Harry woke up with his scar prickling. Ron was standing over him, laughing hysterically.

"Haha you were talking your sleep about some guy named Gregorovitch! I finally have proof that you're gay! LOL"

Harry, realizing it was his birthday and his Trace was removed, sent all of Ron's stuff flying around the room in anger and denial.

"Don't worry, I've known all along, so I got you this book as a present," Ron continued, shrugging and holding up a book called Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Wizards.

Harry stormed out of the room. Ginny cracked open her bedroom door and peeked out into the hallway, watching Harry march angrily towards the stairs. "Wait – Harry! I have a surprise for you…a birthday present…" she said seductively, and shut the door.

Harry stepped into Ginny's room and looked around him before entering. Ginny was lying on the bed in sexy lingerie; a box of extra-large condoms was lying on the nightstand. "What are you waiting for?" she asked, looking up at him in anticipation.

Harry began to take off his pants, when suddenly the door banged open behind them and they both jumped.

"THAT'S MY SISTER!" yelled Ron, enraged. "AND YOU'RE MY BFF! AND THIS IS A CHILDREN'S BOOK!"

"But your sister is hott!" Harry protested, scrambling to put his pants back on. "Besides, it's not like I'm going to marry her in some sort of cheesy epilogue, right?"

Ron sighed. "Yeah, that's true."

Ginny got dressed and they all went downstairs for Harry's birthday party.

The Weasley's were all waiting around a snitch cake and pile of presents. Tonks, Lupin, and Hagrid had arrived also.

Charlie was taunting Hagrid. "LOL HAGRID YOUR DRAGON WAS A GIRL!" he teased.

Tonks began yelling "HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!" over and over.

Lupin was mumbling incoherently while drinking a bottle of firewhisky.

Suddenly, in the middle of all the commotion, the Minister of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour burst through the door, and everybody went quiet.

Lupin put down his firewhisky and turned to Tonks. "Oh crap. Scrimgeour likes to make fun of werewolves. My life is fail. I'm going to go cut myself. Come on."

"Okay!" Tonks agreed cheerfully.

Scrimgeour looked around the room. "I need to talk to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in private."

Mr. Weasley shook his head. "No, Minister, you can not have sex with my son." Everybody stared, looking from Mr. Weasley to the Minister.

Scrimgeour slapped his forehead. "STFU Arthur." He led Harry, Ron, and Hermione into a separate room and closed the door. "OK guys," he began. "Here's the dealio. When Dumbledore died on page 596 of the last book, he left you some stuff in his will. I was going to keep it for myself, but the only thing that wasn't useless crap was this sweet Gryffindor sword thing, so I'm going to give it to Snape LOL!"

"That's GAY!" whined Ron, and he began to throw a temper-tantrum.

"Yeah he's right!" exclaimed Harry. "Now all we get is a snitch, a book, and a lighter."

Scrimgeour giggled. "HAHA I guess you're screwed then. BAI GUYZ!"