Thorin stood outside the Hobbit's door and gave it a few hearty kncoks. After several minutes, Bilbo answered, a comically large dressing gown tied tightly around his little body, a large towel crowning his head. He smelt of strawberries, Thorin noticed and he looked very hot.

"Have you any clothes in your wardrobe?"

"I haven't looked." Bilbo admitted, stepping to one side to allow the King in.

Thorin walked over and wrenched the doors open. Great. It contained clothes miles too big for someone as tiny as the Halfling. He closed the doors and placing a hand on Bilbo's shoulders, started guiding him to the door. "Come on, we'll find clothes for you."

"You don't have to go to all the fuss. I'm not royalty or a Dwarf, or..."

"I'd like you with me when I see Dain."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm certain."

The Hobbit was like a beacon of strength. He gave Thorin hope and comfort and the king knew he needed him. He took him to his and Frerin's old room, knowing there were clothes he and Frerin had never worn. Opening the door, he almost facepalmed upon seeing that Kili and Fili were calmly walking about without so much as a stitch of clothing on their bodies.

"Cover up!" Thorin bellowed, noticing Bilbo's look of horror. While they were journeying, the Hobbit had never been bold about his own body and had looked away when it seemed there would be nudity. Mahal only knew how this was affecting him.

"Come on, Uncle, we've all got..."

"Kili!"

"We've all seen..."

"Fili!"

With a sigh, the two brothers pulled on deep blue tunics that thankfully covered their bodies.

"We found them in your cupboard." Fili told him. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all." Thorin replied, looking into said cupboard. "It's good that you're taking your appearances as princes seriously." He found a shining red shirt and held it up against Bilbo. Slim-fitting though it was, it was still very long. He pressed it into the Hobbit's hands. "Go and find Ori. He's in the room next to yours."

Ori was a miracle worker when it came to clothes, art and writing. If anyone could shorten the shirt up, it was Ori. He found a pair of black trousers, the type that would have come to his knees as a Dwarfling and decided they would do. Shoes were of no importance, which at that moment seemed lucky.


Ori was surprised to see a famililar Dwarf standing outside his room. "Master Dwalin!"

"Calll me Dwalin."

Of course. He'd been told that a few times. Smiling, he said, "Dwalin," and stood back to allow the taler male inside. Dwalin stood still for a moment and then asked, "Where is Dori?"

Ori's smile slipped. Ah. Of course the older Dwarf would preder his strong, clever older brother. "He's braiding Nori's hair."

"Oh." Dwalin stared at Ori for a while. Then, slowly, he reached out and tentatively grasped a lock of deep red hair. "Ori, you have the most glorious hair a Dwarf could have."

Ori gaped at the hulking Dwarf. Had he really just said that? To him? Stuttering, he replied. "Y-you have a magnificent beard."

Dwalin looked touched. Releasing him, he muttered, "I have to get ready for Dain. Tell Dori I must speak with him. Urgently."


Pulling on a pair of black trousers, Dwalin took a seat on his bed, trembling. Good, sweet Mahal. how was it so frightening to talk to someone you loved? How was it even logical? He took his black tunic into his hands, gently stroking its softness. Tugging it over his head, he gazed at the door. Would Dori come immediately or would he leave it a few days? Would he say yes to what Dwalin wanted to ask permission for?

THUNK!

Oh, Mahal, Mahal, Mahal. This was actually going to happen. He strode over and opened his door, and found himself face-to-shoulder with the eldest Ri brother.

"Ori says you wished to see me?"

"Aye."

"What is it?"

"You are the head of your family since your father passed, yes?"

"Aye."

"I.."Dwalin stopped to catch his breath. Dori looked concerned. "I wish to...I want to court Ori."

"Ori? My little brother Ori?"

"Yes."

"Well, I...He's a gentle soul, Dwalin..."

"I would do nothing to hurt him. Believe me."

"I do. Really."

"I know I'm intimidating and I have a hell of a temper. But I would do nothing to harm him. I'd allow no harm to him and I would care for and love him with all my heart until the end of my days."

"Then," said Dori, "I suppose you have my blessing."

"Yes?"

"Yes. I just dont want him getting hurt, you can understand my concerns, right?"

"Yeah. I'd not want my brother getting hurt either, older or not."

Dori placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling. "I'm glad you've chosen our Ori. He's a good lad."

"I know." Dwalin smiled at the thought of the red-headed scribe. Noticing that Dori was heading towards the door, he wondered what to give Ori as a courting gift.


Dain was alrge and hefty Dwarf, though he was slightly shorter than Thorin. He wore large, fur robes, almost maroon in colour and it was with a sweeping hug he greeted his cousin who didn't seem particularly thrilled about the show of affection.

"Well, look at this, cousin! You actually managed it!" Dain shook his head, long, grey locks of dark silver swaying. "And I thought you mad!"

Thorin's polite smile was tight at the word 'mad', remembering his dargon sickness, but he still remained calm. Bilbo placed his hand on the Kin's arm, feeling how tense the Dwarf had become.

"And who's this?"

Suddenly Bilbo was faced with eyes, amber in colour and very interested in what they were seeing. They reminded him of Smaug and he had to force himself not to recoil. Thorin was now so tense, he seemed to be made of stone. "Lord Dain." He greeted, hoping the Dwarf would soon go.

"Is this a Hobbit?"

"Yes." Thorin said icily. "He was brave enough to face Smaug first."

Well. That wasn't quite how Bilbo remembered it, but he didn't wish to make Thorin lok bad, so he kept quiet.

"Amazing." Dain whispered. His large fingers reached out and Bilbo couldn't help but stand back. He didn't like this Dwarf either, he realised. He was too bold and frightening. "Did you bring him as bait?"

"No." Thorin said, his tone still frosty. "He's our burglar."

"What? This little one barely looks as though he could steal a sword from a dead man."

Thorin was really annoyed. Bloody cheek. "He's a good burglar."

"Hmm."

Bilbo didn't like Dain a bit. Rude, insufferable, obnoxious ...He nearly growled at the suggestion that he was a bad burglar. He suddenly thought of a way to get Dain back and his green eyes lit up. He knew where Dain was sleeping. He caught Kili and Fili's eyes and looked at Dain to them and then raised an eyebrow, a signal the boys had taught him for "Let's do something to this person!" Their faces split into two identical grins. Things were about to get interesting.


"So, what did our dear cousin Dain do to incur the wrath of such a gentlehobbit as yourself?" Kili asked. They'd left the Hall under the pretence of being tired and the three were now sprawled on Kili's bed discussing Dain.

"He was insulting to everyone." Bilbo pointed out. "I could see Thorin was just itching to give him a few choice words.."

The two nodded solemnly. "Ah, yes. Poor Uncle. We'll have to do something ourselves." Fili said.

"What to do?" Kili wondered.

"When I was a youngling, we'd hack each other's hair off while the other was sleeping." Bilbo said.

"We can't do that. Dwarf hair is incredibly important."

"I know."

"What else did you do?" Kili asked.

"Put frogs or any other creature the other person didn't like in their beds?"

"That's brilliant!" Fili breathed.

"It was brilliant." Bilbo smiled.

"What creature doesn't Dain like?" Kili asked

"That's obvious, isn't it? Spiders. He's never liked them. Same as Uncle." Fili told him.

"There's loads of them crawling about our grandfather's study." Kili remembered.


They really were the most ugliest creatures. But Thorin wasn't scared of them. Bilbo remembered this from Mirkwood.

"No, Uncle just thinks they're a bother. Dain is terrified of them."

Kili groaned in disguest and pointed at a particularly vile and large one curled up dead beneath the desk. "That is absolutely horrific."

Fili snatched a cloth and picked up the arachnid. Shushing the others, they quietly padded out of the study, shutting the door behind themselves.

They set it under Dain's black bedsheets and hid themselves in the wardrobe minutes before the Dwarf entered the room. They watched, holding their breaths as he peeled back the sheets and...lay in the bed. Feeling sorry he had not noticed already, the trio waited and watched as Dain wriggled, trying to figure out what the lump under his fat body was. Suddenly, a piercing scream filled the air.

"THORIN!"

The door slammed open. "Dain?!"

"THERE IS A SPIDER IN MY BED!"

"Come now, Dain, spiders are..." There was a pause. Then, "Sweet Mahal, it's a tarantula."

The Lord of the Iron Hills flung himself off the bed and ran with surprising speed to the ensuite. Thorin gazed around and his blue eyes fell on the wardrobe. They widened. The three all tensed as Thorin walked to the closet and whisked the door open.

"Hello, Uncle." Kili greeted as though it were perfectly normal to be found hiding in a wardrobe watching your third cousin sleep.

Thorin's eyes narrowed. "You three!"

Linking hands with the worried Halfling, the princes of Erebor dodged past their uncle and ran out of the room to war-cries. While running, Bilbo heard Kili mumble a word that described his feelings on their siruation perfectly.

"Oh, bollocks."