Chapter Seven - So You've Had a Bad Day
"Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep."
~Carl Sandburg
Later that night…
The tears didn't come until the door of the 4th floor doctor's lavatory was shut and locked securely behind her. And, even then, they were controlled. Katie felt like her heart had white knuckles for how hard it was holding onto itself. Each tear that escaped felt like it was slipping through a tightly clenched fist, a testament that she wasn't as strong as she should be.
Long after the nurses had shut off the beeping monitors in young Gracie's hospital room, Katie still heard that awful sound ringing in her ears. She twisted her hands, which had formed into ice, trying to steady them. She told herself not to cry. Crying solved nothing. It never had. She had learned that long ago. She should be used to this by now...the inevitable end of human life. She was a doctor and the child was her patient. That was all. She went over those thoughts in her mind to try and hold back the tears. But, a single tear formed in her eye and came to rest on her cheek, where it froze like the rest of her body.
Katie's heart constricted at the memory of what had been done to that little girl and then she thought of Matt and her heart leapt in her throat. Suddenly something broke inside her. Leaning over the nearby sink, she gripped the edge of its surface, her tears coming fast and hot.
Her body fought against the sobs that came, but was unable to stop them. So she cried. She cried, dropping down until she was crouched on the floor, her arms raised above her, still holding onto the edge of the sink so hard her fingers were white and bloodless. She cried until she was all cried out and then slowly, her arms feeling like jello, she lifted herself up until she was standing. She slumped forward, resting one hot cheek against the cool surface of the mirror and stayed that way for several long, quiet minutes before she took a deep breath, collected herself, and straightened up.
"Get a grip, Mary Katherine," she told herself, mimicking her father's unyielding tone.
After splashing some cold water on her face to revive her frazzled body and mind, the surgeon picked up the stack of patient files that she had been carrying, shoved the bathroom door open with her hip, and scanned the hospital cafeteria for a table. It was quiet in the hospital that evening and not too difficult for her to find a secluded table where she could work in peace.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the first file in her stack when she heard his wheelchair roll up next to her table.
"Good evening, Dr. Giordano."
"What are you doing here?" Katie asked, not even looking up from her paperwork.
"Nurse Spencer was wheeling me back from my physical therapy session when we noticed you were sitting here all alone."
"Well, there is a reason for that," the surgeon snapped, flipping through the paperwork and making a notation. "So, Nurse Spencer can wheel you back to your room now while I finish filling out my paperwork."
"She left."
Katie finally looked up to see that the young nurse in question had indeed disappeared and only the wheelchair bound Commander McGarrett was there with her.
"If this is going to be another conversation about when you will be released, I am on break for another 20 minutes," she told him coldly, rolling her eyes, "Which means I am not professionally obligated to be a part of this conversation..."
But before she could finish her sentence, the Commander slid one of the hot cups of coffee he was holding towards her with a smirk. Eyeing the cup of steaming liquid, the doctor asked dryly, "Is that for me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
The former S.E.A.L. practically chuckled at her guarded look and simply said, "I thought you might want it."
"You brought me coffee?"
"Yes."
"What's in it?"
"Coffee," he told her simply. "Two sugars. A little bit of cream."
Raising a suspicious eyebrow at him, she asked wryly, "How did you figure out how I take my coffee?"
Steve was unable to conceal the grin that spread across his lips as he informed her smugly, "I figured it out by asking Malia how you take your coffee."
"Why?"
"Why did I bring you coffee?" he simply shook his head at the silly conversation and then said, "It's a peace offering."
Whatever Steve McGarrett was expecting to happen next, it wasn't for her to laugh at him. But that is exactly what she did. It was a truly unguarded moment from this very guarded woman and it was refreshing. It had not escaped his notice that Dr. Katie Giordano was a stunningly beautiful woman. And that beauty seemed to intensify, if possible, when she laughed.
"You brought me a peace offering?" she repeated, looking down at the coffee and then turning to fully face him.
"That's funny to you?"
She stared at him briefly before she admitted, "I can honestly say that I have never had a patient bring me a peace offering before. I've received a few marriage proprosals and a few other offers that I won't bother to repeat, but a peace offering is new."
"Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm not really as bad as I may have seemed since my arrival," Shrugging his shoulders as some sort of explanation, he added, "I'm just not good at being…helpless."
"Who is?" she asked, raising her eyebrow and taking a sip of the coffee on the table between them. Finally looking back up at him, she said, "Look, I'm sure you are a nice guy who has been under a lot of stress lately, but honestly…it's been a long, crappy day and I just want to finish my paperwork and then go home to soak in a hot tub. Can we pick this up tomorrow?"
Steve was busy shaking the sudden image of her in a bubble bath out of his head as he mumbled, "Um…yeah. Sure. I just wanted to say thank you."
"For what?"
"For saving my life," he reminded her seriously, "It seems that in the midst of everything else, I never expressed my gratitude for that."
"Well, you did most of the heavy lifting," Katie told him, before taking another sip of her coffee, "All we did was remove the bullet."
"You did more than that."
"You were very lucky, Commander," the surgeon said quietly, taking a second to study his handsome face. He was making an effort and the least she could do was return the gesture. "You had a lot going for you before you even landed on my table…you are strong and healthy." She paused before she smiled and finished, "And you obviously have a lot to live for. It makes a difference."
"Yeah," Steve agreed and then asked suddenly, "Did you always want to be a doctor?"
"Well, until I was seven I wanted to be a princess," she said, taking a deep breath and moving her files over to the other side of the table since it didn't seem like she was going to get any work done, "And then for awhile there I wanted to be Mrs. Bruce Springsteen. But I settled on doctor when I was about 15 and stayed the course."
"What happened when you were 15?"
Katie sighed and admitted, "I fell in love with a paramedic."
"Isn't that a little bit illegal?" Steve asked, raising his eyebrow at her reasoning.
"Oh, it was a completely one sided relationship," she assured him, "I loved him and he tolerated the geeky neighborhood girl."
"I can't imagine you as geeky…"
"Oh, I was," she assured him with a nod of her head, "Acne, braces, glasses, spiral perm, 90's fashions…gotta love the teenage years. I burned all of my yearbooks a few years ago…"
Steve broke out in laughter as she continued, "Anyway, this golden god paramedic was studying to go to medical school and so I studied too so that I could impress him with my knowledge. I even helped him study for his entrance exams and then do you know what he did to my tender teenage heart?" She didn't wait for him to answer as she told him, "He flung me aside for some waitress in Oahu."
"Jerk."
"Big jerk," Katie agreed with a grin. "So I got the best revenge imaginable…I beat him at his own game. I became a surgeon."
"And did he ever get into medical school?" he asked with interest.
"He's still a paramedic," she informed him with a wicked smile. "I will never forget the look on his face the day he brought an accident victim into my ER and had to call me 'Dr. Giordano'. I loved it."
"Revenge is a dish best served cold," Steve concluded, smiling at her.
"Sounds like you've got a bit of Italian in you, McGarrett." Katie surmised, realizing that she had enjoyed the conversation more than she had planned to. Then glancing over at her stack of files, she asked, "So, is that the end of the interview portion of the competition?"
"Not yet," he admitted with a grin and then said, "I went through S.E.A.L. training with a Jimmy Giordano…from Brooklyn. In fact, we called him 'Brooklyn' instead of Jimmy. He was assigned to…"
"SEAL Team Two," she finished for him, suddenly becoming very interested in her coffee cup.
"You're related to Jimmy?" Steve asked with interest.
"You could say that," Katie told him and then hesitated before she added, "He was my husband."
For some reason, Steve hadn't been expecting that piece of news and he sat in stunned silence for a moment. And then suddenly he shook his head and said, "Wait a minute, I heard that Jimmy married General James' daughter…that's you?"
"The one and only."
"You're General Frank James' little girl?" Steve repeated in surprise.
"That's what my mother keeps telling me," Katie answered with a grin before teasing, "But sometimes she changes her story and tells me that Robert Redford is my real father, so we're having some tests done..."
But Steve was only half listening to her as he searched through his memory bank for information on Jimmy Giordano. Looking up at her, he asked, "He was on that mission in Kosovo, wasn't he?" When she nodded in affirmation, he mused, "Man, that was a long time ago…"
"Ten years."
The former SEAL suddenly covered her hands with his own as he looked at her earnestly and confessed quietly, "My team was overseas when we heard about Jimmy's death. If we had been in the States, we would have been at the funeral…"
"I know," Katie answered and meant it. The sincerity of his statement was right there in the Commander's eyes and if there was one thing she had learned in her brief time being married to Jimmy was the loyalty of the Navy SEALs. She squeezed his hand to let him know that it was okay and that seemed to reassure him.
"That was a hell of a thing he did," Steve continued thoughtfully, obviously lost in a memory of his fallen comrade, "Those women would have been slaughtered if he hadn't…"
Katie suddenly pulled her hands out of his grasp as she remarked curtly, "Yeah, he was a real hero."
Steve knew immediately that he had hit a wall and that the good doctor was not comfortable talking about the circumstances of her husband's death. Quickly changing topics, he sat back in his wheelchair and asked lightly, "So how did a kid from Brooklyn meet the daughter of the Commanding General of Marine Corps Base Hawaii?"
Realizing that he was respecting the boundaries that she had put up between them and silently giving him credit for it, the brunette drew in a deep breath as she said, "I went to medical school at Johns Hopkins in Maryland. During one long weekend, some friends and I took a break from studying and went down to Virginia Beach for some fun in the sun." Shrugging her shoulders and grinning at the memory, she informed him, "I came back with a husband."
Nice work, Jimmy, Steve thought to himself with a grin. Out loud, he asked, "And how did big daddy take the news that his baby girl was married to a Navy man? A SEAL, of all things."
"Not well, at first," she answered with a slight frown, "But he and my mom had raised me to go after what I wanted, and what I wanted was Jimmy. And the life that came with him. So once he got to know Jimmy…" Katie's voice suddenly trailed off and she looked away wistfully. After a moment, she looked back at him and said, "Speaking of people my dad got to know… he told me that he also knew your father. He was very sorry to hear about what happened to him." Her voice softened as she added, "Families are like puzzles. They fit together in a certain way, and when one of the pieces are missing it throws everything off."
"One of the first phone calls I received when I got back to Hawaii was from your father."
"Sounds like him," she agreed and then took another sip of coffee.
Steve couldn't believe how natural it felt to sit and talk with her. They'd just met, but he was beginning to feel like he'd known her forever. And he didn't want the conversation to end. So in a more playful tone, he asked, "You told you're dad about me?"
Katie chuckled and reminded him, "Don't read too much into that one, McGarrett. Despite the number of tourists, this isn't a very big island. And my dad seems to know what is going on in every corner of it."
"Oh," he said, pretending to be hurt by her statement, "I thought you were checking up on me. Because I checked up on you."
"Really?"
"With Malia."
She seemed intrigued as she asked, "And what did Malia tell you about me?"
"Basically that you are a fantastic surgeon, a dedicated professional…"
"Sounds about right," Katie interrupted with a playful grin.
"…and she also told us about that little girl in the ER today."
Katie stopped short and stared at him for a moment before she started to rearrange the files in her stack. Steve noticed that she was intentionally refusing to meet his gaze and knew that he had touched another nerve. Suddenly shrugging her shoulders in nonchalance, she informed him, "It comes with the territory. Patients die."
"Yeah," he agreed in a serious tone, "but when it's a child…"
"I'm a trauma surgeon, Commander," she bit out and the immediate change in her tone was evident. Gone was the soft playfulness of their earlier conversation and Steve wanted to kick himself for ruining that as she continued, "I did everything that could have been done and then when I couldn't do anymore, I walked away."
"I'm sure you did," he nodded in agreement
But when she noticed the compassion in his eyes as he stared at her, she let her guard down a little and whispered, "She was so young."
Covering her hand again with his, Steve murmured, "It's okay."
"No, it's not," she disagreed with a shake of her head and pulled her hand away as if his touch had stung her. Standing up and gathering her files, she continued, "That's exactly how you lose your mind with jobs like ours. There's so much tragedy. Feeling is the first thing that goes. After that, losing the rest is easy. Compassion, empathy, sympathy…it's funny, you can become a much better doctor by becoming less of a human being."
And then Katie Giordano once again did what she did best…she walked away from him.
