AN: OMG I'm so sorry it has taken me so long guys, I was in the process of moving and now I'm MOSTLY moved and getting settled in with my kids and GF and new kitten...life! Here is the next funky installment!
Ok if we are being honest here, we didn't tell anyone right away about the newest magical mishap. Mostly we were hoping it would go away on its own, maybe like my version of a pregnancy symptom, that eventually I would ease out of it. Yeah, no luck so far. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know what was worse telling Zelena outright that I had a magic cock that wouldn't go away or having our teenage son catch my morning wood one morning when I was in the kitchen making coffee in sweats…
"Hey mornin' kid." I mumble as I pour a cup of coffee from the pot.
"Heya ma, is mom still sleeping?" He rubs the sleep out of his eyes as he settles onto one the barstools, making small talk.
"Yup." I turn, of course not thinking about the fact that I'm only wearing sweats with no underwear and there is an obvious something in my pants.
"That's a first, why couldn't you—" he stopped mid-sentence as he finally wakes up, "OH GOD MA! What the hell?!" His face goes from gross to confused to mildly amused but then gross again.
"Hey, swearing and keep your voice down. You know how she gets if she's rudely awaken." I hush him up with a glass of juice. "I don't know what happened, I woke up in the middle of the night just over a week ago with it and we've been trying to see if it'd go away on its own but nothing."
"Have you—" he goes to suggest something and I have to stop him.
"I'm not having that conversation with you, because I know you don't want to have it with me." We both blush profusely thinking about talking sex between us…especially since I now am sporting male equipment.
"I'm just trying to help." He shrugs as he sips his juice, still not willing to make much eye contact.
"Yeah and I appreciate that but this is sex, sex between your mom and myself." I raise my brows as he understands that he doesn't really want to know about his mom's having sex. "Ok fine, we've tried using it, I've tried other things and I think we've scoured every spell book we could find but nothing."
"Ew." He finally shakes his head.
"You started it." I banter back, defending myself and his mother since he's the one that asked first, or found out.
"Who started what?" Regina's sleepy face made herself known.
"Oh, hey. Sorry, I hope we didn't wake you." I apologize, I have no idea how long she had been around or how much she heard us talking.
"Ma was just telling me about her—" Henry tries to play innocent with his mother but I know his true intentions here, always trying to throw me under the bus. Okay not always but he's pretty ornery, Regina's child for sure.
"HENRY!" I warn him, payback is going to be a bitch son you just wait.
"Yeah I guess I magicked Emma a penis last week, we're calling Zelena today." I watch as she grabs her only cup of coffee she's allowed for the day, it really has become a ritual, one that I dare not argue with. We let her enjoy it in peace and everyone knows it…especially when Regina walks into Granny's, both the Lucas' know it and they make sure everyone leaves her alone.
"Oh man Aunt Zelena is going to get a kick out of this, can I be there please?" He begged, freaking begged to be there to tell Zelena…
"Um, no. I'm not going to show my teenage son how his mom grew a dick. Go get ready for school."
"It's summer break." He deadpanned as I looked like a deer in headlights.
"Still no." I sip my own coffee as I hear Regina chuckling behind me, before I feel her arms wrap around my waist, hugging me and inhaling me gently.
"It's fine, I got some friends I was going to meet up with today." He hopped down from his chair, I know our affection sometimes makes him blush but even more now that his mother is pregnant. I think it's just the fact that he's a teenager and obviously it took us having sex to get Regina pregnant—"I'm going to shower."
"We'll have some breakfast for you when you come back down." Regina always the mother, she spoiled him but he's such a great kid.
"Thanks mom."
"Are you ready to do it all over again?" Regina hugged me tight and I turned in her arms, enveloping her and smiling.
"Totally. Oh man we are coming up on knowing the sex, we do want to find out right?"
"Yes, I don't think I have the patience for a surprise, I could be cliché and just say, 'as long as it's a healthy baby I'm happy,' but deep down I have my preferences." She smiles at me as we enjoy the moment as a couple. She sighs heavily as she melts into me and I stroke her back gently, feeling the small bump that has grown between us…not to mention other things that have now grown—
"Ah yes, your problem." She chuckles slight as she feels my groin get semi hard from just touching her this way and being this close.
"I'm sorry you just feel so good against me." I blush, I can't help it. I've not had one of these things my whole life so I'm not sure how it behaves or how to control it, I think I've been pretty lucky thus far.
We left for Zelena's farm house later that day, I didn't want to talk about it but Regina insisted that we tell her and see if she had any solutions. She gave me an ultimatum and said it was either Zelena or Rumple…you could see why I picked her sister, as awkward as it seemed she was my best bet and if it really came down to it we would talk to Rumple. The thought of having that conversation with him was terrifying, and it didn't help that Regina made fun of me for it.
More than anything, being out in public with my new addition made things incredibly awkward. Not only did I have to work with it and keep it under wraps but I had to go around town with it and hope that no one caught my fancy as I didn't want it acting up, how the hell do you explain that to your wife? I had to forgo my tight jeans for something with a little slack, totally out of my element really. Regina helped me let out a couple pairs of jeans so I could at least work a bit without squishing myself. Alongside my new cock I had a sack to go with it, I don't have room for all that shit and I don't know how men deal with it daily I really don't. Ruby took one look at me and knew, how those wolves do it I'll never know! I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse, it definitely gives you an edge on what's going on in town.
"Are you sure you're ready to trust my sister with this?" Regina's brows raise in concern.
"Meh, I know she's not going to go around town telling everyone I've got a magical dick and I know she's got the knowledge. Plus, I'd rather go to her instead of Rumple." I shrug as we walk up the farmhouse steps, I'm happy she's made a home here for her and Robin, and I'm glad we are mostly cordial…she might be sassy but I got these Mills' sisters figured out.
We walk up the steps to the farmhouse, I can't really help the nerves that are forming in my stomach, I know this is going to be awkward and there is no way around it. Buck up Swan, you got this. Regina makes herself at home and walks right in, I know Zelena is expecting us but it still seems strange for us to just walk in, I hear Robin fussing the moment we walk in and Zelena trying to comfort her. We follow the sounds to the small kitchen where she is bouncing her little bundle trying to get her to calm down.
"Thank God, Regina please take her, she won't stop crying!" I watch as my wife takes Robin from her arms and immediately she stops fussing and snuggles into Regina's chest. "Of course, as usual." Zelena huffs as she grabs a drink from the amber liquid on the table…
"Daytime drinking these days?" I question, I don't judge but obviously the woman seems stressed.
"Just takes the edge off." She downs the rest of the liquid, "so what've you got to show me then?" She sits herself at the table eyeing me suspiciously.
I immediately blush and I'm not sure I can actually show her. There is no reason for her to see it anyways. Regina looks at me and then her sister trying to figure out the angle.
"I umm accidently gave Emma a magical penis and we thought it would go away. However, it's been just over a week and—"
"Are you serious?! Well let me see!" She practically vaults from her seat towards me.
"No, no, no—see Regina, I knew she'd want to look and I'm—"
"You don't have too dear." Regina reassured me as she rocks back and forth with Robin at Zelena and mines outbursts.
"Ugh, you two are no fun, I just wanted to see what kind of things my sister comes up with in her sleep, this is a fun one." She grins perversely at us. "So, have you tried the obvious and used it?"
"Yes, that was the first thing we tried—right when it happened—" it was Regina's turn to blush as she explained how she remembered it, "I was dreaming about us getting pregnant, when Emma took the potion for the changes and it obviously woke Emma up before me."
"So, what you just were startled from your sleep with a hard-on?" She looked at me questioning.
"Pretty much, it hurts when it's ya know—" I motioned to an erect penis and she laughed.
"You could talk more casually about sex, not like it's a huge secret you are boinking my sister. It's a natural process you know, human nature and whatnot just lay it out for me, this eluding thing is bonkers."
"I'm a woman with a penis, I know it's not unheard of but it's not everyday one wakes up to one that was magicked on by her wife, we just need to know other solutions." I'm getting more flustered and more irritated as we sit here and talk about it. Regina laid Robin down in her little bassinet and sat with us at the table as we mulled over ideas.
"Okay, well you've tried using it. Have you tried wishing it away?" Regina shook her head no, but she doubted that would work, this thing has stuck around for over a week and frankly I was starting to get a little uncomfortable it being in my pants. We sat in silence for several moments brainstorming ideas on how it might go away.
"I know this might be a little personal but, have you tried reliving the fantasy you were dreaming about that caused it in the first place?" She smirked at Regina and rose her brows, her face wanting to know every little detail of her sisters sex dream. Regina shook her head again but thought that one through, she never did tell me what she was dreaming about but maybe in light of the situation this would help our predicament.
"What were you dreaming about sis?" She can't help but tease her baby sister, it's truly what she's good at.
"Uh huh I'm not sharing that one with you."
"Oh, come on you won't even let me see your new toy and you won't share you sex dreams…they're just dreams." Zelena huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.
"You and I know more than anyone dreams are not always what they seem." My wife glared at her sister, in an accusatory sort of way that really made me question what dreams actually mean. "We should go, that was a good idea and we'll try—"
"Let me know if it works otherwise I'm out of ideas, you could try Rumple." She winked at me and laughed. Regina and I rose from our seats, bidding farewell to the red-head and making our way out of the farmhouse.
"Regina are magical dreams different than normal dreams?" I was innocent in my question, I guess I hadn't run across this during my short stint as the dark one and nothing I read pertained to magical dreams.
"Sometimes, however it takes a lot of power and focus so I'm surprised I was able to do so in my sleeping state. Maybe it's enhanced because of the pregnancy, we can bring it up at the next appointment, maybe Letty knows something." She nods as we settle into the car and head back to town.
The sex-dream sex didn't happen right away. I'm not sure if she was embarrassed, I mean at this point I was the one living with a penis for the last two weeks and I really wish I wasn't. I didn't want to see Rumple until we tried Zelena's suggestion and if my assumptions were right it would work, I think maybe it's like a craving, a need to be fulfilled. I don't care what kind of sex-dreams she has, just knowing she has them that involve me is pretty damn sexy—she didn't think so. If anything, she became more withdrawn and almost depressed at the idea of having sex with me having it, her hormones would regularly drive me crazy and now I couldn't take care of that business with her. I'm not one to be pushy, body language is enough to sense what kind of mood she is in.
Week 16
It had been just over two weeks now, living with this godforsaken thing and we haven't gotten close to being intimate since the first night. Let me tell you it's literally the most difficult thing to live with, I get so excited just thinking about her happy face as she rubs her swollen little belly. My loins ache so bad for her but I am woman, I've dealt with repressing myself before…it just wasn't so obvious when I was horny with girl parts. That's taken some getting used too.
"'Gina babe? Where are you?" I came to her office bearing lunch but she didn't respond when I knocked so as usual I made myself at home. I wait for a few minutes as I unpack our lunches, patiently awaiting my wife. Until I hear it—sniveling. I walk to the wall where I know she's made a little safe space for herself, some place private that she only knows about, well I guess I know about it now. "Regina baby, come out now." I have found this need to be forceful with her in this way, it's the only way she knows I'm serious and that I'm worried about her. I have to step up my game and be her rock because she is surely flailing for some reason. I watch as the wall parts to reveal my crying, pregnant wife.
I go to her and grab her hands gently, coaxing her from her safe space, pulling her to the sofa to relax a bit. Her eyes are puffy and swollen and all the outfits that she previously owned are now breaching on snug on her petite frame.
"What's wrong 'Gina?" The concern is etched across my whole face, and she knows she'll have to explain herself.
"Emma—" she curled into me right away letting go a new batch of unshed tears all over my shoulder.
"What's wrong?" I hug her tight as we sit on the couch.
She couldn't help but laugh at the question, which I found odd but then it dawned on me, she's crying out of hormones and it's going to be something so silly that even she's laughing at herself in the midst of crying. I know hormones are weird, at least she didn't magic me anymore strange things, I've got one problem that needs to be remedied, I didn't need another.
"Olivia, she—she, she just looks so nice today." She sputtered out before unleashing more tears on my shoulder.
"What?" I hold back a chuckle as she sobs against me, it takes all I have to hold my tongue.
"Did you—didn't you see her? She's so beautiful, she—" more tears. I didn't know she felt this way about her assistant, or if she's always felt this way, I'm not sure I should be jealous or if she's just thinking this as a friend, all I know is I am completely confused.
"Yeah she looks good, must be a new haircut." I agree as I hold her against me still, rubbing my hands down her back, offering at least a bit of comfort, though I feel her stiffen under me. Shit.
"Does she turn you on more than me?" Panic rose in her voice, "I know—she—she is prettier than me now-and, she—she, looks young and—" she blubbered on and started crying full force again. Strange enough, her hormones didn't really do this often, the biggest thing I noticed was her food cravings, so this emotional break was new.
"Whoa what? No—no, just no." I grab her by the shoulders and push her back slightly so I can look her in the eyes, "Regina, you are the only woman for me, there could be supermodels walking the streets all day long and you'd still be the only woman for me." Her eyes are still flooding with tears as I reassure her of my affections. "Hey I brought you your favorite today." I watch as her emotions change in the blink of an eye, she eyes the table quickly and I kid you not that woman is like a lioness attacking her prey.
Her new favorite craving; a stacked burger (I mean the works) with a topping of sauerkraut, a strawberry milkshake on the side and don't forget the onion rings that she dips into said shake. She and that baby put my eating habits to shame at this point. Plus, she always has me pick it up, she'll never eat out with that order…I can tell she's been a little self-conscious of her eating habits. I watch her as she makes herself comfortable, her poor eyes still red and swollen from crying as she picks up her burger and takes a massive bite. I can't help but laugh gently as I make my way to join her.
"Good?" I raise my brows in question at her instant change in mood.
"Oh my—yes." She groans into her food again.
"If you orgasm from eating—I mean you don't need me, right?" I joke with her as I grab an onion ring and munch.
"Oh no my love I definitely need you." That statement was laced with arousal and excitement and my body literally has no idea what to do right now. I feel my crotch stir at her look and I swear I have never been more turned on watching her eat the most random combination of foods but my body tells me otherwise.
"Like now?" I gulp, I really wasn't hoping it was now, I wasn't prepared for that. How did we go from crying hysterically about her assistant being prettier than she is, to her eating, to sex…
Her grin kills me, like the cat that got the cream, I am complete mush. She won't pick me over food at this very moment and I'm totally ok with that, in fact I didn't come prepared for us to have sex…not that I need much preparing, we've had sex in her office before but mentally I wasn't quite there yet. If she keeps moaning as she's eating you'll be there in no time Swan.
"You uhh feel better?" I swallow the lump in my throat as I watch her lay back in the chair and rub her small bump gently.
"Yes, thank you Em." She gets up from her seat and disposes of her trash as my eyes follow her, she is literally swishing her hips more exaggerated than I have seen in awhile and God help my I can't help but stare at her ass as she's turned away from me.
"I should probably get back to work, dad is expecting me soon, I didn't—"
"Fine, go, take a picture of Olivia on your way out, she won't be here from now on anyway." She turns on her heel and makes her way to her desk.
"Regina—"
"WHAT?! I know that's why you come to the office, it's certainly not for me!" She's shouting at me and I have no idea what to do here, I am way over my head. I've not dealt with this form of jealous Regina so my mind is in panic mode.
"Babe—"
"Just. Go."
She stares at me and I at her, I have no idea what has come over her, but she is testing me I know it. I know she's jealous, of her damn assistant for God's sake, who is totally not my type…though I could say she is Regina's type, lanky blondes, though this one has got more snoot if you ask me. Hold up!
"You want me to fuck you Regina?" I stand firm, showing her she's not the one who's in charge right now.
"Excuse me?" Her voice wavers and now I know…
"You heard me, do you want me to bend you over your desk and fuck you?"
In the blink of an eye she has me sitting in her chair naked from the waist down, her back to me still as she stood behind her desk. I grab her hand and spin her to look at me, she meets my eyes immediately, dark, aroused, heavy lidded, I am in awe at her beauty. I quickly raise from the seat and meet her lips with my own, she is quick to yield to my advances. I've noticed since she's been pregnant she doesn't want the dominant role much anymore, she bends to my will and I have to admit it's a huge turn on.
"So, this is what you wanted." I smile into our kiss and laugh gently, my new equipment getting extremely excited very quickly.
"Please shut up and fuck me." She's breathless and ready, I can tell by the shakiness of her answer.
"Of course, Your Majesty."
Oh I know you hate me for that one. Muahahaha
