Who We Are
On The Eve of War
Here's some more Daryl/Beth centered stuff finally. In my mind Daryl thinks about Beth all the time, just doesn't let other people know about it. This is also sort of a look at what could be coming in terms of the "War" with Negan though I doubt it will go exactly like this. The song I was listening to while writing this and then pictured Beth singing in the fic itself is In The Deep by Bird York which I have been absolutely enthralled with myself since we watched the movie Crash in one of my classes last week.
Daryl sits sullenly on the ramparts that make up the Hilltop's guard posts. He's seen Maggie up here a few times since they were all reunited in a cacophony of hugs and happy faces, just looking. He's not sure what she's looking at but it's not his place to pry anyways, he's the one that got her husband killed and while she may say she forgives him he's sure it's never going to be the same between them again. He himself stares out at the tree line that stands tall not that far away from the community's walls and allows his mind to wander.
Rick says that they're ready to strike their first blow against Negan tomorrow now that they have both the Hilltop and the Kingdom to back them up. He's ready for the fight, ready to finally get some revenge on the bastards that held and tortured him for days on end. If need be he's also ready to die to protect those around him, his life isn't that important anymore anyways and he'd rather not see anyone else die for or because of him.
Sometimes he finds himself back there, back at the graveyard, back at the house where everything had started to make sense again for the first time since the prison. He can see and hear everything so clearly, Beth's angelic voice lulling him to sleep as he laid in his coffin bed. They could have made a life there, probably wouldn't have ever found the rest of the group ever again, but they could have made a life, a life that was theirs. Then he had to go and ruin it by opening that door and letting the Walkers in. If only he wasn't such an idiot, if only he had kept the door closed, if only he hadn't left her alone, if only he'd kept running he could have saved her. If only he hadn't given up she would still be standing right next to him.
Other times he finds himself back at Grady Memorial reliving the last moments of Beth's life. He had barely contained his relief at having her back within arm's reach. The second Dawn had said that she wanted Noah back in trade he knew that it was going to go south somehow, Rick wasn't backing down and everyone's guns were being pointed at the other side with intent. Beth had said, "I get it now" before striding confidently towards the other side of the standoff. What she "got" and what that meant or didn't mean to Dawn he still couldn't figure out. The next thing he knew Beth was stabbing Dawn with a pair of scissors and Dawn's gun was going off. There was no active thought when he pulled his gun up to aim and shot Dawn dead right then and there, it was as if his body was acting with a mind of its own. If only he hadn't let her go back over there, if only they had just broken down and given up Noah, if only he had just backed Rick's plan from the get go she would have made it out alive. In the end he had been unable to protect her just like he had been unable to protect her father, just like he was unable to protect anyone.
That wasn't where his mind went to this time though, this time he was somewhere else. As he looked around at his surroundings he saw large, sweeping walls that all met at a circular fresco painting on the ceiling. The painting was of a forest scene with various animals standing around and looking at a blond haired woman, that looked vaguely familiar, playing a piano. The sounds of an actual piano being played and an angelic voice that was very familiar drew him into his more immediate surroundings. The room was some sort of concert hall, but he was the only one occupying any of the seats. A slightly older looking Beth than the one he remembered was seated at a large piano in the middle of the stage with a spotlight shining on her singing a song that he didn't particularly recognize, but still left him enthralled. After a few minutes where he just sat there staring the song ended and she got up to take a small bow, a smile lighting up her face as her eyes landed on him.
The whole thing made him think about what could have been. What could have been if things had gone differently and she were still alive today. What could have been if the world had never gone to shit in the first place though he was pretty sure they would never have met if that were the case. Even if they had met in the world before things would have never been as easy as they were after the prison. She was barely 18 and he was just some low trailer trash back then, things definitely wouldn't have been easy.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by someone shaking his shoulder and figured that whoever it was that decided it was a good idea to disturb him should count themselves lucky that they didn't immediately get a knife in the throat for their trouble. It was Maggie, perhaps the last person he wanted to see right now, probably up to do her own staring off into the nothingness. He got up with a huff from where he was seated and stormed off towards the mansion where he knew he would find Rick before she could say anything. He didn't need her questions and he definitely didn't need her sympathy, didn't deserve it either.
Rick was looking over a map of the area where they had marked the locations of several of Negan's outposts after a series of delicate scouting missions that surprisingly went off without a hitch. Rick looked up from what he was doing as he heard Daryl enter and offered him a nod of his head as if answering some unvoiced question. Daryl slowly made his way over to the table and looked down at the map himself. He recognized some of the locations from missions he himself had gone on. The rest were a mystery to him but he was sure that Rick would fill them all in when the time came to actually carry out the assaults. The plan as he understood it was to hit a bunch of the outposts at once, before the Saviors had time to react and warn each other. It seemed solid enough in his mind, but he knew this was only the beginning.
"Tomorrow's the beginning of the end," Rick said suddenly. "We're taking that bastard down or we're gonna die trying, either way it will be over."
"Mm," was all Daryl said.
He didn't doubt that this would be the end one way or the other for the war they found themselves in right now. The fight with the Governor had eventually ended, the fight with Terminus eventually ended, the fight with Grady Memorial eventually ended and he had no doubt that this would end too. Still, Daryl knew that it would never really be over and he hoped that Rick got that too, they had been struggling to survive since the beginning and just because they took down one more psychotic asshole didn't mean that another wouldn't take his place. One way or another they were all going to succumb to the horrors of the world they found themselves in eventually. He was ready, had been ready for quite a while. Whether or not he was still physically drawing breath his life had ended there on that hospital floor along with hers. It was only a matter of time before that caught up with him.
Not sure what I'll be doing next. That older Judith story along with a continuation of the Arat chapter is still floating around my head. I guess we'll see what happens.
