GUYS! The bellarke radio conversation in 2x11 holy cow I am so happy they are SO IN LOVE.

I wanted to post this yesterday but the server was mucking around so boo get it sorted out.

Enjoy this one, lads.

Chapter Seven

I Can't Fall Back on You

By caggiewrites

"Do you want to do something this weekend? I feel like I've been studying twenty four hours a day this week," Octavia flung her pen down on the desk, stretching her arms above her head.

Clarke snorted without looking up from her own desk, "You're asking me now? Usually you just drag me out by the hair."

Octavia looked over at Clarke, as if deciding what to say, "You know, you go out a lot more than you used to…"

Clarke tried not to look guilty, which was pointless seeing as they both knew Octavia knew where she spent most of her time outside the dorm room and class. She changed tact, "You're so hard to please, Blake!"

Octavia smiled at the sudden shyness that had overcome her roommate. She was not a moron, and had seen Clarke go off to the bar her brother worked at plenty of times, as well as being asked to go herself. It was sweet, and Octavia kept biting her tongue until the appropriate moment to say: I told you so!

She shrugged, "Whatever, I'm not your mom, do you what you like in your spare time."

"Agh, crap," Clarke suddenly said and stopped typing to put her face in her hands. "Speaking of my mom…"

"You know I love to. What's up?"

Clarke suddenly felt very hot and reactively pulled at the hems of her sleeves, "This weekend… it's… my father died a year ago."

Octavia immediately got up out of her chair and sat on the edge of Clarke's bed, putting her hand on her friend's arm in comfort.

"She wants me to go home but I – I can't. I know she needs me but, every time I go back to that house it's like he's just died all over again and I forget how to be me. I'm a shadow of his daughter in that house. My mom keeps up this faux smile whenever I'm around and I kind of just want to shake her and say that it's okay that her heart is broken." Clarke met Octavia's sad eyes. "Am I awful for thinking that?"

Octavia took Clarke's hands and said determinedly, "Not even a little bit. Grief is a necessary part of losing someone, but you have to let grief go eventually; forget the 'what if' and remember what was." Clarke sniffed back tears and Octavia's grip tightened. "You have deal with this the way you need to. Your mom might not understand, sure, but it affects us all in different ways, and she'll understand that."

Clarke nodded but couldn't stop the sob escaping from her chest and Octavia pulled her into a tight hug.

And that was it. Clarke texted her mom late Thursday night to confirm she wasn't coming home to which her mother replied far too sprightly and Clarke's heart clenched but she didn't change her mind. Clarke felt like she had abandoned her mother but she also felt that going home to a place that reeked of Jake Griffin would only set Clarke back and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to endure that kind of pain again.

Jasper and Monty dropped in with pizza not long after that, where they talked and laughed. Raven came up but once they all summarised that she had returned none of their calls and Clarke's face had begun to crumple, they moved on. The four of them played different card games until late, discovering that Octavia and Jasper were the biggest cheats in the world.

"It's not cheating, Clarke, it's called using your initiative," Jasper reasoned.

Clarke stuck her fingers in her ears, "Every time you open your mouth all I hear is cheat!"

"And if it was using your initiative," Monty added smartly. "You'd have at least won by cheating."

All four of them laughed and decided that Jasper and Octavia's punishment was to head out into the chilly night to buy more sodas (they had class in the morning!). Once they were gone Clarke and Monty argued about the outcome of their latest assignment until Monty lapsed into silence.

Clarke eyed him worriedly, "Monty, you okay?"

Monty looked up at her nervously, apparently having an internal battle with himself.

"Come on, Mont, what's wrong?" Clarke shuffled closer to him.

"It's Jasper," Monty blurted out. "That guy Murphy is getting worse and Jasper keeps brushing it off!"

Clarke frowned in recognition, "Murphy? That jerk who shoved Jasper like a month ago?" Her heart sunk. Hadn't she vowed to help? She hadn't even given Jasper and this bully a second thought and Clarke felt ashamed for being such a lousy friend.

Monty nodded, "I don't know why he's targeted Jasper but he has, and you can't ask Jasper about it, he just clams up."

"How does Jasper even know this creep?"

Monty shrugged, "We first saw him at the countries party here, he was being a bit of an idiot but nothing happened between him and Jasper. But…"

"But what?" Clarke pressed.

"Jasper and I got separated for about an hour. We were sitting in that girl Roma's room and Jasper went to go get us some refills. I didn't see him again for fifty minutes."

Clarke and Monty shared a grave look, "You think something happened then?"

"I have no idea, but it's the best reason I can come up with," Monty slumped against the bed.

"Monty," Clarke said determinedly. "We're going to help him."

The two nodded resolutely at each other, an unspoken promise to help their best friend. And Clarke wouldn't forget this time.

Just then, the door banged open, admitting Octavia and Jasper himself. The two of them were merry as anything, and when Jasper caught Clarke staring at him, he gave her an inquisitive look to which she just smiled and proposed another round.

"So Monty and I heard about this killer frat house party tomorrow night," Jasper announced. "Sounds like it's going to be insane. You ladies up for it?"

"It's a frat party, Jasper, the only insane thing in there is the frat boys themselves," Clarke pointed out.

"Don't be a party pooper, Clarke! You know you want to. Octavia does," Jasper nodded at the latter.

She looked up suddenly, "What?"

Jasper adopted a smug face and pretended to swoon, "Lincoln will be there."

Octavia showed signs of obvious weakness but then looked at Clarke and shrugged, "No, I'm staying in tomorrow night."

Clarke sighed. Octavia was mad and sometimes unintentionally rude but she was a truly loyal friend, and it showed when she offered to miss a wild party with Lincoln to keep an eye on her mourning friend. But Clarke realised that if her friends were all out, then she could be alone and think about her father in peace. She didn't want anyone to be there when she went over the last 365 days without him.

"No, Tavia," Clarke put on her best stern voice. "You're going to go with Jasper and Monty and be gross with Lincoln."

Octavia pulled a face at this idea, "I want to stay here. You know… if you need me."

Jasper and Monty exchanged looks of dawning realisation and began to blabber all at once.

"None of us will go!"

"Frat parties are too crazy for the likes of us anyway."

"No, you guys!" Clarke exclaimed loudly. "Look, I really appreciate the thought, but I'd really rather be alone. Honestly."

Octavia surveyed Clarke sadly, and Clarke was struck by how wise Octavia actually was as a result of all she'd been through, "You sure?"

"Positive." Clarke nodded and insisted they move on with the game.


Clarke had possibly never been more wrong in her life.

It was Friday night, and after a long day of receiving sympathetic and worried looks from her friends, Clarke was relieved when they had slammed the door shut to go to their insane frat party. However, half an hour later, she realised that it was too quiet. All she could hear was the ticking of the clock on Octavia's desk that seemed to beat as loud as a drum, but not quite loud enough to drown out the memories playing in her head of her father's last few weeks. After working herself into a frenzy, Clarke almost called her mom, but decided against it last second as it would just make Abby frantic herself and she felt she'd already been crueller to her mom than necessary by not going home.

But who else could she talk to? She'd sent three of her best friends off to a party, another one was AWOL, her childhood best friend was dead, and her mother was a class A worrier. The only person she wanted to talk to about her father's death was, well… her father. Life was cruel. Clarke bitterly thought she should get it tattooed on her forehead.


An hour later Clarke was desperate. Nothing would distract her, not art, not school work, not music. She'd tried to sleep but every time she closed her eyes she could feel a weight threatening to crush her, her memories being played on loop. It had been three hundred and sixty five days since Jake Griffin died, why did the one year mark make such a difference?


Fifteen minutes later Clarke opened Octavia's drinks drawer.

Alone. Why did she think it was a good idea to be alone?


As she dialled his number, Clarke didn't even think about how bizarre it was. She pressed 'call' because if anything, he'd understand.

"Hello?"

Clarke almost sobbed.

"Bellamy?"


There was an urgent rap of knuckles on the dorm door. Clarke, who had been sitting cross legged and agitated by her bed leapt up to answer it.

Bellamy stood in the doorway, looking harassed and as though he'd leapt out of the shower, with his hair damp and tousled. Clarke was so relieved to see him she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his middle. She felt him tense but not a moment later his arms encased her, letting out a long exhalation of breath. His hand went to the back of her head and he stroked it aimlessly as Clarke closed her eyes and got lost in someone who wasn't herself. Neither of them knew how long they stood in the doorway, entrapped in one another, and neither of them noticed the people wondering by, giving them curious looks.

Finally Clarke extracted herself from his grip and stepped back, looking up into his face where his eyes were searching her own with concern. Clarke felt her heart flutter.

Now he was here, she had no idea what to say.

"I just…" She began helplessly.

"I know," He finished, and stepped into the room.


"Do you want to talk about him?" Bellamy asked.

They were both sitting on the floor, leaning against Clarke's bed, close but not touching. Clarke had thought she didn't want to talk about her dad, but sitting there with Bellamy, she felt her body begin to relax and her mind had stopped racing. Her nerves were still frenzied, but she had to admit that there was a good possibility that was for a new reason now.

"He was kind. And really smart, too. He could make anyone laugh. He would've done anything for my mom and me, tried to as well," Clarke took a deep breath as her dad's smiling face swam before her. "He was totally smitten with my mom. Growing up me and my best friend thought it was seriously gross, but of course it wasn't. The way he looked at her… god, it was like she hung the stars, and the moon, too."

Clarke felt the weight of Bellamy's gaze beside her, and her breathing grew shallower as when he turned his head he was so close his breath grazed her cheek every time he exhaled.

"I blame that for my naivety with Finn," Clarke said quickly, anxious to fill the heavy silence. Bellamy tensed ever so slightly. "My father set a too good example of men, and I thought it'd be the Finn Collins' of this world who would live up to that. Turns out I was completely wrong."

Clarke turned her head to look at him then, and she was right, he was very close, the tips of their noses were a hair away from each other. Bellamy's eyes had to look down to meet her hers and the heat she found there made her swallow with difficulty. The air was so thick, she breathed in and out as though she were suffering from a minor panic attack, but all the air she breathed in was Bellamy's as he was so close. It was madness, really. When had she stopped tolerating Bellamy and actually want to be around him? Clarke cursed herself because that was a stupid question, a part of her had always wanted to be around him. He was annoying as hell, but he was also charming and made her smile, and the way he looked her and the way he cared about Octavia… it was all so Bellamy and Clarke had become addicted. But she was eighteen and he was twenty three. How could he possibly feel anything for her? She'd probably made it all up in her head. But he'd come tonight hadn't he? It took him all of twelve minutes to get here, she'd counted. Clarke never thought she'd rely on Bellamy Blake, but just his presence had made her feel at ease, also somehow simultaneously like a fish on mars.

When he spoke his voice seemed even lower than it usually was, "Must be something about Griffin women."

"What?" She breathed.

Clarke had come over all dizzy, and reached a hand out to steady herself but of course her hand found Bellamy's leg. She looked over at the offending arm in panic, wondering whether to retract it or if that would just make it awkward. Just as she looked up once more into Bellamy's eyes to gouge his reaction, she felt it instead as he pressed his lips against hers.

Clarke's eyes widened in shock, but then she felt stupid and closed them just as he had done. His pressure was gentle, which somewhat surprised Clarke, and also made her heart skip that Bellamy could be tender especially with her. In light of this, she responded to his lips and they kissed slowly and sweetly, Bellamy's calloused hand reaching up to hold the side of her face.

Clarke could barely fathom what was happening, only that it was and it felt good. She would worry about the fact that she had a pretence to uphold as disliking him later. She had called Bellamy for comfort, and he had delivered, because Clarke's broken heart felt almost whole as she and Bellamy kissed. He was intoxicating and Clarke couldn't imagine why he would want to kiss her, but he was and she decided to choose this moment as her first 'live in the moment'.

A moment later, Clarke felt her cheeks wet and realised a tear had escaped, and then another. She didn't think she'd felt this good since Wells had died, and it seemed Bellamy unknowingly handing her the first step towards her old self was too much. Clarke could barely feel embarrassment for the tears when Bellamy kissed them away gently and then pulled back, but his hand remained at her face.

"I-" He began, his eyes regarding her seriously, pupils blown.

"If you're about to apologise, I swear to god, Blake," Clarke interrupted with shaky laughter.

Bellamy gave her the smallest of smiles that made Clarke grin at how actually adorable he could be.

"Hey," Clarke said barely above a whisper. "Thanks for saving me tonight."

Bellamy sighed, "You don't need saving, Princess."

There, Clarke put her finger on it. Bellamy didn't treat her like a damsel in distress, like she would break. And it was refreshing and she really did stand a little taller when he was around. Clarke smiled again, as though her mouth couldn't help it, as she realised that was what her dad was for her mom. She wasn't calling Bellamy the love of her life or anything, it was just nice to know that there were men like Jake Griffin in the world, even if they weren't who she expected them to be.

Thinking of her mother and father made Clarke think of her mom sitting at home all alone probably, encased in silence and red wine. Bellamy noticed the fall of her face and withdrew his hand respectively.

"Clarke?"

Clarke sighed and leaned her head against the bed, "My mom. I can't believe I've left her alone tonight. I was so sure that I shouldn't go home, but she's my mom and I'm the only person she really has left, and a lousy person I am for that role, too."

Bellamy furrowed his brow as Clarke put her hand to her forehead, silently cursing herself for being so blatantly selfish.

"Why don't you go now?" Bellamy asked as though the solution was obvious.

"I don't have my car still, I text Raven a couple weeks back saying she could keep it as long as she needed it because I felt so guilty, and I didn't need it."

Bellamy rolled his eyes slightly, "You let Raven keep your car for a month?"

"I did go on a date with her boyfriend."

"Not your fault."

"It wouldn't have been if you'd just told me what you knew."

"Are we really going to do this now?" Bellamy asked incredulously.

Clarke sighed, she was just grasping at straws to let her impatience out, "No, we're not."

They were both lapsed into thoughtful silence and then-

"I'll drive you."

Clarke snapped her head up, "What?"

"I'll drive you," Bellamy repeated slowly as if she were thick.

Clarke frowned, "Are you mad, Bellamy? It's about two hours away and it's already late, and you have a job! Two jobs, actually! This is my own selfish fault."

"As luck would have it, I have the day off tomorrow. And I'm twenty three, Princess, I'm perfectly capable of driving in the dark," Bellamy argued, already lifting himself up off the floor.

Clarke scrambled up as well so that she could face him, "Bellamy, you don't have to do this for me."

Bellamy looked at Clarke as though this were neither here nor there, his eyebrows raised in a distinctly 'so what' fashion, "I know." He replied.

They stared at each other for a minute, waiting for the other to back down. But Clarke thought about spending two hours in a car with Bellamy and if they moved fast they'd reach her mom before midnight.

"Fine," Clarke relented, mustering up as much attitude in her tone as possible.

Bellamy smirked, "Two minutes to pack your precious belongings, Princess. I'll start the car."

Clarke would have thought he'd forgotten that they'd kissed not two minutes ago if he hadn't quickly but deliberately stroked a hand down her arm before he left.

Clarke haphazardly threw some clothes and her toiletries in a bag and texted Octavia before locking up their room.

Going home after all. With Bellamy. The fewer questions you ask, the more I'll love you. Clarke x

A/N: SO. The first kiss oh my good god. I literally didn't plan on that happening until I got to the line and thought 'oh what the heck'. It was not hot n heavy but guys he was there to comfort her about her dad's death, and Bellamy's a sweetheart really, we all know that. This was only 7 pages on word processor, but I thought you'd appreciate a faster update! Started writing Chapter 8 already so that should be out faster too.

Thank you as always to fabulous reviewers: LuxeLisbon, SophieElizabeth630, FrejaBarnes, wantingandwaiting, BellaClara, PalmTreesAtMidnight, thunderatic, Leppy99, ELSchaaf, kc51102, sydcasy, 1234grace, fann, tvshowfanatic12345, twilightstargazer, lushatrocity and poopmcgo! I am so glad you liked Bellamy's POV.

Reviews are like oxygen for fanfic writers, something I didn't really understand until I wrote one myself. Now whatever stories I read I always review because I know how important they are. Tell me what you thought about Bellarke getting their kiss on?

You're all blessed,

Caragon x