A/N: This is the first, and will likely be the only, chapter that is not based on a one-liner. It's more based on an entire episode, that being the horrible travesty that was "Never Been Kissed". This is a little bit of therapy for me for the awfulness of that episode. I don't think it's as funny as usual (although it's not lacking in humor), but maybe you'll get some catharsis from this too.

Invasion – Part Two, Or: Chickfight at the Golden Corral

Brittany was bored.

This in of itself was nothing special. Brittany was often bored, especially in school. Or church.

She glanced to her side to at Artie, and then across the table at Puck. There was also nothing new about being bored around boys either. Boys often bored her, even on dates. Even while making out. Even during sex.

Boys could very rarely keep Brittany entertained.

No, it was not that she was bored, or bored with boys, that caused the sense of unease, which had been building and building since the date was proposed earlier, to blossom into full-out worry.

Brittany looked diagonally across the table at Santana, her bestest friend in the world, who was currently gazing adoringly at Puck. It was her that was causing Brittany to worry.

Brittany had never, ever, once in her entire life been bored with her best friend.

Until now.

Something was wrong.

(-)

As they were preparing to leave, Brittany decided that for the sake of their friendship she needed to find a way to ditch the boys and find out what was wrong with Santana.

Artie did half the work for her, nobly deciding that he couldn't run out on the waitress. For the first time all night, Brittany was intrigued…

But that would have to wait. Brittany narrowed her eyes as she followed several feet behind Santana and Puck. Santana was hanging all over Puck, emitting pathetic simpering sounds, and whispering about how cool Puck was, how hot Puck was, how badass Puck was, and so on. Puck was eating it up, a beaming smile on his face, so drunk on the attention that he wasn't noticing how out of character it was for Santana to act this way.

As they got closer and closer to Puck's car, and Brittany still hadn't come up with a clever plan to get rid of Puck, she decided to stop trying to be clever. It had never been her strong suit.

She sped up her pace and came up beside them just as they arrived at Puck's ride. She grabbed Santana by the upper arm and forcibly separated her from Puck.

It was like peeling off a leech.

"No!" whimpered Santana. "Brittany, what are you doing?"

"Yeah, Brit, what's up?" asked Puck jovially.

"Date's over," Brittany forced out as she rebuffed Santana's lunging attempts to reattach to Puck's side. "Santana and I need to talk about…stuff. You better go home."

"But…" began Puck, only to be cut off by an increasingly frustrated Brittany.

"Scram!"

"I thought I was going to get my threesome tonight," Puck pouted.

"You could always try to work something out with Artie and the waitress," Brittany spat sarcastically. She grabbed Santana by the shoulders and forced her to turn away from Puck.

Puck was still frowning slightly, looking like he was about to protest, when Santana broke away from Brittany's grasp and made one last desperate dive towards Puck. "Noooo!" she simpered. "I love him! I want to be with him forever!"

Brittany pounced after Santana and grabbed her around the chest at the last second. She locked eyes with a very wide-eyed Puck. "So I'm gonna go," he announced, eliciting a sob from Santana. "I suddenly remembered that I'm supposed to meet my Nana at Temple."

As Puck scrambled inside his car and drove off, Brittany duck-walked Santana in the opposite direction. She was able to keep hold of the other girl only until they reached the next parking lot over, that of the Golden Corral.

Santana broke away from Brittany and turned on her, her eyes alight with hatred. "Why'd you make him leave? We were having a good time, bitch!"

Brittany's eyes widened and she screamed, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Santana? You've been acting weird with Puck all day!"

"I'm not acting weird! I'm in love! I want to marry him and have lots of babies!"

Brittany rolled her eyes. "This is a joke, right? You're just being ridiculous. I mean, you and Puck…"

She trailed off, chuckling. Santana's eyes darkened further with hatred. "You're just jealous! You're just a pathetic, jealous dyke trying to sabotage my happiness!" Santana took a step forward and shrieked, "I WON'T LET YOU!"

As she screamed, she reared back and backhanded Brittany across the face, sending her sailing across the parking lot a good twenty feet.

(-)

Brittany lay immobile for a moment, stunned into paralysis, but only for a moment. She might be taking a leave of absence, but she was still a professional hero. She sat up, wiped the blood from her face, and narrowed her eyes at the heavy-breathing figure across the parking lot from her.

Until a moment before, Brittany was worried and confused, but she was still treating the girl she was with as her best friend. She figured, worst case scenario, Santana had eaten some bad cheese and was tripping. When Brittany had been keeping her away from Puck, she had only used the strength appropriate for a normal human girl.

But shit just got real.

She launched herself straight at "Santana" with all her considerable strength, closing the distance between them in a matter of milliseconds and sending them both hurtling dozens of feet backwards. When they landed they rolled together, fighting for the dominant position. Brittany ended up on top.

"Who are you?" Brittany bit out through clenched teeth, her hands grasping the girl's head by her hair. There was no response except for the futile struggle to escape. Rage and worry and hatred enveloped her, washing away any coherent thought. Brittany repeated her query, beating the girl's head against the asphalt to punctuate each syllable. "WHO. ARE. YOU?"

Brittany moved her hands lower, wrapping them around the other girl's throat and squeezing with all her strength. "Where's Santana?" Brittany exclaimed, her voice thick with unshed tears. "What have you done with her?"

She knew that her grip on the girl's throat was too tight to allow for any sort of response, but her rage-driven body couldn't stop squeezing. She gripped the girl's throat harder and harder, tighter and tighter. At the last moment, just when Brittany was sure that the bones, tendons, and arteries on the imposter's neck were going to snap and burst, the flesh beneath her hands seemed to…melt.

Brittany leaped away as if burned, her rage evaporating and her mind suddenly filling with all the possible explanations for what was going on. This could still be Santana's body, just possessed by something. It could be Santana, but under some sort of spell. Santana could have gained superpowers somehow, but her mind cracked under the duress. All these and more were possibilities, and for a brief moment Brittany was faced with the prospect that she had almost popped her best friend's skull out of her skin like the tail of a shrimp.

Then her vision refocused, and she got a good look at the creature that was shifting and sliding from form to form on the pavement, it's brush with death sending it into an instinctive panic. As Brittany had subconsciously intuited, her opponent was a shape-shifter. A mimic. A mimic with some serious guy issues, apparently.

In the brief seconds of reprieve it enjoyed while Brittany calmed herself down, the creature assumed its natural form. Brittany instantly recognized it.

"You're one of those aliens from last year," she exclaimed in surprise. "You tried to invade us! I thought you were all dead?"

"All but me," the creature hissed. "I managed to escape when I saw that defeat was imminent. I took the form of one of your small mammals, and watched in horror at the destruction of my entire race."

"Alright, so you're a coward who hid while your entire race got killed. Got it."

"I am not a coward!"

"Whatever you say…dude...chica…whatever you are." Brittany took a deep breath and offered, "Look, I overacted before, and, although you clearly have some serious emotional problems, if you take me to Santana now, if you show me that she's unhurt and alive, I have no reason to kill you. I don't know if you know this, but we've got plenty of aliens running around. Perfect Dude is actually an alien, you know? We can get ahold of him, and get you a nice little place in the world. What do you say?"

"You may not have cause to kill me," exclaimed the creature. "But I have cause to kill you!"

"Really?" asked Brittany in wonder. "What? Why? I barely had anything to do with the fight against your species. I got, like…thirty kills."

"You killed enough!"

"Not according to Hot Pants," interjected Brittany.

"You killed my mate!"

Brittany sucked in a breath between her teeth, and intoned, "Awkward. Well, I can see why you would be mad."

"You killed my future!"

"Alright, so you're just gonna keep with the screaming, yeah? And I assume that you're not going to take up my offer from earlier?"

"You will die feeling as if you were burning in the thousand fires of Tun-Kil!"

"I have no idea where that is, but I'll take that as a no. Well, just so you're aware: while I was distracting you with this conversation, I texted Perfect Dude and let him know what was going on. He did a quick scan of the area and found Santana alive and well. Not even very well-hidden, actually. It seems like you suck at every possible thing. So, I'm going to go ahead and kill you now."

Which is exactly what Brittany did.

The End

A/N2: I hope you enjoyed this! Next time I update I'll go back to the usual format. Just for clarification sake: 1. Santana was only replaced by a shape-shifting alien during "Never Been Kissed". The alien knows about Brittana and Puck/Santana and such because she spent a year watching Brittany preparing for this. 2. The alien's grand plan was to pretend to be Santana and make Brittany think Santana hated her, and then kill her at her lowest point. It might have worked if the alien, like Santana's characterization in Never Been Kissed, didn't suck in every possible way imaginable.