Part 5C: "The Fifth Time"

Yeah, Shepard thought, opening her eyes and scanning her surroundings. Hospitals were definitely not her favorite place to wake up. The experience brought back too many unpleasant memories.

She groaned as she assessed the situation. Her wedding gown was nowhere to be seen, replaced by the standard issued hospital gown that fit absolutely no one. There was an IV in her hand, a nasal cannula across her face, and a fog in her brain that suggested a cocktail of pretty impressive drugs. A head of dark hair rested on the side of the small bed. Shepard gingerly lifted her hand to caress the silky curls.

"Hey," her husband jerked up and grabbed her hand, kissing it once before continuing. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I just got run over by a Krogan," she replied with a half smile. "It's kind of embarrassing that it was a tiny one."

His expression grew grim. "About that, Shepard…"

Dread exploded like a nuke in her belly and she turned her gaze away from him in shame. "You know." It wasn't a question. The doctors would have explained her condition to him upon her arrival. With his technical background, Kaidan probably understood her failing implants better than she did at this point.

"How could you not tell me you were ill?" His voice was a harsh symphony of pain and disappointment. "We're supposed to be in this together, Shepard. We're supposed to be partners."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Did you think I couldn't handle it?" She cringed as his voice grew louder, more rough. "Didn't you trust me to look after you? 'In sickness and in health' aren't just words to me."

Shepard scrambled for something to say to make this better, pretty much drew a blank. "I trust you; of course I do. It's just…I thought…."

"What?" Actual anger colored Kaidan's voice now. He paced to the other side of the room, faced the wall. "What did you think, Shepard? What can you possibly say that will make me feel better about the fact that you've been lying to me for months?"

"I did it for you," she cried, finally finding her voice.

"For me?" He turned back to face her, flared blue for a second before pausing to regain control. "That's bullshit Shepard, and you know it!"

She bit her lip, sucked in a ragged breath. "I was going to tell you; I swear. I just wanted to wait a bit. You've been so patient with me and I wanted you to have the wedding you deserve. I didn't want to cancel on you again. Life is so short and…"

"Is that what you think?" he interrupted, incredulity written all over his face. "You think that life is short?"

Shepard stared at him in awe as the anger leached from his features. He slumped back onto the chair at her side, his shoulders hunched, defeated. He grabbed her hand again, rubbed it against his cheek.

"Do you have any idea," he said slowly, "how many times I've lost you?"

Her own eyes burned. She felt moisture on her fingertips. "I have a fair idea."

"I feel like every time you leave me behind, I lose you again. You ordered me from your side on the Normandy, and then I spent two years thinking you were dead. In the final battle against the reapers, you physically forced me back onto the ship, and then hours later you fucking died in my arms while I begged you not to go. You died again," he said, pausing when his voice cracked a bit at the end, "four more times on the operating table, while I had to sit on my hands in the waiting room for hours and pray that I hadn't just held you for the last time."

He slid forward in his seat, scraped his fingers through his curly hair. "I know exactly how long life is Shepard, because without you it is interminable. I can't go through that again; I can't. You need to stop pushing me away."

Tears poured down Shepard's face as she listened to her husband bare his heart to her. "I'm so sorry," she whimpered. "I never meant to hurt you like that. I swear."

"I know," he admitted, "but today you collapsed in my arms again, and then I found out you've been keeping this huge secret from me, and it was like…shit." He swallowed a sob, rubbed the heel of his palms against his eyes. "I just need you to promise me we're in this together, forever. Promise you won't leave me behind again."

"Come here." She opened her arms, gestured for him to climb up onto the bed. God, she needed to hold him so badly.

He hesitated. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Trust goes both ways, Major," she countered. "I promise to keep you included, but you need to believe me when I tell you something. I'm fine. Come here."

Kaidan acquiesced, climbing gingerly onto the small hospital bed and curling into her side. She pillowed his head on her chest and combed her fingers through his hair.

"We're going to get through this," he assured her. "You're going to get the surgeries you need and come out so much stronger on the other side. And I'm going to stick with you the whole way."

Shepard sighed, rubbed her cheek on his hair. "I just wish you didn't have to. I want to stand on my own two feet. I'm tired of being such a burden. "

"Hey," he sat up quickly, looked directly into her eyes. "You will never be a burden to me, you hear? Every day I spend with you is a gift, regardless of what we're doing. Of anyone in this galaxy, I am in a unique position to truly understand that." He brushed his lips across the scar on her nose." I want to help you, Shepard. Nothing is more important."

"I really am sorry." She said again, feeling like a corrupted audio file. "I honestly was going to tell you everything right after the wedding."

"I'm sorry too," he admitted, settling back down onto her chest. "I shouldn't have yelled."

She flashed him an understanding smile. "I get why you did," she said. "In your situation I'm sure I would have behaved much worse."

"Oh, you think?" He quipped. Shepard smirked; sarcasm was not Kaidan's strong point.

"We're going to miss a hell of party," she groaned. "No dinner, no fancy cake, no watching all our friends get completely smashed…"

Kaidan smiled against her skin. "I bet Hackett's a fun drunk."

She laughed wholeheartedly, jostling Kaidan around in her mirth. "I'd pay good money to see that," she said.

"So would pretty much everyone," he agreed. "We could have made a killing."

Shepard sighed. "Speaking of killing it, we're not going to get our first dance."

"My toes are eternally grateful," he said, earning a light slap on the shoulder.

"I am not that bad!" She complained. "I don't understand why everyone thinks my dancing is so horrible."

"Have you seen yourself?" He asked, barely containing a chuckle.

Her lips turned down in a partially feigned pout. "Shut up."

"All right, all right," he laughed. "I promised to help you through everything, so help you I will. Are you in any pain?"

"Just my pride," she told him, petulantly. "I passed out, live on the extranet, for billions of people to see, and now my husband is perpetuating the harsh lie that I have no rhythm."

Kaidan flashed her a patient smile. "Be serious for a second, Love."

"No," she said. "Whatever drugs they've pumped through me have turned my muscles into jelly, but it doesn't actually hurt."

"Excellent." He glanced at the monitor above her head, before gently reaching behind her ears to unhook the nasal cannula and set it aside. "You're oxygen levels are fine, you don't need that anymore." Enthusiastically popping up from the small bed, Kaidan slid over to the cupboard and pulled down a spare hospital gown. "Put this on like a robe," he called, tossing her the material. She sat up slowly to obey, as he pulled her IV bag down from its pole and looped it around his wrist.

Gently clasping her knees, her husband rotated her legs to hang off the side of the bed. "Can you stand?"

Shepard eyed the tiled floor dubiously. "Probably not."

"Okay," he tapped his chin. "That's not a problem."

"What are you trying to do?" She asked, incredulously. "Are we making a break for it? We could probably catch the second half of our reception if we leave now."

"Not a chance, Shepard." He countered. "You're here until the doctors say otherwise. I can, however, give you something else." He wrapped an arm around her back, securing it firmly under her arms. "Scoot forward off the bed," he instructed. "I won't let you fall; trust me."

Shepard looked into his caramel colored eyes and saw so much love staring back at her she could barely believe it. "Okay," she said, sliding into his arms, "I trust you."

He caught her effortlessly, letting her feet rest lightly on his, but supporting most of her weight. "There you go," he praised, wrapping one of her arms around his neck. "That's perfect."

"For what, exactly?" she asked, feeling giddy with anticipation.

He smiled at her, clasped her free hand in his and kissed her fingertips. "Our dance," he said, before twirling her around in a graceful arc.

Shepard squealed with glee as he danced her around the room, letting his feet move hers in a practiced rhythm. "One, two, three…one, two, three…" he chanted, pulling her into a traditional waltz. She rested her head on his shoulder, thought that nothing in the universe could possibly make this perfect moment any better…and then, he began to sing.

"If I caught the world in a bottle
And everything was still beneath the moon
Without your love would it shine for me?
If I was smart as Aristotle
And understood the rings around the moon
What would it all matter if you loved me?"

Shepard felt more tears well up in her eyes as Kaidan's flawless baritone filled the room. She hadn't heard him sing since that horrible day on the citadel when she'd slipped away in his arms. Here she was again; being held by the man she loved, as he sung to her of his unwavering devotion. Only this time, instead of sorrow, her heart was filled with joy.

"Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still
With a million dreams to fulfill
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing would I fear
Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end

"Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon and we would ride
Until the stars grew dim
Until the time stands still, Until…"

Kaidan let the song trail off and slowed their movements to a gentle sway. "You are everything to me," he said gruffly. "I would have married you in a back office at Alliance headquarters with Hackett officiating and his assistant as a witness. Just being with you, in any way I can, is what matters the most. Don't ever doubt it."

"Never," she agreed. "Like you said, we're in this together."

He smiled, "until the end of time?"

"Longer," she promised, reaching up to brush her lips against his. A knock on the door a second later interrupted their tender moment.

Kaidan boosted Shepard back up onto the hospital bed, right before a tall, middle aged man strode into the room.

Alright," the doctor began, a vein of boredom coloring his even voice. "We have a few things to go over before you two can get out of here and do whatever it is that newlyweds do, and I can get back to patients who actually need my expertise."

"Excuse me?" Kaidan took a step forward and crossed his arms in front of his chest, obviously challenging the doctor's attitude. Shepard grabbed her husband's wrist and gestured for him to sit down. She could handle the physician being a bit of an ass, as long as they got to leave soon.

Throwing a brief glare of annoyance their way, the doctor activated his omnitool and continued his explanation. "You suffered from a loss of consciousness. It's actually a fairly common occurrence. If the body experiences a shock, either physically or psychologically, changes in the nervous and circulatory systems cause a temporary drop in the amount of blood reaching the brain. Not enough blood to brain, and it shuts down temporarily until the deficiency is resolved."

Shepard grimaced. "Are you telling me I fainted?"

The man smirked at her. "Can you come up with a more accurate term?"

Kaidan cleared his throat, cutting the tension between his wife and her doctor a bit. "She was out for more than a few minutes. Can you explain that? And is it going to happen again?"

"Of course I can explain it," He drawled, powering down his omnitool and clasping his hands behind his back. His lips spread into a sarcastic smile. "It's apparently my job to state the obvious. The initial loss of consciousness was triggered by the sudden shock of pain you witnessed, but her vitals were low enough to perpetuate that state. Your wife shouldn't lose consciousness again, because she's not going to be stupid enough to forget to eat, abuse her pain medication, overdue herself physically, and then neglect to call her doctor when things aren't going quite right." He turned a pointed glare at the commander, "is she?"

Shepard fumed; she hadn't been dressed down so thoroughly since basic training. "I was told I had months before my implants degraded enough to get me to this point, which is why I decided to delay getting them replaced."

"Things change, Mrs…." He glanced at his omnitool again, "Alenko."

"Shepard-Alenko," she corrected, patience growing fairly thin. "And it's Commander."

"Excellent, Commander," he emphasized the word. "Then you should be intelligent enough to understand what I'm about to tell you. Your fainting spell was caused by the same thing that's making your pain meds wear off at an alarming rate. It's also the same reason we need to postpone your surgery for a good long while. You," he paused for emphasis, "are growing biotic nodules; a lot of them actually. And as a result your metabolism has increased three times its previous rate. "

Shepard felt sick, immediately understanding the implications. Oh shit, she thought.

Kaidan didn't catch on quite as quickly. "What the hell are you talking about?" her husband railed at the doctor. "That's not possible. Even with all the eezo in our atmosphere since the reaper war, the only time anyone can develop biotic abilities is during adolescence, or in utero…" He paused, his face growing suddenly quite pale.

"…and the penny drops," the doctor quipped, pulling a small plastic vial out of his pocket. He shook it a few times, emphasizing the tiny object rattling around inside, before handing it off to Shepard. "You do know these birth control implants expire, right?" Shepard could only gape at him. "Yours failed approximately six and half weeks ago, congratulations."

The Commander's hand immediately dropped to her still flat abdomen. Despite the piss-poor timing, she couldn't help feeling a bit of excited joy bubble up inside. Her lips split into a soft, cautious grin, "a baby?"

"Ignoring her question, the doctor continued. "I'm uploading your new prescription to your omnitool," he stated. "Your previous medication wasn't harmful to take during pregnancy, but this new one is better. It's safe, and formulated to your new metabolic rate. It should help with both the pain and weakness. Adhere to the instructions exactly, eat as much high caloric food as you possibly can, follow up with your regular OBGYN, and we shouldn't need to see you back in this hospital until you deliver. You can schedule your implant replacement surgeries to begin approximately six weeks post-partum. You'll have to check with your specialist, but you should be able to stagger them to minimize the disruption to your life."

"Thank you, doctor," she breathed, immediately forgiving him for being a complete jerk."

He leaned down closer to her face and lowered his voice. "Take care of yourself, Commander" he told her, and Shepard was shocked to hear how concerned he suddenly sounded. "Nothing gets my ire up more than carelessness. We lost too many good people in that godforsaken war. Don't make us lose any more, okay?"

She nodded and returned his pleasant smile, before turning to address her husband. "Kaidan," she nearly squealed, "can you believe it? We're going to….Kaidan?"

The Major looked so pale he was actually gray. Shepard reached for him, only to miss by inches as his eyes rolled back and his whole body slumped limply to the floor. "Kaidan!"

The doctor let out a long-suffering sigh. "He's fine," he told her, running his omnitool across her husband's unconscious form. "As I said, it's a fairly common occurrence."


Author's notes:

* Kaidan sings "Until," by Sting. It is 3/4 time, so it is perfect for a waltz. I also thought the lyrics fit this lovely couple perfectly.

* So there you have it, chapter 5 is finally finished. I'm not 100% happy with it. I tried to make the end funny, but I'm pretty sure it fell short My comedic timing can apparently use some work. But I figure if I fiddle with it anymore it is just going to get worse. So I hope you liked it anyway.

* Only one more chapter to go! Hopefully I can manage to keep it to one single post.

* Thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged, or commented on this story. Every single one is a huge encouragement to me!