BB POV
I am underwater. The blue overwhelms me. I see bubbles float. I see light shimmering above me. I am calm and I am at peace.
I feel hands grab my ankles.
I look down at the hands.
My parents. They are the same as the last time I saw them. My mother, with her mouse–brown hair, and greenish eyes, with her less than average height and diminutive nature. My father, with his wheat blonde hair, like I had, and intense blue eyes, who is tall and muscular. Seaweed is wrapped around them.
They're trapped in our boat.
They are ridden with bullet holes.
I look down at my parents. They keep sinking. I keep sinking. I realize I can't breathe.
I push them away but they have an iron grip. I am choking now. From the water, from grief. They are angry at me. I could see it in their faces. There is horror and rage and betrayal in their eyes.
"Why didn't you save us, Garfield?! Why?!"
Their words cut through me like a scalpel.
"Why? What kind of son are you?! Don't you love us?! Don't you care?!"
Of course I did. Why are you—
"Pathetic."
"Coward."
"No–good son."
"Good–for–Nothing."
"All for nothing."
"We saved you all for nothing."
I am struck. Like a bullet. Like a hammer driving into my chest and ripping out my heart.
And I sink. I look down at them again. Their faces, clear as the pristine water around me, starts to decay. Their skin peels off slowly. I scream but no sound comes out. Their hands are now cages of bone. Whitewash. My grave. They've become my grave now.
I go down and down and down and I am on the sea floor, laying there. I can't breathe anymore. I feel myself dying. I can at least rest now. I won't hear them again.
The guilt is too much and I drown to my death.
The water is the last thing and the first thing I see. The light drifts. I drift. I realize I'm no longer on the bottom of the ocean.
I feel sand. I'm on my knees. Rock surrounds me. There's water in front of me.
I stare into the reflection of the water. I don't see my face. I see Terra's.
"Terra?"
She is furious.
"I hate you!"
"Terra. Please—"
"You're a monster, you know that? A freak!"
" I didn't—"
"Why'd you leave me, huh?! Why didn't you stop him?!"
"I was angry and—"
"For what?! Don't you know what he did to me?! How he owned me?!"
The reflection decomposes and I see myself. It's not a face I recognize.
I have powder on my face. I am white as a sheet. My lips are too red, like I have put on lipstick. My forest green hair is lighter. My eyes are dead and broken.
I close my eyes.
A wind rushes through me and I feel like I'm flying.
I realize I am on a different plane. I am holding onto a rock. It's flying. I'm struggling to get up to stop the person controlling the rock.
It's Terra, her fists glowing into gold. I grab firmly, scrambling upward and I am grunting with effort and I say,
"Terra! Stop! We're your friends!"
She is venomous and her glare cuts me.
"I don't have any friends, remember?"
Her fist slams into my face.
I fly off.
I am not held by Starfire's arms.
I fall down and down and hit the floor. It's cold and I am in this familiar place. I get up groaning. The house of mirrors. I see myself in the mirrors. The way Terra begged me to forgive her, to allow her to change. She begged me to help her.
"He said I owed him, but..."
"So it was all a game? You were just pretending?"
She's scared and saddened and broken. And she asked me. That promise. I promised her.
"No... You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?"
And she tried to reach in. To touch my cheek. I turn away. Betrayed. Hurt. Angry. I turn my back on her.
"Slade was right. You don't have any friends."
Friends. Friends. I was her friend. I made a promise. I was a man of my word. And this was the time I should've stood up like man. I should've saved her, helped her.
I didn't. I rejected her.
Robin's words later on, about what she said when he fought her,
"I'm not some sad little girl waiting to be rescued..."
She wanted a rescuer and I was supposed to be that. I was supposed to be her knight in shining armor.
I failed. I failed on that. I acted like an immature little boy instead of stepping up and being a man. And I failed on that. God, I failed.
"You're a failure."
She's looking at me through the mirror now. I back away, frightened. I hang up my hands in resignation.
"Terra. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't—"
"You're dead to me."
"Please. I can't—"
"You know what?! I had to save myself in the end and I waited for you to help me! And all you could do was turn your back?! You're just like everyone else!"
"Terra—"
"You used me! That's all you did!"
I shook my head, crying silently.
"I hope my sacrifice was enough for you."
I shook my head. The pain is killing me.
"Hope you're happy now."
I curl up, refusing to look. I curl up, blocking her face. I curl up, pretending it's not real.
Not real. Not real. Not—
The mirrors shatter and I am sprayed with glass. The glass cuts me like her words, like their words, and I see them. My friends.
Friends. Friends.
"You are not our Friend. Clorbag Valbernelk..."
"Man, how can ya be so foolish?! Why can't you just grow up for once, man?!"
"You're a liability! The weak link! That's all you are!"
"Pathetic! Crying like a bitch! What? Are you going to call for mommy and daddy now?!"
Raven's words might as well be knives and bullets.
"Aww! What a little baby! A little bitch! Maybe the Joker has a point! He should keep a little bitch like you on a leash!"
I am sobbing now. I ward her off. She has the four eyes like crimson on her face. She is smiling like a devil. I am terrified and I crawl off.
"You're such a stupid idiot! A little boy who nevet grew up! You're so pitiful, lying there, like a little pussy! Aww! You don't wanna get your paws wet?! Huh?! Little bitch?! Little pussycat?! Coward! You really thought I loved you?!"
"Stop!"
I'm covering my ears. I don't wanna hear anymore.
"You are a weakling!"
"No."
"Can't do anything right."
"Stop it!"
"Or what, pinhead?! What are you gonna do?!"
"This isn't real! None of this—"
I feel hands grab me. I see my friends. Friends. They are smiling. It's unnaturally wide. I am getting pulled limb by limb as they laugh at me.
Raven continues. She is holding my head pulling it. She is gazing down with that horrible smile on her face.
"We never cared about you. We never even loved you. You're just a dumb little jokester who messes us up all the time. You have no bearing with us. You're pathetic and you know it. But we'll give you one last favor to do."
As I'm being drawn and quartered, I am crying. I shake my head.
"Kill yourself."
It echoes on.
Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Go kill your self. Kill your self. My self. My self.
I feel myself being let go. There's nothing under me. I am falling in the black.
I hear another voice. A voice that crawls its way into my brain like a maggot.
"Kill your self and embrace me. Join me. Allow me to set you free."
There's nothing but darkness. I am fading in and out to black.
"Let my truth set you free."
I black out completely.
