I know it's been a while. I've been super busy with exams though, so don't kill me too much. Please review guys, it makes me feel loved - I've got more alerts on this story than I've got reviews! No okay, don't feel pressured, but I'd love it if you'd R&R. ON WITH THE STUPID CRAPPY CHAPTER!

Edward and Jasper were noticeably unsteady on their feet as they made their way into the forests surrounding Forks. Their usually graceful and inhumanly fast pace was disjointed, mainly because they were both tripping up every ten seconds and ending up flat on their faces cussing into the ground – they were both drunk. Again. The seventh time Jasper tripped over his own feet, Edward stopped and turned to see his brother sprawled across a rock, seemingly talking to himself. As he approached, he saw the small beetle in front of Jasper's nose – a beetle which Jasper seemed to be addressing with an odd tone of authority to his voice

"Beetle, I'm going to tell you this one time, and one time only. You trip Jasper up, and you get squished. Squished! Now, what the hell are you looking at me like that for? Prepare to suffer major consequences!"

Edward frowned, and leaned over so that he could check if the beetle seemed to be showing any signs of replying. It wasn't. "Jasper … it's just a beetle."

"It's not just a beetle, it's a bad beetle!" Jasper scolded, pouting in the direction of the obviously disinterested beetle. He scooped it up so that he could hold it at eye level, a better position for him to glare at it in. After a moment, he shrieked and dropped the beetle to the ground. "Edward, it peed on me."

"I can't blame it," Edward growled under his breath, before reaching out and hauling his brother to his feet – making sure that he grabbed the hand which wasn't covered in beetle excretions. As they continued into the forest, a scent which was familiar, but no less disgusting despite the familiarity, reached their nostrils and they both froze in place at the same time – although Jasper wasn't still for long before he wobbled a little and crashed back down to the ground.

"You're spending more time on your butt these days than Bella does," Edward remarked, before helping his brother up from the floor again. He tried to keep his tone casual, but he was growing increasingly agitated about the scent they had come across; it was distinctly werewolf, and definitely Jacob Black.

"Jacob!" Jasper called out, "Here, boy! Here Jakey Jakey Jakey!" He whistled as if calling to a dog, laughing, but the smile was wiped from his face as he saw Jacob appearing from the darkness, impossibly huge and shaking with anger. "Um, hey Jacob," he added, sounding a lot less confident now.

"Cullen," Jacob said, nodding at Edward. He turned his gaze to Jasper. "Other Cullen," he added, looking slightly less murderous. Edward sniffed the air; there was another scent mingled with the usual werewolf stink.

"Jacob, are you drunk?" he asked in mild surprise. His question was answered in Jacob's thoughts – 'Drunk? I had ONE drink. If twelve beers count as one drink.' Edward couldn't help but grin; this should be interesting. Jasper was looking increasingly uncomfortable, and as Edward turned to tell him he could leave, he was already opening his mouth to speak.

"Oh, um, I think I hear someone calling me. Beetle? Beetle?! Yeah, I'll be there in a sec!" he threw a last frantic glance at Jacob before disappearing into the forest with unnatural speed.

Edward faced Jacob without speaking, choosing instead to read his thoughts. 'Look at him. Standing there. All ... undead. What does this guy do that I can't? He sucks blood. Biiiig whoop. Mosquitos suck blood too, maybe she should go get engaged to an insect ... I'm sure I'd get along with it more. Plus it'd be easier to squish. He's a bug - a big shiny bug. Stupid bugman.'

"When you're quite finished," Edward said, crossing his arms and trying to maintain a composed posture, "Would you mind telling me what you're doing here?" He prayed that he wouldn't give away how intoxicated he was - Edward was sure that Jacob would take advantage of that knowledge in any way that he could.

"Just checking up on you, Eddie," Jacob said with a smirk. His face suddenly changed, and he looked over Edward's shoulder with an expression of shock and horror, eyes widening in disbelief. "Holy crap, it's Victoria!" Edward wheeled around, and the sudden movement upset his balance and sent him flying to the floor. Jacob grinned and leaned down over his rival, making sure that his breath - which he knew would smell as disgusting to Edward as Edward's did to him - blew through the male vampire's hair in a way that meant it would linger there for a while.

"See you later .." he said, before stepping over Edward and starting to walk away. "... sucker."