VII: Juvia
Grainy wood nearly stripped of all its lacquer was marked deeply with dents and scratches. Each one had a story to tell. Juvia put the pad of her finger in every one immediately available to her and guessed at that tale. The words came at her too fast and tangled. Her mind whirled quickly with the tail end of the fentanyl she'd lapped up but it never helped her think.
A hand tipped with dark red nails slapped down on the table in front of her and Juvia jumped.
"I should gut you right here and right now."
Tante Eileen was screaming at her and Juvia couldn't keep up with why. Something about Kyouka. Kyouka. Mean, awful Kyouka. Tante Kyouka.
"Do you have nothing to say for yourself?"
"Mother." That was Tante Erza, descending the creaking wooden stairs. Her nails were white, painted that way to contrast with Mira's black, and curling around the dark bannister. Juvia watched her hands slide over the railing, watched her hair bounce, and then her breasts. She was moving quickly. Disjointedly.
That's you.
You.
Juvia.
She was Juvia.
Ju
Vi
A
"What?" Tante Eileen's voice was a whip snapping loudly in Juvia's ear.
"Why are you screaming? We still have guests upstairs; they can hear you."
Tante Eileen's hand smacked on the table again. "I want them out."
"Out?" Erza was on the ground level now. Her toes were bare, legs, too, for a long, long way. Everything else was covered in something black. She was lovely in black. Like an ember or something. She was burning on top, and then there was the black. What was the pale, then?
"Out," Tante Eileen said dangerously. "Get them out. Gildarts?"
"Yes, Tante."
His shoes clopped on the stairs, taking him to the second floor. Doors opened. Women and men made sounds of surprise. Some protested. Gildarts removed them.
Something was wrong. Somnium never kicked out its guests.
Juvia started to shiver.
"This is unnecessary." Erza came to Juvia's side and grabbed the back of her chair while men and women started funneling down the stairs. There wasn't many. Four. Gildarts was on their heels, back down the stairs and at Tante Eileen's side again.
"I decide what's necessary," Eileen said. "Where did she go?"
It took Juvia some time to recognize Tante Eileen was speaking to her. So long, in fact, that her chin was grabbed and her face was lifted, forcing her to look up. Tante Eileen was without her usual makeup, her hair was sleep-tousled and she was in her bedclothes.
"Where. Is. She?"
"Um..." Juvia licked her lips. They were dry. She was so thirsty.
Tante Eileen snorted dispassionately and turned to Gildarts beside her. She didn't ask permission in reaching into his jacket roughly and yanking out one of his many guns and he didn't stop her, barely staggering with the roughness of her hands. That gun's barrel met Juvia's forehead and she let her eyes drift closed. It wasn't how she imagined dying. She thought it would be a man or a drug or her own lack of effort that would put her in her grave. This, though.
"Mother." Erza's voice was every bit as sharp as Eileen's had been.
"Tell me where she is! Where is Kyouka? Where did she go? Tell me or I'll splatter your brains across the floor right now."
Strangely, Juvia could still hear the music playing over the speaker in the background. She had a set list of songs she was practicing, the next being House of the Rising Sun. The guitar plucked and teased and wept, doing all the things that she could not.
The gun dug in harder. "Juvia."
"She doesn't know, Mother. Put the gun—"
There was a little bell over the front door. It jingled now and cold, snowy air rushed into Somnium's belly. Juvia's skin lifted in goosebumps and her teeth clacked together hard.
"This looks serious." That was a new voice. Deep, male. Without looking at him, Juvia knew that he was playing at being calm. Unaffected, wry.
"Get out, Detectives. This doesn't concern you."
Detectives.
"It does, actually. That's Mira's alibi you've got a gun on, Tante."
One moved. Juvia saw a splash of blonde. Fernandez and Dreyar.
Tante Eileen laughed and it wasn't even the least bit kind. "This little worm?"
"Put the gun down, please."
"I don't think so. This is my house and my rules. I say what goes and right now, I say a bullet."
"There are a lot of things a woman like you can get away with," Detective Fernandez said in a voice that wasn't quite as baritone as his partners. "But murder right in front of a pair of cops? I can't fudge the paperwork that much and you don't have that kind of sway, Tante."
"Then I guess a pair of cops go sinking, too, don't they?"
In Juvia's periphery, men moved to put their hands on their guns. Erza, too, moved, grabbing the gun that was still pressed against Juvia's head. "Mother." Tante Erza was wearing a bracelet. It winked, pink pearl, in Juvia's view. She watched it, fascinated. "Juvia's done nothing, I promise. I was watching her sing for most of the morning and when she wasn't singing, I made her breakfast. Do you remember, Juvia?"
She could still taste the buttery toast on her lips when she licked them. "Yes, Tante."
"We were in the kitchen together."
"Afterward, then."
"Afterward, we came out here and sat down to eat."
Juvia remembered what happened after that. Her head had felt heavy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept. She'd crossed her arms and put her head down on the bony pillow. Tante Erza's fingers had moved through her hair so rhythmically. She was speaking. About what, exactly, was fuzzy, it made Juvia smile, though. Aria, maybe. Or maybe Gray. Yes. Detectives. She was talking about detectives. How they didn't have much business with Somnium's crop but they always seemed to find themselves there, nosing into everyone's business.
Tante Erza admitted that she liked it, though. It helped keep her crooked mother from being too crooked, with the police always around.
In memory, her fingers twisted again in Juvia's hair, slowly, slowly. 'I'm sorry she's so mean to you, Juvia.' Generally, Tante Erza ignored her, but since Juvia had come back from the night she spent at Gray's, she'd caught the Tante looking at her on several occasions. That was the first time she'd spoken to her, however.
In real time, Tante Eileen said, "That doesn't mean anything."
"It means something because I'm telling you it does," Erza rebuked. "Now give me this." She pulled on the gun. Tante Eileen didn't give it up easily, but she did give it up. "Apologize to them." Erza pointed at Jellal and Laxus, "And to Juvia, too. When we're done here, I'll help you think of other avenues."
Tante Eileen wasn't a woman that lost gracefully. She let go of the gun and harrumphed in disgust and clopped across the room with large, agitated steps. Gildarts followed. Juvia didn't need to watch them to know Tante Eileen ripped open the door leading to the basement and entered its shadowy depths, she knew the sound of that door opening well, had focused on it every time it was entered, because down there was her personal monster and her saviour. Tante Kyouka.
Tante Kyouka is gone. That still hadn't sunk in for Juvia. Gone. Did she rejoice? Did she cry? Did she run in fear because she hadn't tried to get Tante Kyouka out earlier?
"What the hell was that about?" Detective Dreyar's shoulders hadn't fallen an inch beneath his tan coloured trench coat. Juvia was slowly coming back to herself and recognized tension.
"Nothing important," Erza said.
"Nothing important? I almost got to see a woman's brains but, oh, nothing important."
Erza slapped the gun she'd taken from her mother down on the table in front of Juvia. Juvia jumped; everything made her jump. Everything was too loud and too grand and just—
"That's what I said. Nothing important. Why are you here?" Erza's fingers were back in Juvia's hair, gentle again, brushing it back from her forehead and working through it in a way that soothed her nerves. Made her eyes close.
"Is she high?"
"Is that relevant?"
"I need her to answer some questions." Detective Fernandez wasn't as high-strung as his partner, patient. "About last night."
"Can you answer questions, Juvia?" Erza's voice was equally as patient.
Juvia opened her eyes again. Detective Fernandez had taken a seat, spinning the chair backwards and straddling it. His partner was scrolling over Somnium's railings for her guards. Juvia looked up behind him and saw Angel sitting with her legs between the bannisters, face pressed against the wood casually. The moment she was spotted, she flashed a grin that never met her eyes and waggled her fingers. Dreyar's responding expression was a lift of a lip, almost a snarl.
"Juvia?"
Juvia opened her mouth; what came out wasn't a yes, but a question of her own. "Do you miss Tante Alba?"
Detective Fernandez looked taken aback. "Every day."
"She was kind, though."
His smile was sardonic. "She was self-serving and obtuse and always on the opposite side of the law."
"That doesn't mean she was unkind."
"No. I suppose not."
Juvia couldn't mimic the softness she saw in him when he thought of his Tante. Kyouka was unkind. Juvia drew in a breath. "What do you want?"
"I want you to recount last night."
"Last night?"
"From beginning to end."
"Everything you can remember, Juvia," Tante Erza said.
"I didn't have a very good night." Juvia felt like she was using someone else's body to speak.
"What happened?"
"There was a man."
Detective Fernandez's eyes softened like he knew where this was going. It would have been easier to let him think that way.
"He had Apache and was snorting it and I just…"
"People come in here and dope all the time." He wasn't quite following.
Erza cleared some things up. "My mother told her if she had any she'd be out of a job."
Juvia felt the detective's gaze on her and knew what he was thinking. She was high just then, wasn't she? Suddenly, she wanted to spill everything, the room in the basement, Tante Eileen bringing her down there and making her crush up the pills, putting her with men that habitually got high before they wanted to fuck. She felt it all crashing down on her, and beneath the weight, she could barely breathe.
Tante Erza stroked her hair calmly, rhythmically. The sensation pulled Juvia out of the storm.
"Afterwards?"
Juvia swallowed the lump in her throat. "He left because I couldn't—I was sick. I couldn't focus." How long did she remain there, back against the wall, knees drawn up to her chest, mean words and white powder floating through her mind? Long enough that she was cold. "And then Mirajane came in." Juvia always imagined her as a cloud. Sometimes, she was full of temper, like a summer's storm, ready to burst, or frigid, like a winter's gentle but no less hostile rage. Other times, she was soft, belonging to spring.
She'd been soft then, floating into the room and crouching by Juvia's side only to pull her back up again. Onto the bed and beneath the covers, all the way, even their heads. She'd been warm and soft and comforting, giving Juvia something very different to think about. She could still feel her lips and hear her croon.
"Around what time?"
She couldn't remember exactly. "It was early," Juvia said.
"I need a time."
"I don't have one. I know the sun still hadn't risen, though."
The detective pressed his lips together as he scribbled something down on a pad of paper. "What about when she left?"
That she remembered. She'd checked her phone and texted Gray to ask for a picture of Aria with her new backpack. He hadn't sent back any words but he had given her the picture she asked for. "It was just after seven."
He seemed satisfied. "Thank you." His next words were directed at Tante Erza. "I have men coming here with a warrant."
Erza's fingers stopped. "What?"
"Rumson was poisoned, Mira said they were drinking, I need to check everything she's got. I figured your mother wasn't going to be forthcoming with inviting us up so…"
"You could have asked."
"May I go upstairs and look at Mira's bar?"
"No."
"And this is why I have a warrant, Tante."
Erza said something rude. He accepted it with grace.
"Can I go?" Juvia interrupted. She didn't want to sit there anymore. She was tired and frustrated with herself and just needed to do something. Remember who she was. Or whatever.
"Can I have a number to contact you at?" Erza's detective asked. "Just in case we have more questions."
Juvia took her phone off the table and searched through the information for her own number. She spun it back around so he could copy it. His letters were long and sharp and neat. His smile was warm. "Thank you, Miss Lockser."
Juvia stood stiltedly and went to the closet by the front door. From it, she pulled out the nicest thing she owned, a long, brown suede coat with wool lining. In donning it, she felt warm for the first time since Mirajane left her and Tante Eileen collected her for Kyouka's torture. She had boots that matched the coat; tall, wool-lined, warm. unfortunately, it didn't match her dress. Juvia didn't want to bother changing, she was beyond silly things like matching.
Winter was in a fury, throwing snow around Somnium's parking lot without regard. Juvia hunched against the gusting wind and started walking. The roadside shoulder was deep with snow. It was hard walking, her heart was pounding not even five minutes in. Occasionally, a snowplough would come by, shoveling snow or dropping salt, and she'd have to get into the ditch to avoid being picked up and thrown away, too. She didn't think the drivers would even notice, it was so blindingly white out and she doubted she'd make much of an impact on the blade.
At first, Juvia thought she didn't know where she was going when she passed by motels and graveyards, restaurants and shops, she felt lost, but then out of the white came Aria's school and all she could think was, of course. She almost knew who she was and what she was doing when she looked at Aria.
The parking lot was U shaped and full, busses lining up outside the double front doors, waiting for the final bell to ring and the flood of students to come rushing out, other parents who perhaps didn't trust the busses to bring their children home safely waited in the Visitor Parking area, cars running, heaters blasting, windshield wipers furiously scraping over windshields that were building ice. The whole world seemed alive around her, and yet, she wasn't part of it. She could hear no voices or see no faces. She was the only one silly enough to be out in the storm.
A gust of wind buffeted her face. She leaned back against the Magnolia Public School sign behind her, sunk into the collar of her coat and put her hands in the pockets. She was still cold. Never before did she remember being so cold all the time. Before she saw any clients now, she dunked her hands in hot water, to make them warm to the touch, and afterwards, she spent an hour at least soaking in a hot tub, all the way up to the bottom of her nose, and sometimes, when she could hold her breath, below that. She could close her eyes and imagine that just so. Vividly. She stopped shivering.
The school bell rang. Juvia heard it vaguely. She cracked open her eyes and watched the children rush out. first the grade sevens and eights, unruly and wild and loud, and then all the younger students, still loud, the grade sixes, fives, and fours, but more organized. Things didn't start getting havocked until the grade threes and younger filtered out. They buzzed like flies in the wrong time of year, screaming and picking up snow to form into balls. It was the wrong kind, too loose. It didn't stop them from trying. Juvia felt her lips curl and knew it was a smile.
The kindergartens came out last, the most orderly yet, in a single-file line. Their teacher and his aide handled them with efficiency, doling them out to waiting parents and guardians. Juvia hunted for Aria and found her not by her telltale hair, black like her father's, curly like her mothers, because it was tucked beneath a rainbow toque, but by the purple Sparkle My Little Pony backpack. Juvia's smile grew.
Aria was handed off to a person that wasn't Gray, a tall man with light hair. She recognized Lyon. He'd parted with his paramedic uniform. He took her hand and led her to a massive pickup truck. She watched him open the back door, take Aria's backpack, and lift her into a car seat. She said something; he laughed and handed back her bag. Then he closed her up, walked around the front of the truck, and got inside. They were gone. The busses followed. The noise. Only the wind whispered in Juvia's ear. Tire tracks were covered by falling snow. Another snowplough scraped on by. Juvia closed her eyes again and listened to it fade, and then the sound of tires crushing over snow-choked pavement.
She knew he waited before she opened her eyes. She always knew when Gray was there. She pushed herself away from the school sign and focused on the big black Sierra idling in front of her. The windows had been hastily cleaned of snow; there was an ice chunk trapped beneath the windshield wiper. Juvia opened the door and got inside without him having to ask. Hot air blasted her face; it was such an abrupt change, it hurt.
The radio was on, Barrie McGuire's Eve of Destruction tuning quietly.
Gray sat facing forward. He hadn't shaved, likely since the last time she saw him. Like in his hair, his stubble was shot through with the odd bits of grey.
"What are you doing out here?"
"I wanted to see Aria."
He sucked in a noisy breath and squeezed the life out of his steering wheel. She remembered the feel of his hands on her body. They'd been gentler then. She reached for him. It didn't occur to her that he wouldn't let her take his hand. He hesitated, then released the steering wheel and allowed her to thread their fingers together. Afterward, he was wet cardboard, crumpling and folding into her, touching her cheek and pulling her in so he could rest his forehead against hers.
"You're a fucking mess."
She kissed him. It drove out the muted chills and the hollow feeling the last of Tante Eileen's fentanyl left behind. It made her feel human. To be human was to hurt. Everything felt absolutely raw.
"I can't keep doing this."
"You came to me."
"Lyon was afraid you'd freeze out here."
"You could have called a cab."
"I didn't think you'd be able to tell them where to go." That was supposed to hurt her; it did, faintly. It was overshadowed by the fact that he was there, he'd left work to come pick her up. She felt a little bit guilty. Minutely.
Gray said, "You scare me, Juvia. You're going to end up dead."
She kissed him again. He was a little more giving this time, moving his lips just a small amount. It was like permission.
Juvia had felt numb but for this, she could be alive. Gray's hair was sticky with pomade, the skin beneath the collar of his jacket and shirt hot. He made a noise of protest when she touched the bare skin she could reach. The sound elongated when she used her tongue to open his mouth and kiss him properly. He started to gather her up, whether to warm her or to deepen the kiss or to strangle the life out of her, Juvia didn't know, then something clicked in his mind. She felt it. And he pulled away. Not just pulled away, pushed her away. Her back touched the door; his hands he took back for himself and pushed his hair back from his forehead. Again. Again. Again.
"Fuck." It was almost a yell. In a breath. Out a breath. "We have to stop. Stop this. It's not fucking healthy and it's not right."
"It's not?"
"No. It's not. We're toxic, you and me. Together we just tear through everything, Juvia, and I can't." He was spinning out of control, getting louder and louder. He didn't scare Juvia as much as Tante Eileen did. Or Tante Kyouka.
Tante? Or just Kyouka? She didn't know. She didn't know anything. It was maddening. Kyouka is mean. And so was Eileen. She started to cry.
"Fuck," Gray swore again. Quieter, "I'm sorry, Juvia. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just… frustrated."
"It's not that." Gray looked at her questioningly and Juvia was candid. "I've had a really fucked up day."
He thawed a bit. "What happened?"
"Tante Eileen was holding out on my drugs and then she gave them to me and then she was really, really mad." She sniffled.
"Because you took them?" He looked even more confused than Juvia felt. She shook her head.
"Because Tante Kyouka got away."
"Kyouka? Kyouka is dead, Juvia."
Juvia didn't think about spilling Tante Eileen's secret or what it would mean if Gray knew, she just did. Because she didn't trust Tante Eileen and she didn't trust Kyouka. "She's not dead. She was at Somnium. In Tante Eileen's basement. Tante Eileen wanted her. She didn't like what she did to Tante Erza."
"You're confused." He was gentle. "I saw the coroners report."
"I'm not confused," Juvia said firmly. "I'm not. Kyouka is alive. She's escaped Somnium and now… I don't know where she'll go." Magnolia was a big city with a lot of shadowy corners for a woman like Kyouka to hide in. "She's mad, though. She'll be mad at me." With those words came realization. "She might try to hurt Aria to hurt me. What if—"
"Sh." He'd found his gentleness and put his hand against her mouth, silencing her. "Calm down."
Juvia wriggled out of his hold. "I am calm." She was not.
"Juvia." When gentleness wouldn't work, he used sharpness and cut through her mounting panic. "Aria's safe."
"But Kyouka—"
He didn't believe her, that was obvious, Kyouka had been transported to the morgue, after all, she had been pronounced dead. Gray entertained her, though, and with facts. "I always have people watching Aria. She's safe." Watching her because his job was dangerous and his ex was tangled up in all the things she shouldn't be. There was truth to his methods of placation.
Still.
"You'll watch for her? For Kyouka?"
He searched her eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I will."
"Promise?"
"Yes. Of course. Aria's my daughter, too."
Of course she was. And he had the means Juvia didn't to keep her safe.
"Good?"
Juvia barely lifted her shoulder in a weak, noncommittal shrug. "I guess."
Gray leaned back against his seat and heaved a massive sigh. He suddenly looked very, very tired. "You make me crazy."
"I know." Juvia's phone buzzed in her lap. Lifting it, she saw a text from Tante Erza saying simply, Come home.
"What is it?" Gray asked.
Juvia considered ignoring the text. Where would she go, though? She didn't think Gray would take her back home again. That wasn't a good place for her, anyway. Not as she was currently. Shoals? She didn't think Tante Eileen would allow for it. Somnium was where she needed to be.
"I have to go back to Somnium."
Gray stopped her from getting out of the truck, grabbing her hand. "You're freezing. I'll drive you."
Juvia settled back in her seat again. Gray pulled her closer and looked equal parts satisfied and disgusted with himself when she rested her head on his shoulder. The truck rolled forward through the parking lot; snow gathered on its windshield. The radio started playing her favourite song, White Rabbit. She hummed along with it; what else could she do?
The truck moved slowly through the storm. Juvia made every second pay and focused her attention on Gray. His coat was opened and beneath, his tie was askew. Was it work or a woman that left him like that? Could be, it was both. She looked up at his stubble.
"Are you growing a beard?"
"No."
"Just haven't shaved?"
"Not much time."
A woman then, Juvia concluded. She turned to drugs when things got messy, Gray turned to pussy. They'd worked together for some time but like he said, it was a toxic combination.
"Do you ever think we'll be better?"
His arm tightened around her shoulders. "I hope so."
Sometimes, the only thing life gave you was hope. What you did with it was your own prerogative, it stepped back and let the gardens grow as they may.
Somnium's lot came up fast. It was empty once again, the detectives were gone. Gray took his arm away from Juvia and put the truck in park. She waited for him to turn off the motor and to come inside. He wouldn't, he was made of harder stuff than that. She was not, malleable and soft and like water bare of all its nutrients, she took without regard, stripping everything of every metaphorical mineral she could, uncaring if she left those around her sick afterwards.
Juvia kissed him again. He responded properly this time, deepening it all on his own, opening his mouth and kissing her thoroughly in that way he had, the one that set her on fire and made her feel alive. His hand on her ribs forced her to bow into him and his hand in her hair held her still. Juvia let herself get carried away. It was worth the fallout afterwards when he reached behind her and opened the door—it seemed he needed to have that first, that means for her to escape before he could stop kissing her. Juvia didn't put up much of a fight, sliding out of his truck and into the parking lot.
Gray started pulling away before she'd even rightly closed the door. Somnium opened and prevented her from staring too much. Tante Erza was there. "Come."
Juvia went to her. To not was impossible. The door closed. In the doorway of the empty bar, Tante Erza stripped Juvia of her coat and helped her out of her boots and then took her hand and led her through Somnium and up the stairs. She'd never been in the Rose Room before, where Tante Erza spent her time. The bed was made with black sheets; the walls were red.
Tante Erza closed the door, cutting out the rest of Somnium, then faced Juvia again. Her hands were smoother than Gray's on Juvia's cheeks, and less hesitant moving through her hair and onto her shoulders. She smelled sweeter, too.
"Are you alright?"
"Scared, Tante."
"My mother won't hurt you."
"No disrespect, but Tante Eileen does as she likes."
"If you're mine, she won't hurt you," Erza said with more authority. "Will you be mine?"
She wasn't talking just about being a lover. It was something more. The magnitude of which made Juvia hesitate.
"You'll be safe. One day, you might even be happy."
"How can you promise me that? Tante Eileen thinks I released Kyouka."
"Not anymore. There was a razor left on the floor," Tante Erza said. "My mother thinks that's how Kyouka escaped. She wanted me to extend her apology."
Juvia remembered that razor well.
Fingers brushed over Juvia's cheeks, clearing them of any dampness. "I'll ask again. Will you be mine?"
"Yes, Tante."
Tante Erza smiled then. It did reach her eyes, genuine. She was Somnium's rosebud salve, healing all manner of itches and chaps and wounds with a kiss and a touch. She undid the back of Juvia's dress slowly, inch by inch, and when the material was a puddle on the floor, she took Juvia to her bed, rolled down the sheets, and invited her inside.
Tante Erza did not linger where Juvia's ribs poked out too bluntly, nor did she stop to make Juvia beg, she did not act as Gray had, hesitant and uncertain and in pain when Juvia kissed her. She used every trick she learned as an escort. It was wrong to make a Tante work so hard, Juvia wanted their positions to be reversed, but she needed this. She needed the attention. The safety Tante Erza could offer.
Eventually, a red-nosed and bloodshot-eyed Mira joined and in all the tumult, the hands and the mouths and the sighs and the cries, Juvia found a kind of peace, and with peace, afterwards, came sleep.
Her favourite poet once told her nothing gold could stay. He was right. Eventually, Juvia woke. She felt better, rested like she hadn't been in a long, long time. She was alone, though. Her dress was gone. Tante Erza left her a robe, black. Always black for Tante Erza. Juvia slid into it and exited into the hallway.
Somnium was open for the night, the stage was full of a girl Juvia didn't recognize. She was supposed to be down there. Her stomach twisted with worry. Back to her own room she rushed, where she lifted her hair high off her neck, did her makeup as best she could to hide the hollows beneath her eyes and the pallor of her skin, and then slid into a dress she thought Tante Erza would approve of. Black again, short and small.
She thought that would be all but on her way back out, a small piece of paper caught her eye, sitting on her pillow. She felt hollow going to it, picking it up. But she did.
The only things on it were letters, and those letters spelled a name, Huntsman, and a time, five-thirty. And a date. Tomorrow.
She set it on fire with a match she kept by her candles before she left her room, and left the ashes on her dresser.
