"Why the hell are you following me?" Sherlock snapped.
"Language! Don't you mean, 'why the hickety-heck'?" Anderson replied stupidly.
"I most certainly did not mean that, imbecile. Answer the question."
"Because you're my ally!"
"Go to hell."
"But you'd come too because we're alliiiiiiieeeesssss," Anderson called, chasing as Sherlock tried to flee. Philip was surprisingly fast for someone so slow.
Suddenly they heard a rustling in the bushes. Anderson screamed like a lil bitch and hid behind Sherlock who smacked him for doing so. "Imbecile," Sherlock said for good measure. "Screaming will attract not only whatever deadly creature is rustling in that bush, but also the decidedly more deadly teenagers."
Then, out of the bushes, hopped a bright blue, radioactive… bunny. Of death. And pain. Also misery. Plus sadness. And cuteness.
"Oh my giggity-gosh!" Anderson squealed. "It's like a fairy!"
Suddenly, the bright blue, radioactive bunny of death and pain and misery and sadness and cuteness lunged at the 12-year old.
"What the friggidy-frack!" Anderson yelped. Those were his last words as the bunny ripped out his innards and ate him. Sherlock waited until he heard a cannon fire before he started clapping. He saluted the bunny, then the cameras for the capital in the sky, then left at a leisurely walking pace as the bunny opened his mouth like an anaconda and swallowed the boy whole.
.o.O.o.
Vastra was running for her life. Nothing new there, this was the hunger games, after all. Suddenly she collided with another being. She staggered back, confused and defensive, only to see the face of that weird "doctor" competitor, who cared only about licking a candy cane. "Are you alright?" the Doctor asked when he finally noticed her.
"The hell are you doing?" Vastra demanded.
"Enjoying Candyland," was the Doctor's reply around a mouthful of peppermint.
Vastra was about to ask something else when the two noticed a bright-ass orange sleeping bag hopping through the peppermint forest. It then proceeded to bump into a candy cane and cry, "fuck." A head popped out of the top, looked around, then slid back down before hopping away again in its 'camouflage'.
Vastra and the Doctor stood, wide-mouthed and gaping, as the orange blob hopped ignorantly towards them. The Doctor moved towards the blob and tapped it on what was vaguely the orange blobby shoulder. The top of the bag lowered, and the face of District 9 competitor Greg Lestrade. "Can I help you?" the blob said.
Those were his last words as the Doctor stabbed him with his candy cane, sharpened to a point from his consumption of it. He the wrenched it back out and said, "you know, if I leave the blade in, it keeps the blood in your body." He did not eat the candy cane, but dropped it as the cannon fired. "So, Vastra was it?" he turned around, but the green-scaled teen had fled. "I thought we bonded over death!" he cried into the peppermint void.
.o.O.o.
Sam cried as he ate the greenest, leafiest looking gumdrop he could find. There was no salad in Candyland.
.o.O.o.
That night the Panem seal appeared in the sky and the remaining tributes watched from their various sugar-filled locations.
Balthazar SassMasterson, District 3, age 17
Anthea Phone-Whore, District 5, age 13
Philip Anderson, District 6, age 12
Sally Donovan, District 6, age 15
Donna Noble, District 7, age 16
Rory Williams, District 8, age 16
Amelia Pond, District 8, age 16
Greg Lestrade, District 9, age 18
Clara Oswald, District 9, age 14
Martha Jones, District 10, age 17
Adam Adam III, District 12, age 12-18
