Ranma 1/2: A Ward of a Goddess
Disclaimer: The following is a fan written parody. Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Media, Studio Deen, Shogakukan and Madman Entertainment. Oh My Goddess! belongs to Kōsuke Fujishima, Kodansha, Dark Horse Comics and Madman Entertainment. Other IP used have their respective owners as well, I do not own characters and events and they are used without permission. Support the official release, and don't sue me.
[Cold Opening:
It was Christmas. Or birthday. Or Deadpoolvania national holiday. He wasn't not sure what it was, but it was great. A whole horde of thugs, that no one would miss. It was his horde and he could go and kill or maim and generally do whatever he wanted with them (After checking how the thugs looked he strongly decided to limit himself to killing and maiming, a man has to have his standards).
A dark haired, petite girl stopped next to him, despite his best efforts at hiding (you try hiding wearing red spandex).
"Let me guess." She said "Another superhero ?"
"I'm super, aye." Deadpool said, pulling something special for all careful readers "Opinions differ on whether I'm a hero."
"So who are you ?" The girl asked again "Captain something ? Mr Motormouth ?"
"I'm Deadpool..." The merc with a mouth said "...just Deadpool... and you are ?"
"I think you can call me..." She thought for a second on a fitting name "...Nerima Wrecking Crew."
"Sounds cool." He admitted, nice name, had a good ring to it "How does that work ?"
"Just watch." She pointed towards the thugs and then the girl begun..
The petite Japanese girl did exactly what advertised, she wrecked them. It was... beautiful. Deadpool A gave her full 10.0. Deadpool B gave 9.8, he had to deduct something for the lack of guns. He liked guns. Deadpool C gave 7.0, but he was the grumpy Romanian judge, they are hard to impress. Deadpool D gave a deep fried watermelon on a stick, it was like shouting "it's over eight thousand !" as far as he was concerned.
"So, what do you think ?" The girl asked once she finished with the last of the thugs.
"Marry me !" Deadpool shouted.
Ranma turned her face towards the camera. Casting a glance toward Wade, who was giving her horns.
"Previously on Ranma and Deadpool" said her sweet voice.
"That should be Deadpool and Ranma, first I'm a guy, more people know me, D comes before R in..." Deadpool interrupted.
"What does it take to shut you up ?" Ranma asked him.
"You could try kissing." Deapool answered.
Thump !
"I can fly !" Wade shouted as he began his ascension towards the stratosphere...
Lou Xion helped Akane to deal with the hentai horde, but the girl caught attention of one Tatewaki Kuno. After the delusional boy proclaimed his love for the amazon warrior he was sent by her to find Jusenkyo. Genma left Ranma in the Tendo house and the boy continues to train Akane. No it's time for Ranma to answer an important question. Is he prepared to die ?]
Chapter 6
Enter the Piglet
It was a conspiracy. Ryoga Hibiki was sure of it. He never was lost. It was the world around that couldn't keep it's correct place and moved around so he never could get where he wanted too. The truth was that the bandana clad boy was always lost. Even a closet presented a difficult trial for his skewered sense of direction. For the last week he tried to find Furinkan High School. He missed it three times, ran through Tokyo four times and visited Melbourne, again. But one thing was sure, eventually Ryoga always reached his destination, he usually managed that as soon as the Fate was done with him. It was exactly what Ryoga suspected, a real conspiracy. He's lack of direction took him not where he wanted to be, but where he should be. So in the week he tried to reach Furinkan High he saved a village from a boar attack, held two demonic invasions, stopped a bank robbery and he helped a young Australian metal band in raising money for their foster home. Now that the Fate was done with him, for a while at least, Ryoga could finally find his destination.
Now he was standing before a gate. It looked like a school. Ryoga grabbed the first student that he saw.
"You." He said, once he held Kentaro, the unlucky member of the hockey club "Where's Furinkan High School ?"
"Standing before it, buddy." He said, leaving fast. He really should think about changing schools. Kentaro heard that Juuban Municipal High School was a very peaceful one.
Excellent. So finally he was here. Now Ryoga had to wait for Ranma. Not moving even an inch was a good idea too.
Ranma and Akane were leaving the school. Both of them in a good mood. Akane has mastered the basic meditation and Ranma begun to drill her in the more complex Anything Goes kata. Soon he would be able to start training her in roof hopping and when her speed would be up to it, perhaps even Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken if he'd receive a permit from Kuh Lohn. Running together the two teens stopped when they heard an incoming missile above them.
"Ranma Saotome !" The missile shouted "Prepare to die !" Holding an umbrella in his hand Ryoga landed right between the boy and his student, who both managed to dodge jumping away. A large crater showed right where the strange weapon hit the ground.
"Someone you know ?" Akane asked, taxing the newcomer. He was about the same age as Ranma and she. Tall and muscular. He was wearing a yellow shirt and black pants. His unkempt hair was held by a tiger stripped bandana... no wait, not one bandana, it looked like at least five or six tied together. The boy had a certain kind of rustic charm in him, partially enforced by evident need to have a bath as indicated by his smell. He actually was handsome in a certain, rough way. Akane also noted that he had strangely large fangs.
"You haven't changed, Ranma." The boy that Akane was taxing with her eyes said in a mocking voice "You're still good at running away."
The next few moments were taken by Ranma, and Peorth, standing next to each other, trying heavily to remember who that boy was. First they held their fingers next to their nose, then both of them switched to holding their hands next to their templates, finally switching to a more classical, fist next to chin thinking pose. The goddess was first to hit her fist into her open palm. She stretched the rules a tiny bit to whisper a sound that only Ranma could hear and said the boys name.
"Wait I remember !" Ranma shouted mimicking Peorth earlier gesture "You're the guy I waited three days to have a fight with ! You're Hibiki Ryoga !"
"Yes ! You might have waited three days." The boy with the unkempt hair said, getting angry "But on the fourth day, when I came, you had already ran away !"
"Ryoga-kun, can I ask you one thing ?" Ranma pondered on it "It was, kinda five hundred yards between your house and the lot where we were to duel. All you had to do was follow a perfectly straight main road."
"Do you think I went for a casual stroll for those four days ?" The boy shouted as visions of places flashed through his head. Beach, Snowy mountains, forgotten monasteries, fourth moon of Yavin, interiors of a Borg Cube. The last two he saw in a cinema he accidentally turned in, but they were still visions of places, so they counted "I suffered to meet with you !"
"Bad sense of direction. Very Bad, Very bad indeed." Some of the students confirmed from around. The news that Ranma was under attack started to gather attention. While no one saw Ranma fighting yet the rumor was that the boy was at least as good, if not better, than Lotion.
"So you've come to finish our fight ?" Ranma asked.
"Finish our fight ?" The boy prepared his umbrella "This is about Revenge !" He threw his strange weapon towards Ranma. The young martial artist didn't even flinch avoiding it with an economical move. The umbrella went like a spinning top, right back towards Ranma, causing several students to seek shelter, Once again Ranma dodged the weapon, without even moving from his place.
"No matter what it takes, Ranma." Ryoga said as he caught his deadly weapon "I will destroy your happiness !"
Then he turned, for a purely dramatic effect. He turned back to say something, but he was already halfway towards Osaka.
XXX
Back at home Ranma and Akane continued training in dojo. Despite what happened he was her sensei now and he wouldn't neglect his, or at the moment her job. Today they were practicing weapon styles, baston against mallet, which meant she was now dressed in Lotion's silk blouse and pants.
"So actually, what did you do to him ?" Akane asked as they took a short break in a newest kata she was learning.
"Actually I have no idea." Ranma said, at the moment he was just training in female form, not slipped into it completely "All I remember was this bread feud we had. It was back when I went to all boys school..."
"Boys School ?" Akane said in surprise, trying to imagine what effect would that petite girl cause in boys school. Then she felt an urge to whack herself with her own mallet "Right ! That was before China ! Silly me, please continue."
"So as I was saying, before someone interrupted." Ranma returned to the story "Me and Ryoga fought over the last bread. It was like a tradition in the school, last bread would be thrown and the one who caught it would get it for free. Needless to say I won. There was curry bread, there was also chow mein bread, croquette bread, melon bread, meat bread, seaweed bread, omelette du fromage...
"That's omelette au fromage Ranma." Akane automatically corrected. Daddy insisted that each of them should learn French, but never explained why "There is cheese omelet bread ?"
"No, I think that time it was just a cheese omelet." Ranma tried to remember.
"I've seen how Ryoga acted. I don't really think this is about bread feud." Akane thought about it. While she was talking about boys, who in her opinion, with one exception so far, were absolutely stupid it looked like something far more serious "Maybe he took you leaving the fight very seriously ?"
"It's not like I left the fight. I would wait a week if needed." Ranma said "On the end of the third day Pops sneaked on me. When I woke up we were already halfway to China."
"Whatever it was I think you'll find out sooner, or later." Akane said, returning to her kata.
"Knowing Ryoga it will be later." Ranma said "Now don't move your hips this way and try not to look where you want to hit, you're telling too much about you moves..."
A few days later Kasumi brought a letter.
"This is for you, Ranma, from a boy named Ryoga." She said handling it to Ranma.
"Oh look, it's a challenge." Ranma said, putting the letter on the table "What a surprise !"
"Ranma. He set up a date for the match... it was... yesterday ?" Akane said, looking at the letter herself.
"It's Ryoga we are speaking about. He has worlds worst sense of direction, It will be a miracle if he gets here in three months." Ranma said picking the envelope the letter came in "He mailed it from... Does any one know where Cicely is ?"
XXX
It was a week later that Ryoga found his was back to Furinkan High School. In that short time he had won a dog sled race and caught two criminals. But once again he was where he wanted to be, finally. He was also standing before his opponent. Already an audience was gathering and Nabiki was running around, selling tickets and taking bets. Somehow a battle was changed into a fair. Since it was Nerima this was to be expected. The middle Tendo sister even had a stall that was selling Ranma and Ryoga action figures.
Ranma actually wanted to try to apologize to Ryoga and bring a piece of every bread he had ever eaten as a compensation. He was ruled four to one that it was a dumb idea. So instead he just waited.
"So you're here Ryoga. You took your time." He said standing with his hands crossed "You sure we can't just try to be friends and have whatever makes you so angry at me pass ?"
"I have come to get my revenge !" The bandana clad boy shouted. Ranma considered standing a little bit further away "Because of you I have seen Hell !" He drew his umbrella and prepared for an attack.
In a second he launched forward, thrusting with his weapon at an incredible speed. Ranma jumped a bit away. They both launched high into air where Ranma dodged yet another attack.
"Seen Hell ? What are you talking about ?" Ranma said still standing really casually.
"Do you truly believe.." Ryoga said, preparing to throw his umbrella "...That something so mere as simple words could convey the depth of my despair !"
"Everyone stay away from him !" Someone shouted from the audience "He's beginning to talk like Kuno ! This may be contagious !"
The umbrella was once again thrown. It was a far more accurate and faster than the attacks used earlier and Ranma barely dodged it. He gave an opening Ryoga needed. He pulled one of his bandanas and latched it to Ranma's wrist. The umbrella continued it's flight and after a few moments hit the earth, with a loud crash.
Two martial artists continued to trade blows at a close range. The fight was getting vicious. Akane was more and more worried, it looked like Ryoga was a close match for Ranma. She noted the umbrella nearby, she moved to it and tried to pick up. Even with both hands she was barely able to lift it.
"What this is made from ? Depleted uranium ?" She dropped it back "Ranma ! Stay out of his reach." She shouted. Too late however as at this very moment Ryoga scored a direct hit to Ranma's belly.
The gender challenged martial artist didn't even faze.
"Sorry, you tried to pat me ?" he asked looking at his opponent who was checking his fist surprised.
Ryoga dropped the bandana he was using as a shackle. He moved to one of nearby trees. He performed a test punch, noting to his satisfaction that the tree fell over. He returned to Ranma and tried another punch, again it was as effective as trying to shoot Gojira with a BB gun. He moved back to another tree and punched it again. The tree fell over. Ryoga looked at Ranma puzzled.
"You can give up, Ryoga" Ranma snickered with an arrogant smile on his face "I've trained under ancient Chinese Master."
"Ah." Ryoga shifted his stance, his hands now forming praying mantis hooks "Good thing I did that too." The eternal lost boy attacked again, this time with just his two fingers. Ranma again stoically took the hit and his left hand slumped.
"What ? How did you do that ?" Ranma asked trying to regain feeling in his arm.
"Mantis style. It doesn't matter how durable you are if I can hit your pressure points directly." Ryoga said attacking again.
Ranma tried to dodge him, but with half of his body frozen it was not easy. Ryoga continued to press on. The only edge Ranma had now was his superior speed and footwork. He danced between the attacks, trying to find a pattern or a weak point. His opponents attacks were fast and they could deal with his enhanced durability easily. But Ryoga was attacking with straight, quick jabs. If he could keep to push his hands aside the attacks would not connect.
Ranma begun to sweep Ryoga attacks with his right arm. Every time his opponent tried another jab Ranma's hand would push it aside. Slowly he was regaining footing and in a moment the Anything Goes practitioner was able to go on an offensive. Pushed back Ryoga was no longer so effective. The eternal lost boy tried to gain some distance by jumping backwards, but this quickly proved to be a mistake, Ranma's style specialized in midair combat, he followed Ryoga with a powerful flying kick. They cleared right over the fence and the powerful attack carried them right into a water fountain. Peorth shut it down, just a moment before they smashed it.
Ryoga and Ranma broke their fight. Saotome tested his left arm a few times, finally feeling it again.
"Nice trick you've got there, Ryoga. But I got figured it out." He snickered.
"That wax on, wax off trick won't save you in a long time." Ryoga took a deep breath "Mantis Style Secret Technique: Zan'ei !" The Eternal lost boy dashed forward, becoming a blur. Faster than Ranma could hope to dodge or block he moved past him. The Anything Goes practitioner felt six hits done at Amaguriken speed. Ryoga stopped several steps behind his opponent and turned to find that he hit all the weak spots and Ranma was completely paralyzed. He pulled some of his bandanas and started to spin them.
"Excellent !" He laughed "Now you will die !"
Someone threw an umbrella on him, and Ryoga had to dodge the javelin like missile. This was the distraction needed as a blur jumped in and gathered paralyzed Ranma.
"Doing what you're good at ?" Ryoga shouted as he started to run after that blur "Running away !"
As much as he tried to follow Ryoga found a single problem, the very moment he lost the target from his eyes he already was, well... lost.
Some distance away Akane finally finished jumping. She used every single skill developed while training with Ranma to gain as much distance as possible. The raven haired girl stopped on a roof, holding her sensei very tightly.
"Whew, I think I've lost him, you okay Ranma ?" Then she noted that she was hugging him. Akane jumped away, blushing a little "Sorry about that. I saw you paralyzed and I've just reacted..."
"It's okay, Akane." Ranma said, realizing that he could move again. That short moment when the girl hugged him... It was so nice.
"No, it was your fight ! I shouldn't have interfered." Akane felt guilty.
"That last move from Ryoga caught me completely flatfooted. If it wasn't for your help I would be done for. We are shieldsisters... even if I'm a shieldbrother at the moment, we should always count on each other." Ranma said while moving closer to her "I've underestimated him, that move and what he did next. I've definitely felt it, he fully intended to kill me." Ranma shivered, the way Ryoga said last words... it still made him feel cold "This has to be something really, like real. No one would be so keen on a revenge over a breed or a missed duel. I've must have done something really bad to him... I don't even know what it could be ! I kinda haven't seen Ryoga since I traveled to China..."
"Wait..." Akane had an idea "What if Ryoga followed you to China..."
"Kami-sama" They've looked at each other as they suddenly understood what could draw Ryoga to such extremes "He went to Jusenkyo !"
XXX
This was a new place for Ranma. He visited a library for the first time in his life. Right now he and Akane were sitting by one of the tables, digging through what manuals they could find. Public libraries might not seem to be the best place to seek knowledge about obscure Chinese assassination techniques, yet this was not your typical sanctuary of knowledge. There are some libraries that are unique, they have an orangutan for a librarian for example. Nerima public library had a whole section dedicated to martial arts training manuals.
"Okay here are two more, Ranma." Akane handed him two another manuals "Got anything ?"
"Not much Akane. So far all we know that Ryoga is using Norther Prying Mantis Style." Ranma closed his eyes for the moment "This is a bit of surprise, from what I remember he was as subtle as a sledgehammer. Mantis Style is not what I would expect from him. Though from what I've seen from this manuals he doesn't use it as it's intended, he didn't use either the complex footwork of the style nor the multitude of knee and elbow strikes. All he showed was attacking my pressure points and that secret technique."
"So what do you think ?" Akane asked while looking through one of the manuals "Does he know only a few tricks, or is Ryoga saving more, not showing all of his abilities ?"
"I'm afraid it's the latter..." Ranma closed the manual he was looking through "I don't know how to counter first thing he used and he might have more... I'm kinda... don't know, impressed by Ryoga ? I wish Elder Kuh Lohn was here, she would have an idea on how to fight and counter this move."
For the next three hours both martial artists continued to dig through the multitude of books and manuals. It was a hard job, Ranma actually set a few books aside to borrow them and practice several moves he found interesting. But they still didn't have what they were looking for.
"I don't really think we can find that technique in a manual..." Ranma had enough, his eyes were close to liquifying and he had a terrible headache " We would need some kind of a secret scroll..."
"Wait !" Akane shouted despite the silence sign nearby "That's it, we have to speak to the librarian. I remember there is a closed section with secret scrolls here. I was inside once with daddy."
The pair of martial artist went to find someone who could let them in.
"I'm sorry, Akane-chan." The head librarian, a men in his fifties with massive thick glasses, dressed in simple tweed blazer said "That section is closed, only a few people can enter it."
"I understand Koji-sama, but this is very important..." Akane tried to plead "I know my dad entered that section before."
"Yes, Tendo-san is one of the martial artists who have the permission to enter the vault." The librarian admitted.
"Maybe we could call Tendo Dojo, perhaps if you spoke with Mr. Tendo ?" Ranma tried to join in.
"Okay, that I can do for you two." He used the phone. He talked with Soun for a while. "Tendo-san I understand, but the vault is to be used for special occasions only, even by you... You can convince me but you have to do it with one word..." The librarian heard something that made him turn pale suddenly "Of course I will let your daughter and your dojo instructor in." He hanged the phone "Akane-chan, Ranma-kun, please follow me."
He led them to the basement, there was a large, metal heavy door inside. He opened it and invited the pair inside. The room was brightly lit, air conditioned and extremely dry. There was a single table in the middle and the rest was filled by several racks, each filled by carefully placed scrolls.
"This is it... I'm sorry but this is heavily against the regulations, so you can use this room only for an hour." He left them inside.
"One hour... There are so many scrolls here... We'll need a miracle." Akane looked at the array of ancient knowledge. Ranma just started to walk among the racks, hiding a smile, it was a good thing he brought his own personal miracle with him. At the entrance to the room Peorth begun to work her magic.
"Spirit of Knowledge, come to mine aid. What is hidden shall be found." The goddess chanted as power played around her "Guide my ward, so he may get what he seeks !"
Ranma's hand moved across the racks until he found one scroll that was slightly pushed in, the boy took it and moved to the table, then he looked on what was inside. Akane sat down and took a peek at what he was holding.
"How is this even possible ?" She asked amazed "You took the first scroll and it is what we wanted to find... That's like something from a movie... or a bad fanfic."
"Dumb luck, Akane." He smiled sending a silent prayer to his guardian spirit "This is very interesting, one of the Seven Lucky Gods Martial Arts. A defensive technique that uses chopsticks. Created to defend from several other secret techniques, including Zan'ei and Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken."
"I still find this impossible..." Akane looked at the scroll herself "To find exactly what we needed, on the first try by dumb luck alone. Someone up there must like you, Ranma"
"That's the whole joke, my dear." A whisper that she couldn't even hear followed, as Peorth laughed "Someone up there really likes Ranma and I happen to be that person."
Akane and Ranma begun to copy the contents of the scroll.
XXX
The night was young and it was one of her first jobs, so she went to be as dark and stormy as possible. She wanted to leave a good impression after herself. Breaking through many layers of weather control spells Peorth placed around Nerima was not an easy task, but once this was done there was nothing to stop her. So the night gave her best, a real storm raised in pitch black darkness with lightning splitting the sky every few seconds. One had to admire what a great job she did with the rain, it was one of those that give an impression that Kami-sama finally grew bored with human antics and decided to begin a new deluge. So overall the night, despite it's young age gave a good show and hoped she would be promoted fast to a place better than Nerima. She hoped for a foggy night in London as a man with oversized scarf would fight an alien incursion or a full moon in Gotham as the caped crusader would fight crime, or an alien incursion. The night really wanted to see someone fight an alien incursion. But one has to begin somewhere so she gave her best for one boy, with an umbrella, who went towards the Tendo Dojo to have his revenge.
It was on this night that Ranma awoke due to having to do something that is best described as urgent. Right as he washed his hands something sounded very strange within the tap and a spray of cold water triggered the curse. Not wanting to waste time changing back the dark haired girl just shrugged her arms and went to crawl back into her futon. She could always change back first thing in the morning. Yawning, she went back to sleep.
A short moment later someone slipped into the room. A dark shadow moved next to the futon.
"Wake up, Ranma." The shadow spoke "It's me, Ryoga, fight me." He waited for a moment but there was no reaction from the sleeping person other than the loud snoring. Ryoga decided to try a more direct approach, he grabbed Ranma's chest to shake him. The chest seemed strange.
"Why is Ranma sleeping with a pair of watermelons ?" Ryoga asked in the dark. Two thing followed First was Ryoga realizing what he was squeezing and a gush of blood exploded from his nose. The second was a shapely, slender fist that hit him right in the face.
"Eeek ! Pervert." A high pitched shriek that only female lungs were capable of producing pierced the night. Lou Xion threw one of her baston to turn the lights on.
Ryoga, who was trying to stop his nose from bleeding looked at the person he squeezed. It definitely wasn't Ranma. His nemesis was a male and a jerk, not a gorgeous, petite girl with beautiful, yet very angry face, slender arms, shapely legs and generous bust that was spilling from her t-shirt. The dark haired girl was holding a pair of baston in her hands. The eternal lost boy performed a very close copy of one of Saotome Anything Goes Martial Arts techniques, The Crouch of the Wild Tiger.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He kept repeating bowing on his knees "I didn't know you would be here. I thought Ranma is using the guest room."
"You're looking for cousin Ranma ?" The dark haired girl slipped into her Lou Xion persona. It looked like Ryoga had no idea about her curse, so it would be best to continue the charade "He's out training, something about some crazy obsessed boy and assassination technique he needs to overcome." The petite girl said as she grabbed a pair of jade clips and started to put her hair into loopies "Wait... It is you ! You must be this Ryoga, you've sneaked here to kill Ranma in his sleep !"
"It's not like that." Ryoga quickly said "I wanted to challenge him for a fight. I'm again sorry... Miss ?"
"I'm Lou Xion of Joketsuzoku." The girl saw that Ryoga had no idea what that meant "Chinese Amazon Tribe ?" She saw that Ryoga recognized the name "I'm Ranma's cousin and I use Tendo's hospitality from time to time."
So that beautiful girl was an amazon warrior ? Jusenkyo Guide warned Ryoga not to get close to their village, according to him they were very dangerous. The girl had to be one of them and she was Ranma's cousin... Wait... The blur that rescued Ranma was definitely both feminine and dark haired and had to be a talented martial artist.
"It was you !" Ryoga pulled his umbrella "You're the girl that interrupted my duel with Ranma ! Don't you know that a duel like that is sacred ? You are now my enemy !"
Lou Xion rolled to avoid the thrust and she jumped out of the window right into the cold rain. Good thing she already was a girl, Ryoga would not learn of her curse this way. She saw a shadow jumping behind her with an open umbrella. She twisted her sticks a few times, Ryoga landed with an open umbrella, taking great care to protect himself from rain.
"Why are you so keen on this revenge, Ryoga-kun ?" The girl asked shouting through the rain.
"When Ranma ran out from our duel..." Ryoga shouted himself "...I followed him to China !"
"Ah so you did fall into one of the accursed springs when you followed him ?" It seemed that her and Akane were right, Ryoga was indeed cursed and he placed the fault on Ranma "Now you change into something when hit with cold water ?"
"Silence !" Ryoga shouted, moving for attack "I will send you to hell, where you will wait for your cousin !"
Lou Xion jumped from his attack and they started to fight in the dark. The amazon warrior had a distinct advantage, Ryoga was using his umbrella to protect himself from rain and couldn't use it as weapon, while her baston worked all around him. After several exchanges Ryoga felt that the girl hit him several times.
"Looks like I'm at a disadvantage." He called through the rain "Time to end this, Zan'ei !"
Once again he blurred as he moved by the dark haired martial artist in an impossible speed. He finished standing behind her and felt a stabbing pain in his hand, like if it got hit by tongs. He turned in the rain to see that the amazon warrior was smiling.
"So cousin Ranma was afraid of that little trick ?" She laughed in a mocking manner, hiding the chopsticks back into the darkness "He should ask me in the first place. I would've show him how to defend from this move." She moved closer to the surprised boy "Now it's my turn for a special attack." Lou Xion then kicked one of the rain puddles sending water towards Ryoga, who quickly used his umbrella to deflect it. To late did he remember that he was using it for a reason and the rain hit him, the eternal lost boy bounced into the darkness as his curse triggered.
"Gah he's gone..." She looked into darkness wondering what she should do, try to find his cursed form in this rain ? Nah, it was dark and cold, she decided to return home. Once inside she grabbed a towel and made herself a cup of cocoa. Yawning she went back to her bed, wondering how was it possible that none of the Tendo's awoke from all this racket "I hope the baka catches pneumonia." She said falling asleep again.
XXX
Akane inhaled the morning air. It was fresh, humid and full of ozone. The raven haired girl stepped on the wet grass with her bare feet, it felt nice to walk like that, she used to do that often when she was a little girl. Those were good memories. The young martial artist spun a few times around in the morning air, feeling alive. Then she saw something lying in the grass next to the wall.
It was a small black piglet, with a tiger stripped bandana around it's neck. It looked to be unconscious. Akane picked it up, it was very cold, barely breathing.
"Oh dear, it must got cold during the storm." She said, hugging the poor thing "It needs some warmth." She looked at it "A bump on the head ? It must have hit the wall scared by the lightning !"
Akane went inside and placed the little animal on the table then she picked up a blanket and wrapped the animal in it. The raven haired girl went to the kitchen to heat some milk.
About five minutes later Kasumi ran into the kitchen, just in time to prevent an absolute destruction.
"Akane..." She said turning the gas down and looking at the effect of her sisters work. The milk was half brown, and half yellow and had a consistency of a jelly "Need some help ?"
"The milk is ready ?" Akane said as she returned to kitchen. She looked at what Kasumi was trying to pull out of the pot.
"Akane, what do you need milk..." Kasumi turned and then went into a squee mode "What do you have there ? Isn't it the sweetest thing in the world !" She took a look at the piglet "Feeding a piglet with cow milk is not a good idea. I think goat milk should be used, this is not a baby piglet even. This is one of those miniature pigs, or maybe even a pygmy hog I saw a program about in TV."
"What do they eat ?" Akane asked hugging the dead cold thing to her bosom.
"Sweet potatoes ?" Kasumi guessed "I know, I'll go and call Mister Unryu, his a pig farmer, he should know more about it."
"Sis, where's Ranma ?" Akane asked "I could use his help with this poor animal."
"He went out a moment ago as a girl." Kasumi said as she left the kitchen "Something about feeling bad, leaving someone in the rain and a night attack."
Outside Lou Xion was feeling guilty. She shouldn't have left Ryoga in this weather, Kami-sama alone knows what did he turn into. The girl already found his backpack and clothes, but in two different places. The only animal that she found nearby was a dog, but as she emptied a thermos it didn't change back. She continued to look all around, hoping that nothing happened to poor Ryoga, she really should have tried to find him during the night.
Back in the Tendo Dojo Ryoga slowly opened his eyes. Last thing he remembered was the rain and the dark, He tried to run away, but hit the wall. The eternal last boy tried to stand up, but his four legs betrayed him. He slowly drew some air through his snout. Ryoga discovered that he was still a pig, he slowly looked up and saw an angel. A girl, with long black hair was looking at him.
"You're waking up !" She shouted happy "You're going to be okay, don't worry there." She took and hugged the poor creature "Kasumi, P-chan woke up !"
"So you've already named it ?" Kasumi picked the piglet up and checked something "It's a boy piglet. P-chan ?"
"P stands for pig, and chan because he is so small and cute" Akane smiled, lightening the room like a hundred watt light bulb. The piglet's heart melted like a snowflake on a summer day.
"He seems to be small now. According to Mr. Unryu a pig like that will grow and reach about sixty to one hundred pounds, Akane." Kasumi said giving the pet back to her sister "He should be fed a mixture of sweet potatoes, rice and barley, allowed to have a plenty of water and an easy access to a large area with grass. Pigs are rather clean animals, they prefer to carry their needs outside and can be trained."
"So can I keep him ?" Akane asked. In this house Kasumi's voice was the final one.
"We shall see about it, first let's see that we take care of that bump." Kasumi said, taking a first aid kit and placing it on a table.
Three hours later Ranma decided that there was no hope of finding Ryoga as after all that time he was surely somewhere in Timbuktu already. He was coming back as a boy, despite going out as a girl. It involved a boar and an exploding boiler. Day like any other, though it was the first time he had an accident with hot water. Good thing he went out in rather unisex clothes. He didn't want to think what a change would cause to that blue quipao.
"I'm home !" He shouted as he walked in. Ranma entered the main room to find that Akane was siting with a piglet on her lap, busy playing with the animal.
"Hi, Ranma, look what I found !" The girl happily presented her pet. Ryoga immediately started to go all 'Bwee' and tried to jump out of her arms onto Ranma "Weird, he doesn't seem to like you. Must be something about two males. Bad P-chan, bad."
"He looks strangely familiar..." Ranma said. Behind Akane Peorth was holding a large poster with entire, very graphical explanation. It included a very good drawing of the night battle, a one detailed account of Ryoga's sudden disappearance and another two pictures, one with Ryoga and a second with the piglet, both with rather large, very red arrows pointing at the bandanas. Of course Ranma and no one else could see it, with made it a wasted effort, but it's the idea that counts "Maybe he's someone's lost pet. You should check the local newspaper !" Peorth just face palmed, sometimes Ranma was just so clueless.
"You might be right, Ranma." Akane admitted, the idea didn't cross her mind "I know, I'll get out to check it. Could you do something for me and give P-chan a bath ?"
"Sure, Akane." Ranma took the piglet from her and went to the bathroom "Could you stop trying to take my eyes out, P-chan ?"
Ranma filled the furo with hot water, there was no point to risk another accident. Then he grabbed the squirming piglet and tossed him in. Peorth begun to count three... two... one...
"Ryoga ?" shouted Ranma as the eternal lost boy took his original form "Oops."
"Ranma !" You will now die !" Shouted Ryoga, jumping out of the the bath, only to be hit by a stream of cold water from the shower knob Ranma grabbed.
"What am I supposed to do with you ? He asked "Maybe we can talk ? If you promise you won't attack me again I'll drop you again into that bath." The piglet nodded and Ranma dropped him again.
"Okay, now lets talk, Ryoga-kun." He said as soon as his nemesis changed again.
"You can't tell anything to Akane." Ryoga said immediately "It would be against the warrior's code to reveal my weakness to her."
"So you like Akane ? You don't mind being a pet ?" Ranma asked surprised "Okay I give an oath only if you do place yours that you will not attack me again in this house." Ryoga nodded, so he continued "On the name of Apate, the daughter of Nyx I give my oath."
"I give my oath as well." He didn't have any idea what the names called by Ranma meant, but they sounded really important.
"I'm home !" They heard Akane coming back, Ryoga grabbed the shower knob and promptly ran to meet Akane, leaving Ranma alone. The young martial artist smiled, it was so good to be an Amazon. Now he only had to figure out how to inform Akane without rising Ryoga's suspicions.
XXX
He spend several hours trying to think how to inform his student about her pet's identity. His first idea involved sneaking into Akane's bedroom after the dark, with a kettle and changing Ryoga in the middle of the night. The more he thought about this idea the better it sounded, until he imagined himself telling it to Kuh Lohn. His imagination immediately rewarded him with a very suggestive whack from her staff.
Not having any better idea he did what he should do in the beginning. What every resident of the Tendo Dojo does at some point. When in fear, when in doubt, go ask Kasumi !
"Kasumi-san, could you meet me in the dojo ?" He asked the eldest of Tendo sisters "This is rather urgent."
"Sure, Ranma-kun" The young woman answered.
Several minutes later Ranma was able to begin his conspiracy. He explained the situation to Kasumi. Both who Ryoga is and what the boy was doing right now.
"So you want my help ?" Kasumi wondered for a while. Ranma said he gave his word to Ryoga, but he was ready to tell her the truth. Possibly his duty as Akane's shieldsister, or brother at the moment was more important ? "You want that little secret to go out, but you would prefer for Ryoga not to find out that you blew his cover ?"
"Well I did give him my word I wouldn't tell anyone." Ranma smiled "But I used a little Amazon trick to make the oath not count... and even if I didn't still Akane safety is important to me, she is my shieldsister and friend."
"This is rather difficult..." Kasumi pondered the problem for a few seconds " We would need to create a situation where Ryoga would blow his own little charade..." Her mind shifted to higher gears and suddenly the young woman smiled with a dangerous, wide, slasher grin "Oh my ! I just got an idea, listen to this Ranma-kun..."
Two minutes later Ranma looked at the eldest of Tendo sisters in a completely new light.
"Kasumi-san ! This plan it is..." He looked for a good word to describe it "... completely evil and fiendish !"
"Why thank you, Ranma-kun" She presented a very mischievous smile "Flattery will get you somewhere. Now wait here, I'll go to Akane, ask her to borrow me her pet for a second and send her to you, explain the plan to her."
Kasumi went back to the living room. Akane was playing with her new pet. Ranma will have a problem of holding her sister long enough to let her temper cool of a little once she learns.
"I see you'll having good time with your pet ?" She asked sitting next to her sister "Ranma was looking for you. It concerns training."
Akane stood up and walked a few steps before stopping. Her little pet didn't seem to like Ranma for some reason and it might get hurt during a sparring session.
"Sis ? Could you take care of P-chan for a moment ?" She asked.
"Of course I will." Kasumi answered "I was about to ask you to borrow that adorable creature for a while."
"Thanks ! I'll get him back once I'm finished with training." Akane went to dojo, leaving P-chan with Kasumi.
The young woman took the piglet in her arms. Then she went to get a book. She sat on the couch, with P-chan on her lap. She placed the pet in such way that it wouldn't have any other choice but to look at what she was reading. The piglet's pupils shrink as he saw the title. '102 Recipes for Pork Meat Dishes'. Kasumi opened the book at random and begun to read the recipe. Once she found how much meat would be needed she first looked at the piglet then she picked it up as if weighing him. Then she placed him back on her lap and turned the page, continuing the little torture. After going through three pages she heard a primal cry of anger coming from the dojo and a sound of something being smashed. She held P-chan tightly to prevent his escape and turned another page.
"This one's requires boiling ?" Kasumi said "Feh. Another one. Boiling just wouldn't work with this one."
Ryoga shivered with fear. This comment sounded like this young woman knew...
In the dojo Ranma looked at one of the training dummies, or what was left from it. Akane was breathing heavily, holding the mallet so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She wasn't exactly angry, she already boiled well past that point.
"The shameless pervert !" Akane shouted "Arrgh ! I've hugged him ! I've changed with him in my room ! I even said I would sleep with him in the bed and he didn't oppose ! Explain me why I shouldn't go there and smash him into a bloody paste ?"
"Because we don't really want to kill him." Ranma explained, standing a good distance from the angry girl "Besides Kasumi has a plan. Listen to this..."
Two minutes later Akane had an evil grin on her face.
"This is just perfect !" She calmed a lot during those two minutes "Baka will have either to show who he is, or..."
"There is no or..." Ranma said "Even Ryoga would not go and follow with the alternative..."
"Well time to get back." Akane turned to leave the dojo "This will require all my acting skill to pull correctly."
They went back to the living room. As soon as P-chan saw Akane he jumped from Kasumi's lap and into her arms. Ranma actually saw a grimace and dangerous gleam in his student eyes and was about to do something, when he saw Akane relax.
"Here you are, P-chan ! Did you miss me ?" She asked hugging the animal, a little more tightly than usual "So, Kasumi, have you decided ? Can I keep him ?"
"Yes, you can, Akane" Kasumi had to commend her sister on her acting skill afterward "Though I do have to remind you about some rules we have about pets in our home."
"Is it really necessary ?" Akane asked, looking at her pet "I don't want to do something like that to him."
"No excuses, Akane." Kasumi's voice became stern "It needs to be done, or you can't keep him."
"Ehh, okay..." Akane followed recurrently. Ranma looked at her with respect, she played her part perfectly "I will call the clinic first thing in the morning. Time to get to bed, it's Monday tomorrow."
"Yes. One more thing." Kasumi kept her stern voice "Pet's don't sleep in normal beds here, so P-chan will have to sleep down here."
"Okay no problem, Sis." Akane placed her pet on the table "You will have to sleep here, be nice P-chan."
XXX
Once again something sneaked into the guest room. A shadow went to Ranma's futon.
"Psst. Ranma. Wake up." Ryoga tried to wake him up, this time he had a flashlight with him and checked before that he had the right person. Since he didn't knew what that Chinese chick did with his clothes and backpack all he was wearing was a bathrobe.
"Wake up ! Dammit !" He shouted as his more subtle methods failed.
"Ryoga ?" Ranma said surprised "What are you doing here in the middle of the night ?"
"I need to ask something." He said sitting in front of his nemesis "What are those house rules about pets ?"
"I have no idea." Ranma said yawning "Been here just for few weeks and this is the first time this comes up. I guess if you want to continue playing Akane's pet you'll have to wait till morning."
Ryoga left, and Ranma smiled. It would be an interesting morning.
Akane came down from her room early in the morning.
"Had a good sleep, P-chan ?" She asked picking him up "Time to call the clinic." She went to the phone and dialed a number. "Hello ? Veterinary clinic ? I'd like to make appointment with Nishine-sama. Yes, I have a pet that needs to follow the procedure. No I'd be at school at that time... I could, really ? That would be wonderful, I'll be soon there." She hugged her pet "Did you hear that P-chan ? I can leave you in the clinic right away and pick you up after school and it will be done !"
"Morning, Akane" Ranma said, coming down and yawning. P-chan immediately went all 'Bwee' and again tried to attack him "I see your little pet doesn't really like me."
"Oh don't worry about him." She picked him up higher in the air "I'm sure he'll stop with that silly behavior once he'll be..." Akane waited for that moment for whole night, just to say this one word "...neutered."
Another loud 'Bwee' followed and the piglet bit her hand and started to run.
"P-chan ! Bad piglet, come back here !" Akane shouted trying to grab him "Ranma, don't let him escape !"
The piglet continued to run and bounce around. After a while he jumped to the kitchen, where Kasumi was already busy doing breakfast.
"Kasumi-neechan catch him, I swear he must have understood what I was saying and is trying to escape." Akane called running inside.
Soon the two girls had him cornered. P-chan looked up and saw a kettle, perhaps his only chance, he jumped to push it on himself and immediately turned back into a human.
Ranma threw him a bathrobe.
"Ryoga ?" Akane asked, trying to play someone surprised "The whole time it was you ?" She pulled her mallet "You not only turn into a pig ! You are a shameless pervert pig ! I've changed my clothes with you watching, I've almost took you to my bed ! What was your plan ? To worm into my heart and hear all of the Ranma's secrets ?"
"Akane-chan, I can explain..." Ryoga tried to speak.
"Don't even go chan on me !" She shouted "I should have smashed you dead when I saved Ranma few days ago ! Get out, get out of my house, before I'll do something I will regret for the rest of my life !"
Ryoga ran out of the house and didn't see a laughing trio. Akane, Ranma, and Kasumi traded some high fives and commented on what they pulled.
XXX
Ryoga was sitting next to a river, under a bridge, still dressed in a bathrobe. His backpack, umbrella and tent were gone somewhere, along with his clothes. Not only did he fail at getting his revenge but he's heart was broken. She was like an angel, took care of him and it turned that she was willing to make him an eunuch... and she was that girl that saved Ranma from his demise. Ryoga thought that he'll have to apologize to that Chinese girl, if he'll get a chance. But right now his biggest problem was finding where his stuff is.
"Ryoga-kun, there you are !" He heard a female voice. It was Lotion, dressed in silk blouse and pants, dragging his backpack with her. "I've been looking for you !"
"You have ?" He asked surprised .
"Yes I wanted to give you your stuff back." She dropped the heavy backpack on the ground. Ryoga looked at her amazed, she was such a tiny, petite girl and was able to carry his backpack and umbrella like it was nothing "I want to apologize. I shouldn't have used your curse against you and leave you in that rain... I feel so stupid about it... I've been looking for you ever since."
"That's, that's really nice of you..." Ryoga looked at her again, he didn't get a good chance during that night. The girl was just gorgeous, so small and so strong. Her face was nothing but angelic and her figure was perfect "I need to apologize too... I've thought it was you who interfered in my duel, but it turns it was someone else. I'm sorry, Lotion." He bowed to her.
Then his stomach growled.
"Okay, how about we find something to feedthat beast." Lou Xion smiled "My treat."
Some time later Ryoga was dressed in his stuff again and sitting along with the girl in a front of a small yattai, eating to his fullest.
"Thanks, Lotion." He said stuffing another bite into himself "I haven't eaten this well for a while."
"So, Ryoga-kun, why go for revenge ?" She asked.
"It's Ranma's fault ! If he waited for our duel I wouldn't follow him to China." Ryoga explained his flawed logic to Lotion "If I could catch to him before Jusenkyo I wouldn't fall into that stupid spring ! Because of him I've seen hell !"
"Hell ?" Lotion placed her elbows on the table and her head rested on her slender fists. Ryoga gulped, that made the girl look so cute.
"You don't know how it is..." He said with a distant voice "To turn into small defenseless animal. To run from predators. Try setting a fire and heating water with hooves... The worst part was when I was caught... It happened several times. I'm lucky that every single time they tried to cook me alive, so I was able to change and put some fear into them... but I was almost eaten so many times."
"Sorry I didn't knew..." Lotion plan was talking Ryoga from this revenge, but it looked like she would be out of luck. Maybe Kasumi could do it "I feel so sorry for you, Ryoga-kun, if I knew any way to cure Jusenkyo curse..."
"Wait..." Ryoga just realized something "I've tracked Ranma up to Jusenkyo... Does he have a curse too ?"
"No." Lou Xion said "He does not have a curse." She actually wasn't lying, the change that allowed her to grow as a person and become an amazon most certainly wasn't a curse "His father on the other hand changes into a panda." She looked at the large clock above them "I'm sorry, Ryoga-kun but I need to go. I'd love to chat more, but I have a mission. See you again." She paid for Ryoga's meal and left.
Ryoga watched as she left. He cursed his own shyness, he wanted to tell her much more, to say how he felt about her...
The eternal lost boy looked into the sky. Where just a few hours he would see Akane's face there was now someone else. The face of the girl he felt in love with, Lotion of the Chinese Amazon Tribe...
[Author Notes:
Ryoga and the Mantis Style. Ranma gained his Cologne power boost much earlier in the story and Ryoga had to get one too. His master decided to cover his weakness first, hence the training in mantis style.
Real life pet pigs are usually neutered if not kept for breeding.
Akane not getting a haircut. Yes, I know it did happen in manga, but this is not manga, I'm saving it for a more important and symbolic occasion.
Coming up next: Dates, shrines, real estates and Amazon history.]
