Day 12

The black leather office chair squeaked under me as I spun in a slow circle, my head tilted back so I could stare at the ceiling. If I was keeping count correctly, I was on my one-hundred-and-fourth rotation.

The male across the table from me cleared his throat, as if to focus my attention. "And what happened next, Miss Gilbert?"

I sighed and pressed the tips of my toes against the floor to spin me around again. "He got up from the bed."

"And?" he prompted after another moment of silence.

I spoke in a flat tone to answer his questions. It seemed to help with not becoming emotional while recalling the events of Tyler's attack. "He covered my mouth with his hand and threw me to the floor."

"Did he hit you then?"

"Nope. Just pushed me to the floor and started touching me."

"So he was trying to rape you."

"Yes."

"Did you scream for help?"

"Dumb question. Next." I rolled my eyes. I had been in this room for two hours. The police wanted to give me time to fully remember the details before they started recording. At this point, I was annoyed, tired, and hungry.

"Okay. What happened next?"

"I kneed him in his balls and got up."

"And went where?"

"I pressed the intercom button."

"And Tyler got up?"

We were nearing the portion of the story that made me very, very uncomfortable. My mind was working on sending the memories of Tyler's death to the same file that held the memories of my parents' death. It was the file that got stored way back in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind.

"Yes," I answered. "He got up."

"Okay, and he came to you?"

"He hit me in my back to make me fall."

"And that's where the bruise came from? The one we took pictures of earlier?"

"Yes."

"Okay, what happened then?"

I dragged my feet against the linoleum and the chair squealed to a stop. I narrowed my eyes and looked over at him. "I don't understand why I'm here. You guys have the footage of the attack. Why don't you just watch it?"

He sighed and rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "Miss Gilbert, it's required we get an official statement from you."

I looked down to the detective badge hanging around his neck, the same type Damon wore. My brow furrowed when I saw it said 'Detective Salvatore.' "Why are you wearing Damon's' badge?" I blurted, completely forgetting I was supposed to be answering questions.

He looked down at it and shook his head. "I'm not. This is mine."

"You're a Salvatore, too?" I asked.

"I'm his brother, actually." The man pressed the button on the tape player to stop recording and held out a hand. "I'm Stefan."

I just stared at the outstretched offer and eventually he lowered it.

"He never told me he had a brother," I said, looking back up to him.

"And you and Damon are close enough that information such as that is shared?"

My lips pressed into a tight line and I looked to the table. He had a point. Damon and I had never really bonded on a friendship level. So far, our knowing each other had been under really heavy circumstances, leaving no room for casual conversation.

"Exactly what I thought." He nodded to himself and pressed the recording button once more.

"So, you fell on the floor and?"

I looked back up at him and scowled. "And then I grabbed an alarm clock and beat him to death. End of story."

He wrote something on his paper before turning the recording device off again. He looked up to me. "Miss Gilbert, I'm sorry for what you went through. Our department is launching a full investigation to discover how Mr. Lockwood was able to retrieve your file."

I pushed up from the chair. "So I can leave now?"

"Yes, Jenna from the facility is waiting in the office to take you back."

My jaw tightened and I just nodded, turning to leave.

"Miss Gilbert," Stefan suddenly started, standing to his feet as well. "I don't know you and I have no idea why you're at that facility, but I know my brother has seemed to take a special interest in you."

I folded my arms across my chest and looked away from him.

He continued, "Damon has had to deal with a lot in the recent years. I don't want to see him hurt again. So, whatever it is that's going on with you, don't let it affect my brother."

I bit down on my lower lip and nodded before exiting the room.

Stefan didn't seem to realize that I didn't want Damon to be involved with my problems. I had tried more than once to convince him to leave me alone. Now, I wasn't quite sure if it was up to me or not whether this affected him.


Jenna led me back into the rehab facility.

We passed a large glass window on the way to the elevator that looked into an entertainment room. My cheeks burned as every resident inside turned to watch me walk by.

I was the freak amongst freaks.

Once inside the elevator, Jenna pressed the button to the second floor.

"My room is on the third," I reminded her with a sigh. She was probably just as tired as I was.

"You're going to see Miss Bennett," she answered.

My eyes grew wide and I turned to look at her. "No, not today," I whined. "Jenna, I just want to sleep."

The metal doors came together in front of us as Jenna began to speak. "She specifically requested that you two meet today. You can sleep after."

I groaned and turned around, pressing my forehead against the cool surface of the walls. A ding sounded, indicating we had reached our destination.

As the doors whirred open, I was greeted with her sickly-pleasant voice. "Hello, Elena."

Sluggishly, I turned to face her, a frown on my face. "Hi."

Jenna held her hand out to keep the door open until I walked out. I followed Bonnie down the hallway and into her office.

She waved her hand toward the chair I had sat in last time as she sat in her own.

"How are you doing today, Elena?"

"I'm tired," I answered honestly as I sat down.

She nodded, pulling out her stupid legal pad and pen. "That's to be expected. Did everything go okay down at the station?"

I shrugged.

She smiled, crossing her legs and leaning forward, her arms on her knee. "Elena, I'm very sorry for what happened yesterday. You need to understand and realize right now that it wasn't your fault."

"I wish everyone would quit saying that," I muttered, looking down to the floor.

She sat up straight and began writing. "They say it because it's true, but that can be something we discuss later. So, where do you want to start?" she asked.

"I don't want to start at all," I replied bitterly.

She looked up from her paper. "Elena, some pretty traumatic events took place yesterday. If you don't begin working on those issues now, they will fester until they are your new reason to use. They will push you farther along your path to self-destruction. Is that what you want?"

Immediately, Damon's face entered my mind. Stefan had warned me not to hurt him. If I continued on my "self-destructing path," that certainly would be something that would hurt him.

My brow furrowed. Why was Damon the first thing I thought of? Why would I think of him at all?

"Care to share what's on your mind?" Bonnie asked and I looked up to find her staring at me intently.

I shook my head. Damon was definitely not something I wanted to discuss.

She nodded and started writing again. "So, I guess we'll just start from the very beginning. I'm assuming you knew Tyler?" I remained quiet and eventually she looked up at me and sighed. "Elena, answering questions does not have to be like pulling teeth. It isn't safe for you to keep all of this inside. Just answer the question and we'll either discuss the answer or continue on. Okay? And if you're uncomfortable with a question, tell me that. Don't just sit there silently. Understand?"

I looked down at the floor. I wasn't ready to start talking about these things with anyone, but if I really thought about it, I never would be ready. Maybe it was just time to dive in headfirst.

I finally nodded. "Okay. I understand."

She smiled. "So, again, did you know Tyler?"

"I did."

Her pen hit the paper once more. "From where?"

"He was my dealer."

I saw one of her perfectly plucked brows rise. "Oh, really?"

"He's the reason I'm here."

Suddenly she stopped writing and looked up at me, her soft eyes turning hard. "Elena, before we continue, I'm going to stop you right there. Tyler may have been your dealer, but you being here is no one's fault but your own. Tyler never forced you to take the drugs, am I correct?" I nodded meekly. I hadn't expected her sudden scolding and it caught me off guard. "Okay, then. If you begin blaming others for your problems, your progress won't go anywhere. So, Elena, before we get back on topic, who's fault is it that you're here?"

"Mine," I choked out quietly.

She nodded and her smile softened her face again. "Good job. Now, by your statement, I'm assuming Tyler gave you the bad drugs?"

I nodded, still reeling from her outburst.

"Do you know if he did that on purpose?"

"He did. He told me so yesterday."

"Why?"

"I work…worked," I corrected, "for Damon as a confidential informant. Apparently Tyler knew this."

She sat her pen down and looked at me with a confused expression. "What does your work with Detective Salvatore have to do with Tyler?"

"Damon was working on a case where a girl had been killed. I knew the girl and I gave him names of the guys I last saw her with. The guys were relatives of his."

Her mouth formed a small o as a look understanding replaced the confusion. "Tyler was trying to stop you from giving names, then?"

I nodded.

"Is that why he was here yesterday? Because you did give names?"

"The drugs were supposed to kill me, he said. And since they didn't, he was going to finish the job."

We sat in silence for a few moments as she wrote something down, and then she looked up at me. "Elena, I saw the footage of the attack. We don't have to talk about specifics if you don't want to, but I want you to talk to me about how you felt."

My brow furrowed. "How I felt?"

She nodded. "When Tyler first got there, what emotions did you have?"

I thought back to when he sat on my bed. "I was angry."

"Okay, why?"

"Because he just walked in," I replied. "Like he owned the place or something. I didn't like it. I wanted him to leave."

"And when you realized why he was there?"

I had to look away from her as that memory was pulled back up. "I was scared."

"Why are you whispering, Elena?" Bonnie asked and I looked up to her. I hadn't realized I had been.

"I don't know," I told her.

"Is it because you're afraid to face what you felt? Or is it because you're afraid to let me see how you felt?"

I thought about her questions for several moments before determining which it was. "I'm afraid to let you see."

"Why?"

My answer came quickly. "It isn't safe to let people see me."

"But I see you," she replied with a wave of her hand. "You're sitting right here."

I shook my head. "No, I mean really see me. It's taken me years to build up these walls. If I let them down for even just a second, my whole world could be destroyed."

"But don't you realize you're destroying it yourself by keeping them up?" she questioned.

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out.

After my family passed, I learned very quickly to be tough. It was all I knew at this point.

"I don't know how to let people in," I confided quietly.

"I know, and that's okay," she smiled. "We'll work on it." She picked back up the pen. "So, when he began touching you, how did you feel?"

I cringed slightly as my minds eye drew up that image. "I felt…scared…and dirty. Just really, really filthy. I wanted him to stop. But his fingers…they just felt everywhere. I couldn't stop him. He held me down." I was surprised when tears suddenly stung at my eyes. Before they could fall over my lower lashes, I wiped them with the back of my hand.

I heard the fwooh fwooh of two tissues being plucked from a box and looked up to see Bonnie holding them out toward me.

I took them with a small smile. "Thank you."

She nodded, her eyes not leaving her legal pad. She seemed to really be concentrating on whatever she was writing. "And when you were able to get up? How did you feel then?"

"I felt determined. I mean, I was still scared, but I was determined to call for help."

She looked up at me. "And when you grabbed the alarm clock? Your feelings then?"

I watched her and knew she was carefully examining my reaction. I kept my face calm and simply looked away from her. "I didn't feel anything."

"You weren't scared? Or angry?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I was completely numb. My instinct to protect myself kicked in and that was it. There was no emotion behind the act."

"But when you backed away to sit against the wall," she began, recalling what she had seen on the footage, "there were obviously emotions running high then. What were those?"

The bright red stream of Tyler's blood creeping toward me flashed into my mind and instantly my stomach convulsed.

Bonnie was quick to grab the small trashcan beside her and hold it in front of me, in case I puked.

I waved it away and shook my head. "I'm okay, I'm okay," I told her, my breaths leaving me unevenly.

She waited several minutes for me to calm down before speaking again. "Elena, explain to me what just happened."

I looked up at her and pulled my lower lip in between my teeth.

"I know this is hard, but we said we'd work on you letting people in. This is an opportunity to start."

She was right and I knew it. I just didn't know how to put the images into words. "It was his blood," I finally answered.

"What about his blood?"

"I…I have a-a problem…I have a thing about blood…I can't, um... I can't handle it," I stammered.

"On the tapes, you seemed completely frozen with terror. I had assumed it was because you were looking at Tyler's body. You were looking at the blood weren't you?"

I nodded.

"How did you feel when you saw it?"

I ran my tongue over my lips to wet them; they were starting to get very dry as I thought about this certain topic. "I was…terrified. I didn't want it to reach me. I thought it was going to…because it was…it was moving…toward me…and..." my voice caught in my throat and the tears returned, "and…I just…I don't know what I would have done if it actually reached me." Quickly I picked up the tissues and wiped at my eyes.

"Where does this problem with blood stem from, Elena?"

I looked up at her, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. It was time to do the diving. "My father."

If I weren't so upset, the expression on her face would have been comical. I could see that Bonnie was in utter shock that I had actually spoken freely about and brought up my family.

"And…um…what did he…why…" she began to stumble over her words as she quickly picked back up her legal pad and started writing. She took a deep breath, paused, and looked back up at me. "I'm sorry, let me gather my thoughts and present my question correctly." She inhaled deeply again. "What happened with your father?"

Immediately I knew it was time to take advantage of the rules of questioning she had laid out. "I'm uncomfortable with that question, Bonnie," I told her truthfully.

She smiled and nodded. "Okay, not a problem." She sat her paper and pen on the table beside her. "I actually think we've covered enough for today. I know you're tired and you really do need to rest." She looked back to me. "Elena, I'm extremely proud of the progress you made today. I know it was difficult for you to let me in, but I promise you won't regret it."

She walked over to the intercom button on her wall and pressed it.

"Yes, Miss Bennett?" a female voice answered.

"Liz, let Jenna know we're done in here. I'm sending Elena to the elevator," Bonnie told her.

I stood and walked to the door.

Bonnie placed her hand on the knob and turned to me before opening it. "So, I'll see you tomorrow, Elena?"

With a sigh, I nodded. If she thought I had made progress today, there was no reason to trump that by not coming back.

Her smile grew and I gasped as she unexpectedly pulled me into a hug.

"Really good job today, Elena," she said again as she pulled away.

"Thank you," I replied, feeling slightly embarrassed.

She pulled open the door and said goodbye as I headed for the elevator.

I stared at my reflection in the closed metal doors as I waited for Jenna and I realized there was a small smile lingering on my lips.

Bonnie said I had done well today. That meant I was going in the right direction.

And if I was going in the right direction, maybe I could make it to where I needed to be.

Maybe I could get away from dirty alleys and crazy assholes that wanted to kill me.

Maybe I could keep my nose clean for once, and in a quite literal sense.

The ding chimed above me, letting me know the elevator had reached this floor.

When the doors opened, my breath caught in my lungs.

There was Damon, not Jenna, standing before me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise.

He smiled and it was dazzling. "I came to see how you were today. Jenna said you were with Bonnie, so after your session, she sent me down here to get you. She's busy with another resident."

I stared at him in shock, my mouth hanging open slightly, and for a moment too long because the doors of the elevator began to close.

Quickly, Damon shot his arm out to stop it. "Well, are you getting in or not?" he asked.

My face heated with a blush and I stepped inside. I didn't know why I suddenly felt nervous around Damon. Was it because I was thinking of him more often now and was afraid he could see right through me and know?

He pressed the button for the first floor and my eyebrows pulled together. "What are you doing?"

He shrugged and leaned against the wall, all of his fingers minus his thumbs shoved into the pockets of his jeans. The cotton fabric of his t-shirt stretched across his torso and I saw the impeccable outlines of his abs. My heart sped up slightly. "Jenna said yesterday you were wanting to decorate your room. They've of coursed assigned you to a new room, but it's still the same boring set-up. There's no reason we shouldn't decorate it today."

I folded my arms across my chest. "An attempt to resume normality, I assume?"

He smirked and glanced at me as the doors chimed open. "After you."

I walked out the elevators and Damon led me to the front desk reception.

A woman with short blond hair looked up at us and smiled. I saw on her name-tag it said "Liz." This was who answered the intercom calls.

"How may I help you?" she smiled at us.

"We're looking for a storage closet. Jenna said it held room decorations," Damon answered.

"Oh, yes, you're going to walk down that hallway," she pointed behind us, "and take a right at the end, then a left at the end of the next one. The closet is the very last door on the right." She opened a small cabinet attached to the desk and I saw rows of hanging keys. She pulled one off the hook and handed it to Damon. "Here's the key. Please return it when you're finished."

"Thank you very much," he said as he took it and started down the hallway.

I followed him until we reached the closet and he opened it.

We stepped into a storage closet that was just a little larger than a standard walk-in closet at a house. There was an isle approximately a yard and a half wide and stretching six feet in. Stuff lined the walls all the way around.

I walked farther in and took in how things were arranged.

To my left, there were stacks of comforters in see-through plastic bags. They were organized by color. Beside that was shelves holding folded sheets in different colors. Directly in front of me there were shelves holding things like radios, picture frames, clocks, and stationary sets. To my right, there were colored curtains folded over wire hangers and accessorizing fashion pillows.

I glanced over my shoulder to see where Damon was and I lost my breath as I realized he was only a foot or so away, the door closed behind him. He was looking through a rack of magazines.

The silence made me uncomfortable and I felt it necessary to fill it while I started looking at the comforters. "So, I met your brother today."

"Yeah, I know," he answered. "I didn't know how comfortable you would feel with being in a room with another man and Stefan was the only one I trusted enough to do the job well."

I felt my face heat again. I didn't know if I could get used to Damon actually trying to take care of me. "He was nice," I responded.

"That's good."

As he answered, my eyes fell on a deep aqua colored comforter with specks of sea green and I smiled, deciding that was the one I wanted. I grabbed at the edges of the plastic and started tugging, trying to free it from it's position between two other comforters. I grunted slightly when it wouldn't budge and my fingers started slipping on the plastic.

Damon's hands suddenly appeared before me, easily grabbing the sides of the comforter and shimmying it out. I could feel his nearness on the side of my body, heat radiating from him. The sensation was odd. I didn't understand why I was suddenly so aware of it. I didn't know if I was imagining it or if he was literally that hot. I mean, Damon had actually kissed me once and I didn't feel anything such as this.

He moved away to sit the chosen comforter by the door and broke me from my momentary spell.

"Thanks," I mumbled, turning to look at something else.

"So, how did your session with Bonnie go today?" he asked.

I smiled, pleased that I actually had good news to tell. "She said it went really great."

"Do you agree?"

I nodded, my fingers grazing over the soft fabric of the curtains. "I do."

"That's awesome, Elena." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Do you feel like progress is being made?"

"I do," I answered again. "She told me I was on a self-destructive path, but I seem to be leading myself away from it. I'm working on letting people in."

He chuckled. "Sounds just like a therapist, for ya'."

I laughed along with him and turned around. "Yeah, she tends to get like that."

My laugh was cut short when I nearly ran into Damon, standing directly behind me.

He was looking down his nose at me, his eyes undecipherable.

I tried taking a step back was stopped by the hanging curtains.

"Elena," he started, "after I left last night, you know after you told me what you think you are, I realized I needed to apologize to you."

"W-why?" I stuttered.

"I want to say sorry if I have very made you feel like anything less than a normal human being. The mistakes you have made do not define you. I know with me forcing you here and continually focusing only on the drugs and stuff could cause you to believe that it's those things that identify you, but they don't. Protecting yourself from Tyler does not make you a murderer. I don't ever want you to think that way. But I've had to realize that I haven't helped in you simply being Elena. And I'm sorry."

I nodded. "It's okay."

"It's not," he shook his head, "but this apology is a start."

Slowly, he reached forward and took my hands in his own. Then, to my surprise, he lowered himself to sit on the floor, his legs folded indian-style beneath him. He tugged on my hands so I did the same, sitting so that our knees were touching.

"We've never sat and simply talked," he told me. "Not without something going on."

I grinned at the irony. "I realized that exact thing today when I was talking to your brother."

"Is that right?" he asked with a raised brow.

I nodded and blushed. "I didn't know you had a brother and I realized we never talked about things like that."

He released my hands when I was completely settled and smiled at me. "Okay, so let's talk about those things."

I looked at the door. "Won't Jenna become concerned when we're not back?"

He shrugged. "She'll be okay, I'm sure. She seemed extremely busy anyway."

I looked to the floor and began twisting my fingers together. "So who goes first?" Inwardly, I was praying he didn't say me. I wasn't ready to talk about my family and I didn't want to disappoint him if he expected me to.

"I will," he said, much to my relief. "What do you want to know?"

I shrugged. "Start with Stefan."

"Okay," he looked up in thought. "Stefan is my older brother. He is a detective like me. Both he and I are from Mystic Falls. And…that's it." He smiled and chuckled. "Not too fascinating, I know."

I laughed. "No, it was fine. Are you and Stefan close?"

"Eh, give or take," he shrugged with one shoulder. "It's not like we're best friends, but we don't hate each other."

"Well, that's good." I didn't know how else to respond. Sitting across from Damon was slightly nerve-wracking.

"So, tell me about you," he requested.

My smile fell. "I don't want to talk about my family," I whispered, hoping the rules Bonnie gave me for questions went for all conversations.

He nodded. "That's fine, you don't have to. I just want to know about you specifically."

"Like what?" I asked, my brow furrowing.

"Do you have any hobbies? Do you like a certain type of music? What did you do before you came here?"

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Um, you know what I did, Damon. And that was all I did, really."

"Okay, so before that."

I bit down on my lower lip and tried to remember a time I wasn't high. "I…used to write," I finally answered.

"Write what?"

"Anything. Everything," I replied. "I had a purple journal that my mom gave to me. I would write about all sorts of stuff in it."

"Why don't you start again?"

A knot formed in my stomach and I shook my head. "I stopped after my…uh, my parents…so…I just don't think I could."

His smile was understanding. "I envy you, you know?"

My jaw fell slack. "What?"

"Your courage and strength is unbelievable."

I laughed. "You're a fucking cop, Damon. Nothing is more courageous and strong than that."

He rolled his eyes. "Not when compared to you."

I blushed and looked down at my hands. Nearly immediately his hand lifted and his finger tilted my chin up to look at him again.

"Why do you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?"

"Look away. Why can't you take a compliment?"

I shrugged. "I'm just not used to it."

"No one's ever told you that before?"

I shook my head.

He sighed. "Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?"

As if my face wasn't red enough, I could feel it growing darker.

"I just wanted you to know that," he went on. "I don't think you see yourself properly."

"How do you see me?" The question slipped out before I could stop it and I looked up into his blue eyes.

"You really want to know?" he asked.

Now it was time to backpedal. "I mean…no… you don't have to… I just… I didn't mean to ask."

He laughed and the sound was like music to my ears. "No, no, I'll tell you," he smiled. Slowly, he leaned toward me and whispered, "I think you're amazing."

I could feel my pulse hammering against my skin as I was completely mesmerized by his eyes. I glanced down at his lips, which were mere inches away and unconsciously ran my tongue across my own. I saw his eyes flick down to watch the motion and when he looked back up, his icy eyes had darkened.

My exhale was jagged and my nerves were being rattled as I felt my torso tilt forward on its own.

Almost like there was a magnetic pull, his did the same.

And then our lips connected.

This kiss was not like the last kiss where I was confused and unexpecting.

If this were a movie, fireworks would have exploded over our heads and rained sparkling colors around us.

His lips were firm yet soft and felt completely right against my own.

He leaned back slightly, then forward to kiss me again. He repeated the motion several times, each time sending chills up my spine.

Both of our hands continued to rest in our laps, but I could feel mine shaking and twitching, aching to reach up into his hair.

Finally, Damon pulled away and I instantly missed the contact.

I let my heavy lids flutter open and was met with his smile.

I couldn't help but return it.

"So, let's go decorate your room?" he questioned.

I nodded, finally releasing the breath I had been holding. "Yeah, let's."

We both stood and I automatically turned back toward the curtains.

Yes, I was definitely making progress.


A/N: Yay for progress!

As always, for more information on where I am with stories and what-not, either read my blog at writingtoberemembered(DOT)blogspot(DOT)com or follow me on twitter: APhobiac

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See you guys next chapter!