CARTMAN X KYLE VII

In school the next day, Kyle was feeling ticked and tired. Cartman was flaunting his 'new DS' around and once again Kyle had a sleepless night. This was making him very irritable and inattentive.

"Kyle, can you tell me the circumference of Jay Leno's chin?" Mr. Garrison asked, catching Kyle off guard.

"H-huh? Could you repeat the question?" Kyle asked, and then yawned widely.

"Kyle Brofloski! Pay attention!" Mr. Garrison snapped before directing his question at Klyde.

"Goddamn it" Kyle growled, leaning his chin on his hand.

"Hey, Kyle! KYLE!" Wendy's voice hissed loudly and Kyle felt himself poked once again by her demonic pencil.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT YOU PINK HATTED BITCH?!" Kyle shouted, turning in his seat. The whole class went quiet.

"KYLE! That's it, report to detention after school today!" Mr. Garrison ordered.

"Kyle" Wendy said, her eyes becoming very, very evil "Don't fuck with Wendy Testiburger. Do you remember what happened to the last person I said that to Kyle?"

Kyle shivered "I… yes. Yes Wendy" Kyle muttered as Mr. Garrison went back to teaching. Goddamn it… the Jewish boy sighed and his tired eyes drifted over to Cartman who was staring at him. Kyle looked quickly away, feeling drops of sweat run down his neck. Why the hell was he staring like that?! Kyle glanced the other direct and saw Jimmy whispering something to Stan. Stan's eyes widened, and he stared at Kyle as well. Kyle suddenly noticed that most of the class was staring now… or had they been all along? He'd been really tired… but why were they all staring like that?

At recess, he got to find out.

"Dude… Wendy made a podcast of you and Cartman" Stan explained as soon as they were outside.

"DUDE!" Kyle shouted, eyes wide "Why the hell would she do something like that!?"

"I don't know, I have no idea she was capable of something like this!" Stan shook his head "Anyway, now everybody's afraid to go near you"

"Hey you guys" Cartman said smiling as he came waddling over with Kenny, who seemed in a state of shock.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph?" Kenny asked Kyle in monotone.

"I'm… okay. Oh, no I'm not! Cartman, you can't seriously be okay with every kid in school knowing I snuck into your house the past two days and made out with you!" Kyle snapped.

"And sucked my balls Kyle, let's not forget that" Cartman smiled.

"But, Wendy didn't see that part, so no one knows about that" Kyle said flatly.

Stan's eyes widened "Dude, you actually…"

"YES! Okay, yes I did!" Kyle snapped.

"Yeah, well they wouldn't know, except I told everybody" Cartman said happily.

"You WHAT?!" Kyle shouted "WHY THE FUCKING HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

Cartman sighed "Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. You just don't get it do you?" Cartman walked over to Kyle and put his arm around his shoulders. Kyle's face went red in rage.

"Get what fat ass?!"

"I told you not to call me that Kyle" Cartman growled "But you don't get it. You don't get how yaoi sells among fan girls. This starts as a pod cast, but then we get an online store. Get some junk with our logo. Think of the cash there is in being gay!"

Kyle twitched "You little bastard. Y-you…" it dawned on him "YOU'RE WORKING WITH WENDY AREN'T YOU?!"

"Well, after I heard you were playing me I OBVIOUSLY had to yell at that bitch Wendy. Then she made me the internet store offer if I read the script and after all I…" he paused "Well, anyways, now that its all out in the open we'll have some awesome episodes!" Cartman grinned. Kyle stared.

"God Cartman…" Kyle growled. He sighed "H-how much money do I get out of this?"

Cartman raised an eyebrow "Dude, you get nothing, you're being blackmailed into this remember?"

Kyle was irritated, but sort of expected as much "Okay… hey! Wait a minute, then give back my DS, Wendy knew about you knowing all along!"

"Nuh-uh! Because one of my conditions was that if I didn't get your stuff still, I wouldn't keep up the show, and then Wendy would post the picture!" Cartman explained with an evil smile.

"Dude, not cool!" Stan snapped "Don't you get that you're basically selling kid porn?!"

They all stared at Stan.

"Dude…" Kyle blinked "Y-you're right! This is freaking illegal man!" he shouted at Cartman.

"H-hey relax man!" Cartman stammered "Look, I'm sure Wendy has a firewall or something up so only kids out age can see it"

"There isn't a firewall for that dumbass!" Stan yelled.

"Yeah well... well… yeah…" Cartman sighed "B-but it's consented!"

"Yeah by one of us!" Kyle growled "Seriously dude!"

Cartman rolled his eyes "Well come on, if they're going to arrest anyone for this it won't be us, it'll be the stupid bitch who's exploiting our conjoined sexiness!"

Kyle's mouth was agape.

"DUDE! SICK!" Stan yelled as Wendy walked by with Bebe, unbeknownced to the boys.

"So… what's this podcast called anyway?" Kyle asked after a moment.

"Cartman X Kyle. Short, sweet, and to the point don't you think?" Cartman said happily.

*

"Hey, looks like your boyfriend's pretty jealous about the show" Bebe blinked and smiled.

"Hey! No he's not!" Wendy snapped. Then she looked back at the argument "H-he can't be…"

Bebe rolled her eyes "Well even if he's not, that could be a great angle for your podcast! A love triangle!" Wendy slapped Bebe across the face "WENDY! What the hell?!"

"DON'T SAY THAT! DON'T YOU EVER #$%ING %*&$ SAY THAT YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Wendy screamed before storming away, leaving Bebe to rub her reddening cheek in bewilderment.

*****

After school Wendy managed to corner Kyle and Cartman on their way out of class.

"Okay, here are your scripts for tonight, and tomorrow on the bus I'll give you the scripts for the big public revelation!" Wendy said smiling.

Cartman looked over the script "Yeah, this looks pretty sweet"

"Wendy! C-come on, don't you think this is enough?" Kyle asked, still skimming over the script "I mean, I've basically gotten no sleep the past two days!"

Wendy rolled her eyes "So? Then just sneak out a bit earlier then usual with your school stuff, then after we're done filming you can sleep there for a few hours! Your mom barely sees you in the morning anyway, if she asks after school where you were, just tell her you had to get to school early for a project!" she paused "Actually… that's a great idea! You're so doing that! Let me change the script a little!" Wendy said excitedly, snatching it back from Kyle.

"DUDE! Now you want me to lie to my mom?!"

"Geez Kyle, quit being such a pussy. You can't be the butch if you're being a pussy" Cartman snorted.

"Why do you know so much about gay relationships anyway Cartman?!" Kyle snapped.

"B-because I- well you know I- urg- screw you Kyle, I'm going home!" he smiled a little pervertedly "And I'll see you there later" Kyle twitched as Cartman headed away.

"Hmm… that's another thing. You're probably going to have to start calling him Eric" Wendy said, cupping her hand to her chin as if considering the merit of the idea. Kyle wondered if that photo was really worth this again.