Shots of pain and exhaustion crawled through her legs. She wasn't sure how much further she could go without stopping to nap. It felt like it had been hours since she first chased after the rabbit. Simon had to be looking everywhere for her. Captain and crew would be looking too.

The untamed masses of foliage were completely gone, and only the neatest plants lined the path. The sharp, dusty ground was replaced with a cobblestone sidewalk of sorts, and she knew that she must be in the good part of this place of wonders.

Sure enough, upon following a curve, she arrived in a garden on a large estate. Silently, she roamed the grounds, until her feet halted at a rather peculiar tree. Within each of its cherry blossoms, a little man sat. She leaned down for a closer look, only for the blossom to be snapped off by an unidentified hand. Her eyes traveled up the arm to the head attached to a playing card. Two other card people were on the opposite side, cutting away the blossoms in a hurry.

"Quick! Before the Queen gets here!" the card with the Chinese character for three exclaimed.

"She won't be pleased if we don't hurry," the eight card agreed.

"We wouldn't want that," the five sighed, snipping two away at a time.

River studied them, trying to place the voices. She had never heard them for herself, but she had heard them before in a mind. Which mind? Maybe if she knew what they were doing, she could remember.

"Snip, snip, fall," she affirmed, moving one that had landed at her foot with her toes. "Why do cut them?"

"The Queen only likes certain late-bloomers," the five harshly spoke. "We aren't pleased when the Queen is unhappy."

"She'll cut us off," the three card said fearfully. "She's been known to do that."

A trumpet sounded and a procession of cards traveled by them, the rabbit in the vest following closely behind. She saw him and her eyelids widened. "Rabbit-brother," she said, deciding to chase after him while the three cards worked to rid the tree of blossoms in a hurry.

The row of cards stopped in a big field, and the rabbit stood on a podium. He waited for the horns to stop and then shouted loudly, "The Queen and her competition, the Duchess!"

River's eyes became venomous slits as Saffron wandered onto the field with the frog lugging her equipment. Then, the Queen came onto the field with one of the cards carrying her bags. She took a closer look at the Queen, and it made sense.

"Inara," she said slowly, reciting her past clients and three blossom-snipping cards, "Atherton Wing, the Councilor, Fess Higgins."

The Queen—Inara —spotted her standing on the edge of the playing field. "Who is this?" she asked kindly. "Speak your name."

"River."

"She stopped by my house today," the Duchess—Saffron —commented. "She hadn't heard of me."

"Interesting. Have you heard of me, River?"

"Yes," she weakly responded. "The Queen."

"Yes. Would you like to play some croquet?" the Queen offered.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Don't know how. Need to get home."

"Hmm. Well, I'd like it for you to play. If you don't, off with your head! …dear…" she ended with a pretty smile and then took a dinosaur mallet from her bag. "You'll play with this one. Now."

River hesitantly took it from her. The Duchess took a similar dinosaur from her things, as did the Queen. The balls were ice planets, and the hoops were various members from the Queen's deck of cards. She watched them play, observed the game and their false smiles, and then gave it a try. It wasn't long before the women and their acts fell apart. They couldn't continue to be polite to one another, and thus began the mallet sword fight.

"Fengdian semi muquan!" the Queen shouted. "You stole my tarts!"

"I did no such thing! Your tarts are just fine!"

"Liar!"

The battle continued and River took several small steps to leave, even though it was entertaining to watch the Queen beat the crap out of the thief.

"Your tarts are right where you left them!" the Duchess cried, ducking a swing of the roaring dino-mallet.

"It's untrue!" the rabbit shouted. "I went to make sure the Duchess had her things for the game, and your tarts were gone!"

"She didn't take them!" the frog bellowed. "I was with her all afternoon, as was her husband the cook."

The cat magically appeared on the Duchess's shoulder, smiling. "Kermit's telling the truth. She was with them all day."

"But I know who took them!" the frog continued.

"Who?" the Queen demanded. "Who took my tarts?"

"You know who, Majesty. The hare and her husband the cat know of his terrors. They know of his plot to get revenge on your tarts!" the frog announced.

"It's true. He's a bad man with a tart fetish!" the cat said, unable to keep a straight face.

The Queen dropped the mallet. "We must have trial! Bring forth everyone from the Wonderverse! Everyone! I must find my tarts!"

The cards began to scour the land for witnesses. River backed away, trying to vanish without having to attend the trial. However, the cards seized her and started to pull her towards the estate. She fought back, but it was hard to break a playing card without a blade. Eventually, she grew too tired and gave in, allowing them to throw her onto the bench of witnesses with everyone else in land.

(Fengdian semi muquan- crazy, horny girl dog)