I apologise for taking so long to write/update.
Unfortunately I suffer from depression and there are times where it can get pretty bad, and I don't have any motivation nor creativity. The last few weeks have been rather hard on me and I just wasn't able to gather the inspiration to write until recently (hence the new chapter). I'm alright now though, so hopefully it won't happen again.
I also had quite a bit of writer's block with this, the story kind of grew on it's own and I had to figure out a way to rope it in again, keeping with the general plotline I originally created but at the same time flowing realistically. Mostly to do with Sakura maintaining the engagement with Sasuke whilst sneaking around with Kakashi.
I'm also busy working on my older projects and my new collection of KakaSaku one-shots (feel free to check it out) so updates will most likely be more sporadic. I'll try and have the next chapter out sooner though.
Please enjoy, and remember, reviews are very much loved! :)
CHAPTER SEVEN
"Sakura, I think you should move in with me."
The pinkette froze at Sasuke's words, her chopsticks falling from her fingers and clattering loudly upon the wooden table as her eyes widened.
They'd been enjoying a quiet lunch at her home, something that Sasuke had strangely insisted upon. It was part of their new daily routine, and whilst Sakura couldn't complain with the fact that her fiancé seemed to want to spend more time with her, she couldn't help but find it odd.
Of course, she would never voice that opinion.
"I beg your pardon?" she finally managed to speak, her voice low.
Sasuke tried to best to hide the frown that began to appear on his lips; he was not one that liked to repeat himself. Unfortunately, it seemed to be a rather frequent occurrence when he was Sakura.
"I think it would be best for you if you were to move in with me. It makes complete sense, as your apartment is much too small, and my home is rather sizeable for only one inhabitant." Sasuke reasoned, trying to conceal his self-loathing for the words that were coming from his mouth.
Sakura bit her lip in thought. "You want to do this right now?"
"We will be married in two months, I assume we will be living together then. I thought it would be easier and more efficient to do so now."
Looking at the frown that was appearing on Sasuke's face made Sakura feel even more guilty than she usually did. She could understand his confusion at her hesitance - this was an opportunity that a younger Sakura would have accepted happily in a heartbeat with no further assurance needed.
However, the woman she was these days was a completely different person, and not one she was entirely happy with. Here she was, a woman engaged to the boy she had loved since she had been a young girl; yet she was messing around with another man behind his back. And not just any man, but their former sensei and mentor.
The first time she had shown up at Kakashi's place under the influence of sake had been a mistake. As had the second time. And the third, fourth, fifth…
Every single night that she returned home from an intimate encounter with the silver-haired man, she'd headed to the shower and then told herself repeatedly that it would never happen again, that she was going to be Sasuke's wife in a matter of weeks and therefore she would remain faithful to him.
Yet, every night she still appeared on Kakashi's doorstep, every night she succumbed to the older man's charms, every night she hated herself a little bit more.
Sakura knew that she was hurting both Sasuke and Kakashi by not being able to make a decision between, and that she was being selfish for continuing on both relationships. She could never leave Sasuke, despite his arrogance he had always been the love of her life, the one she had imagined being with. After so many years of unrequited love, it seemed to finally be returned.
On the other hand, ending her affair with Kakashi just seemed to difficult for her to comprehend. Sakura found herself awakening a new side of herself, one that seemed to be more confident and mature. There was also some kind of connection there between them, a tension that had been growing more and more each time they were together that admittedly frightened her.
"Sakura?"
Sasuke's voice broke the pinkette from her thoughts, sounding thoroughly annoyed that she'd zoned out on him.
It was time for her to stop messing around and make a decision. For an adult, she had been acting immaturely, trying to avoid the responsibility of hurting someone she cared about.
But in the end, she had to make a choice, and carry it out.
Before she could do so though, there was someone else she needed to discuss things with.
"Is it alright if I take a walk? I just need some time to clear my head before I can give you an answer." she said softly, standing up from her seat.
Sasuke nodded in compliance, but was inwardly fuming. Although he was aware of Sakura's secret dalliances, he hadn't had any idea of how serious it had become. It had taken everything within him not to confront the older man, because he knew it would end with him most likely ripping his former sensei's throat out. He'd only just gotten the ANBU off his back and was finally beginning to win the village's trust; killing one of it's most beloved shinobi would most likely destroy all the effort he had gone through to obtain it.
However, that did not mean he would go down without a fight. Sakura was his woman, his property.
And Uchiha Sasuke did not like other people touching his things.
As Sakura hurried along the busy streets of the village, she was too preoccupied with her thoughts to notice that she was being followed, the lone figure jumping from rooftop to rooftop above her, keeping a keen eye on her every move but ensuring that there was no way she would realise they were there.
When she turned down the street that Kakashi's apartment block was on, the follower's eyes narrowed, darkening considerably.
Reaching for another tissue, Kakashi could feel the sting of the tears that welled in his visible eye, and cursed himself for not being more careful.
There had been some kind of trick for this, surely; chopping up an onion shouldn't cause such a strange reaction. Even with a mask covering his mouth and nose, the onion's aroma had permeated through the material, straight to his nostrils, causing the painful moisture in his eye. Even his Sharingan; with the eyelid closed and his hitai-ate covering it, was beginning to react.
Kakashi had never been one with culinary talents, preferring for others to prepare his dinner or usually opting to get take-away from the many local restaurants; but lately he had been in such good spirits that he thought he'd try his hand at an old family recipe. He recalled the meal as one of his favourites when he'd been young, it had been his mother's family recipe, handed down from generation to generation. She'd been an amazing cook, always creating new dishes as well as improving upon older ones. It had been a wonder that he hadn't been a portly child with all the food he had consumed in those early years.
Although it was still early afternoon, he wanted to start preparing for dinner early so it would be ready for Sakura when she came around. It was simply a nice gesture for her on his part; he wanted to show his appreciation of her in some way that wasn't sexual.
Sakura usually came over to his place late at night, when she was least likely to be caught by anyone they knew; especially Sasuke. They'd both known that what they were doing was forbidden and wrong on so many levels - he suspected that was one of the reasons why it felt so wonderful to be with her, and added a certain spice to the physical relationship they were sharing.
He was aware that what they were doing was purely about the sex and nothing else, but he couldn't help the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw her, how it swelled when she gave him one of her best smiles. It still baffled him as to why she was still adamant about marrying Sasuke, surely anyone who was so determined to wed a person wouldn't spend most of their time seducing another.
It would have to end eventually, Kakashi knew that deep down. However, he had no idea just when that would be. When she and Sasuke were finally wed, would she consummate the marriage with him immediately? Would she still come to her former-sensei's house in the middle of the night and share his bed for a few hours before sneaking home again?
No matter how much he'd implored Sakura to make a final decision, her mind hadn't been up for the task. There were some days where he was astounded at how mature she had become, that his student had finally become a full-fledged adult, but there was times like this that he was reminded that her mind was still stuck in her teenage years, lusting after a boy who had broken her heart over and over again.
Lately, Kakashi had found himself daydreaming about the possibility of Sakura leaving Sasuke for good, and entering upon a proper relationship with him. Of course, it was absolutely absurd and he was clearly deluded for concocting such ideas in his mind, but then again it did make more sense than whatever they had between them at the moment.
Unable to deal with the stinging pain in his obsidian orb, Kakashi tore himself away from the chopping board and moved over to the windows, making sure they were open as much as possible to aerate the room. He pulled his mask down, taking in a deep breath as the material bunched at his throat. He'd always wondered why he wore it when he was home alone, there had really been no need and yet it covered it face at all times except for when he was eating, drinking or bathing.
And of course, when he was being intimate with Sakura.
As he mind trailed back to the young pinkette, as it usually did when there was nothing around to distract him, there came a knock at the door. His gaze turning towards it, Kakashi couldn't help the frown that crossed his features. It certainly sounded like Sakura's knock, but it was early afternoon; she usually didn't come over until 9pm at the earliest.
Still, he rushed over to the door and swiftly opened it, revealing his former student at his doorstep, wringing her hands together as her eyes focused on his feet.
"You're early." Kakashi addressed her, keeping the tone light as he observed her worrying behaviour.
"I needed to talk to you." she replied feebly, quickly glancing up at him before her attention returned to the ground.
"You know you're always welcome here, Sakura." he told her as he moved to the side, allowing her to enter his place before he closed the door behind her.
Sakura's head lifted up slightly. "You're cooking." she observed.
"Attempting to." he corrected her with a grin, following the kunoichi as she took a seat on the couch.
They sat in silence for a few moments, the tension between them growing heavier with each passing second. Kakashi could tell that this wasn't just a friendly visit, that there was something serious going on. Sakura couldn't even gather up the courage to look at him, which made his gut wrench uncomfortably.
"I, uh, well…" Sakura began nervously, running a hand through her hair.
"Whatever it is, just tell me, Sakura. I'm a big boy, I'm sure I can handle it."
Surprised by the tone of Kakashi's voice, the pinkette's eyes snapped to meet his lone one.
"Sasuke-kun asked me to move in with him." she eventually uttered, surprised with how even her voice was.
Kakashi blinked. "What did you say to that?"
Sakura's gaze moved to her knees. "I haven't given him an answer. I couldn't, I needed to figure out everything first. I just…I don't think I can do this anymore."
Although he could hear the pain in Sakura's voice, Kakashi couldn't help the swell of hope that began to rise in his chest. Had this been the moment they'd been waiting for, when the lying had become too much for her to handle? Had she finally realised that she was happier with him, that Sasuke would only bring her misery?
"I know it's a big decision to make, but I think it's the right one." he comforted her, laying a hand gently on her upper back.
Sakura looked at him once more, confusion etched into her delicate features. "Really?"
"You knew this was never going to work, up until now you've simply been trying to convince yourself that it would." Kakashi added knowingly.
"I guess you're right." she sighed.
"Besides, Sasuke has brought you nothing but misery throughout the years. Did you really believe that marrying him would change that?"
Sakura paused for a moment before her eyebrows knitted together with pure perplexity. "Wait, what?"
Now it was Kakashi's turn to look bewildered. "You said that you couldn't do it anymore..."
"I meant this, Kakashi. Not Sasuke-kun and I."
Oh.
Oh.
Now Kakashi felt positively foolish. He quickly withdrew his hand from Sakura's back and got to his feet before beginning to pace back and forth across the room in an attempt to gather his thoughts and make sense of what was happening.
The hope he'd been feeling moments earlier had been quickly replaced with anger and pain. He'd honestly believed that when the time came for Sakura to finally make a decision, that she'd make one that was best for her. And Sasuke certainly wasn't what was best for her. He'd hurt her over and over again in the past, in more ways than one.
"I don't understand." he finally admitted, glancing over to the pinkette. "I know you're not happy with Sasuke, so why would you choose him?"
Now it was Sakura's turn to be irritated, with frustration appearing on her features.
"What makes you think that I'm not happy with Sasuke-kun?"
Kakashi let out a dry laugh. "If you really were so content with him, you wouldn't be here every night with me."
The look on Sakura's face darkened into a scowl. She'd come to speak to Kakashi and had foolishly hoped for an amicable end to the physical relationship they had shared, knowing that as a much older man, he'd surely be mature about the entire situation and be understanding.
Unfortunately, that didn't seem like the case.
"You know that I love Sasuke-kun, and that I always have." she replied steadily, her voice low. "I'm not going to throw away everything that I have always wanted for this. I need to think about him and his feelings; if he knew what I'd been doing behind his back-"
"What about my feelings?" Kakashi interrupted her, eyebrows furrowed together.
"Your feelings about what? What we had was just meaningless sex, a fling. It meant nothing, it was just a way for us to let off some steam." Sakura explained, crossing her arms.
The pain in his chest began to intensify with each of the pinkette's cutting words.
"As I recall, you began this entire thing when you came to my place, took off your dress and implored me to make love to you. Sex is meaningless, but making love is not. I don't think that you're really considering the entire picture with a clear mind." he fumed, trying his best to maintain calm.
Sakura eyes widened. Had Kakashi really been thinking that their time together had meant more than what it actually had? Sure there was definite attraction, but it had been clear since the beginning that there was no future for them as a couple. He had to have known that it would over one day, that she would go ahead and marry Sasuke, the man of her dreams.
"I have taken everything into consideration, which is why I am here. I'm trying to be a responsible adult, and try to end this as cordially as possible."
Kakashi let out another resentful chuckle.
"You know what Sakura? The last few months I've found myself amazed at how much you've grown up, it's only now that I realise that's just a mask; mentally you're still acting like a child. No matter how much stronger you have become and everything you have been through in the last few years, at the end of the day you're still that simpering twelve year-old girl who thinks of nothing but her precious Sasuke-kun."
Sakura gasped at his heated accusation, feeling like a knife was impaling her chest. The stinging of angry tears in her eyes made her aware of how much his words were hurting her, but she would not allow Kakashi to see her cry.
"You have no idea what you're talking about." she seethed at him through clenched teeth.
Kakashi's visible eye narrowed at her.
"You were so focused on Sasuke in those early years that you never even noticed how much Naruto liked you. Even if you weren't interested in him romantically, you still could have attempted to become his friend. But no matter how many times he would try to reach out to you, you consistently ignored him and instead gave all your attention to a boy who didn't even seem to care that you even existed." he accused, hating the livid words that were escaping his lips.
"That's a load of complete crap, Kakashi. You know damn well that Naruto is my best friend." Sakura retorted, her face growing redder with ire as each second passed.
"Now he is, yes. It was only when Sasuke turned his back on the village and left that you finally gave Naruto a chance."
Sakura was aware that she had made many mistakes in the past, but had never seen her actions as a young girl like Kakashi had seemed to witness them. Her hands clenched into fists by her sides as her fury continued to build, the moisture in her eyes continuing to build up but she was determined that not a single one would fall.
"It's not like you haven't done the same thing. At the beginning, all I wanted was to show you my potential and earn myself some kind of praise in any way, for you to acknowledge me. Instead you constantly held us all at an arm's length, and practically neglected Naruto and I to train up Sasuke-kun. Even when he abandoned the village, you still left us in the hands of others; we were lucky to have been taken under the wings of Jiraiya-sensei and Tsunade-shishou." she bit back, amazed at all the weight that was coming off her chest with each word spoken.
Kakashi closed his eye and took in a deep breath.
"I am aware of my past mistakes, and have had no problem owning up to them. Perhaps it's time that you do the same." he replied bitterly, his obsidian orb appearing once more to glance at the pinkette.
She promptly let out a growl of exasperation and stood up from the couch. "You know what? I don't have to take this from you. Whatever we had is over, Kakashi. I'm getting married to Sasuke-kun whether you like it or not, and you're just going to have to accept that."
Sakura headed to the front door, not bothering to look back at Kakashi as she quickly opened it, walked through the threshold and then slammed the door behind her, the noise reverberating in Kakashi's ears.
Emitting a snarl of vexation, Kakashi promptly moved over to the nearest wall and impaled his fist clean through the thick wood. He felt so furious and hurt at that moment that he didn't notice the blood that began to trickle from his knuckles nor the pain that accompanied it; too consumed with his thoughts that he did not hear the hushed sobs that began to sound from the other side of his front door.
As Sakura finally made it to her place, she hoped that Sasuke had stayed around to hear her answer. She honestly hadn't expected to be gone so long; then again, she also hadn't anticipated the way Kakashi had reacted to the news, or her decision to end things with him.
She knew it was the right thing to do, yet the look of hurt that had etched into his handsome features had seemingly broken her heart, and her chest pained when the image flashed in her thoughts. Still, there had been absolutely no reason for him to act the way he had; it had been clear since the beginning that she was going to marry Sasuke, that what they shared was a simply fling that would eventually end at some point.
Knowing her eyes were still slightly bloodshot and her nose was most likely red, she opened her front door and instantly saw Sasuke, who was relaxing on the nearby couch. He looked incredibly bored, his face blank and impassive as he regarded her.
"Did you make a decision?" he questioned her bluntly as he stood up, obviously not noticing the tell-tale signs of crying on her face.
"I did. I will move in with you. Actually, I'll start packing immediately." Sakura told him, happy with fact that she had finally made her choice, but still upset from the massive argument between she and Kakashi.
Desperately seeking some kind of comfort, she moved over to Sasuke and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, bringing him up against her body in an embrace. Surprisingly, Sasuke responded, snaking one arm around her petite waist, his other hand moving to entangle his fingers in her azalea tendrils.
As Sakura buried her face into the crook of Sasuke's neck, she missed the unnerving smirk of pure triumph that appeared on his lips, the glint of victory in his fathomless obsidian eyes.
You're mine.
Here's three things you should know;
1. No smuttiness in this chapter, instead we get a break-up and an argument. I know it seems like I'm hating on them both but I'm really not, they're both just hurt and blowing up everything out of proportion. I hope it seemed realistic anyways.
2. I know that Sasuke responding to affection is strange, but he's not really seeing it as a loving embrace; the way he is holding her is meant to reflect his possessiveness. I hope that this chapter has kind of given you an idea of what's going on in that head of his - and yes, I will confirm that he does know what's been going on with Sakura and Kakashi,
3. Speaking of Sasuke, does anyone else read the manga? I swear to go I spazzed out completely with the latest chapter. I won't go too much into detail (I don't want to ruin things for those who don't read the manga) but all I can say really is OH MY GOD.
Please let me know what you think, feedback in incredibly helpful and very much appreciated! :)
