Dear Diary,
Will had mustard on his cute Kurt Douglas chin dimple. I had to wipe it off. When I touched him It was like electricity passing down my arm. I knew if I looked into his eyes I'd be lost. As it was time seemed to stand still. He was talking about the Glee club lacking energy and thinking they've got it in the bag. He needed to motivate them. I told him about my sticker board as a kid. I always got a sticker for keeping my room so tidy. One time my brother snuck into my room and messed it up and I had a panic attack. Mum went right off at him for upsetting me. It took me hours to get everything back to normal. Then Sue interrupted. She told us that children need to be terrified, it's like mother's milk to them. Then she insulted my blouse. Honestly I can't understand why she's employed at that school.
Dear Diary,
My conversation with Will inspired him to start a competition between the boys and girls. He asked me to be a judge. I was so honoured. 'You are the most honest person I know' he said. I was so flattered. (Quality #35: always pays compliments) I value honesty but I can't tell him just how intense my fear of germs is sometimes. I don't want him to think I'm crazy, even I think I'm crazy sometimes. I know my fears are irrational, but I can't help it. Speaking of crazy, Terri is working at McKinley as the school nurse, despite having no qualifications whatsoever. I think she's jealous of my friendship with Will. She touched my cup. I had to throw it away. She's so…harsh. How can he have a baby with her? She belittled our school. How can she belittle Will's work place? He loves the kids. She's not good for him. She drags him down.
Dear Diary,
Terri was sitting with Will in the staff room. I sat down at another table. She tried to lick the mustard off his chin. It was disgusting. Will thought it was too (Quality #36). He walked out and looked at me apologetically. Then Ken walked up to me. Oh my god it was the worst moment of my life. Out of that ridiculous fanny bag he wears under his protruding stomach he pulled out a ring. An engagement ring! No, no, no, this isn't happening I thought. I won't ride in his car, I won't let him touch me above the wrist. I cried when his elbow accidently brushed my breast. How could he even think I'd say yes? He promised to keep me free of loneliness. And that's all I've thought about tonight as I've cleaned.
Dear Diary,
The girls performed today. Will's plan seems to have worked. They were so energetic. He graciously said it was my idea too. (Quality #36). The girls did a mash up of Walking on Sunshine and Halo and I couldn't help but think about the lyrics: 'Remember those walls I built, well baby they're tumbling down… I'm surrounded by your embrace' and 'I'm walking on sunshine' that's exactly how Will makes me feel. I feel so good helping him. I feel valued, a sense of belonging. He asked me if it was true Ken had asked me to marry him. 'Can you think of any other options I might have.' I replied. He said 'Is that a reason to marry someone?' But It wasn't what I was asking. He knew that. I know he feels something for me but he won't take the leap and I can't really blame him for that. It's really wishful thinking on my half. Later that day, Terri came to my office. I was wary. She's like a tiger waiting to pounce and pounce she did. I stood up to her though. Will is a good man, he's kind and generous and he deserves a lot better than her. She said I only see him for an hour or two each day and I don't really know him. Would I steal him away from a pregnant woman? She's right. I wouldn't. And do I really know Will? My obsession with Will has clouded my judgement. I just want him to be happy and to have that sparkle in his eye. Ken is a perfectly good man. He has cleanliness issues, but I wouldn't have to live with him. What would getting married mean? I'd want to keep my last name and live in separate houses and not see him after school and there would definitely be no big ceremony and we wouldn't have to tell anybody. It could be a secret. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.
Dear Diary,
I told Ken I'd marry him.
Dear Diary,
I told Will. I wanted him to say No, don't marry Ken. Wait for me.' But he didn't. I walked away and turned to see if he was still standing in the corridor. He was. We looked at each other. Whatever is between us is fruitless. I need to protect my heart. Ken is a good man.
