.
"I'll say you did! I haven't see Minako this upset since... since.. well, EVER!" Rei exclaims.
"I know.."
"So what did you do?" the raven-haired girl demands. Sighing, I regale every gory detail of my encounter with Minako during gym class. Rei picks her jaw up from the floor then calmly rears back and slaps me across the face. "I can't believe you did that!" she hisses, her eyes narrowed in anger. "You had the perfect moment to tell her how you felt and you CHICKENED OUT! YOU *COWARD*!"
I flinch. "I know, I know.. I'm a lousy rotten sticking piece of slime that's lower than the dirt under a bug under a brick.."
"Yes, you are." she agrees, crossing her arms over her chest. "Now what are you going to do about it?"
I raise my up off the table. "What do you mean 'what am I going to do about it'? Nothing, that's what! I still don't want her to know about my feelings for her."
"RRRGGGHH! I don't believe what I'm hearing!" she shouts, shoving her chair back as she stands. "You are the most stubborn person I have EVER MET!"
"Including Usagi?" I grin wryly but she only glares at me.
"I don't understand you! Here you sit, pining away for the love of your life who just MIGHT actually love you back, but you refuse to tell on the basis that she COULD reject you, but you have no proof of this and all the excuses you can come up with are based off things that probably aren't true, and yet you refuse to find out if they are!" She pauses in her pacing. "You know," she says, finally stopping her ranting. "I think you're just scared."
I blink. "Of course I'm scared! I'm scared out of my mind! I'm scared that she'll say no, I'm scared she'll reject my friendship afterwards, and I'm even MORE scared that she'll say YES!"
Rei's features soften then and she comes around the table to sit beside me. "I don't think she'll say no Mako-chan." she says softly, resting her hand on my arm. "And I KNOW she won't stop being your friend if you tell her."
The tears start falling again. "But what if she does?" I sob, dropping my head down to my arms on the table. "I don't think my heart could take it.." I mumble.
"Mako-chan..." The raven-haired girl pulls me into a hug, but doesn't say any more. I don't think there's anything she CAN say, but that's ok, words are meaningless to me now anyway.
We sit like that for I'm not sure how long, before I finally pull back. She looks at me with sad, worried eyes. "I'm going to bed.." I say softly. She nods. "Stay if you like.. I don't care.." And with that, I trudge off to my bedroom, shed all of my clothes and just climb into the sheets completely naked.
The world can just end now for all that it matters to me.. in my opinion, it already has..
I awake to the sound of beeping coming from the floor. Blinking, it takes me several minutes to realize it's my communicator. Leaning down to the floor, I sift through my discarded uniform until I find the small, green device. Pushing the answer button, Sailor Moon's face appears in the tiny screen. "What?" I mutter.
"Mako-chan! A monster's attacking! We need Jupiter!" She pauses. "Mako- chan.. were you asleep?" She seems surprised.
"Yeah actually, I was." I reply.
"Oh Mako-chan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... wake... you... uh.. Mako- chan? Are you naked?"
I blink. "Huh?" A yawn had over taken me right then and I guess I let the communicator screen fall a little too far. "Ooops.. Er, sorry Usagi." I apologize, blushing profusely.
"Hey! I thought you said your 'talents' were bigger than the rest of ours were!" Moon exclaims. I blink again. What? Thinking back I remember when we were fighting those 'Doom Tree' weirdos, that there was that one time when the five of us were trying out for the lead in 'Snow White', and I'd said my breasts were bigger than anyone else's. "You're boobs aren't any bigger than Rei's!"
I open my mouth to retort when what she says penetrates the fog in my brain. "Hey, how do YOU know how big Rei's boobs are?"
She suddenly blushes furiously and starts stammering. "I... I uh.. uhm... just.. uhm.. well..."
I laugh. "Uh-huh." I grin, then am overcome by another monster yawn.
"Get dressed Mako-chan." Moon laughs, recovering. "We need you in that park with the roses they were going to cover with concrete that one time, but then decided not to. I can't remember the name right now.." She sweatdrops.
"I know it." I reply, but she isn't looking at me any more.
"I don't care what the name is!" she yells to someone behind her, probably Mars. "She said she knows where it is, that's all that matters!" She turns back. "Get here as soon as you can. Moon out." Her grinning face in the little screen disappears, replaced by static.
"Jupiter out." I turn off my communicator, then sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. Yawning and stretching again, I can just imagine that Moon's telling everyone right now how she just got an eyeful of my chest. So I embellished the truth a little back then, it was the only thing I could think of at that moment..
Taking a second to ponder if I really should get dressed first, I realize that if I detransformed before I got home, that I'd be buck naked in public. Though the idea of Minako getting some eyecandy from me was rather appealing, the thought of OTHER people getting same view has a major put- off. Best find some clothes first.
I search through my closet and dresser as quickly as I can before changing into Sailor Jupiter and climbing through my bedroom window to the roof. I really hope my neighbors never see me doing this, oye, that'd be hard to explain. "Oh it's ok Officer, Sailor Jupiter is just a close friend of mine, she's always coming and going through my windows." Geesh, that makes it sound like we're secret lovers or something..
That thought causes me to laugh. I can see the headline now: 'Kino Makoto Discovered to Be Sailor Jupiter's Illicit Lover!' I laugh out loud. I wonder what people would think they if knew we were the same person? 'Kino Makoto Discovered to Be Sailor Jupiter: Who Knew?' I chuckle again.
There's the park up head. Speeding up, I run across one more rooftop before jumping headlong off the seven-story building. Down I sail toward the ground before suddenly flipping round so my feet meet the grass that's rushing up toward me. Landing easily, I push off and race over to where I can see the other Inners fighting some evil leftover.
I arrive in only a few seconds and unleash my attack upon it. It screams and staggers back a bit, but seems otherwise undamaged. Darn, I was hoping to take it out so I could go back home and back to bed.
"It's about time you got here!" Mars yells to me.
"I was asleep! Gimme a break!" I yell back, dodging one of the monster's many arms and it's tail.
Mercury lands beside me then. "May I have a word with you Jupiter?" she asks, also dodging an arm or two.
I sigh. "Fine. What?"
"Over there." She points to the other side of the monster, away from the others. I nod and we do a combo blast, simultaneously flash freezing and electrocuting the fiend. Then we jump over it. "I think Minako's upset with you." she says, once we're on the other side, away from prying eyes and ears.
"Gee, you think?" I ask sarcastically. I'm really not in the mood for this right now. "What was your first clue?"
She glances at me. "Well the way she seems to be ignoring you is a tip off." Mercury tilts her head in Venus's direction. Looking over that way I realize she's right. Venus appears determined to neither see me, nor acknowledge my existence. I sigh again. I guess I deserve that. "So what happened between you two?"
"Don't ask.." I mutter. She arches a blue eyebrow. "Go ask Mars, I'm sure SHE'D be happy to repeat all the gory details to you." Mercury's other eyebrow rises to join the first. I've piqued her interest, so she throws another blast at the monster and jumps back to the other side where Mars is jumping around to avoid being pummeled.
I watch their rapid exchange and Mercury's shocked expressed. "SHE WHAT?" I wince. Oyyeeee...
"I know! I couldn't believe she did that either!" Mars agrees, though she at least doesn't shriek it so that all Tokyo can hear her. "So I slapped her for it!" Mercury actually nods approvingly. Ohhh CRAP! You know you've done something horrible when AMI condones violence against you. I'm going to rot in hell forever, I just know it.
"Did she say why?" Mercury asks and Mars leans close to whisper in her ear. "Ahh.. well that does explain that, but still.." She shakes her head.
"Hey! What're you two talking about?" Moon yells to them. They jump.
"Nothing!" they chorus, giving me dirty looks.
"Aww, c'mon guys! You shouldn't keep secrets!" Moon whines.
"We're not!" Mars replies. "Jupiter is!"
"Hey!" I exclaim.
Moon jumps over to me. "Oh c'mon Jupiter! Tell me tell me tell me! Is it juicy? Who's it about? Do I know them? Are they CUTE?" She grins widely at me.
"Don't bother asking HER Moon." Venus interrupts before I can reply. "She can't tell her secret, its 'something she has to deal with on her own'." The sarcasm in those words is so think they drop to the ground like stones.
Moon looks back to me. "What's she talking about Jupiter?"
I sigh. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, ok?"
"No surprise there!" I look over at Venus. Oh Kami, have I hurt you THAT badly my love?
Not looking at me, Venus powers up her deadliest attack and vanquishes the monster. Then, without a backward look, or even a goodbye, she dashes away in the direction of her house.
Pain slices through my heart at the sight. I'm sorry Minako.. I didn't mean to do this to you.. I'm just a coward, just like Rei said.
"Uhm.. did I miss something here?" Moon asks. "What's up between you and Venus?"
"Well Jupiter?" asks Mars, stepping up to the two of us. "Are you going tell her?" Mercury's right on the raven-haired Senshi's heels.
Moon looks up at me with those big, baby blue eyes of hers. They're full of curiosity right now, and a little worry. "Don't let it bother you Usagi- chan, everything will be alright." I reply with a fake smile, brushing her off.
"Oye!" Mars shakes her head. "Jupiter, you are just digging yourself deeper and deeper."
"Shut up Mars!" I snap, finally fed up with the whole situation. "And don't forget, you gave me your word." I glare at her before turning and stalking away, my transformation slipping away as I do so.
I wish everything would just go back to the way it was before..
It's raining. Hard. Lightning, thunder, wind, the whole nine yards. I suppose on some level it's my fault. Storms have a tendency to spring up when I'm in a foul mood.
Like now.
I'm soaked to the bone and wandering aimlessly, but I don't care. I just need to be out right now.. Out and away from the others.. I can't deal with them at the moment, especially when they keep trying to force me to admit my feelings for Minako.. What's their problem anyway? I mean, it's none of their stupid business, so why do they insist on bothering me about it?
I grumble in annoyance and the sky rumbles with me. Ever since my powers got stronger the weather seems to have taken to matching my moods. It's kinda freaky..
Currently I'm walking down some street I haven't bothered finding out the name to. Passing a store window I pause to look at the display inside. Hey, those are some nice shorts. They're boys though.. the baggy kind that reach just past the knees. I wonder how I'd look in them..
Shaking my head I push away from the window. What am I thinking? Boy's clothes.. I haven't thought about wearing those since before I met the girls. Why would it be coming up now of all times?
/ Maybe it's because you want to go back to the way you were. \
I blink, stopping dead in my tracks. That was my own voice just now. But.. it sounded like I used to when I was younger.
/ I like those shorts, \ my own voice says to me. / You should go back and get them. \
= No way! I've spent years perfecting my girly look! I'm not going to start wearing boy's clothes again now! = I start walking again.
/ Then when? \
= Huh? =
/ When are you going back to the way you used to be. The way you know you still want to be, no matter how deeply you've buried those thoughts. \
I'm having a conversation with myself! That's it! I've finally gone crackers! I might as well just call the Funny Farm right now!
/ You're not crazy, now answer the question damnit! \
= I.. I dunno... I've.. never thought about going BACK before.. =
/ Well what'd you expect to happen? Did you think you'd just settle down with some guy and have a bunch of kids? \
I make a disgusted face. = Blech! No! Of course not! I just figured I'd end up owning a nice restaurant somewhere.. that's all.. =
/ And you never pictured growing old with someone? \ My eyebrow arches of it's own accord.
= Well, I never really thought about- =
/ Like hell you didn't! \ the voice retorts harshly. / You can't lie to ME Kino Makoto! I KNOW you've thought about it so don't even TRY to say you haven't! \
= Ok ok! So I HAVE thought about it.. lay off already. = I nod to myself. = I do admit that the idea of growing old, if Senshi even CAN grow old, is not an entirely unappealing idea.. =
/ You're stalling Kino. \
= Alright! Alright! I pictured getting old with Minako! Are you happy now? =
/ No, you blew what might've been you're ONLY chance to tell the Love of Your Life how you feel! What I WANT is for you to turn yourself around, march BACK to her house, throw yourself down at her feet and grovel for forgiveness! \
= Oh just SHUT UP! =
/ You're just upset because I'M right and you know it! \
= You know, I don't remember being such a little JERK! =
/ That's because YOU got SOFT! We used to be cool! Decked out in jeans and t-shirts and dirt and grime and cuts and bruises! We used to ENJOY ourselves! \
= I enjoy myself! = That sounds bad.. = I just don't like getting dirty any more, and I like wearing DRESSES now! =
/ Dresses? Gaaaakkk! \ I involuntarily gag. / We used to LOATHE dresses, remember? They were evil incarnate! \
= I started wearing dresses so people would leave me alone and stop calling me names! =
/ You started wearing dresses when you started lying to yourself! \
= WHAT? I've never lied to myself! =
/ You started lying to yourself when your LIFE became a lie! You're not like this! You're not prissy enough to wear dresses and have long hair and paint your toenails! \
= SHUT UP! = I mentally scream. = I *LIKE* THOSE THINGS NOW! UNDERSTAND? THEY'RE WHO I AM NOW AND I DON'T NEED *YOU* TELLING ME WHAT YOU *THINK* I AM! NOW BUG OFF AND LEAVE.. ME.. *A-L-O-N-E*! =
I pause on the sidewalk once more, waiting for a reply, but the voice doesn't return. The nerve! Trying to tell me that I'm not who I am! Where do... I?... get off... Wait, that's not right..
RRRGGHH! My head hurts! Stupid voice! Confusing me like that! I hope it never comes back! Grumbling again, I shove my hands deep into the pockets of my mini skirt and sulk along down the sidewalk.
The storm rumbles with me. You said it pal.
Some time later, I'm not sure how long, I hear that telltale beeping coming from my pocket once more. Grumbling to myself, I pull the communicator out and push the 'On' button. "What?" I snap, more harshly than I actually meant to.
The picture of Usagi winces. "I'm sorry Mako-chan, did I catch you at a bad time?" She looks worriedly at me.
I sigh. That seems to be something I've taken to doing around my friends today.. "No, I'm sorry Usagi-chan." I reply. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. Was there something you needed? Another monster attack?"
"No, no, nothing like that." Usagi answers. "I just.. wanted to talk. Mako- chan? Have you been out in this storm all this time?"
I shrug. "Yeah, figured if I made it I might as well enjoy it."
"Oh Mako.. I didn't know it was that bad, are you ok?"
"I'll live." I shrug again. "What did you want to talk about?" I have my suspicions, but I don't want to jump to any conclusions. After all, this IS Usagi, and just about anything could require a deep, meaningful heart-to- heart. Even who ate the last shrimp-on-a-stick.
"Well.." Usagi fidgets. "it's.. it's about you and Minako.."
I frown suddenly. "What did Rei and Ami tell you?" I'm suddenly really regretting letting them know.
"Nothing!" is the quick reply. "But, well.. that's sort of the problem.. Mako.. I'm really beginning to think something bad's happened between you two. Now, I know I could be wrong, but something in my heart's telling me there's a problem between you two. Please Mako-chan, I wanna help."
Sighing heavily and rubbing one hand over my face, I try to collect myself and keep from screaming in frustration. "Look Usagi, this's my problem, and I'M the one that has to deal with it. No offence or anything, but I'd appreciate it if you guys just left me alone, ok?"
Usagi nods. "I understand Mako-chan. We'll leave you alone. Moon out." The picture goes to static and I punch the 'Off' button with annoyance.
Great! Now I've upset Usagi! Good going Kino! I whack the side of my head. All your friends think you're one big jerk now! I sigh for what seems like the millionth time today and continue on my walk. Fortunately because of the storm, I'm the only one crazy (and the emphasis is on CRAZY) enough to be out here.
And speaking of the storm, it's raining harder than ever now..
I can't believe it.. In one day I've managed to hurt two of my closest, bestest friends and the other two are pissed off at me.. I just hope the Outers don't get wind of this, I'd REALLY be in for then!
I kick a rock in front of me and skitters across the sidewalk, then waits patiently for me catch up to it. And to think all this started just because I fell in love with a teammate! And now everyone on that team's upset with me! Peachy.
I kick the rock again, harder this time and it careens over the concrete and off the curb. If I hadn't fallen for Minako everything would be ok right now, instead of being utter crap. Still another sigh escapes me.
Well, maybe THAT'S my problem. If I DIDN'T love her, then I wouldn't be keeping secrets and no one would be ticked off any more. Then I guess that's what I have to do. I nod decisively. I'm going to have to give up my love for Aino Minako!
I just hope I CAN...
A/N: Since pain-in-ass ff dot net refuses to let me post the address, my girlfriend's version of the story should be in the same place you found mine, under Shikoku. If you still can't find it, email me, j_r_ and I'll send you the address personally. :)
