House of the Idiots Chapter 7

Wesker, Krauser, Billy, and the landlord's body made their way down the desloate streets on the outskirts of the city. They really didn't know where Billy destination was, but they were still planning on going to Birkins. It was getting really late and there wern't many people out as they made there way into the city. They were about to go into an alleyway and sleep when they noticed an open bar called 'J's Bar'.

Wesker raised an eyebrow, "Thats funny...I remember that exact same bar back in Raccoon." They just decided it was probably a franchise and casually walked in. Each man took a seat at the bar and Krauser just dumped the body in a booth at the corner of the bar. They waited for about a minute before a young slender blonde girl came up with a cheery smile, "What'll ya have?" Wesker looked at the name tag, "Well Cindy, just give us three beers and hurry the hell up with it." Cindy looked hurt at his nasty attitude and Krauser looked at a small menu they had, "Can I get an order of nachos while your at it?" Cindy just nodded polietly and went to place the order.

Billy glanced at the other end of the bar and then tapped Wesker on the shoulder, "Hey buddy. Looks like your landlord's a real ladies man huh" Wesker looked over and his eyes widened when he saw two hookers hovering over the landlord's body, apparently talking to him. "Shit!" Wesker yelled and ran over before they found out he was dead.

He approached the ladies of the night with a pissed off expression, "Hey you cheap ass whores get the hell away from my landlord before I shove my beer bottle up your ass!" The brunette hooker looked like she was thinking about something, "Lets see...beer bottle in the ass will be $30." Wesker paused, monetarily confused, "What?" he shook his head, "No no you jackasses I want you to just leave us alone!"

The blonde hooker humphed and sat down on the booth putting an arm around the landlord's unmoving face, "Well maybe your friend here would like a date with us huh" she said and kissed his lips. When she pulled away the brunette gasped and pointed at the blonde's lips that had blood from the landlord's mouth, "Oh my God! He's de-" Before they could finish Wesker grabbed them both by their hair and dragged them into the bathroom located next to the booth.

Seconds later you could hear a bunch of sounds associated with a violent beating and soon after Wekser appeared and casually walked back to the bar table. His beer was there and he took a greedy swig before looking over to Krauser and Billy who were staring at him funny, "Did you kill those hookers?" Krauser asked worried. Wesker just answered in a bored tone, "Wasn't the first time?" and took another swig.

The bar was starting to fill up with a bunch of people. Most of them they didn't know like Yoko Suzuki, and David King, but Wesker cursed when he saw Kevin Ryman walk into the bar. Wesker didn't know Ryman well, but they were on the same force and Kevin was surely told by now that Wesker had betrayed the S.T.A.R.S unit.

Kevin looked around the bar and smiled when he saw Cindy who was currently cleaning the bar counter. He walked up right near Wesker who kept his head looking the other way while Kevin talked to Cindy. They went on for almost five minutes about things that happened recently while Wesker just continued to evade eye contact.

Finally they finished up and Kevin asked Cindy for a Heiniken beer. She frowned, "Oh i'm sorry Kevin, I just sold the last Heinkiken to this gentlemen" she said pointing to Wesker. Wesker's eyes lit up and with his superhuman speed quickly grabbed Krauser beret and a piece of Billy's hair causing the convict to let out a large scream as it was torn out. He also reached into his pockets to grab a pair of spare sunglasses.

Kevin looked over and tapped Wesker's turned head, "Hey pal?" Wesker turned around and Kevin's eyes went wide when he saw a man with a beret on his head, sunglasses, and a very long mustache (Billy's hair). Kevin decided this man must have been a Vietnam veteran, and Wesker just motioned that he was listening, "Can I buy that beer off ya for double what you paid?" Wesker silently nodded and handed him the beer.

Kevin took a swig and then held his stomach, "Shit gotta take a leak, be right back gorgeous" he purred in Cindy's ear who just giggled. Right when he walked into the restroom Wesker took off the disguise and grabbed Billy and Krauser who currently had nacho cheese all over his fingers, "Hurry up we gotta get the hell outta here."

He moved so fast that they forgot the body, but that wasn't much of a problem for when they reached the bar door, Chris and Barry walked in to get a beer. Chris's eyes lit up, "Wesker?" "Chris?". Chris wasted no time as he pulled his arm back and delievered his fist right into Wesker's nose, knocking him back which started a chain reaction as he bumped into Cindy who was cleaning a table, knocking over it and landing on another table. When she did this the beer that was in front of a customer flew up into the guys face and his friend immediatly laughed. The man grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it into his friend's face who fell off the table, as a glass shard from the bottle flew over to the pool table and cut a guy's ear as he was about to break the balls and he quickly grabbed his poolstick and smashed over the man standing next to him's head who he thought did it.

This pissed off the other pool members which included David King who then started attacking each other. Suddenly some redneck music that started out with a "YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAW!" began and the big bar brawl was on!

Chris lunged after Wesker but was caught halfway by Krauser who threw him into a chair, breaking it. Barry dove onto Krauser's back and started chocking him, as Billy was blindsided by some guys's beer bottle and they started to go at hit throwing fists back and forth. Kevin walked out of the bathroom lazily, but was soon grabbed by some random guy and abruptly thrown into the middle of the brawl. Yoko used the Tah Kwan Do she knew to kick back approaching brawlers and when Krauser was stumbling around trying to pry Barry off accidently came near her she did a roundhouse kick right into Krauser's balls.

Krauser "oo'd" in pain as he painfully reached down to hold his crotch which in turn flung Barry foward who smashed into vintage wine, and whisky bottles being displayed and fell onto the floor with a yell. Wesker was chocking Chris who was leaning against a table until Chris reached back behind him and felt a plate before he brought it down over Wesker's head. Billy grabbed the guy he was fighting and threw him through the Bar's window and onto the sidewalk.

Krauser was throwing his fists out in every direction knocking away the crazed brawlers when he abesnt-mindedly turned around throwing his fist out and hit something with a large metal panging sound before he looked up to see a very tall, muscular, man staring back down at him with a sneer. Krauser gave a gulp and a slight chuckle before the guy grabbed a chocking Krauser by his throat and lifted him off the ground.

Billy was fighting David King and they both fell on the pool table throwing fists blindly at each other. Cindy was fighting Yoko who accidentally kicked her in her blind karate rage and they were both on the back of the bar table pulling each other's hair. An old blind man with a cane was wacking the landlord's body with his stick over and over again, while Barry made a molotov cocktail out of some whisky and hurled it into the bathroom for no apparent reason. It exploded, blowing the bathroom into shambles and spreading the fire to the various booths outside.

Chris grabbed a dazed Wesker and slammed him on one side of the bar table, while the large muscle guy slammed Krauser on the other end of the smooth oak counter. They both moved Wesker and Krauser back slightly and then flung them forward. Krauser and Wesker slid towards each other with yells and collided into each other's heads painfully and fell onto the back of the bar.

They both crawled onto their hands and knees, "Krauser?" Wesker said exhausted. Krauser looked up with a listening face, "We gotta get the hell outta here..." Krauser just nodded and they both got up and looked around the bar. Billy was chocking David King with a poolstick, Cindy was slamming Yoko's head over and over again on a bar table, Kevin had his head stuck through the wall and was trying desperatly to pull it out, and Barry had gone pretty and was setting random people on fire with a flamethrower he made out of a champagne bottle and a lighter. Wesker couldn't help but feel sorry when he heard Barry screaming at the people, "You aint gettin me you god damn zombies! I'll kill you all!" He knew Barry was having flashbacks of the Spencer Mansion incident.

Wesker heard a roaring fire and looked over towards the booths to see that the booth with the landlord in it was set ablaze. Wesker grinned at the thought that he was finally rid of him when Krauser suddenly jumped over the table and ran to the booth. "I'LL SAVE YOU!" he yelled as he grabbed the landlord's body from the blaze and brought it back to Wekser. Krauser grabbed the man's arm, feeling for a pulse, "Oh my God Wesker, he's dead!" Wesker just roared a demonic roar at the top of his lungs at Krauser's action and everybody stopped fighting to look over at a very deadly, pissed off Wesker. There was an awkward silence for about 5 seconds before there was a huge explosion from the fire reaching the building's propane tank.

The dust finally settled and J's bar was in complete rubble. It seemed as if no one survived the explosion before a rumbling sound was heard and Wesker broke through the rubble with a gasp followed Krauser breaking through a few seconds later. They both stared at each other and then at the wreck, "You think anyone else survived the explosion?" Their question was answered when another rumbling was heard and Cindy, Chris, and Barry broke their heads through the rubble. Chris and Barrry looked over to Wesker and Krauser, "There they are!" They climbed out of the rubble and were about to storm over towards the two when a big piece of the brick wall came lose and Chris and Barry gave large screams as the wall fell on top of them.

The firefighters came a few minutes later and were searching the area for survivors. Wesker, Krauser, and Cindy Lennox stared as they combed through the rubble. Unfourtanetly Chris and Barry survived, but were both unconcious as they were takin away by the ambulance. They combed in further and brought out the dead bodies of David and Yoko, along with a very hurt Kevin who was also taken away to the hospital. A few more bodies were found and the old blind man got out of the rubble unhurt. It was funny though, they couldn't find Billy's body.

Wesker, Krauser, and Cindy were standing around giving a police report as Wesker looked over to see the paramedics putting the landlord into a bodybag and setting him on a stretcher. Wesker's eyes lit up, "What are they doing with him?" he asked the cop alarmed. The cop looked over, "Oh him? He's dead. Funny though it looks like he died awhile ago. Don't worry they'll find out exactlly what killed him."

The cop turned back to see that Wesker had disappeared, Krauser and Cindy hadn't noticed where he had go off to either. The cop just sighed, "So you two have a ride?" Krauser looked down sad, "No..." "I'll drive you." Krauser's eyes widened and he looked over to Cindy who gave him a warm smile.

At that moment Krauser's heart pumped a mile a minute as he stared at this blonde beauty and gave a slight blush. Cindy returned his blush with one of her own and Krauser said in a warm low voice, "That would be great."

Back in the alleyway a man who was dressed only in his underwear gave a small moan as he was feebly propped up against a brick wall. A blonde man walked out of the alleyway in a paramedic uniform and sunglasses as he walked over to an ambulance that contained Kevin before getting into the driver's seat. He put it in drive and pulled away towards the hospital.

Wesker stared ahead at the ambulance that contained the landlord's body. He had to get him back...

Wesker drove for awhile heading to the hospital when he heard Kevin's pained groans coming from the back. In response, Wesker drove up a large hill that led into a small lake and stopped the ambulance. He got out and walked around back, opening the ambulance door, and reached in before pulling out Kevin's stretcher, the cop giving a weak moan. Wesker wheeled him to the edge of the hill and rolled him off down into the river as he gave a paniced yell. Wesker just chuckled, "Later Kevin" he purred and walked back to close the door.

Ada was driving along as she followed the river's trail to see if she could find the two idiots. She went up a large hill very fast and passed an ambulance, casually glancing over to take a curious look. As she passed by she took a quick look at the paramedic and her eyebrow raised. That looked alot like Wesker.

Wesker drove the ambulance into the hospital garage and got out, spotting the door to the hospital in the distance he casually walked to it so he wouldn't be noticed. As he walked inside the receptionist smiled at him, "Hi you-" "YES I AM A PARAMEDIC!" Wesker blurted out loudly. The receptionist gave him an odd look, "Um...i'm sure you are I was just going to say tha-" "DAMN STRAIGHT I AM A PARAMEDIC! WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU ANY DIFFRENT!" he continued yelling, "I never said you wern't sir I just-" Wesker looked pissed for some reason and grabbed the receptionist by her collar, "WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU I WASN'T!" She started to studder and Wesker pointed at a random doctor walking by, "WAS IT HIM?!" "N-no I" she was cut off when Wesker dropped her and walked over to the doctor, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he screamed and punched the doctor in the face, and sprawling him out on the floor.


Cindy and Krauser were driving down the city streets in Cindy's SUV singing along with a rap song that was on the radio. Cindy was going to drop Krauser off at Birkins and then just go home but fate had other plans for them. As the SUV went along, Ada pulled up next to the SUV yet unaware that Krauser was inside.

Krauser was still singing with the song when he casually glanced over to the car next to them. He looked at the driver and he gave a blood curdling scream when he noticed it was Ada.

Ada heard a muffled shriek and looked over to see Krauser with his mouth wide from screaming. She looked shocked for a moment then looked totally and utterly pissed off. Krauser put his hands up in defense to try to show he didn't do anything wrong but Ada moved her thumb over her throat saying he was done for. Krauser continued to try to show his innocence and he screamed again while Cindy looked confused as Ada pulled out a double barreled shotgun and pumped it.


Wesker who you could now tell did not work well under pressure was now flapping his arms around on the receptionist's desk clucking like a chicken. He already beat the crap out of every security guard the hospital owned and the receptionist hid behind her chair in terror, "OK OK! You can go through just don't hurt me!" she yelled and pushed a red button that opened up the door to the E.R.

Wesker stopped and got off the table looking over at the terrified receptionist, "Thank you very much" he said calmly and walked in. He soon trotted down the E.R. with a smirk on his face, "Wesker you are one sly customer" he said to himself and tried to find which door led to the morgue.


Cindy was now driving the SUV very VERY fast down the deserted city streets. Ada was following right behind them and rammed the sports utility veichle. Cindy and Krauser let out small gasps as they temporarly lost control of the veichle but she soon recovered, "Who the hell is that?! A crazy ex-girlfriend?!" Krauser just looked over terrified, "I wish! Then maybe she would feel bad about killing me!

Ada began honking her horn repeatedly like a mad woman and rammed the SUV again. Krauser catuiously stuck his head out the window and brought it violently back in when shotgun pellets made their way past his head. They were coming up on Birkin's house in the distance and Krauser wondered if he would even be safe from the crazy chinese shotgun wielding bitch there.


Wesker walked down the 2nd floor of the hospital building. He was heading down a long hallway of hospital rooms and looked inside to see nothing unusual, some old people on resperators, a woman hooked up to an I.V. a doctor banging a nur-...Wesker just stared at the doctor and the nurse doing it for about a minute before he remembered what he was there for and decided to just mind his own buisness and walk through the hallway.

Chris was laying in a hospital bed trembling and shaking violently. A doctor was sitting next to him and was gently patting his arm, "Its ok son your safe. This 'Wesker' guy aint gonna get you in here." Chris looked at him dazed, "Doctor I see him everywhere!" "Its alright son you-" Chris just stared wide eyed at the doctor that now had Wesker's face on him.

The doctor got done his little talk, "You understand me son?" Chris abesntly drooled from his horror-stricken face. The doctor just sighed and walked out of the room.

Chris was going insane. He looked all around with his eyes shifting violently, "Everywhere I see him, everywhere. Theres Wesker in his S.T.A.R.S uniform, and over there in his combat. Theres a ballarena Wesker and theres a paramedic Wesker walking by my door...Weskers everywhere. EVERYWHERE!"

Wesker stopped after walking past a hospital room, "Was that Chris?" Well he didn' have no time to go back and check so he just hurried forward making a left turn and bumped into a door, "Damnit!" He looked over and noticed it needed a keycard. He turned around and walked up to an older looking doctor in glasses looking at a clipboard, "Yo pops you mind opening this door? I gotta get to the morgue."

The doctor looked at him weird, "What are you crazy or just stupid? You know paramedics can't go into the morgue." The doctor gave a mocking laugh and continued on his way. Wesker just sighed and followed the doctor around a corner.

Suddenly a wacking sound was heard and somehow literally a split-second later Wesker walked out wearing the doctor's clothes, glasses, and holding his clipboard. He reached into the doctor's coat pockets and pulled out a small keycard. He then headed back to the door, swiped the card, and walked in.


Annette Birkin was laying in bed when she heard someone honking outside. She grumbled and got out of bed putting a robe on and walking down the stairs. William was down in the basement with his experiments and Sherry was sleeping in her room. Just as well she didn't want anybody seeing she was in feeted pajamas which she secretly liked.

She looked out the dining room window and she screamed when she came face to face with a pair of headlights and dove for the floor.

Cindy's SUV smashed into the Birkin's house and plowed right through their dining room into their kitchen with Ada following close behind. The SUV came to a halt and both Cindy and Krauser looked to be unconsious from the explosion, but soon Krauser started to stir and he opened up the passanger door and fell out onto the marble floor with a groan. His vision was blurry, and when it came into view he was face to face with the barrell of a shotgun.


Wesker headed through the various surgerey rooms going to the end to where the morgue was. It was in sight when suddenly an operation door opened up and a young nurse ran towards him and grabbed his hand, "Oh thank God Dr. Amer where the hell were you! They need you in surgery stat!" Wesker was dumbfounded as they pushed him into the operation room and closed the door.


Krauser was slowly crawling away as Ada kept pace with him, the shotgun still in his face, "Ada please I can explain!" She just looked pissed, "Yeah sure, don't bother I already know. I saw the news reports. You two jackasses killed the landlord and ruined are chances of living in the apartment." Krauser sighed in relief, "Oh hehe I thought you meant us destroying the bar." Krauser regreted saying that as Ada pumped the gun back and shoved it in Krauser's mouth, "That was you! Damnit Krauser, I can't take my eyes off you for a second without you destroying something!"

William Birkin opened the basement door to see what was going on, "What the hell is going on! I heard a crash." Right when Ada looked over, Krauser peformed a sweep kick and knocked Ada on her ass. He then jumped up and ran, hell bent for the basement door, "RUN NERDO RUN!" Krauser yelled as he pushed William through the door and they both stumbled down the stairs landing in a pile of boxes.

William rubbed his bruised head, "Damnit! Why is it every time I look out a door to see what is going on one of you guys has a gun and tries to kill me!" They stopped dead silent when they heard someone slowly approaching down the stairs and then jumped out of the boxes and ran around the small basement lab for somewhere to hide.


Wesker was pushed towards the small table with several assistants spaced around it. Helooked down to see a middle-aged man laying unconcious on the table and the blonde had to gulp, "Ok Wesker you can do this, its not like its brain surgerey" "Actually it is" a male nurse said who overheard him talking to himself. Wesker grabbed a scalpel, held it over the man's head, and gulped as he brought it down.


Ada had fully made her way down the stairs and now looked around the small lab for any trace of Krauser, and in her enraged mood she could settle for Birkin too. She walked forward and past some cylinder test tubes, unaware of the warped face looking through them. She made it too the end of the basement and kicked over an overturned box she thought they were under. She screamed and backed up when she realized there was a cage full of test animal bats under it and fell backwards on her ass with the shotgun going off hitting a test tube with some glowing liquid in it.

Ada could hear Birkin's whimpering as his creation broke and got an idea. She stood up, smirking and aimed her shotgun at the water heater which could be very flammabe, "Alright Birkin! Come out now or everything you ever worked for goes up in flames!"

Birkin couldn't take it and slowly raised his hands as he stood up from behind a table, "Alright alright I give!" Ada aimed the gun at him, "Wheres Krauser?!" Birkin pointed behind her and she turned to see Krauser quietly trying to climb up the stairs. He gave a small chuckle that turned into a whimper as the gun was pointed back at him.


"ITS A BOY! Wesker yelled happly as he held the little bundle of joy in his arms." The nurses all stared at him confused and irritated, "What the hell are you talking about! Thats his liver..." a nurse yelled, pointing at the greyish blob in Wesker's hands,"...Don't you remember this is brain surgery! Put that back and get with it doctor!"


Sherry slowly awoke from all the commotion going on downstairs. She hoped out of her yellow bed and made her way downstairs, before she looked in confusion at the kitchen as she noticed the cars crashed inside. She walked further on into the dining room to see her mother looking down the basement stairs caustiously, "Mother why are there cars in are kitchen...and why are you wearing my pajamas?" she asked pointing at the pink feeted pajamas with the little unicorns on them.

Annette growled and just decided to answer her first question, "Seems that lunkhead Wesker's friends with and your father are in trouble with the Asian lady. Just go back to bed" she said and Sherry left it at that and went into the kitchen to get a glass of milk before she went to her room.

Annette had a chair in her hands and was about to attack Ada when she heard a scream from Sherry and ran into the kitchen to see Sherry pointing inside the SUV. She looked inside and noticed Cindy laying on the steering wheel unconcious, so decided to help her out.

Ada had just got done listening to Krauser's story while William listened in with amazement at what they had been through, "So your telling me that the body was taken to the hospital and you think Wesker went after it?" Krauser just nodded. Ada thought for a second and sighed, "Well come on we gotta go save him." she muttered with a hint of reluctence.

Ada and Krauser headed for the stairs, but William stopped them before they got to them, "Just a God damn minute! You two plow into my house with friggin cars and put bullet holes in my lab equiptment! Who the hells gonna pay for this!" Krauser and Ada looked at each other, "He's right, we're gonna need a ride." Ada pointed the gun at him, "Lets go nerdo, where you keep the car keys?"


Wesker was having real trouble with the brain. He cut the skin and opened the skull with a bone-saw to the get to the pinkish blob, but after accidentaly sneezing on it, the man's heart rate had dropped severly and he was starting to convulse. Wesker was panicing a lot and actually tried to do CPR when the man's heart stopped.

The nurses looked at him like he was a complete dumbass, "What the hell are you doing! Use the defibrillator!" "Oh right" Wesker said quickly and grabbed the little machine next to him. He always wanted to say this, "Clear!" he yelled and pushed down on the man's chest. He did it three more times and the man's pulse came back, but was still critical. A nurse quickly grabbed him, "Doctor you need to get back to the brain surgery!"

Wesker had a look of realization, "Oh right the surgery!" and without thinking gabbed the defibrillator onto the man's brain, "NO DOCTOR N-" but it was too late. The funny thing was it didn't kill him, but pretty much destroyed the intellegant part of the brain and jumpstarted his motorskills.

The man suddenly became concious, fell off the table, and got right back up, "EEEEERRR!" it screamed as it stumbled towards the assistants who were backing away. Wesker stared in awe, "Well...thats one way to make a zombie" he muttered as he watched intently while the zombie started biting a female assistant as the others tried to pry him off.


William, Krauser, and Ada were all in Birkin's van as William drove towards the hospital. Birkin looked over, "So what are we going to do when we find him?" he asked very serious. Ada looked over in thought, "Well i'm sure Wesker has gotten into some restricted zones, but to be safe we are going to need disguises" Krauser looked at her confused, "What kind of disguises?"

"This is bullshit!" Krauser yelled as the three came out of a costume shop they had broken into. Ada was dressed as a fancy female doctor, but Krauser and William on the other hand, they were dressed as nurses...and not the male kind.

Krauser looked totally ridiculous in his tight nurse suit with his gigantic muscles. He had a black wig on and his with the scars on his face people were either gonna think he was a transvestite, or Rosie O' Donald.

William on the other hand...he actually looked pretty damn good. With his small form the uniform fit perfectlly and with the small hairs on his mustache shaved, he looked even better then his wife. That didn't mean he was happy though. Really he was more embarrased then he had ever been in his entire life at this point.

Ada made a fist of determination, "Ok now all we need to do is call an ambulance for a fake emergancy and hijack them when they come." Ada walked to a phonebooth and made the call.


Wesker stared bored as they finally aprehended the naturally made zombie and gave it a shot to knock it out. A male assistant looked over to Wesker with a sneer and trudged over to him, getting right up in his face, "What the fuck were you thinking you retarded jackass?" Wesker was reduced to stumbling, "I...uh...I" "Wait" the assistant said suspicious and ripped off Wesker's surgeon mask and hair net, "Your not Dr. Amer at all! Who the hell are you!" he demanded with anger. Wesker looked around the room for a way out and did the only thing he could think of, "Clear" he muttered and shocked the assistant in the chest with the defibrillator.


An ambulance pulled in front of the store next to the costume shop. They shined their headlights looking for the person they had gotten a phonecall from saying someone was having a heart attack. The two noticed a body laying on the sidewalk and quickly got out to run to it's aid.

They came across the body of Krauser still in his costume with red ketchup smeared all around the ground. The paramedics shined a flashlight and gasped when they saw Krauser's face, "Oh my God! They killed Rosie O' Donald!" What they didn't know is that Ada and Birkin secretly got into the ambulance and put it in drive with a loud crunk sound.

The paramedics turned around to see to see two 'girls' in the ambulance, "What the hell?!" one of them yelled but was quickly grabbed around the neck by Krauser. He grabbed the other one too and visciously smacked their heads together, knocking them out.

After dragging the bodies to the back of the store, Krauser ran out and hopped into the driver's seat of the ambulance now wearing a paramedic uniform to gain entrance into the parking garage. He put his foot to the gas so hard that it sent Birkin and Ada who were in the back against the wall as Krauser yelled, "To the hospital, away!"


Wesker was now backing away little by little down the long operating room hallway with the defibrillator at his side, shocking any of the remaining security guards that came close. Now he knew what the people in Raccoon City must of felt when they had a bunch of people out to kill them and they couldn't hold them off forever. He came to the end, and didn't look back in time to see the staircase to the morgue before falling down the stairs with a yell and an "ouch" for every stair he hit.

He landed at the bottom of the stairs and smacked his jaw on the concerte floor, the defibrillator smashing to pieces next to him. He looked tired, bruised, battered, and beaten and barly had enough motivation to look upwards. His eyes lit up as he saw a big black sign with white letters that said 'Morgue' and jumped up to run to it, with security hot on his tail.

Krauser, Birkin, and Ada walked into the hospital and up to the receptionist that was still shaken from eariler, "Hi we-" "I KNOW YOU WORK FOR THE HOSPITAL! PLEASE PASS AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" she screamed in an inhuman tone and quickly pressed the button for them to go through.

They all stared with eyebrows raised and walked into the E.R. wing as Krauser turned to Ada with a smile, "She seemed nice." Ada let out a frustrated sigh and they walked down the hallway. They walked in with their disguises to the other end, passing a few people on the way. As they got to the end a male doctor slapped Birkin on the ass who gave a low shriek. Krauser laughed that they thought Birkin was a girl, but soon after he too was slapped on the ass.

He turned around, ready to punch whoever did it's lights out when his eyes lit up when he saw the person was a large, fat, muscular security woman who smiled at him through her glasses. The thing was he was still in disguise so that would mean she must have been a...holy crap. Krauser darted past his friends and down the hall.

Chris Redfield's doctor was again sitting with him, and listening to Chris's screams as he was now seeing other things then Wesker, "OH MY GOD! I see Rosie O' Donald!" he said pointing at a mirage of Rosie holding a chainsaw coming at him. The doctor just sighed and looked at the door he was pointing at, "No Chris...You don't see Rosie O' Do-" at that point Krauser ran by in his nurse costume, "HOLY SHIT! Thats Rosie O' Donald!" the doctor screamed in shock and took some of the medicine he had given to Chris to stop the hallucinations.


Wesker ran into the morgue area and overheard two guys talking, "Real shame it had to happen to him, he still had so much more he could of done" "Yeah well what do you think did him in?" "TVs what did it. The guy should have never been there and then it just came down on him like a bat outta hell." "Did I ever tell you I met him once?" "Really? Well thats all the more reason to find who is really responsible." "Yep."

Wesker's eyes widened at the conversation. He wasn't doin time for no one. He ran around the corner and jumped through the air vents which were vacant of any sound.

The two people continued their conversation "I blame his manager, he should have known that he couldn't act, but he signed him for the gig anyway." The two morguetitions continued watching True 'E' Hollywood Story about a famous singer who's carrer came to an end when he signed on to an acting job.

They suddenly heard thuding noises above them and out popped Albert Wesker from the air vents landing right on top of them. He started to beat one with his fist, "Your not blaming his death on me!" he yelled and then he started kicking the other one. Grabbing the chair one of the guys was sitting on, he beat them both within an inch of their lives and ran into the morgue.

He searched every body and couldn't find the damn landlord's corpse anywhere. Till he came across a bodybag that was never opened, and slowly unzipped it to reveal the decaying body of their former landlord. He pulled him out and lifted him over his shoulders, and then ran out the door. He headed for the stairs, but ran the other way when he saw a herd of guards running at him.

He had no other choice and went back into the vents. Wesker dragged the body through the vents which now smelled really bad from the small enclosure he was in. He went a pretty good distance before a rumbling sound was heard and the vent he was in started to creak, "Uh oh."


Ada, Krauser, and Birkin were approaching the operating wing when they heard something rumbling and looked up in time to see the vent break and a screaming Albert Wesker fall to the ground with the body in tow. He landed right on Birkin and slowly got off, looking at Birkin in the uniform. He gave a wide seductive grin, "Well hello there gorgeous." Birkin looked at him creeped out, "Wesker it's me...Birkin."

"...BLAAAAAAAAAA! Wesker yelled as he turned his head and vomited all over Krauser. "Aww what the hell Wesker!" he yelled and wiped the vomit from his uniform.

Some guards heard Wesker vomit and looked down the hall, "There he is!" one yelled and they ran down the hallway towards Wesker. Wesker quickly got up, helped up Birkin, grabbed the body, helped Krauser get the vomit off, and did the macarena all within 5 seconds.

They were now running down the hall which was about the same speed as the guards because asshole Birkin couldn't run for shit. They made it to the end and Wesker quickly kicked open the E.R. door and ran past the receptionist who screamed wildly at there wild entrance.

They ran out to the parking lot, heading to the ambulance the three came in when Wesker stopped and listened, "You hear that?" he asked. They all tried to listen and there eyes lit up, "Police sirens" Ada muttered and Krauser looked pissed, "Those bastards called the cops damnit!" They had no time to lose and ran to the ambulance.

Wesker jumped into the driver's seat and Birkin rode shotgun. Ada and Krauser sat in the back and placed the body on a stretcher that was in it. Wesker put the keys in the ignition and he tried to turn it, but the damn thing wouldn't start, "Come on Wesker!" Birkin yelled as he saw the police lights in the distance, "I'm tryin damnit!" he yelled while repeatidly turning the key.

The police made there way into the parking lot entrance when the key finally turned and Wesker sped forward smashing through the toll booth and sideswiping two police cars on the way out.

The ambulance made it's way down the man road, but police lights in the distance proved this was gonna be a bumpy ride. Birkin looked over at a sign and nudged Wesker, "Wesker the highways coming up! Get on it!" Wesker did what Birkin suggested and sharply turned onto the highway entrance throwing off two cops that were following him and causing them to miss the turn.

There was now a speeding ambulance with it's lights flashing speeding down the highway with a bunch of morons in it. They hadn't heard any police sirens which were a good thing, but Wesker couldn't shake the feeling they were still being trailed. He suddenly heard a hovering sound and he looked out the window to see a helicoptor, much like the one he saw on the island chasing them.

"Shit!" Wesker yelled and gripped the steering wheel tightly, "Hold on everybody!" he shouted again and then did a quick sharp turn off of the road and into a cornfield to try to lose the police. Everyone in the ambulance gave suprised shouts when he did this, but quickly recovered.

The helicoptor looked on in amazement, "What in the hell are they doing!" he asked the co-pilot who just shook his head that he didn't know. Wesker drove through the cornfield and about half way in they ran over something.

Wesker and Birkin looked at each other with confused looks then looked back to the windshield when all of a sudden the large form of a guy smacked into the windshield. Birkin let out a scream and Wesker just looked at it odd. He reached over and grabbed a small flashlight, and shined it at the windshield. A scarecrow's face stared back at him with a smile and he looked over to see Birkin still screaming his ass off. Wesker sighed and tapped him on the shoulder, "Its a scarecrow jackass!"

Wesker rode through to the end of the cornfield. He came up on a country road and was suprised to see three police cars coming right for him, "Oh shit!" he screamed and did a 180 as the squad cars tried to pit manuveur him. When he did this move to elude police the doors on the back of the ambulance flew open and the stretcher rolled towards the now open doors. Krauser screamed and dove out of the ambulance, while grabbing the stretcher.

Ada quickly grabbed Krauser's feet as he hung out of the ambulance clinging to the stretcher as it rolled along with a few sparks traveling down the paved road. Wesker looked ahead and noticed there was a left turn and a right turn. It didn't really make a diffrence as the road came back together soon after anyway so he just made a sharp right.

Yet as he did this Ada lost her grip on Krauser's feet and he fell out of the ambulance and landed on the stretcher that traveled in the opposite direction carrying a screaming Krauser. Wesker looked back to see what the noise was and saw the sole figure of Ada staring at the open doors with a surpised expression on her face. She looked back at him with her mouth hanging open and his eyes quickly went wide as he gave a loud scream and jammed on the breaks.

Krauser was speeding down a steep hill on the stretcher, clutching the landlord's dead body for dear life. He continued screaming as police cars had to swerve out of the way to avoid hitting them before the stretcher came to the end of the hill and swerved right down another hill overlooking the lake.

Kevin had just made his way onto the shore after Wesker had pushed his strecther into the lake. He slowly walked onto the road totally dazed and tired from his swim when he heard screaming. He looked to the right and his eyes widened as the stretcher carrying Krauser smacked into him and took him along for the ride.

Wesker drove the ambulance past two more cop cars and was coming up on the stretcher in the distance. He pushed the gas pedal down to the floor and sped up till he was right next to the stretcher, "Krauser you idiot! Get back in here!" Krauser just looked at Wesker like he had three heads, "I would if I could you jackass! Now find a way to get me in!" Kevin was hanging on by a thread as he started to whimper.

Wesker thought for a second and turned around to Ada to explain his plan. The ambulance sped in front of the stretcher and Ada tied a long plastic tube around her waist and got ready to jump. She timed it right and dove out of the ambulance and on to the stretcher. She noticed Kevin hanging on, "What the hell are you doing?! No hitchikers!" she yelled and stomped on his arms, sending him off the stretcher and smacking onto the road over and over.

A police cop trailing them gasped in suprise as Kevin's body slammed through his windsheild and landed in the passanger's seat. He looked over dazed, "Hey Frank" and the cop looked back at him, "Hey Kevin."

Ada pulled on the plastic tube to bring it back in, but it snapped and she was stuck on the stretcher. It didn't take long though as when they went over a hill the stretcher flew up and landed in the back of the ambulance. Wesker looked back to see them all on the floor and looked back at the doors, "When you get a chance, might wanna close those doors." Ada just growled.

Annette sat on the couch with Cindy waving a newspaper to cool her down. Sherry got a glass of water and when Cindy woke up handed it to her. The waitress chugged it down hurridly and then looked over to Annette and Sherry, confused of her whereabouts, "Where am I?" she asked? Annette patted her shoulder reasureingly, "Your safe now."

That wasn't exactally true as outside tires screeching could be heard and an ambulance plowed right through the living room wall and stopped just inches from the screaming girls. Annette looked up in the ambulance to see her husband, dressed in drag waving at her, "Hi honey" he said simply before she got up from the couch to punch her husband's lights out.

But as she got up three cop cars also plowed into the house and one hit the back of the ambulance throwing it foward and sending Annette and Cindy who were on the couch through the wall and into the dining room.

Birkin whimpered as he looked at his house. They didn't have any time to waste though so they quickly opened the ambulance doors and Wesker and Birkin grabbed the body then ran in the basement to dispose of it.

The cops got out of their cars and aimed their various weapons at the fleeing Wesker and Birkin, "Freeze!" one cop yelled, but they didn't listen and Birkin just slammed the door behind them. They ran down the stairs while Wesker paniced, "Quick we have to dispose of the evidence! As long as they have no body they can only get us for evading police, and destruction of property!"

The cops started to bang on the basement door, but Birkin responsed by pushing a button and a metal coating appeared in front of it. Birkin started to mix chemicals that would disolve the body, "Lets see some Nitrogen Dioxide, Sulfer Chloride, and a little bit of Tirus." he poured them all in a small vat and smiled when the contents became a sizzileing green liquid corrosive acid.

Wesker grabbed the body and dumped it into the vat before backing up as the body was absorbed into the liquid with a burning sound. Wesker laughed at their accomplishment and Birkin gave an evil smile and the liquids back, but stopped as he came to the chemical known as Tirus. It seemed the label got wrinkled so he quickly unraveled it with shock. The label didn't say 'Tirus' , but 'T-Virus'.

His eyes widened in shock and he quickly ran it over to a laughing Wesker, "Wesker I-" Wesker held his hand up, "Not now Birkin, i'm enjoying my ingenius accomplishment hahaha!" Birkin looked pissed, "But Albert!" Wesker poked him, "Look I told to leave me be. And never call me Albert!" he yelled unaware in the backround that something was rising out of the green liquid.

Wesker continued poking him threatingly, "You got that Birkin?!" Suddenly there was a loud moaning and they looked over to see that the Landlord had turned into a licker which slowly climbed out of the vat.

The cops were still trying to open the door when they heard Wesker and Birkin scream down below. Suddenly the door busted open and Wesker, and Birkin flew out before smashing into Birkin's refridgerator. The cops looked at them and then back down at the basement to see the horrifying creature.

They both gave screams, but were quickly grabbed by the licker's tounge and pulled down the stairs. The licker made quick work of the two cops and slowly crawled up the stairs. He looked over to the dining room to see a very terrfied Annette, Sherry, Cindy, Ada, and Krauser. The licker grinned and started forward to kill them. Krauser finally mustered up some courage, "Don't worry ladies! I'll protect you!" he yelled bravely and jumped in front of them. He held his hands up in a karate stance, "Lets go you abomination i'll kick your Ass! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! he yelled as the licker grabbed him by the ankle and smacked him repeatidly into the walls, "OW SHIT OW DAMNIT OW!"

Suddenly an engine started and the licker looked over to the hole in the wall to see Wesker and Birkin starting the ambulance. Wesker put it in drive and stared at the mutated landlord, "See you in hell you son of a bitch!" he yelled and drove the ambulance forward into the licker and knocking it through a window to the outside.

With the licker gone they all just sighed in relief. They heard the police sirens in the distance and realized they should rap it up before more police came. Wesker and Birkin got out of the ambulance and ran over to the group. Krauser was laying on the floor, battered and the girls were still in shock.

After everybody was alright they stood out on the front lawn getting ready to say goodbye. Wesker, Krauser, Ada, and Cindy were in one group, and the Birkin family was on the other. Wesker rubbed the back of his head embarassed, "Look Birkin...sorry for the destruction of your house, and getting you involved." Birkin just laughed it off and held out his hand, "Relax Wesker, Umbrella will pay for the damages, and also since they practically own this town, they can get me off scott free." he laughed reassuringly. Wesker sighed, "Well thats a relief. Anyway thanks for helping us out, and calling a taxi and all."

The taxi driver waitng for them honked his horn, "Aie! Hurry the hell up wit ya damnit!" Krauser just looked over pissed, "Up yours you dirty old bastard were coming!" Wesker shook Birkin's hand, "Well, see you at work." They walked towards the taxi, but Ada quickly turned around, "Oh and Annette" Annette looked over, listening, "Nice PJs" she said and laughed at the unicorn pajamas. Annette's face went beat red from embarassment and anger and just mumbled to herself. William chuckled slightly and patted his wife's back comfortingly.

Wesker, Krauser, and Ada made it back to their apartment after dropping off Cindy and Wesker paid the taxi driver, "Here, go buy yourself a suit and get a real job." The taxi driver just grumbled and drove away.

They walked into the lobby and then heard a familiar voice, "Oh hey guys by the way, a guy came by saying he knew you guys so I let him into the apartment. Go on up." Wesker, Krauser, and Ada turned around slowly with shock evident on their faces and looked to the noise source to see the landlord still looking like a licker. He must of evolved enough to stand upright and speak clearly even though he was still drooling.

Ada screamed, Krauser puked, and Wesker just studdered, "Uh...th-thanks" The licker landlord's mouth gave a slight smile and he walked off to the back room. Ada, Krauser, and Wesker looked at each other and ran very fast up the stairs to get away from the licker who didn't remember anything and also to see who was in their room.

They slowly opened it and Wesker switched the lights on to reveal Billy Cohen lounging on the couch with his hands on the back of his head, "Bout time you guys showed up. What took ya?" Wesker just growled, "What the hell are you doing here?!" Billy just sighed, "I'm a drifter, I go wherever I feel. By the way nice job you did on the landlord down there. Pretty funny stuff" he chuckled and gave a satisfied sigh from laying on the couch. Wesker growled and was about to go over to kick him out, when he was stopped by Ada who grabbed his arm, "Don't you dare think about touching are guest" she said, but she didn't sound normal she sounded calmer. Billy grinned and got up, kissing Ada's hand, "I don't believe i've had the pleasure of meeting this lovely Asian beauty." Ada just giggled with a pink tint to her cheeks.

Wesker's eyes widened. Ada was lovestruck by this pretty boy. Wesker was fuming and growling to himself. Ada got very close to him, "So do you have a place to go tonight Mr..." "Cohen, Billy Cohen, and no I don't gorgeous." Ada giggled, "Well i'm sure Krauser won't mind giving up his bed...will you Krauser?" Krauser groaned, "Well I don't know I-" STOMP "-YEAAOW!" Krauser yelled as Ada stepped on his foot, "I mean sure sure he can have my bed." Ada smiled happly, "Good you can have the couch Krauser." Wesker growled at this, "Well where the hell do I sleep!" he asked really pissed off.

Wesker was now laying on the roof with a thin blanket and rough pillow staring up at the stars, "SIGH You had to open your mouth didn't you Wesker?" he asked himself irritated. He just decided to get some sleep, ignoring the smoke coming from the vent, and cop sirens in the distance, but had to cover his ears with his pillow when he heard Ada giggling down below in the bedroom and Billy talking seductivly to her.

Wesker just sighed and slowly fell asleep. Tommorow was a brand new day...unfortunatly.