Hey everyone...
Yes, I know it's the middle of the week, but i had some time so i figured why not try to get the next chapter out because I might be a little...or a lot late for chapter 8...I had a nice mini vacation and I read plenty...god! Game of Thrones is so good...I'm not kidding it's awesome...go read...or watch the show or both...there both so well done...anyways.
In this chapter a flash back occurs that leads Derek into thinking of a plan that really fails very soon after and then a Stiles tried to find some peace which is interupted by Derek.
Thanks so much for the support it's nice to know that you guys really want to read more of the story and I was also impressed that two people noticed my little mention of Castle...another great show...it nice to know that my fans have the same great tastes i do. You all are so awesome =)
~Kai
No Name Face
Chapter Seven
Despite the distance Derek felt the heat pierce through his skin like a knife as he raced towards the house. The adrenaline was coursing through his veins as he continued sprinted down the road, towards the house that was engulfed in flames. He reached the front porch steps, but a large set of arms wrap around him and held him back as he struggled to enter the burning house.
"Let me go! My family's in there! I have to help them." Derek shouted as he squirmed in an attempt to get free.
"It's not safe! The fires burning to hot there's no way to go in and survive." The voice said sternly as the arms continued to have a vice grip around Derek, preventing him from bolting into the fire.
"Please, I have to save my little sister! She needs me!" Derek pleaded as the adrenaline began to slip away and transforming into full blown panic. "I have to protect her! I told her I would always watch out for her!" Derek continued to plead while his shouts turned into sobs as he crumbled to the ground, the arms still holding him tight, but now in comfort.
"I'm so sorry." The voice said softly as Derek just continued to sob.
After that time went by slowly and Derek had a hard time understand what all was going on around him. He heard and saw firemen working as quickly as they could to put out the flames, but he himself felt confused and somehow frozen in just that brief moment. He was so out of it that he barely noticed the one fireman, who prevented him from running into the burning building, helped him over towards an ambulance that had just arrived.
And then thirty minutes later Derek was sitting in the back of an ambulance, with a burnt orange color blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders. He heard the firemen in the distant calling to one another, to help them work together to finish extinguishing the fire. The fire had been put out and now all that remained was the smoldering shell, which had been dampened by the water and blackened by flames.
Derek couldn't stand to look at it, so he stared blankly at his reflection in the chrome bumper of the ambulance, but turned his head when he heard an EMT whisper, "no survivors," and Derek unconsciously pulled the blanket around his shoulders tighter.
Derek wanted to cry some more, but the tears had stopped and now the only indication that proved he had been crying were his green eyes that were rimmed red.
Slowly Derek paced inside the remnants of the house, and froze as he saw the charred message craved above the fireplace. He felt his heart stop and his mouth suddenly go dry. He recognized it and fear suddenly gripped him. This hadn't been an accident, no; it had been so much more.
I DID ALL OF THIS FOR YOU
Those words from that moment became forever etched into his memory. They haunted him.
Derek gasped and shot up to a sitting position clutching desperately at his heart, which was beating erratically within his chest. The haunting visions of the fire consumed his thoughts like the flames had consumed his house.
"Stop torturing me." He pleaded as he flopped down and pulled the blankets up to his chin, he knew that the lack of sleep was due to the plaguing reoccurrence of his nightmares. That one had just been a little more detailed than most of the previous ones he had had.
He pressed his eyes shut; trying to thin out his cluttered and crowded thoughts, which was another contributing factor for all his sleepless night.
He had a lot to think about in general, especially with blending in and not drawing attention to himself. But now he had new things to worry about that plagued his thought processes, and most of them, if not all of them had to do with…
Stiles.
What had happened with the fight they had shared? He thought he would have stayed mad, but he couldn't seem to hold on to it and he didn't really have any desire to anyways? The anger, everything slipped away and there was only Stiles. What did it all mean? Did this mean that he was interested in Stiles? He admitted that something deep within his stomach fluttered when ever Stiles smiled at him, but was that just wishful thinking? He couldn't allow himself to do that because the last time he had it had cost him every thing.
The thing that bothered Derek the most was the hesitant feeling he had because he had been so sure that Stiles had been crazy about Lydia. How could that have possibly changed? Then again after finding out that he was Unknown that changed things. Derek just wasn't really sure how.
All these thoughts kept Derek up all night or maybe he just want to believe that instead of believe it was the nightmares. Maybe he could try to avoid Stiles from now on? Maybe it would help him ease his mind.
Finally at half past three in the morning Derek established that he wasn't going to hang around Stiles any longer, it would be better for the both of them. It would eliminate the confusion and both of them would be able to move on from whatever point they were at. That was plan he was going to damn well going to stick to it. After that Derek rolled over and found a few light hours of sleep that were finally nightmare free.
But, who was he kidding, his plans very seldom actually worked.
Derek frowned as he stared at his lunch choices from the back of the lunch line. Nothing looked appealing, so he finally settled on a small salad with ranch dressing on the side. He picked up the plastic container and headed over to the cashier.
The cashier was an average looking woman, who had a nice smile as he pressed a five dollar bill into her hand. She quickly put in the cash register and printed out a receipt that he really had no desire to have, but he took it any way, while giving her a parting smile.
He quickly noticed Scott waving at him. Obviously indicating that he wanted him to join them again for lunch, and though ever fiber of his being screamed that it would be a bad idea, he quickly headed over there with a small smile spread across his face. So much for avoiding them.
"Derek, hey, I was wondering if you were going to be brave enough to sit with us again." Scott said brightly as Derek sat down beside him, placing his packaged salad on the bright orange Formica table.
"What can I say; I'm just a glutton for punishment." Derek said with a shrug as he gave Scott a fake smile and began to fumble with the packaging of his salad.
He then watched Stiles frown when he saw him approaching the lunch table; he stood there frozen for a moment, but shook it off and took the seat across from Derek. Derek's smile faded as he pursed his lips turned his attention to his salad, which he began to pick at with a white plastic fork.
"Guys, I want to announce that the talent showing is coming up and I was thinking that the band should get back together for a final performance of the year." Scott announced to the table brightly and the entire group nodded their heads in acknowledgement, while a few confirmed that they were in, and Stiles was one of them.
Scott looked over at Derek for some sort of confirmation that he would want to take part, but Derek, just shrugged his shoulders in a noncommittal response. Scott seemed to be disappointed at Derek's lack of response, but said nothing and turned attention to Allison, who was talking loudly about her aunt that was going to be coming to town and, how excited she was about it.
And for a moment Derek tuned out completely, until he heard someone shouting at him. The memories and nightmares all came crashing back to him like a tidal wave, and fear suddenly gripped him.
"Derek! Derek! Did you hear what I said are you even listening to me?!" In Derek's head the voice transformed into a shriek, and His body jerked, going ridged as he looked around the group with panicked eyes. He saw a confused expression on everyone's face and he felt his anxiety began to spike.
"I'm sorry." He shouted; avoiding eye contact with everyone, while also desperately trying to scramble up from his seat.
He didn't look back as he raced from the cafeteria, not to mention he couldn't bring himself to do it either. He hadn't had an attack in forever and now his feelings felt so foreign, and yet when they came back they were horridly familiar.
He raced down halls, most of them blurring together, until he took refuge in the boys restroom. He cowered in a stall, huddling upon the toilet seat. His knees up at his chest his arms wrapped around them tightly as he tried to even out his shallow and inconstant breathing.
"Derek?" A soft voice said his name, but he remained silent. He felt tears threaten to flow in the corner of his eyes, and he tried desperately to blink them away.
Slowly the stall door opened and Stiles stood looking down at Derek with a look of concern that Derek had never seen on anyone before.
"Derek?" Stiles said again as he knelt down next to Derek, "It's okay." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around Derek's body.
Derek felt himself go limp in Stiles's arms as he released the tight grip from around his knees as he reached around, pulling the younger boy closer to him and burying his face in Stiles's neck.
"I'm sorry." Derek sputtered over and over again, while Stiles just gently shook his head from side to side.
"It's okay." Stiles repeated after each of Derek's apologies
After what seemed like a long time to Derek, his breathing became more even and he slowly pulled away from Stiles.
"I…" Derek paused feeling uncomfortable about his break down in front of Stiles and also the entire group. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to have to have lunch with them tomorrow after having the weird outburst.
"It's fine. It's okay." Stiles said slowly gazing deeply into Derek emerald green eyes that still glistened with the remnants of tears.
Stiles began to leaned forward, but abruptly stopped just before their lips were about to brush against one another's. He blinked at Derek in disbelief and gently pulled away from him. Derek's hand fell to side as he watched Stiles stand back up, turning quickly and exiting the boy's restroom.
Derek sighed as he brought up a fallen hand to finally rub away the stray tears from his eyes. He thought about going after Stiles and demanding an explanation, but in the end he thought better of it. Maybe it had all just been a part of Derek's imagination because who would want someone they seen so broken?
Derek wandered around the vacant playground that had been the spot where he had thought he had gotten closer to Stiles and also the spot, where she shoved him away. Derek had taken noticed that Stiles had taken to coming to the playground just after seven when the sun just began to sink behind the woods in the Beacon Hills Nature Preserve, which was nestled next to the school.
And though Derek would never admit this he had followed, he did find it comforting watching Stiles just sit on the swing for hours, staring up at the sky. Derek didn't consider him a stalker, but he was concerned about Stiles and things had only become stranger since their last encounter when Stiles maybe had tried to kiss him.
This time it was different though because Stiles was not sitting upon the swing like he had before; in fact he was sitting on a blue bench with a small black violin case sitting beside him, while occasionally casting it a look of unease. Derek looked curiously at Stiles confused because Stiles hadn't mentioned that he also knew how to play the violin.
Derek frowned as he continued to look at Stiles, wondering exactly what he was planning to do.
Slowly Stiles reach over and brushed his hand gently over the violin's leather case. At that moment Derek would have given anything to know exactly what Stiles was thinking.
Tentatively Stiles pulled the small case into his lap and stared down at it. Derek saw Stiles swallowed a large lump that had lodged it's self in his throat a few moments before he flipped its latches up. Stiles eyes widened as he stared at the beautiful instrument that rested peacefully in the velvet lining.
"I missed you." Stiles whispered as he carefully picked it up and placed it under his chin. Stiles picked up the bow from the case and glided it tenderly over the strings and they squealed, very much out of tune.
Stiles flinched but intently began to tune the instrument by ear, until finally he was satisfied and began to vigorously sliding the bow across the strings forming a long string of harmonious notes.
Derek watched Stiles intently as the younger boy's song slowly began to form and words slipped from Stiles lips.
"Under the weight of your wings, you are a god and whatever I want you to be. And I wonder if truly you are, nearly as beautiful as I believe," Stiles paused then continued, "Fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat. Melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet, love on repeat. I'm echoing all your philosophies." Stiles voice faded away, but he continued to push the bow across the strings, until the final note rung out.
"I don't wanna be fool-hearted."Stiles murmured as the violin fell from his chin and down on to his lap. Stiles fingers traced over the strings plucking each of them in no particular order as he just stared down at the small wooden instrument. Stiles pursed his lips and tenderly placed the violin back into it velvet lined case.
At that moment Derek was unsure what to do. He wanted to race over there and comfort Stiles, but after their last encounter Derek was unsure his presences would actually be wanted, not to mention it would also bring to light, the fact that Derek had followed Stiles here in the first place.
"Hey mom, I'm sorry it's been so long since our last talk." Stiles said softly and the sound of his voice, brought Derek crashing back to the present. "There was just something I really needed to talk to you about. Ever since you died I've felt so lost, but it's different now. For the longest time it like I was trapped in a dark tunnel that I couldn't see the end of, but now I do. It's a still small, but it's there I can see it."
Derek frowned as he listened. He had no idea he made Stiles miserable.
"But, the strangest part is that it's because there's this one person. They make me so irritated, but I feel my breath hitch every time they look at me. I want to tell them it will all be okay, like what you use to tell me. I just scared that if I get involved that I might end up hurt and this time my heart won't recover. I can't let that happen to me. I don't want to lose anymore more people that I love."
Derek gasped and Stiles whipped his head around and their eyes locked with one another's.
"Were you spying on me?!" Stiles shouted and Derek opened his mouth to respond back, but no words came out. "God! I can't even…" Stiles began to stammer in anger and Derek bit his lip and walked over towards him.
Stiles's eye bugged out and he held his hand up, "Stop! I don't even…I don't even know what to say."
"Stiles, look I can explain." Derek pleaded as he halted his pace a few feet away from Stiles.
"You can explain, why you were listening to an intimate moment I really didn't want to share with anyone?!" Stiles shouted again and Derek swallowed a lump in his throat.
"I didn't mean too, I was just worried about you, that was all. I didn't really know I was intruding until it was too late." Derek stuttered trying to sound as convincing as possible.
"Oh, so that makes spying on me all okay?" Stiles snapped and Derek flinched and shook his head.
"No, of course not, it's just that I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. Stiles, I'm sorry." Derek stammered and Stiles just glared at Derek.
"Shut up! I don't want to hear your excuses. That was so personal! And you of all people don't get to worry about me! You made that perfectly clear when you found out I was Unknown." Stiles stammered as tears began to fill the corner of his eyes.
"Stiles, please let me try to explain. I'm sorry, but I understand. I lost my whole family. That was more or less my fault."
"I didn't mean it. I just wanted you…" Stiles voice cracked and Derek watched a tear slide down Stiles's cheek.
"It doesn't matter." Derek said softly and Stiles looked at Derek innocently that made Derek's heart skip a beat.
"What? But you were so mad" Stiles mumbled as he looked away from Derek, and brushed the tear away with the back of his hand.
"Stiles, it doesn't matter, what matters is you. So, please don't cry. I'm not worth the tears" Derek whispered as he reached out cautiously and took Stiles hand.
"What?" Stiles stammered and Derek bit his lip and his shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Please don't make me explain it," Derek said miserably, "because you would never believe it anyways."
Song Used: In My Head By: Anna Nalick
