Biggest, most important A/N EVER: Ok, I know I've said my beta, nevertothethird, is the best in the 'verse, but I REALLY MEAN IT. Folks, not only did she go over the behemouth of a chapter twice, keeping me true to character, making me bare my soul, and get me to laugh while doing it, she gave me the best gift I've ever received in my life!
I consider the house in this story to be as much a secondary character as Charlie, Henry or Trent. So, while vacationing in NY, she not only visited the house, but printed out my favorite picture of Logan and Veronica and took it with her. So, hanging over my desk, is a picture of Logan and Veronica in front of "their" house! Excuse me while I SSSSSQQQQQUUUUUUUEEEEE! Who does that for somebody!? See, Best. Beta. Ever.
This total fangirl moment was brought to you by nevertothird.
A/N Thank you!: The response to the last chapter was overwhelming and I can't thank you guys enough. Your responses really fueled me while writing this chapter. For those who have left guest reviews, I can't send you a personal thank you but please know I really appreciate it. Welcome to all the new readers and followers. I love knowing these words are reaching all of you. This is not only the longest, but the most emotional I've ever written, or may ever write again. I hope, when you see what's coming up next in the story, you understand why they had to go through all this. I would love to get your thoughts and feedback.
A/N Married?!: To address all of you that were surprised by the marriage reveal in Chapter 5. That was oh-so-very intentional. First, I thought it would be fun if you found out they were married at the same time Jason did. Second, I love the idea that Logan revealed it by laying claim to her. Third, and most importantly, (thank you to my sister for reminding me of this) that was when I wanted you to realize you were not reading a story of courtship-it's not going to end in a wedding because the wedding already happened. This is what happens after our favorite couple said their I dos and rode off in the sunset. This is a story of a marriage-a funny, sexy, loving, and complicated marriage that has it's own unique history and set of problems like any marriage. What made me write this was that I was intrigued about what happens after 'they lived happily ever after'. Would love to hear your thoughts.
Chapter 7
The kitchen was clean. Not just clean, but restored. Every sign of yesterday's cooking tsunami had disappeared in the past several hours. While she was lying in bed, keeping herself from going to him, Logan had apparently been taking out his anger on the pots and pans. Not a good sign; he hated to clean.
Though it was only six in the morning, there was no trace of him or the dogs in the house. It didn't surprise her that they were out at such an early hour, especially since Logan didn't seem to have gotten any more sleep than she had. But she wanted…no, dammit. She needed to talk to him. If he was hurting half as badly as she was, they needed to find a way to make things right again.
Since she was already showered and dressed, she threw on her coat, pulled up the hood and headed to the dog park. Though it was cold and drizzling out, the sky was just starting to change from black to gray, making the city seem softer in the muted light. There wasn't much foot traffic yet, so she was able to focus on the conversation ahead of her, rather than navigating the streets. Everything she wanted to say to him was cycling through her mind, phrasing and rephrasing until it almost didn't make sense anymore.
The park wasn't busy, just a couple of Corgis with their elderly owner, a woman she'd seen once or twice there before. Veronica stayed outside the gate and leaned her back against the fence so as not to invite conversation. At the sound of a bark, she turned to see Hat and Mc loping toward her, Logan clutching their leashes and running at full speed to keep up. After she'd given the dogs their customary pats and scratches, Logan unleashed the boys and sent them into their playground.
It was a small thing that he waited, holding open the gate until she'd gone through, but she felt buoyed by the kindness of it. Or maybe it was the implication that he wasn't shutting her out. Or was inviting her in. It made her wonder if symbolism applied to real life as well.
Though Logan followed her through the gate, and stood next to her, he didn't glance her way. Not even when he accepted the water bottle she'd brought for him.
Looping the leashes around his neck, he uncapped the bottle and drank deeply while she waited. Once drained, he put it in the pocket of his track pants, then held onto the ends of the leashes and stood watching their dogs frolic, pointedly giving his attention to them instead of her. Mimicking his stance, she also turned to face the large, open area.
They participated in a long moment of silence before she worked up the nerve to speak. "You never came to bed last night."
"I wanted some time alone." His tone was flat and emotionless, his eyes cast down at his feet as he dug the toe of his shoe into the grass.
A familiar prickle started in her eyes, so she also focused on the ground in front of her, and took subtle breaths until she felt the sting go away. "Logan, can we talk about it?"
"We should, but I don't know what else to say." Again, his voice was flat, as if he was trying to keep from giving away what he was feeling.
She preferred his anger to this tight control he was exhibiting. At least when he was angry there was a back and forth, a volley of give and take. But when he was like this, talking to him was akin to throwing herself against a brick wall. He was so damn good at shutting people out; it made her feel a little sick to know he was closing himself off from her.
If he didn't want to talk, then okay. But maybe he would listen. With a deep breath to calm her roiling stomach, she said, "You know, Adam and I talked once, about the lies we tell. We go out on these jobs and adopt these personas. We tell a lot of lies to a lot of good people so we can catch the bad guys. But we tell ourselves that it's okay; the good outweighs the bad in every circumstance."
Logan had stopped fidgeting next to her; she knew he was listening, could feel his eyes on her. However, now that she'd started talking, she had to avoid looking at him. Any indication of how her words were affecting him, good or bad, and she might not be able to finish. She had spent a long, hard night alone facing some uncomfortable truths and he deserved to hear them.
"I didn't have to take this case, but once I read the file, it was too hard to walk away. Then I found out Jason would be my partner. I knew you would be jealous, because I would be if our roles were reversed. But, instead of being honest and dealing with that, or dropping the case, I took it and I lied to you."
He shifted next to her and still she forced herself not to look his way. "It wasn't the first lie, or even the worst one. When Adam and I talked about the lies we tell strangers, for some reason we never talked about the ones we tell ourselves, or the people we love. But you were right, I knew. I knew how much you've struggled with my job. I lied every day when I pretended not to know what it was costing you. And I never once asked you what you wanted, because I thought I already knew the answer."
She finally turned to face him, and couldn't banish the tremor that crept into her voice. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you about Jason, and I'm sorry for behaving like my job was more important than how you felt about it. "
The brick wall was gone. His eyebrows were drawn together, and his jaw jutted forward as he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a long moment and swallowed before he answered her.
"I've been lying too, letting those silences fill up with all the things I didn't say. I guess I was worried about what would happen if I did bring it up, but nothing changed. And I didn't want to stand in your way. I know how important your job is. How good you are at it. I'm proud of you, Veronica."
This time, when the prickle started she couldn't hold back the tears; the best she could manage was to cross her arms across her chest to try and stifle the sobs that tried to escape. One let loose though, a sort of half-laugh, half-sob. "Why does that make me feel even worse?"
The corners of his mouth twitched at that, the first hint of humor she'd seen in him since last night. He stepped forward and drew her close, hugging her against his chest. His sweatshirt was cold and soaked from the drizzling rain, but she didn't care. She just pressed herself closer against him. The feel of his hand rubbing her back until she'd quieted was a soft comfort.
"And you got something wrong." His voice was a little softer, speaking close to her ear. "I do hate the thought of you working with that torqued-out Brian Bosworth wannabe, but not because I'm jealous."
"You're not?"
"Jealous? Completely, but that's not the problem."
"Then, what is?" She stepped back to see him, and reached up her hands to wipe away her tears.
Logan grabbed her left elbow and held it, keeping the cast elevated and visible since the sleeve of her coat had slipped down. "This. You shouldn't even be working in the field. No matter how safe you say it is, you won't stop until you make an arrest, even if it puts you at risk. And the guy backing you up may let his feelings for you get in the way of doing his job protecting you." He let her arm go and grabbed the leashes again, pulling them against his neck as he looked down at her.
God, she felt stupid, and petty. She'd held back the truth about Jason because she hadn't wanted to deal with Logan's jealousy. But, as she took in the stark fear on that showed on his face, she realized how scared he was for her. She'd spent the last couple of weeks listening to women talk about how their men hurt them in every possible way, and hers was worried about her safety. The irony wasn't lost on her. She reached out and placed her hands on his hips, trying to comfort him with a touch as he had her.
"Logan, there are no feelings between Jason and me. There never were. It was—it was so long ago, and it was just sex. He's a professional; he'll do what he needs to."
With a nod, Logan turned his head to again watch the dogs, his jaw tight. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yes, I've read his file and I've spent the past week with him. There's nothing to worry about, okay?" He kept his eyes forward, but she could only wait for his response. There wasn't anything else she could say to reassure him about Jason.
He looked down, and studied her eyes for a moment. After a tight nod of agreement, punctuated with, "Okay," he let go of the leash ends so he could wrap her into another hug.
When he pulled away and looked down at her, his expression was stern. He cupped her face with both hands and ordered, "But no more lies, or even goddamn secrets. From now on, I want to know what's going on. As much as you can tell me."
She nodded and accepted the kiss, and the forgiveness he offered. Though this would go into the annals of their relationship, like all their ups and downs, she was glad it had happened. Until he'd mentioned the silences, she hadn't realized just how much distance her job had been putting between them. She'd just viewed it as something he had to learn to deal with it, instead of something that was affecting them.
After a subdued goodbye, Logan leashed the dogs and walked them home while Veronica headed for work. The run had gotten rid of his anger, and their talk had given him an immense sense of relief. Add that he'd been up for almost twenty four hours and he felt strangely buzzed, like he usually experienced after a few beers. He let the dogs pull him down the street at their own pace, stopping to let them sniff at every tree and stoop they found interesting, while his mind went over everything again.
When he had talked to Charlie, he'd planned on asking her to quit her job, as if it would fix everything. This morning would have been the perfect time to do that, and he had to ask himself why he didn't.
Maybe because he'd been just as worried when she was a PI. Even if she did stop being an agent, Veronica becoming a stay-at-home wife was laughable. A picture of Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window flashed through his mind; without work to keep her occupied she'd be discovering conspiracies and intrigue all around them. She'd probably uncover a terrorist cell in their neighborhood. An even more disturbing image came to him; a bobcat pacing in a cage, just waiting for a chance to escape.
He could never cage her, and he didn't even want to. He was never going to stop worrying about her; it a part of his makeup. Just as her need for bringing about justice was a part of hers. They could easily bridge the two if they stopped acting like they were separate, conflicting things.
The events of their teen years, her rape, Lilly's murder, and the betrayal of their mothers, had helped create who they were today. He was always going carry that fear of something happening to her, regardless of her job. And she was always going to try and fix the world, even if it put her in danger, because hers had fallen apart so suddenly. None of that was going to change but maybe, now, how they dealt with it would.
Reaching the house, he had to laugh at all these thoughts circling around in his head. Just admitting what had brought them to this recent breach had apparently freed up his mind for some serious introspection and self-analysis. With a chuckle, he thought about how sorry he almost felt for Veronica. She preferred problems that required action, rather than discussion, to solve. But, now that the seal was broken, they were going to have to talk about their feelings and their relationship until she cried 'Girl!'
In the drama of the last several hours he'd managed to forget about his houseguests. When he entered the kitchen, he was annoyed to find the hard work he'd put in had been partially undone; the mess associated with scrambled eggs, sliced apples, and toast were scattered over the stove and breakfast bar. The dogs headed immediately for the den, so it wasn't difficult to figure out where Dick and Laura were.
Low playing music was discernible as he walked through the dining room, but Logan still didn't expect to walk into the middle of a pajama dance party. Dick and Laura were grooving to the classic 'Bye Bye Bye', and it was obvious Dick had taught his tamer club rat moves to his offspring. The dogs were lying on their beds, tired from the run, but alert for any invitation to join in.
As the song ended Dick scooped up Laura in his arms, lifted her shirt to lay a huge raspberry on her exposed skin, and then joined in on the belly laughs he had elicited from her. He released her with a kiss on her forehead and said, "Ok Midge, that was breakfast, a dance, and a stomach fart. Anything else?"
Laura seemed to consider her options for a moment, theatrically propping her chin in her hand while rolling her eyes up and to the right, and pursing her lips. Then she smiled and shook her head. "No. I'm good. I'm gonna go get dressed." She turned and walked toward the dining room so she could go upstairs, throwing a casual, "Hi, Uncle Logan," over her shoulder on the way.
Logan grinned and gave a three fingered, half-assed salute. Planned or not, Mac and Dick had created one awesome kid. Laura was remarkably articulate, due in part to her parent's refusal to use baby talk or simplify their speech in any way. By comparison, at the same age, Jack had talked like he had a wet sock in his mouth. She was reasonably well behaved since Mac, and surprisingly Dick, were firm disciplinarians and didn't spoil her. She carried herself with a confidence identical to her father's, but had a marked intelligence inherited from both of them. Despite Dick's demeanor, nobody who had run a successful real estate company as well, or for as long, as he had was stupid. It was just his candor could be off putting.
"So, what was up your hole last night?" Dick asked, skipping any prelude to his personal question.
"Forget it. I've just been jumpy since Veronica got hurt." This wasn't a conversation Logan wanted to have with Dick, so he attempted to change the subject. "I figured you would come back down for a Halo and beer marathon last night. Instead you were tucked in by ten."
Dick flopped on the couch. "Yeah, but I'm glad I crashed instead of coming back down to chill with you guys. Hangovers and late nights are totally not worth it when your alarm clock wakes you up at 6:30 by putting her fingers in your ears."
"Did the earth just stop turning? I think the Dickster just admitted he found a woman to tame him," Logan couldn't help but tease, a smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth.
Dick leaned forward, uncharacteristically serious. "Hell yes, I'll admit it. You know my world stops and starts with that kid. No fucking way she gets short shrift in the dad department like we did."
His vehemence was surprising; something must have happened. "You haven't mentioned your dad in a while. Have you heard from him?
"Unfortunately."
"How is he?"
"Persona non fucking grata. Dropped by for the first time in almost two years. He laughed at Laura when she spilled grape juice on her shirt, then started to cut her down like we used to do to Cass." Dick shrugged, rolling his eyes, but it was obvious how much it still bothered him. "I kicked him out. She has Mac's mom and dad for grandparents so who needs him?"
At that, Logan had to agree. Big Dick wasn't the psychopath Aaron had been, but he'd done his own share of damage. When Laura came back they made their plans for the day, their options open since the sun had come out.
Veronica reached the shelter just a few minutes after eight. Jason was switching up where he parked the surveillance van every time, and she softly sang as she neared it. "Knock three times on the ceiling if you hear me…" The answering tap-tap-tap as she passed the van assured her that the wire was working fine.
Entering The Haven, Veronica saw it was a large group today, though Nikki was absent. She spent almost two hours listening to the other women talk about their situations before Pauline singled her out. "Tammy. We're glad to see you today. How was your night?"
Because her butt was numb from the unforgiving metal of the folding chair, it wasn't hard to fake the grimace she affected. "Not great. At first, he had a lot of work to do so he pretty much ignored me. I never thought the day would come that I would appreciate that." Her small grin was met with several knowing chuckles around the room.
Pauline leaned forward, her eyes full of concern. "You said, at first. What happened after that?"
Veronica looked down at her feet to convey she was embarrassed. She knew she looked like hell. The sleepless night and all the tears she'd cried had left their mark on her face and required an explanation. "He stopped ignoring me. I said I wasn't in the mood and he…well, he got upset. So then it was just easier to go along with it. But I had a hard time sleeping afterward."
"Did you think more about leaving," Pauline asked.
Veronica lost her grin and grew serious, her voice quiet. "It's all I think about. But I feel so stuck. I know I can get a restraining order, and stay at a shelter, but I'm so afraid he'll find me. I guess at this point I'm just hoping for a miracle." She shrugged and looked down at her feet, indicating she had nothing left to share.
Tactfully, Pauline let her leave it at that. A few of the other women gave her sympathetic smiles, and the one next to her reached over and grabbed her hand to give it a squeeze. Veronica smiled her thanks back, but the smile froze on her face when she realized the woman had left a folded piece of paper in her fist.
After ten minutes of forcing herself to stay seated, Veronica excused herself to the restroom and locked the door behind her. She seriously had to pee, but also needed the privacy so she could attend to official business.
"Give me two minutes of radio silence, Dragan, then I may have something," she spoke quietly to the empty room. After quickly tending to necessities, she dried her hands and took the paper out of her pocket. 'D&DeL 156 West 56th St, 2pm'.
She checked her watch and, seeing the two minutes were up, said, "I need you to get pictures. Tall brunette, curly hair, white, late 30s, wearing jeans and a white button up with a black vest."
Message delivered, she returned to the group and waited out the session, then headed out to catch the subway, hoping Jason had gotten the photos they needed.
New York traffic being what it was, she beat him back to the office. Adam found her pacing by Jason's desk and sat down with a grin. "Waiting to jump on him the minute he gets back, eh?"
"Is this what you're passing off as wit these days?"
"I'm just saying, you're really riding him."
"Jesus, knock it off!" Veronica snapped. She wasn't in the mood for his teasing, especially about this.
His eyes open in surprise, he dropped the smirk and watched her pacing for a long moment. "What's got you all riled up?"
Veronica shook her head and bit on a hangnail that had been bothering her all day, and kept moving. The feeling that they could actually unravel this case made her antsy. "I made a contact. I don't know if it's anything, but I'm meeting her at two."
"It's something. You wouldn't be acting like a virgin waiting for a prostitute to show up if it weren't."
She couldn't help but grin at that. "And how many times did you watch Risky Business as a teenager?"
"God help me." Adam rolled his eyes. "Wore out the VHS."
Veronica winced and plopped down into Jason's chair. "VHS. You just dated yourself with that one. And I'm officially distracted. Hey, next time you're over I'll pull out my yearbook. For an 80's dance at our high school Logan wore the pink oxford, tighty-whiteys and Wayfarers."
Adam fixed her with a glare. "Don't you dare, or Trent won't be the only guy crushing on Logan. And if I set my sights on your husband, no way you stand a chance."
She snorted and leaned back in the chair, watching him for a long moment. She needed to talk to somebody about what she was thinking, but couldn't discuss it with Logan until she was sure. It was just hard to know where to start.
Adam met her gaze, finally breaking the silence by asking, "So, are you going to tell me what's going through that pretty head of yours, or are we trying that telepathy thing again?"
She rolled her eyes at the comment, then kept then studied on the ceiling so she didn't have to see his face as she admitted, "I was thinking that I don't want to do this anymore."
"This. Hmmm, as specific as "this" is, I think you need to break it down for me just a bit more."
She sighed and turned her head to look out the window. "This job. I've been doing it for seven years. I'm not sure it's where I want to be anymore."
"Joining the KGB?"
She felt a little of the tension in her shoulders ease as she gave into the banter. She'd seen him do this a hundred times when interviewing witnesses; he distracted them with humor to give his brain time to process a key piece of information they'd just given. He'd bring the conversation back on point soon enough, and by then she'd be relaxed enough to answer any question he asked.
With a laugh, she pretended to think about his suggestion. "Hmmm, no. I could never get that accent right. Plus it's not 1985. I was thinking more the British Secret Service."
Adam chuckled long and low. "You and your Bond fetish. So, during fantasy play, do you wear a suit and make Logan dress up as Miss Moneypenny? I'd like to know those two were finally able to get it on, one way or another."
Faking a shocked gasp, Veronica asked, "He told you? That's it, I'm sending the pictures to Star magazine tomorrow. It's about time they got a Logan Echolls update."
"Forget Star, I'll pay you twice what the photos are worth l if I can give them to Trent. Never have kids," Adam warned jokingly, "they seriously undercut your sex life."
When their laughter quieted, he brought up her leaving again, as she knew he would. "Are you serious about quitting?"
Her shrug was non-committal, coming across more ambivalent than she actually felt. "I don't know. I'm just thinking about it."
Adam, completely serious now, said, "I'd be lying if I said I'm surprised."
"Why?" For her, this line of thought was new, borne out of the events of last night and this morning.
His shoulders rose and fell in a slight shrug. "The past couple of years, you haven't been having as much fun. More frustrated with the business process, as well as homesick for your guy."
Hearing him say the words, she realized he was right. The away assignments had become harder and harder to tolerate, and she'd gone on more than one rant about how rule centric the agency was. The feeling of discontentment had been growing for a while, and she'd never acknowledged it. She'd definitely never talked to Logan about it.
She asked, "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I'm selfish and would miss you like crazy." They exchanged a smile before he continued, serious again. "But mostly, because you like being right. If anyone suggested that this job had become wrong for you, it would have made you more determined to stay."
That jolted her. As a teen, she'd dreamed about working for the FBI. It had factored hugely into the picture of who she wanted to be, as well and defining who she was now. Being a PI had been a stepping stone, and a fallback if the agency didn't take her. So what if she'd liked making her own decisions about what cases to take and how to go about investing them? The FBI was the dream, what she'd always wanted.
She had thought about quitting once, briefly, after she was shot. But then her dad had insisted she leave the agency, upset about the dangerous assignments she was taking. Charlie had given her that wounded look and even Weevil, who normally loved her being a badass, had suggested she rethink her career. Instead she had jumped right back into work as soon as she was released from medical leave.
Is that what had happened with her and Logan? The more upset he became about her job, the more determined she had been to do it? Crap, it looked like they had a lot more to talk about.
"Suggestion?" he offered.
"Sure."
"Don't make a quick decision on this one. You have about a million vacation hours banked. Take some time away from here to figure out what you really want. You might just be burnt out."
She nodded her agreement. He was right. And this was a decision that should include Logan, anyway, finally. "Why do you stay?"
Adam let out a sigh, "Because, unlike you, I work well within the rules and protocols. Because I've never want to do anything else. Because I love it and I'm good at it. I'm a lifer."
She reached out and squeezed the hand resting on his thigh. "That actually works for me, because if I do this, I may still need an in from time to time."
"Oh, God. Save me from Veronica Mars and her favors," he lamented with a low chuckle.
Just then Jason rushed in and handed Veronica the memory card from his camera, and Adam got up to leave. "And I know that look. Have fun kids. And Jason?"
"Yeah?" Jason answered.
"Don't let harm come to one hair on her chinny- chin-chin." The teasing lilt was completely absent from his voice, his tone making the cutesy comment into a request.
Jason and Adam exchanged a long look before Jason stuck out his hand. They shook, Adam slapping him on the shoulder and giving Veronica a nod before he turned to go.
"And that's two. What is it about you that makes the men in your life so protective, Mars?" Jason asked.
She shrugged, and examined her fingers, looking for more hangnails to attack. "They love me. Speaking of last night, Logan knows about—about us before; I told him after you guys went home. Don't expect any more dinner invitations, okay?"
He cocked an eyebrow at her. "No surprise. Look, I consider us sort of friends so I have to ask. Is his temper as bad as it seems, or is he just a drama queen?"
The snort that she let out at that comment was unbidden. As were the giggles that followed. It wasn't that his question was funny, although it kind of was, she just really needed the emotional release after the morning she'd had. She had to wait to answer until she was able to get more than two words out between laughs.
"Both? But yelling and some intense pacing are as far as it goes. He has no problem decking a guy if he thinks it's deserved, but even that he hasn't done in years."
Jason's mouth lifted into a grin at the description. "I'm not sure how I should take that, so I think I'll just suggest we get back to work."
Relieved to be able to put her personal life in the background for a while, Veronica filled Jason in on the note and the two o'clock meeting. "I've only seen her a few times at group. She hasn't talked when I've been there, so I don't know her story. I'll use the pictures and see if I can get a match on her face. You'll be there, and follow her after?"
"Wouldn't miss it," Jason confirmed.
At two o'clock Veronica sat nursing a bottle of mineral water at Dean & Deluca, waiting for her as-yet-to-be-named friend to arrive. By two-fifteen she had about given up when the woman rushed in and apologized for being late. Veronica pushed an extra mineral water across the table to her as she sat down. "I didn't know what you would want."
The woman grabbed the bottle, twisted it open and took a deep swig. Her voice was deep and exceptionally rough for a woman. "This is fine. Caffeine after noon makes me jittery anyway. I'm Junie." Putting out her hand, Veronica took it in hers and they shook.
Junie's manner was calm and soothing as she leaned toward Veronica. "I know this is weird, asking you to meet me like this. But we can't talk privately in that place."
"That's okay. I have a little time today. What did you want to talk about?"
"What you've said in there. Did you mean it, that you want to disappear?"
She was surprised that the woman just went for it, no hinting around or feeling her out. This could be the break they were hoping for, and Veronica reminded herself to play it carefully. If Junie had something to do with Susan Jameson's and the other women's disappearance, she didn't want to seem too eager and scare her away.
"Um…you're not much for small talk, are you?"
"Not really. I thought you'd be more interested in talking about you. Your freedom. I heard what you said today and I might have that miracle," Junie teased. Her eyes actually freakin' twinkled.
Veronica counted to ten, and waited to see if she would add anything else. When Junie stayed silent, she considered her next move, and realized she had to make the woman sell it. "No offense, but I don't know you. And you're in the same place I am, so if your miracle is so good, why haven't you used it yourself?"
"I was in the same place you are. But now I go because listening to everyone's stories keeps me from going back to him, like AA. It was Pauline's suggestion, when I first came to talk to her. And it works. No one has laid a finger on me in over five years."
Junie really was selling her on this. If Veronica were a Tammy, she'd want to be this woman. She seemed strong, and proud that she'd stood on her own for so long. After a long hesitation, Veronica made a study of tearing the label off her mineral water. "How did you do it? Leave, I mean."
"I'll get to that. But first I need to know if you are serious. If you're just going to go back to him in six months—"
"NO." Veronica's voice was stronger than steel; it was titanium as she answered. She scaled it back to a softer tone. "No. That's why I'm not running away to some shelter. I have to make sure when I leave, it's for good."
"That's what I wanted to hear. So, from what you've said, I take it you don't have any family or friends to help out?" When Veronica shook her head, Junie continued, "That will make this easier."
"Make what easier? How did you get out?"
"Fairy Godfather." At Veronica's skeptical look Junie laughed and explained. "I know it sounds strange, but it's the best way to describe him. This guy, he has money. His father abused his mom for years. I used to work for him and he figured out what was going on with me and my husband. He helped me."
"Helped you how?"
Junie leaned in slightly, upping the intensity of her sales pitch. "I was all alone, like you. It was really easy to just disappear. He got me a new identity, moved me to another town and helped me get set up. Told me that whenever I meet someone I think would use the same opportunity to rebuild their life, I should let him know."
"And have you? I mean, am I the first or have you helped others?"
"A few others. And none of those women have returned to the bastards who hurt them." Again, that pride showed through. Either she was being used as a patsy or she really believed what she was saying. It gave Veronica a cold shiver down her spine to think it was the latter. That the woman knew she was recruiting her for a life of sexual abuse and death, and could act so fucking gleeful about it.
With a reluctant smile Veronica asked, "And you think I'm a good candidate?" She waited for the flattery card to be played, and wasn't disappointed.
"Yeah." Junie eyed her up and down. "Yeah I do. You may not know it yet, but you've got a hell of a backbone."
"So, you have to understand this feels a little too good to be true, right? I mean, who just helps a random stranger?"
"We all have our demons," Junie answered with a shrug.
"How long do I have to decide?"
When Junie was quiet, Veronica looked up from her bottle to see the shrewd expression that was thrown her way. Finally Junie seemed to decide something, and asked, "What's the closest he's ever come to killing you?"
Another staring contest commenced, with Veronica looking away first. She shifted her eyes down to the table a long moment before she lifted her hair off her neck and showed the knife scar she usually kept hidden. "He—he was really drunk and it was a couple of years ago. It hasn't been that bad since. He wouldn't—"
"He would," Junie argued, then unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse and opened it to reveal an ugly twist of scars circling her neck. "Tried to hang me when I told him I would leave. And if your guy is anything like my husband, the longer you wait the better the chance he'll figure out something is up with you."
Veronica studied the scars, then reached out a tentative hand to feel their texture. The tears that filled her eyes weren't entirely fake as she looked up to meet Junie's face, now a mask of indifference, and pulled back her hand. She couldn't afford to feel sympathy for this woman, even if her story was true. Not until she found out if she was willingly involved in Susan Jameson's death.
"What do I do?"
"He's coming to town. Meet with him, day after tomorrow. Hear what he has to say. You know where Russell Golding Park is?"
"Jersey?"
Junie downed the rest of her mineral water, then stood to leave. "Yeah. Meet me there at noon, by the playground." She paused, then leaned down to warn, "And don't mention this to anyone. Not at the shelter or to anyone else, okay? It's the only way we can keep you safe."
Again Veronica nodded, and Junie left. The woman was an enigma. Assuming she was a part of this whole thing, if her story was true, what would make her recruit women for such a horrible fate? If it wasn't, what the hell had really happened to her? It was one more mystery to solve. Making sure no one was watching, Veronica wrapped Junie's water bottle in a napkin and slipped it in her bag, then headed back to the office.
When Logan, Dick and Laura returned just after seven that night, Logan trudged up the three flights of stairs to go to bed. Even if he had slept the night before, a day with Laura would put him in the ground. The kid had outgrown her naps several months ago and moved non-stop throughout the day. The dogwalker had texted him that he'd walked and fed the boys, so he knew Hat and Mc were taken care of. He was able to give them a quick hello pet and leave them downstairs to play with Laura.
He walked into the bedroom and found Veronica zonked out, lying fully clothed on their bed. From the hallway light, he could see she was wearing lounge pants and a hoody that looked pretty damn comfortable, so he didn't bother trying to get her undressed. Instead he just kneeled at the foot of the bed, kicked off his shoes and grabbed her ankles, spreading her legs apart. Then he fell forward, resting his head on her stomach while he nestled, belly down. Feeling her underneath him allowed him to relax fully. Once again, she had come home safe.
Veronica came awake with a chuckle, and then ran her fingers through his hair so her nails raked his scalp. He loved it when she did that. It was somehow sexy and tender at the same time, and he burrowed his head in a little deeper to let her know he wasn't moving.
"Hey you."
"Hey," he answered. "Sorry I woke you."
"I wasn't really asleep yet. I only got home about fifteen minutes ago. I'm sorry I had to go into work today. It felt wrong to leave you after everything that happened."
"It's okay, it gave me time to think."
"Do you hear the ominous music in the background, or is it just me?" He could hear the question, and the trepidation in her voice behind the joke. It was too soon after their fight to put them back another emotional ride.
He shifted, lifting up her hoody so he could rest his cheek on her bare stomach, needing a little more contact with her. "And you say I'm dramatic. It's nothing major, just some random thoughts and a few epiphanies. Nothing that won't keep. At least, for a time when I haven't spent the day trying to keep up with the Daddy Daughter Dynamic Duo."
"Fair enough. "I did some thinking too. I have to finish this case, but when it's over, I want us to take some time away. We can talk about it all then. I can put in the vacation request tomorrow."
"To where? For how long?"
"Here, anywhere, as long as it's just the two of us. For at least a month. I just think we need some time."
"Throw in a little fun and a lot of sex and you've got yourself a deal." Feeling her stomach shake when she laughed, he smiled and placed a kiss by her belly button.
"What did Laura convince you guys to do today?" Veronica asked him after her laughter had stopped and they'd been quiet a long moment. Her hand had stopped moving, so he reached up to press it. Taking the hint she continued the action on his scalp.
He groaned, thinking over the long day. "We all took turns picking something. Laura chose the zoo, which lasted until after three. Then Dick wanted to do the fishing at Meer, which was hilarious. Neither of them had fished before and they were totally grossed out."
"Like you were when my dad first taught you," Veronica laughed. "And what about when it was your turn to pick?"
He waited a long moment, then warned, "If I tell you, you may have grounds for a divorce. Ice cream may have been involved."
Veronica gasped, "You went to Serendipity without me? Wasn't that one of our wedding vows?"
"More of a postscript at the end. I never actually vowed it," Logan reminded her, but turned his head to bury his face in her lap in self-defense anyway. The blows of the pillow at the back of his head set him laughing as he explained, "Sorry, I knew she'd love it and it was my turn. I couldn't think of anything else."
The pillow assault stopped and Veronica heaved a sigh, her voice bitter. "Fine, as long as she loved it."
When they'd settled down, time he put her hand back on his head for the fourth? fifth? time, and she resumed the scalp raking with a snort. By now she should know not to stop.
He was close to drifting off when he remembered he still owed her a truth. He hated to bring it up, afraid it would shatter the peace they had reached, but he had to. "Veronica?"
"Yeah?"
"There's something I need to tell you." Her fingers on his head paused, the echo from her words the night before ricocheting in the darkened room. Suddenly his scalp stung as she fisted his hair and lifted up his head so she could look at him.
"If you're trying to be funny, it's too soon."
Though he hadn't been making a joke, her reaction made him smile. "I'm not. There's something I've been holding back."
The fingers relaxed, but he kept his head up so he could see her face. "This morning we promised no more secrets. So, this really is no big deal, but I ran into Melissa the other night. She's moved to New York and works at Swells."
"Melissa."
"Yeah, the one who—"He hated even bringing the name into their bed, and he really didn't want to rehash his history with the woman. Luckily, Veronica had a good memory and saved him the trouble.
"I know who she is. You wouldn't let me out of your sight when we were in LA that time. I figured it was because you were afraid I would go look her up."
"Was I wrong?"
Her silence was answer enough. With an eye roll she plopped back on the pillow, her thinking practically audible from where he was resting. "So, she's working at Swells", she reiterated, the forced casualness in her voice making him put his head down and laugh against her stomach.
If this moment had been drawn into the Veronica Mars graphic novel, visions of revenge would be dancing over her head. She was always quick to rise to his defense, his tiny Valkyrie, and it always made him feel warmth in his belly when she did it.
"No, you're not gonna kill her. I just thought I should tell you before we run into her there. Promise me you'll let it go and just focus on finishing your case."
"I'm a great multi-tasker."
"Veronica." The Keith Mars warning tone he was channeling—he'd actually practiced this- might be a bit much, but he really didn't want her sidetracked.
"Fine," she grumbled. "I promise to leave her alone—until the case is over." Reaching her hand down, she resumed her earlier finger raking. He knew that this time she did it to distract him from any more talk about Melissa, but he wasn't complaining.
In the quiet that followed, he wanted to ask about her day, but after their talk that morning he wasn't sure if he was ready to go there yet. She might not hold back details this time and he was too tired to process them. Instead, after a long while of just lying together, he asked a question that had been circling his mind since the night before.
"Do you think my mom would have left him, if she'd gone to a place like the one you're investigating?"
The hand on his scalp froze, and Logan could practically hear her processing the question, and all its implications.
"What do you know about that?"
"Just what you've told me. Your injuries gave you credence to your cover, it's a safe place, but a man's presence wouldn't be appropriate and you don't know if you have the time to build trust. It wasn't that hard to figure out. Plus, I know what kinds of cases you investigate."
He was grateful when she didn't deny it, and instead tried to answer his question. "I don't know about your mom, Logan. A lot of those women are stuck because they don't have easy options, or they are afraid. Or both. Your mom—I don't know what her reasons were."
Veronica was the only person he ever talked to about his parents, but they'd never talked about this. About why his mom stayed. He had his theories; she loved Aaron, she was weak, she was scared, and the worst thought—she wasn't the one getting hurt. It was probably some combination of all them.
"What brought this up?" The concern in her voice reached him, and he knew she wouldn't be satisfied until he answered. It was one of the reasons they worked; she wouldn't let him snark his way out of a difficult conversation. He rarely even tried anymore.
He scooted up the bed to lie on his side, facing her, and lay an arm across her waist. "A couple of things. Last night I figured out where you were going every day. Then today, Dick told me he kicked his dad out when he said something mean to Laura. It reminded me of your dad, the way he would do anything to protect you."
"And your mom—"Veronica started.
"Would just hide with her wine and her pills and pretend it wasn't happening. I never even heard them fight about it. She would just ask me to stop making him so mad."
He still couldn't understand how she could do that; the thought of leaving Laura or Jack to suffer at the hands of his father left his blood cold, and they weren't even his children. Fury, pity and love for her warred for dominance inside him, until Veronica gave him a smile of understanding and squeezed his hand reassuringly. Then, once again, everything stilled and his emotions tempered to simply regret for the childhood he could have had if his mom had been stronger.
"Which you gave up on when you were about fourteen. Then you, Will Hunting, started choosing the wrench."
Logan shrugged, knowing she was right. "Yeah, well, that was around the time he caught me crying about something, probably Lilly. He told me to knock it off or he'd give me something to cry about. I figured with that kind of logic working against me, I might as well be getting hit for a reason."
The look she gave him, full of pity and sorrow, had him burying his face in her shoulder so he could stop the tears that threatened to fall. No sleep, and the fight they'd had the night before, had all his emotions too close to the surface.
She started on his scalp again and, when he'd calmed down, he was able to get to the point of all this. "Veronica, you have to promise me something."
"Apparently it's my day to make promises. What is it?"
"I've read a lot about the cycle of abuse. If you ever think, for even a second that I would hurt you, you have to leave me—"
Veronica shoved his head off her shoulder and scooted up to rest against the headboard, facing him. "You're not him Logan. You've never been anything like him. As badly as we've fought, you've never once threated me, or raised a hand to me. It isn't in you; it's not something you have to fight to control. This assignment at the shelter…you should hear these women's stories. They just make me appreciate who you are even more. So please, stop."
Logan sat up as well and faced her. "Nobody plans on being an abuser. But I want you to promise, not just for your sake, but for mine. Don't leave me in a position where-where I think it's okay to hurt you. Please."
The look in Veronica's eyes as she studied him, then nodded, almost broke him. Feeling the tears threaten again, he forced them back. He had to make sure she was protected, so he kept going. "This was all running around my head today, so I called the accountant and had him put money in a numbered account for you. I can't access it. If you ever want to leave me you, just go to him. He'll make sure you're taken care of."
He was familiar with the way anger tightened her mouth and darkened her eyes, so he leaned forward and kissed her just as she opened her mouth to speak. When she resisted he whispered, "Shut up. Shut up and listen." She pressed her lips closed so he continued, tilting his forehead to rest against hers and free her mouth. "I hope to God you never need to go, but I had to give you an out. You never cared about money, but whenever my parents fought, my dad threatened to cut her off. I don't want that to be an issue between us, and, if you ever leave me, whatever the reason, I need to know you're taken care of."
When he pulled back to read her expression, the exasperated look on her face was a relief. At least she wasn't mad anymore. He was even more relieved when she rolled her eyes and muttered, "Jackass. I'm taken care of because I am with you. I need you, not some damn numbered account. Why do you think I came back to you four years ago? And why I've stayed?"
Calling him by her pet name was a sign they were through the heavy conversations from the day. He took in a breath of relief, and let it out with a chuckle. "The sex obviously. Which, coincidentally, is the epilogue to all our heavy conversations. Do you think if there's a layer of bubble wrap between us? Or you could get on top…or maybe standing would be less painful?"
"Even if I thought you were serious," Veronica said, sliding back down to her former prone position. "I am way too tired tonight. But help yourself; there's a box of tissues on the nightstand."
Logan looked at her lying there, then got on his knees, picked up the tissue box and faced her. He reached for his fly and asked, "If you could just pull up your shirt—"
"Ew, no!" Veronica laughed, and reached out a foot to kick the tissues away.
He froze, his mouth agape while theatrically staring at his now empty hand, his other in suspended animation over his zipper. He lifted his eyes to glare menacingly at her and threatened, "That crossed a line Mars. It's going to cost you."
She smirked at him. "It's Echolls, Echolls. At least between us. And we've established that I'm not up to my usual form of payment."
"No, but I'm willing to be flexible. There's something else you do that I like," he reminded her.
Waiting until she snorted and rolled her eyes, then gave her nod of consent, he got comfortable, taking off his shirt and jeans. Again he burrowed his head in her lap and hugged her hips. His body began to relax the second she started stroking his back and singing in a low voice. Her sappy choice, 'How Do I Live', made him smile. For someone who accused him of being a hopeless romantic, she knew the words to some pretty sentimental ballads. Or maybe she just knew him, because those words, coming from her, were just what he needed tonight. In the end, it wasn't necessary to do it twice. They were both asleep before she'd finished the third chorus.
A/N: For those who want more action and less emoting from here on out...stick with me, I got you covered.
