Chapter 7: ON THE TOWN!
(A/N: Yay! I got some negative QUESTIONS and COMMENTS! Here they are as I interpreted them...
Question One: Why aren't so and so characters that I like in this story?
Answer: Well, I DON'T KNOW! I just didn't think to put them in. OH WELL! You'll live. Won't you?
Question Two: Why hasn't something I've thought of happened yet?
Answer: Because YOU thought of it! Ha-HA!
Question Three: Who said Duke was sexy?
Answer: ...Didn't you see his episodes? HE thinks he's sexy, his CHEERLEADERS think he's sexy, and I'm pretty sure some of his audience did too. Why, do you think he's not sexy?
Duke: WHO SAYS I'M NOT SEXY? (sobs) ...I AM TOO SEXY! (runs off crying)
Comment: Some of this does not meet my standards.
Answer: Well, mail me a list of your standards. I will read them. Then burn them. THANK YOU!
And that's it, I think. If you have more questions, ask Dartz, because, as of now, he is my official spokesperson.
Dartz: FEAR ME!
Yes. Yes, do. And ask him questions, like this...
Question: Why do you like squirrels so much?
Dartz: FOOL! How dare you ask me such a question? ...Well...I don't know. I just... like them. They...they're cute...and twitchy. ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW , YOU BABOON?
Or, you can ask Seto, my OTHER official spokesperson! Like this...
Question: Seto, why can't you love?
Seto: Bite me.
See? It's THAT easy!
Now, read and enjoy!)
(THIS IS A SCENE CHANGING DEVICE!)
Marik pulled the van out of the parking lot, humming to himself in a rather O. O. C. way. Weevil heard this, and scooted over a bit.
Don't ya' just LOVE that word? "Scooted". Say it! "SCOOTED!" Oh, MAN that's awesome!
What a neat word...
What? EH? Oh, yeah. Anywho, since the carwash is basically right in front of the motel, Marik just drove onto 'Lovely Drive' and into the "touch-less wash" (which, I assume, involves a lack of touching something).
But it was right then and there that poor, moronic Weevil discovered something. Something...HORRIBLE...
HE WAS CLAUSTROPHOBIC!
Now, Marik, having been a TOMB KEEPER for most of his thousand-something year old life, was quite used to small, dark places. Weevil, however...
Started hyperventilating.
In the midst of his song ("Do a little dance...make a little love...get down tonight!" by good ol' KC and The Sunshine Band) Marik noticed the strange hoot breaths coming from the seat next to him, and looked over to see that Bug-Boy's face was a sickly shade of green. "Are you alright?"
Weevil made a noise like: "GLAAERAAUGHN!" and began to pound on the windows like a wild monkey pounds a cupcake. ...Because they do. Pound...
Cupcakes...
...Hm?
"Are you afraid of giant brushes?" Marik asked as nicely and calmly as he could.
"GET OUT! MUST GET OUT!"
Before Marik could stop him, Weevil forced the door open–
And both of them were hit with a wall of soapy water.
(THIS IS A SCENE CHANGING DEVICE!)
Room 53
Yugi was thirsty. For a soda. "Hey, guys? Do you know where I can get a soda?" he asked.
"I think I saw a vending machine out front." Pharaoh said, tilting his head. "Why? Are you thirsty?"
'Well, DUH, Pharaoh! Nobody REALLY wants something to DRINK unless they're THIRSTY, you DIPWAD!' Yugi thought.
"Yes." Yugi said.
"Here, go buy yourself a soda." Duke reached into his pocket and pulled out one dollar and twenty-seven cense, which just happened to be the EXACT amount the machine needed. And the whole world marveled at his coolness. "This is why I deserve my own chapter." he hinted, staring pointedly at the authoress.
"Yeah, yeah, Duke. I hear ya'." She rolled her eyes.
"What's your favorite kind of soda, Yugi?" Asked Pharaoh, even though he should KNOW that by now. (Sigh) I guess he's just being a ditz today.
"Moxie." Yugi squeaked happily. "I love Moxie! It's my all-time favorite!"
Everyone in the world retched. Several Yugi fans imploded. Tibet declared a holocaust against Japan. "MOXIE! MOXIE?"
But little Yugi didn't notice this, and skipped merrily outside to find his disgusting beverage, unknowing that his seemingly insignificant trip would cost him...
TWO DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENSE! Because he used the wrong machine! ARGH!
As soon as the door closed, Duke smiled. "I know! Let's go to WalMart! We can get sweet barbecue chicken!"
"CHICKEN! Without YUGI?" Pharaoh gasped.
"Oh, he'll be fine!" Duke assured, as if he actually KNEW that. But he was Duke, so maybe he did. I don't think so, though...
(THIS IS A SCENE CHANGING DEVICE!)
Room 42
"WalMart!" Yami Marik cheered. "Oh, I've always wanted to go there!"
Duke, Pharaoh, Pegasus (who had decided to come after Dartz threw a television set at his head), and a very irate Tea exchanged looks. "Well, let's go then." Duke said.
"Shouldn't we ask Mokuba and Kaiba if they want to come?" Pharaoh asked.
"Uh..."
(THIS IS A SCENE CHANGING DEVICE!)
Room 41
"NO. We will not go with you. We wouldn't go to WalMart with you even if we had rabid weasels stuffed down our pants." Seto growled in that all-knowing, arrogant voice that makes people want to gut him like a fish.
"Why would the weasels make any difference?" Tea asked.
"...They just would."
'SLAM!'
(THIS IS A SCENE CHANGING DEVICE!)
So, Duke, Tea, Pharaoh, and Yami Marik headed for that big, wonderful, SUP-AH WAL-MAHT in Newport, Maine! Once inside, Duke sauntered over to the electronics section (the COOL / SEXY part of the store), Yami Marik scurried over the crafts section (the FEMININE / GAY MALE part of the store), and Tea dragged Pharaoh into...bum, bum, buuummm...
GIRLS CLOTHING! And not really even the clothing part– the underwear part! Even I won't willingly venture there, and I'M a girl!
Poor, poor, disturbed Pharaoh was about to get...
A little more disturbed.
(YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS!)
Electronics
Duke smiled, swaggering over to the CD players and I-pods...
"Hello!"
Now, Duke, being the sexy, hot dude that he is, did not jump and twirl like little Yugi; but merely turned his (sexy!) head (sexily!) Towards the voice. "Oh, hey, Pegasus! What brings you here?"
"I'm going to buy a portable DVD player!" The silver-haired man said. See, he's been trying to watch movies on a portable VCR / TV set, which is only portable because he has three guys lugging it wherever he goes.
"That's cool."
Behind them, a random salesclerk tried to fend off an armed robber. "SOMEONE! PLEASE HELP ME!" He screamed wildly.
"What color would you recommend I buy?" Pegasus asked.
Duke considered. "Well, silver and white would clash with your hair..."
"PREPARE TO DIE!" The gunman hollered, snapping his rifle into place.
"NOOOOO! I'LL GIVE YOU THE MONEY! SOMEONE HELP ME! WAAAAAHHHHH-HAAAAA-HAAAAAAA!"
"So...black, then?" Pegasus placed a finger on his chin thoughtfully, "Isn't that a bit, you know, dark?"
"Dark, but sexy." Duke reassured. And Duke should know.
"DON'T SHOOT ME! DON'T SHOOT ME! PLEASE! I HAVE CREDENTIALS! WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME?"
"Black it is, then!" The silver-haired man grinned, his eyes cute little horseshoes. "Thank you, Devlin-boy!"
"You're welcome!" Duke sighed, waving. "My hero..."
"YOU'RE DEAD!" The gunman bellowed, aiming at the clerk.
'BLAM!'
"AUUUUGGGGHHHHH! MY SPIIIIIINNNNEEEEE!"
(SCENE CHANGE THINGY!)
Boring Department
Children stared in awe. Old ladies dropped their eyeglasses. Men hid behind tool displays. No one wanted to get near to...
HAPPY Yami Marik.
He frolicked through the fabrics, he skipped through the scrap-book section, he can-canned through the crafts!
No words can describe just how WRONG this looked...
So I'm not even going to try.
(DO A LITTLE DAAAAANCE! )
Undergarments:
Pharaoh's face was purple. That's right, PURPLE. The same color as his (gorgeous!) Eyes.
"And these are BRAS! Did they have BRAS in ancient Egypt?"
He was now dark violet. "I-I don't think so."
"THAT must have been weird!" Tea squealed ditzily.
He hung his head, a huge sweatdrop appearing. "Um...Tea? THIS is kind of–"
"And these are PANTIES!" She held two lacy numbers up to her face. "Which color goes with my skin tone best? SPICY red or STRAWBERRY-FROSTING pink?"
Pharaoh...
EXPLODED!
Actually, he choked.
THEN he exploded!
...Or maybe just threw up all over Tea.
...Yeah, it was the second one.
(MAKE A LITTLE LOOOOVVVEEEE!)
Room 41:
Seto Kaiba bolted up from the couch. "My Seto-Senses are tingling!" He yelled foolishly.
His little brother raised a brow. "What...?"
"My company! Something is wrong with my precious Kaiba Company!"
Whipping out his cell-phone, he dialed his secretary. "WHAT'S GOING ON?" he cried.
Rita The Secretary marveled at her boss' intuition, "Sir, while you were gone...the company was bought by some billionaire. It now sells..."
"Yes? YES?"
"Chia Pets."
"...What?"
"You know, those animal-shaped things that grow grass out of their bodies like fur?" As if to be helpful, she sang, "Cha-Cha-Cha-CHIA!"
Seto dropped the phone, taking a deep, relaxing breath...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(GET DOWN TONIGHT!)
Yugi stared at his new arch enemy...
The Vending Machine.
He inserted his money.
'Spit-Bzzt!'
He reinserted his money.
'Spit-Bzzt!'
He re-reinserted his money.
'Spit-bzzt!"
He kicked the machine.
'BZZT!'
(END OF CHAPTER!)
Yay! Now it's time for...
SETO'S CORNER!
This is the part of the fan-fic where we listen to Seto's opinion on the story so far!
Seto: I hate it.
...That's it?
Seto: Yes. Can I go now?
There wasn't ONE part you liked?
Seto: NO.
What about breakfast?
Seto: NO. I could have gotten better food out of a dumpster!
I liked the food...
Seto: YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE!
I was there...in SPIRIT!
Seto:...I'm leaving now.
Okay.
...Well, tune in next time for...
Seto: I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!
SETO'S CORNER!
Seto: DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
Yes, next time...
