Josh wasn't in their room when Donna returned to the resort on St. John. Putting her souvenir bags in the corner, she headed down to the beach to look for him. It didn't take long for her to find him in the bar with his injured foot resting on the stool to his right. It was almost dinner time and aside from Josh and the bartender, the bar was empty.
"Hey." Donna rubbed Josh's shoulder as she slid onto the stool to his left.
"Hi." Josh turned his head.
"You got some sun." Even in the fading light of the sunset, she could see his face was red.
"Some. Did you have a good trip?" he asked, shifting the conversation away from his sunburn.
Donna had no more desire to discuss her shopping expedition than Josh did his time in the sun. "I did. Are you hungry?"
"We've got reservations at eight. I took a chance on when you'd be back."
"What time is it?" Donna asked the bartender. She'd left her watch in her apartment in D.C.
"It's almost 7:50, ma'am," the woman answered.
"We should head over to the restaurant," Josh said, gingerly removing his foot from its perch.
He was dressed for a nice dinner, Donna saw as he stood: white slacks and a light blue short-sleeved dress shirt. She was wearing the same sundress she'd worn all day and if she could look in a mirror she'd be mortified at her hair and make up, she knew.
"I'm not dressed, Josh!" she exclaimed.
Josh used situating himself on his crutches to buy a minute before answering. "Why don't you run upstairs and get ready, and then meet me at there? We've got a table at the Equator Restaurant."
He couldn't be annoyed, he told himself, as he made his way to across the resort. They hadn't discussed having dinner at all and he had taken the time to get cleaned up and dressed. Hell, he'd even taken the ferry to St. Thomas to buy new clothes to wear to dinner tonight when he discovered the dressiest thing he'd brought had been a pair of cargo shorts and a polo shirt. He'd probably never wear these white linen trousers or the matching white shoes again, but for reasons he knew only in his heart, it was important that Donna see him put for the effort. Even if didn't mean to her what it meant to him.
As soon as the maitre de ushered her to the table the staff swept in, delivering shrimp cocktail, rattling off the special and going through the whole wine approval routine with Josh. The wine was her favorite, a white zinfandel, Donna noticed, not the red Josh normally preferred. Once the staff whirled away and she could relax, she noticed how beautiful the scene was. The outdoor patio overlooked Caneel Bay and seemed to be lit by flaming torches, though Donna trusted they were more decorative than functional. Off in the distance, she could see the lights of St. Thomas.
"What are you having?" Donna asked, overwhelmed by the menu.
"The special," Josh replied. "Because I don't understand half this," he lifted the menu up, "and I can at least envision what a swordfish looks like."
The meal was quiet; both of them lost in their individual thoughts, trying to decide how to broach the conversations each wanted to have.
"Can we talk?" Donna asked as they drank coffee and she poked her tiramisu with her dessert fork. She'd been working up her courage all dinner to do what Colin had suggested earlier in the day and now was the time. If they went back to their room, there was nothing to stop it from devolving into a shouting match that accomplished nothing.
"Sure," Josh nodded, grateful he didn't have to bring talking up two days in a row. Because it had gone so well the day before.
"You asked me yesterday what we are to me, if it was just casual sex, and I got pretty upset that you would think that."
"I didn't ask if it was just casual sex," Josh interrupted. "I asked if it was a campaign fling or if it was something you could see being long term. You fixated on the casual sex part."
Donna nodded. "I did, and because I did and because of some other things I've done over the past couple of years, I gave you the impression that this thing between us doesn't mean very much to me. Especially since…" she paused and took a deep breath. "Especially since Gaza, I've pushed you away. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't see what you could and couldn't do for me. I just expected you to give me what I wanted and when you didn't, I got mad, furiously mad that I'd been wasting my life as your assistant. Except that wasn't all of it."
Josh didn't move and he didn't blink, he just looked at her with an indecipherable look on his face. Part of him was sick of hearing the recitation of how badly he'd allegedly treated her and wanted to storm out, but this seemed to have a new spin on it, so he remained in his seat, watching Donna shred cocktail napkins.
"Before I left for Gaza, I had a conversation with CJ and she told me I had outgrown my job a long time ago and that the only reason I was staying was because of the way I felt about you and how that you were only sending me to Gaza to shut me up. Donna looked up from the napkin she'd shredded to meet Josh's eyes. "It was the single most humiliating conversation of my life."
Josh pursed his lips before replying. This wasn't the discussion he was expecting to have and he wanted to think through each of his answers carefully. "And it never occurred to you to talk to me about that stuff?"
"What if I had talked to you and found out for sure CJ was right?"
"And what if you had talked to me and found out CJ was wrong?" Josh asked softly as he toyed with his flatware.
Donna took a deep breath and remembered Colin's advice to be honest. "Because I didn't want her to be wrong. I wanted to be angry with you. Especially after I got back. It was easier to be mad at you than myself, because you were right yesterday. As much as I badgered you to let me grow in my job, I couldn't see that I already had. I walked in off the street with the ability to type and answer the phones and you gave me the chance to be a part of something important and you taught me so much along the way. When I went to work for the Russell campaign there wasn't anything I couldn't do, I just didn't realize where I'd learned it all and I want to thank you for that, because I never really have."
"You're welcome," Josh replied, blinking back the emotion he felt in his eyes.
"I'm going to take the job with the First Lady," Donna continued. "It seems a bit overwhelming, I mean, I've never managed people on that scale before or developed policy..."
"You'll do fine," Josh interjected. He could feel his heart sinking to his stomach. Despite all the thinking he'd done during the afternoon, it still hurt to watch her retreat from their relationship into her professional world. He wondered when if this was why he'd always gravitated toward women like Mandy, because they both knew up front they weren't investing in each other so neither of them was going to get hurt.
"Josh?" Donna watched him start to drift off.
"Hmm?" He snapped back to the conversation.
"I was asking what you want?" Donna waved her hand at the space between the two of them. "What do you want this to be?"
"I just want you to be happy. Nothing more, nothing less."
She could see the naked fear and trepidation in his body language. He was laying himself bare to her and it seemed as though he almost expected the worst.
"What would make me happy is being with you. I'm not going anywhere, Josh. This isn't just some campaign fling to me. Nothing feels more right to me then when I'm with you, even when I'm taking care of you. After Leo died, making sure you were okay wasn't a chore, it wasn't part of the job, it was right. I shouldn't have put the pressure of a timeframe on our relationship during the transition and I'm sorry I haven't done more to keep the staff in line, but…"
"Donna?" Josh interrupted as she started rambling.
"Excuse me, Miss Moss?" The hotel's concierge approached the table holding an envelope. "You've had a delivery from the Governor's office. They said it was to be placed in your hands immediately."
Donna took the envelope and opened it. His answer to her question had nearly made her cry and she used checking the papers as an excuse to pull herself together. After verifying they were what she thought they were, Donna closed the envelope and sat up straighter. It was time to stop waiting for Josh to act like Prince Charming. This wasn't a fairy tale and there was no reason that she couldn't take the bull by the horns. "Yesterday, you said that we'd both said and done a lot of things to hurt each other and you apologized. I want to do the same. Josh, I apologize for everything I've ever done or said that's hurt you and it's important to me that you know I mean that from the depths of my heart."
Josh closed his eyes. Accepting her apology meant letting go of the anger and disappointment and victimization he'd been carrying around for the past year. Their conversation tonight made it clear that Donna had carried her share of baggage as well. If she could let go of it, then he could too, he decided. It felt like an eternity to Donna before Josh opened his eyes, but when he did, she noticed they were a deeper shade of brown.
Nodding his head, Josh found it difficult to vocalize his feelings. The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to find the right words. "I can work with that."
Donna smiled tremulously. She was about to take a huge step and despite the moment they'd just shared, she had no idea how he'd react.
"Then this is what it would take to make me happy," she said, handing him the envelope.
Josh took it and pulled the forms out. "Application for… Donna, this is a marriage license."
"It is. Getting married to you would make me happy and doing it sooner rather than later would make me happier still."
"Are you sure about this? When? How did you…" Josh looked at her in confusion.
"I called in a favor."
"Donna, I don't…"
"What do you want, Josh?" Donna pushed, praying that what he didn't want was to get married.
"I want to make you happy," Josh said again softly.
"Then marry me. Marry me tomorrow on the beach at sunset. We'll go to St. Thomas tomorrow and get rings and bribe the concierge into providing us a minister and a photographer and we'll go back home committed to making this work."
"I meant what I said yesterday, Donna. I'm going to screw up. I'm going to be late, grumpy, annoying…" Josh looked down at the marriage application and license again. Everything was suitably backdated to allow them to get married at any point from today forward. "I don't mean to put this all on you, but I'm going to need you to point out to me when I'm screwing up. If you can't accept that, then we shouldn't do this."
"I know, Josh. I know and I know we both need to do a better job of communicating what we need from each other."
"What about your career?"
"When I was trying to decide who to call in a favor from earlier today, I knew I couldn't call CJ because she'd want to talk to you. On the ferry ride back here, I remembered something you told me, about how you hoped I wouldn't learn to keep things at arm's length all the time and I realized that's what I was doing. I was keeping the people I loved at arm's length and I was looking to my job for personal gratification."
"That's no way to live," Josh whispered. "Trust me, I know."
"I'm going to take the job as Mrs. Santos' Chief of Staff because I think I can be a real asset to her and make a difference in a fundamental way in early childhood education and adoption and all the stuff from the 'what a shame file.' You can find anyone to be deputy press secretary. What?" Donna asked. Josh's smile had been widening exponentially as she spoke.
"The other morning, when I saw your cell phone and the call sheet, I couldn't figure out why I was so annoyed that you brought it. The only way I could put it into words is that it felt like I'd gone on vacation with Amy Gardner." Josh held up a hand to forestall any outburst at the comparison. "That thing you said just now? That's the woman I fell in love with: the woman with the passion to change the world at its most basic level for the good of someone else, not herself. That's the woman who kept me honest with her mere presence for so long and that's the woman who's invaluable in my life."
