Sorry it took so long to upload this chapter. Life happened. Do I need to say any more? Also I was having a really hard time working out where I wanted to go with this but I know now. And because I feel so bad I will try my absolute hardest to get another chapter up by Thursday and hopefully another over the weekend. They are both half written by hand so need to be transferred over but I have not forgotten about this story.


"I know, I wanted to" He smiled. I loved his smile, almost as much as I loved him. We ate in companionable silence, each watching the other but looking away embarrassed whenever our eyes met. I don't know when I stopped eating or when he finished. All I know is that now was the time to tell him. The moment was perfect.

"We need to talk"

"We need to talk"

Their voices in perfect harmony, spoke with confidence yet uncertainty at how the other would react. Their voices providing an impromptu melody, tied together in a chord that need never end for its beauty was like a symphony.

Tony's eyes shot up to meet Ziva's, and each debated who should speak first. Neither could find the right words to explain their opinion despite the knowledge of the agreement they shared. As usual, due to his inability to remain silent except at times it is most appropriate, it was Tony who spoke first.

"I guess we agree: we need to talk and since it is I who got us here, I think it is time for you to tell me something. Why didn't you call?"

"I couldn't. I knew that if I spoke to you. If I heard your voice I wouldn't have been able to hold it together." Ziva paused, thinking but Tony knew she was not finished so gave her time to decide how to phrase what she wanted, needed, to say. "I did not know what to say. I knew I needed to phone you to let you know I was alright but I was scared. Scared that if I phoned you could be angry…"

"…I could never be angry with you Ziva. My heart would not allow it. Have you not learnt that yet? I always come back to you. Always will. You are my heart: Without you I cannot live, I can only survive, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even after fights that most people wouldn't be able to make up after, I came back to you as not only a friend, but a best friend. Or more. When it comes to you angry is not in my vocabulary. Mad, maybe, but never angry"

"I know that Tony. To be honest I think deep down I always knew that. I think that maybe it wasn't fear about you being angry that held me back. Not really. It was the fear that you had moved on, that I would ruin your life again, as usual and take you away from someone who was not damaged, was not a murderer. Was not me"

Tony sucked in a breath. And in the next breath he whispered "Ziva. Ziva you will never be damaged. Never be a murderer. Everything you have done was for the greater good and under orders from those who run whichever country you served. I could never fault you for that. Anyone who faulted you for that would be mad."

Ziva sighed resigning herself to what she thought she must do. "Can I show you something? If after I show it to you, you can still say that I am not damaged can I ever believe you."

Tony shook his head in the affirmative and Ziva stood up to give herself some space. Slowly she began to lift her shirt…

"Ziva you know I saw I ever needed to see of you in Israel. And if you do what I think you're going to do I may not be able to control myself"

"You will Tony. But you did not see all of me. All you needed to see. Sometimes things remain hidden except to those who know what is there." Ziva continued to remove her shirt and then began to rub her stomach over and over till Tony was sure she would rub herself raw. Suddenly a mark began to show and as Ziva rubbed it gradually became clearer and clearer until there was no doubt as to what was there. There on Ziva's stomach were three groups of scars, each a set of Initials. ED, SU and what appeared to be Mk. Pointing at each in turn Ziva began with to explain what appeared to be self-explanatory and horrified Tony at the same time.

"ED: Eli David. This scar was given to me by one of is 'loyal' followers, who once looked after me, as a mockery of who I was and who I was destined to become. Later, once I became older it symbolised my tormentor forced me to do everything I did not want to do. But what I did not know was that much worse could happen and orders that I despised was not the worst that could have happened. SU. Saleem Ulman. You know the story to that. I told you before, in Israel. I do not want to have to tell you again. It will haunt me forever. And finally: MDZ. Mossad. Kidon. Ziva. The people and unit I worked for. This scar was for Identification should they ever need it. It is cut deeper than could ever heal. Etched into my bones. And also represents the third set of tormentors who had to have me obey them in all ways imaginable as it was the only way for them to learn my weaknesses." Ziva paused, but Tony knew better than to speak. At least for the moment. It wasn't long before Ziva spoke again and though she tried to hide it, Tony could see that she was fighting tears. "Yet you say I am not damaged. I could not be more damaged and I know I am not worthy of your love, let alone your trust. Now I have shown you all I have to show I know you cannot love me still. I am not beautiful. I am not whole. I am a monster who has been damaged so many times I can never be whole again." With that she ran into her room and slammed the door shut behind her.

Without hesitation Tony got up and followed. Glad he had not got a place with a lock on the doors for the second time he opened the door to see Ziva, his fearless ninja in tears on her bed throwing her clothes into her suitcase. Stunned, he opened his mouth to speak; but Ziva beat him to it.

"You do not have to say anything Tony. You do not have to say something you do not mean to protect my feelings. Once I have finished packing I will go and you can forget the damaged girl you thought you loved." Wordlessly Tony say on the bed next to Ziva he then began to unpack Ziva's suitcase as she packed it allowing his actions to speak louder and be heard cleared than anything he could ever have said to her. Eventually Ziva looked up at Tony inquisitively, questions burning in her mind but only love stared back at her through the green eyes she loved so much.

Eventually, Tony got up and pulled Ziva up into him and whispered, "You are not damaged. Nobody is damaged by things that aren't their fault. Remember that. It hurts me to hear you try to convince me that you are not good enough for me. All that did was make me love you even more. You showed me that the strength I thought you had it nothing to which you actually possess and if either of us doesn't deserve the other it is me you. I will spend my whole life trying to be worthy of you but watching you pack was the hardest thing I could ever watch. And I never want to see it again, unless I am packing at the same time and we are going together. Wherever you go, I go. As long as you want me. And even then letting go will be the hardest thing I could ever be asked to do." Slowly Tony leant down and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Now, my strong ninja, What do you want for Lunch. Your wish is my command." And for what felt like the first time in an eternity Ziva laughed and all Tony could do was grin at the beauty of the sound.


What did you think? Reviews please. And also since I don't understand the rating system if at any time you think I need to change the rating tell me with the suggestion for what you think it should be. I probably will change it if you tell me but eventually I may have to change it anyway.