I own nothing you recognize. All original characters, with the exception of Gillian, belong to me. Gillian belongs to the wonderful and amazing Superdani. I really appreciate all you do sweetheart. Original storylines are also my own

Chapter Seven

"So, physical therapy? I thought you were going to be a brain surgeon." I raised an eyebrow at Carmen and she shook her head.

"I was but during my first year at Mayo I met this old woman, she couldn't even get out of her chair by herself, her muscles were atrophied and she was just a mess. I worked with her everyday and eventually she started to get strength back. I realized that that was my calling. So rather than going for neuro surgery I decided to go into physical therapy and I haven't looked back since. I'm just glad I chose Orthopedics otherwise I wouldn't have the chance to work with you." She grinned and I frowned. Ever since the near-kiss in the kitchen she'd been flirtier than usual and very insistent on being alone with me. Chantal didn't trust her and made sure someone was with us the whole time. Today it was Mom.

"If Milla didn't need an Orthopedic therapist would you still have come to St. Thomas? I heard you only moved here a month ago." Mom stared at her steadily and I tensed up as Carmen rubbed slow, firm circles along the back of my neck. It felt good but Juice was the one with the magic touch.

"I was always planning on moving to a small community, I didn't think it would be Charming though. It was made painfully clear that I wasn't welcome." She gave Mom a sharp look and Mom just calmly stared at her.

"Would you still be here if her husband was around? The way tongues wag in this town I know you know the story." Mom was in rare form.

"I don't care what you believe Mrs. Teller-Morrow; I'm here for the job. Yes I know about Mr. Ortiz, Mr. Morrow and the others but that doesn't mean anything. I'm here for the job." She lifted my arm until it started shaking then settled it down again. "Or do you think I have enough foresight to start a career in Orthopedic physical therapy on the off chance that the only person I've ever loved will have trauma. That's giving me a bit too much credit."

"Ummm, maybe we should cut this session short?" I suggested and realization dawned in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Milla, I really am a professional. I shouldn't have risen to the bait like that. Alright, we finished with your height exercises, now let's move onto rotation. According to your records the surgical wounds are healed on your arm and your collarbone is in the final stages. Next week we'll be able to add rotation to the exercise list. Are you doing your exercises before bed?" She poised her pens to take some notes.

"Yes, I usually have my night nurse help but she recently had to quit so I've had Chantal and Phil help me out." As soon as I said the names she made a face.

"That's not good; you should have someone with training. I'll find you a new nurse, you need as much help as you can get." She made a note and I felt Mom tense.

"She has the help she needs. Chantal is more than qualified to help her with exercises." I felt a smile tug my lips. She'd kept Chantal at more than arms length, treated her as something other, something different. Now she was defending her like she'd defend any member of our extended family.

"Well just consider getting a new nurse. I'll get you a few numbers." She then proceeded to press my still sore collarbone and had me extend my arm in front. I placed my hand on her shoulder and pushed forward. She had me do that for ten reps then I was done, my arm and chest were aching.

"I can't do this anymore, sorry." I apologized and Carmen shook her head.

"No need to apologize, you're actually doing much better than your injuries would suggest." Carmen smiled at me and I felt my heart flutter a bit. Damn I needed my husband.

"I'm too stubborn to let this stop me." Mom snorted and continued to watch us with overly attentive eyes.

"Not stubborn…determined." Carmen's eyes hooded slightly and I felt myself blush before I shook my head and looked away. I looked over at Mom and saw her glaring openly at Carmen while she helped me with my sling and moved away. "I should be going, lot's of paperwork."

She stood but before I could get up too Mom stopped me with a hand to my shoulder and walked her out. She closed the door behind them and though I couldn't hear the words they said the tone was far from friendly. The sound of feet stomping off drew my attention to the door as Mom came back in with a triumphant look on her face. I raised an eyebrow and grabbed a magazine from my coffee table. Even with Juice inside I still got his Tech World News, Wired, Popular Mechanics and Game Informer. He went through them like they were nothing every month and I was collecting them. Yeah he had access to a couple of them in the prison library but it was one little thing I did that helped me feel closer to him. I also read them on occasion which was what I was doing now.

"We're gonna find you a new PT baby, I don't want that skank working with you. She's already caused enough trouble." She sat in the chair she'd recently vacated and I shook my head.

"She's good at what she does Ma, I'm getting strength back in my arm. Last week I could only do three push reps, now I can do ten. I'd say that's a marked improvement. Yeah we have a history, but it's over. She just needs to get used to it." I found an interesting looking article in Wired about the new IPhone apps and decided to read that and ignore my mother's aggravatingly wise counsel. Unfortunately she would not be ignored.

"She wants you baby, we all see it. Maybe your head will be right after you see Juice this week but for now just sit back and let me take care of things. I'll have Tara find us a good replacement." I squared my shoulders and continued to stare at the magazine, not really reading just looking at the words.

We sat there, her willing to talk but me unwilling to listen until Chantal came home from work. Once she arrived she helped Mom fix dinner while Phil helped me with Esperanza in the living room. He had certainly taken his job as Uncle Phil seriously, so seriously in fact that he was the only one Ellie didn't watch like a hawk. I thought about everything with Carmen while Phil helped me change Espy's outfit. I knew logically that Mom was right, it was an awful idea to have her here, around me, but with all the upheaval that had been going on in my life recently it was comforting to have someone around who had been a steady presence in my life, even if it was in the past. It also felt great to have someone in my life that treated me like "Milla" not an Old Lady or one of SAMCRO's women. In a way it reminded me of how Juice treated me when it was just me and him. When we were alone I was his Milla and he was just my Juice. I sighed and smoothed the shining black hair on Espy's head. At least with her I was Mommy and that was all I needed to be.


"What do you want for your birthday Elliedoll?" I asked as I tried to keep a relaxed hold on the grocery cart. One of the things suggested in my physical therapy workbook was to go without the sling for at least an hour a day and today I decided to do it while I went grocery shopping with Ellie and Lyla. I'd been sequestered in my house for over a week and other than a couple trips to TM and Ma's I'd been restricted. Things would have been different if I would have had a Son available to take me but with increased gun and protection runs and Koz's abandonment I was left with minimal to no protection and since my house was pretty innocuous it was decided that it was the best spot for me. Now I was free to go out in public, I had Lyla and Ellie for companionship and Miles for protection I was good.

"Season One of Suite Life of Zach and Cody on DVD or Wizards of Waverly Place. I'm not picky." I smiled indulgently and Lyla leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"Get her the wizard show, Chantal already picked her up Suite Life." I nodded and finally found a comfortable position for my arm.

"Would you guys mind if I got some groceries too. Mom has been having the prospects fill my pantry with stuff she likes and thinks I should eat. Koz isn't there to feed my junk food habit." I felt my throat constrict painfully. He hadn't talked to me in over a week and the two times I saw him he had urgent things to do in the garage. I missed him. Lyla saw my face and stopped the cart to take me in a hug. As I rested my head on her shoulder Ellie shouted and rushed down the aisle.

"Gillian!" I moved out of the hug and Lyla watched with me as Gillian caught Ellie and gave her a quick squeeze.

"Hi Gillian." Lyla said with a smile while I was firmly rooted in place. This was a new situation for me. Usually my plans went off with little to no collateral damage or at least damage to me. Gillian had been avoiding me as much as Koz had. Without her I had a huge empty spot in my nursing rotation but more than that I'd lost a friend. What bothered me most was that there wasn't any maliciousness on my part. I simply wanted everything to work out between her and Koz, I didn't mean to hurt her. She looked at Lyla and made a pointed effort not to look at me. I was never one to shy away from confrontation but this one had me at a loss.

"Hi Lyla, shopping I see. Are those candles?" Gillian asked and Ellie beamed.

"Yep, I turn nine next week. You have to come to my party. It's at my house and everyone will be there. Ooohh Uncle Koz can bring you. He hasn't been around lately but he promised me a ride on his bike. You can go after me though." Despite everything I was feeling I had to smile, Ellie wasn't a stupid kid, she knew there was tension between Gillian and Koz but she was playing dumb. She knew there were very few people that could resist her when she went all cute and peppy.

"We'll see what happens with my schedule. Listen I have to pick up some stuff for my dinner tonight. How about I take you, Piper and Kenny out for ice cream later this week? How does that sound?" Gillian knelt down to Ellie's level and Ellie nodded.

"Gillian you don't have to do that. We have ice cream at home, you can stop by. No problem, right Ellie?" Lyla asked and Ellie nodded.

"I'll call later this week to find a time. I really should be going. Bye Ellie, Lyla…Milla." She said the last quickly and moved around us as fast as she could without looking rude. Ellie cocked her head and took me in before she walked over and gave me a hug.

"Don't worry Auntie Milla she's just upset about something. She'll get over it and you'll be friends again. Don't forget that you still have me." She looked up and I leaned down to kiss her head.

"I'll never forget that I have you." She smiled and unwound her arms from around me and took my hand as we went down the aisle. Yeah, I'd never forget that I had her.


I stood just outside the bay doors watching Koz as he bent over the open hood of some car in the garage. I was sick of not knowing where I stood with him. He'd been part of my life ever since he prospected for the club. I was there when he got his patch, I was there when he became a Man of Mayhem, He was the first Son I'd ever visited in prison and he was the first one I told when I broke the taboo and started dating a woman. He'd held me when I cried over Alex and had held my hand when I got my first tattoo. We had too much history to let one tiny misunderstanding unravel us. I needed him and I knew that in some way shape or form he needed me too.

"You gonna stand there all day?" I jumped when Koz stood and slammed the hood closed.

"We need to talk." I stood straight and was happy when my voice came out strong and firm.

"Yeah we do…Thought you would have showed up sooner." He wiped his hands on a rag and just stood staring at me.

"Can we go to the picnic tables? I don't feel like hashing it out here." I asked and he nodded before he moved past me and led the way. He sat down in one of the tables farther away from the clubhouse and waited for me. I found a way onto the bench and sat, suddenly more nervous than I'd been in a while. The last thing I wanted to do was screw this up.

"How are you doin? Ope says you've been going without the sling a bit. Is Espy ok?" He placed his hands in front of him and I just looked at him. He looked slightly better than before but still awful.

"I'm doing better, Dr. Bremmer says the heart's great and Carmen's helping me quite a bit with the arm. I still have a long way to go but I'm doing better. Esperanza's wonderful; she's almost completely healed from the surgery. Dr. Nior says she's as stubborn as I am." The corners of his mouth turned up a little and he nodded.

"Any problems with the house?" So this was how it was going to be, a Q&A session. Not if I could help it.

"Everything's fine with everything except us. I'm sorry Koz." I took a deep breath and Koz gave a curt nod.

"Yeah, I know you are. Why'd you do that kiddo?" Koz tapped his hand on the table and I blew out the breath I'd just taken.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone, I just wanted you two to work out whatever this is keeping you apart. You're good together. I promise you that I only meant to help you." I looked down and heard Koz swear.

"Fuck! I know kiddo, I fucking knew the next day. Don't you see where I was coming from?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Not really, I just wanted to help. I don't see why it was so bad. Maybe if I knew what you did I'd understand the reaction I got." I silently pleaded with him and he ran a hand through his hair before he ran it over his face.

"I fucked up, I got drunk and treated Gillian like a croweater. I didn't mean to be so fucking stupid. Then that little get together you planned made everything worse. I was so fucking angry with myself that I took it out on you and yeah I'm annoyed by your meddling but I should have expected it." He gave me a once over. "I should have come back."

"Yeah you should have, or you should have at least given me a chance to explain myself. I really didn't mean to fuck shit up for you Koz, the breakfast was supposed to be an opportunity for the two of you to work out your shit. Damn I'm a broken record. This is my last statement on the issue. I'm sorry and I love you." I stood up and walked into the clubhouse where Opie was waiting to drive me home. If Koz forgave me I'd be seeing him later. If not I'd just have to find a way to live with it. There were plenty of Sons and Old Ladies who couldn't stand me and I dealt with them. I met Opie's eyes and he nodded before he walked out with me. By the time we got back outside Koz was gone and I sighed. I'd know soon if our talk had any effect.

A few hours later I was home and on the phone with Lowen. They were going to have to change the parameters of our visits for the next few weeks. There was a small scuffle in the yard between our guys and the Aryans, Juice got some of the worst of it and had to get some stitches from the infirmary. When she told me I couldn't breathe but she assured me he was going to be ok. Unfortunately since they were actively participating in the fight they had to have some of their privileges suspended, including contact visits and family visits. I could still see him every week but it would be behind glass. I felt tears in my eyes but kept myself in check as Lowen filled me in. Before we hung up a bike pulled into the driveway and I mentally cursed whoever arrived. The last person I wanted to see was a Son. I had Neeta with me and she was all I needed. I hung up with Lowen when the door unlocked and Koz walked in with his bedroll under his arm and duffle slung across his back.

"Basement still good?" He asked and I nodded. As he passed me he ruffled my hair. "I love you kiddo."

"Love you too." I watched him walk through the kitchen and heard his boots walking heavily down the stairs and smiled. He was back and hopefully it was to stay.


I looked into my husband's bruised and battered face and had to look away. It seemed like every few months someone was beating the shit out f him and prison had upped that frequency to every few weeks. He picked up his phone and tapped on the glass. With a deep breath I picked up my phone. I was in that rare stage of frustration where I couldn't decide whether to scream or cry.

"Hey gorgeous." He gave me a facsimile of his goofy grin. What set this one apart was the fact that it didn't reach his eyes.

"What the fuck happened?" The frustration had found an outlet and that outlet was anger. His grin disappeared and he was left with that cool, still look that all Sons get when they want to shut you out. He'd never shut me out before.

"We took care of it, that's all you need to know." He spoke in quick clipped tones and it just made me angrier.

"No, I need to know why you can't see or hold your daughter, why you can't hold me. Damn it Juice, we were going to get full-contact visits. We would have been able to touch again and now this! What happened?" He face hardened further before it took on the softness he reserved for me.

"We still have enemies baby and they made their presence known. That's all I'm telling you. Fuck Milla you think I'm not pissed as fuck about this. When I heard I could touch you again it was like I got every Christmas present I'd ever wanted at once. Then we get jumped in the yard and now I can't see you outside of glass for at least a month. Lowen's working to get that reduced but I don't see that happening. Tig and Jax did some serious damage, enough to have them reconsidering our privileges in the short term and their long term privileges. I love you baby and I'd give my left nut to hold you again but…shit… things are getting tougher in here and I'd rather be alive than risk it all to touch you. I have five backs to watch in here other than my own baby, I have to think about them first. I wish you could understand that." He ran a hand over the growth where his Mohawk used to be and I felt tears slide down my face.

"You think I don't get it baby? I was raised with this shit. I know that your brothers come first and wouldn't upset that for anything. I just got my hopes up and I know it's selfish but I've been crushed over and over and over again. I think I have a right to be frustrated. You know what? Watch their backs, I want you all to come home. Even Tig." The last remark made him smile; a genuine one and he pressed a hand against the glass. I repeated the gesture as I balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"I love you." He smiled wider and I smiled before I felt mine falter.

"I love you too baby. I need to tell you something and I don't know how to do it." His brow furrowed and I decided to press on. "I got a new PT Babe and proving that all deities hate me and that my world is smaller than most that PT is Carmen. My Carmen."

I didn't know what reaction I was expecting but it certainly wasn't Juice going eerily calm and still. He looked down for a second and set down the phone while he worked something out in his head. He nodded to himself and picked up the phone.

"I'm going to say this once baby. You will get another PT, you will cut off all contact with Carmen and as of now the prison clause means nothing when it comes to you, you're mine and only I'm allowed access to you. I don't know if this bitch talked herself into your panties yet and I don't wanna know but know this. If she touches you I will reconsider my thoughts on taking out women." I stared at him in shock. His voice was so cold, so serious and I knew without a doubt that he meant what he said.

"You don't trust me baby?" I asked and he shook his head.

"When it comes to her your head isn't on straight. I don't think for a second that you've done anything with her but there's the possibility. I doubt those rings on your finger or our child in the nursery matter to her. I was waiting for you to tell me. Koz told Clay about her and word came to me. I don't believe for a second that it was coincidence that brought her to you. Just do what I say baby, cut off all contact with that bitch." The last was pleading and I felt myself shaking my head.

"Nothing will happen baby, she's good at what she does, did you even notice that I'm not wearing a sling, she's that good baby." I pleaded with him too and his eyes were steely.

"You'll find someone better. Don't fight me on this baby. For the first time be an Old Lady, not the princess. Do what I tell you to do." I felt my stubborn petulance bubble up in my gut and fought it down. I didn't come here to fight with him.

"That goes both ways baby. I do what you say and you tell me shit. I don't hear you telling me shit." There was this little voice in my head telling me to let it go but for some reason that voice was being silenced by my stubborn streak.

"In case you didn't notice sweetheart I'm behind glass and you're just a step above an invalid. It's not like you can play the no info, no pussy card. You're on a need to know basis and right now you don't need to know but what you need to do is be my fucking Old Lady and listen to me. I don't want that bitch around you and around our daughter and I will be checking on you." He gave me a smirk and I felt my blood boil. He was bringing up shit to hurt me and while I was hurt I was angrier.

"You son of a bitch. I've always been your Old Lady. I can't believe you just said that shit to me…" I seethed and he gave an almost feral grin.

"Remember what I said baby. This conversation is over, come back when you've cooled down and actually had time to think shit through. I really do love you." He hung up his phone and motioned to the guard who took him away. I hung up the phone and sat still trying to figure out what just happened. One of the guards came over and escorted me out, they needed the window for another prisoner so I nodded dumbly and followed the guard out.

Once I got my purse and shoes I sat in the visitor's chair and waited for Koz and Tara to come out so that we could go. That meeting was an unmitigated disaster. I didn't know what I did wrong and now that it was over I wasn't that angry. Yes I still hated being ordered around but he was my Old Man and he had a logical request. He was the only one other than my mother who understood how much Carmen had meant to me. It was his right to lay claim to what was his but this was more than that. He hadn't just issued a command to me, he'd withheld information and those two things weren't like Juice. More had obviously gone down than I thought and it had colored our interaction, something had pissed him off or scared him enough that he felt the need to lay down the law with me. Unfortunately this meant that I couldn't listen to his command. Now I had to investigate. I nodded to myself and the plan was set.

Soon enough Tara and Koz came out and we were on our way to Mom's where the kids were. I had a need for both my Mother and my baby so this was perfect. I needed to hold my baby and talk to Mom about what had just gone down. If anyone would understand the webs that were being formed in my head as I dissected everything it was Mom and if anyone could shed light on the shit that went down it would be her. With that thought I turned my head and looked out the window as we continued our forty-five minute drive back to Charming. Plenty of time to work through the first layer of shit.