Comments are appreciated...Only because I don't know if anyone is out there reading...
Richie ran behind his father and grandmother as they rushed to the analysis room. Greyson was just being taken out of the MRI machine and placed on a bed, still sleeping soundly as they entered the room. Richie's eyes went to his father as soon as his eyes hit the computer screen, watching for his reaction, watching for any sign of hope. Instead, he saw his father's eyes widen with fear, his jaw drop.
"Fuck." Derek whispered as he watched the images on the screen. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…" He muttered.
"Is the profanity for the situation, or for the fact that Meredith isn't here?" Ellis asked as her eyes passed to Derek. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she looked at the screen and then looked back at Derek. She seemed to be disconnecting herself from the situation, pulling away slightly as she tried to remain cool, calm, and in control. Richie knew his grandmother, and he knew better than to think that everything was just perfectly fine.
"What is that?" Richie whispered as he took a step forward, his father's eyes finally meeting his as he glanced out the window at his brother. "Dad, what is that?" He asked, feeling his breathing becoming slightly erratic, his eyes now flicking to his grandmother, who was staring at Derek. "Dad, tell me what's going on? Is he going to need a new liver? What is going on?"
"He's going to need a new liver." Derek whispered. He stared at the screen. "He needs a new liver." Derek swallowed again. "He needs it, or… or he'll die."
"Dad?" Richie whispered.
"I…I… Have… I don't…"
Suddenly, everything seemed to stop for Richie. His father's voice was no longer there, his grandmother's lips were moving, but he couldn't hear a thing other than the blood rushing in his ears. His thoughts catching only certain words. His mouth was going dry and he could feel his throat closing up as he breathed deeply, a long wheezing sound coming from his lungs as they bickered back and forth about the prognosis. He stared at the screen, the black and white imagery meaning nothing to him except death. The black and white image was the inside of his dying brother, and the longer he stood there, the more helpless he felt, the more useless, he felt like everything was falling in around him and there was absolutely nothing that he could do. He was stuck. He was stuck and lost. He felt his father put his hand on his back, he heard the garbled sound of his voice as he tried to catch his breath.
"Richie, you have to breathe, Richie. Richie, pay attention to me!" Derek called as Richie started to stumble forward, the rapid breathing making him feel lightheaded. "Richard, look at me. Richard!"
"I…" Richie mumbled as he swallowed, trying to control his breathing. "I have to… I… I have to…" He said as he took a step back, he glanced between his grandmother and his father as he held his hands up in defense, trying to keep them away from him for a moment. "I…need… I need to call mom. Mom needs to get here now!" He said suddenly as he turned and ran out of the door.
Derek glanced to Ellis, who looked toward the door. "What are you still doing here? Go get him!" She exclaimed as Derek turned and ran from the room, making his way down the hallway as quickly as he could, trying to find Richie before he called his mother, because the way Richie was thinking, and knowing Meredith's delicate state, this would not go over well, not at all.
Derek ran into the hallway and looked both ways for his son , both hallways were clear. "Shit." He muttered to himself as he turned and went left down the hallway. He jogged quickly, calling after Richie. "Richard!" Derek called as he looked in various offices for any sign of his son. "Richard Michael Shepherd!" Derek exclaimed as he rounded a corner to the stairwell. "Oh God… no…" He muttered as he rushed to the door and slammed the opening bar with his hand, swinging the door open. He was prepared to run up the stairs to the next floor, but he stopped in his tracks. Sitting on the landing was his son, his head in his hands as he sobbed. "Richie?" Derek said softly. "Richie?" Derek said as he knelt on the stair in front of his son. "Richie, look at me."
"No. No. I'm not going to look at you. I don't want to look at you!" He exclaimed as he continued to cry. "Why? Why is he hurting? Why is he hurting all the time, Dad? Why is Greyson always hurting?"
"Richie." Derek said softly as he put his arm around his son and pushed himself onto the landing beside him "Richie, we're going to figure this out."
"No we won't! Where is Mom? I need to talk to Mom! Why isn't she here?" Richie exclaimed as he shook his head. "Greyson could die, Dad! He could die tonight, and Mom isn't here!"
"Don't say that! Greyson isn't going to die tonight."
"He could! He could die! Couldn't he? He's got a broken arm and a liver that's shriveled up to nothing. His body is poisoning him. He could die. He could die right now, he could be DEAD! HE COULD BE DEAD AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL MOM!" he exclaimed as he reached up and grabbed the banister, pulling himself up.
"Richie, I couldn't tell your mother." Derek said calmly as he tried to get his son to look at him. "And stop saying that he's going to die."
"He is going to die! He is going to die, and the last thing he said to me was that he wanted me to die. I hope you're happy, Dad. I hope you're…"
"Stop it!" Derek exclaimed as he stood up. "Stop it right now!" Derek exclaimed as Richie suddenly jumped backwards. He hardly ever heard his father raise his voice, he had never seen that genuinely angry look in his eyes. His fists were clenched, his face red and angry, his blue eyes had turned a deep angry blue. "You will stop shouting at me right now!" Derek shook his head. "Your brother is not… NOT… going to die, and your mother… your mother? Yeah, I should have told her. I should have told her the truth, but she needs her goddamned fucking sleep, Richard! Since your brother. since. that. Since that."
"Say it, Dad." Richie said as he shook his head. "Just fucking say it."
"Watch your mouth, Richard." Derek said angrily. "Your mother is fragile."
"My mother is not fragile. You treat her like she's a fucking porcelain doll! She can take care of herself, she doesn't even need you most of the time. She's stronger than you are!" Richie exclaimed as Derek raised his hand.
"I want to slap you so badly right now." Derek growled at his son.
"But you won't." Richie said angrily. "You won't."
"No… no, I won't." Derek said as he let his hand drop to his side. "I'm not going to slap you. Your mother would slap you." Derek said as he raised his eyebrows. "Because she's stronger than me." Derek said as he cleared his throat.
Richie could see the tears pooling in his father's eyes. He could see the hurt and pain that was floating through his mind, he could see his father's adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard. "Dad." He whispered as he reached for his father's hand. "Dad, I'm… I'm sorry." He said softly as he felt tears coming down his cheeks, his voice cracking.
"I know you are." Derek whispered as he sniffled. "Listen." He said softly as he looked toward the door. "Just, go be with your brother okay? Just in case he wakes up from the sedative. Please? I have to call your mother." He whispered.
"Are you going to tell her everything?"
"Not over the phone, but she'll know." He whispered. "She always knows."
"I love you, Dad." Richie whispered as he reached forward and hugged his father.
"I love you, Rich." Derek said softly as he lovingly wrapped his arms around his son and held him for just a moment longer before releasing him from the hug, letting him disappear out the door to find his brother, leaving Derek alone as he leaned against the wall. He looked up to the ceiling and sighed loudly as he pulled his phone from his pocket. "Meri." he sighed, as he dialed her cell phone number and held his breath, waiting for her to answer.
Meredith lay on the floor beneath the Christmas tree, her eyes were closed as she slept peacefully beneath it. The lights glow down gracefully onto her sleeping body as she curled herself around the blanket that Marion had draped her in when she checked on her downstairs. She was alone, if only for a few more minutes before the festivities of the middle of the night were started, and she started at the feeling of her phone ringing in her hand. She had held it securely against her body, in the event that Derek would call, and she looked at his phone number on the phone, and the nickname above it that he had entered always made her smile. 'D-awg'. She smiled sleepily as she lifted the phone to her ear, remaining in her curled position beneath the tree. "Hmm…" She mumbled into the line, still unable to force a word from her lips, she yawned as she waited for his reply. There was no response initially, and it made her heart flutter just a bit. "Derek?" She breathed sleepily into the line.
"Meri." Derek said softly into the line, the slight sound of echoing could be heard, though Meredith attributed it to the echoing of the cell phone, not knowing that he was still sitting in the stairwell, his head down between his knees as he held the phone to his ear and stared at the floor. "Meri." He repeated.
"Derek?" She said again, a strange feeling lifting into her belly at the sound of his voice, the sound of sorrow in his breathing, the way he said her name. "Are you alright?" She whispered.
"Did I wake you?" Derek asked, knowing full well that he had, but he was not ready for the conversation he needed to have with her. He needed to work up his courage.
"Yes." She swallowed. "But it's okay." She whispered. "What time is it?" She said as she turned her head to look at the grandfather clock in the corner, the light of the tree reflecting off its hands.
"It's a little after one." He said softly. "Is my mom awake yet?"
"No." She said softly. "Did you make it home already?" She asked as she tried to remember what time he had left and if he should have made it to the destination by then. His reply was silence. She waited for his words, for him to answer her, and for a split second wondered if he had hung up on her. "Derek?" She whispered. "Is everything okay?"
Derek thought for a moment about changing the subject, about leaving Meredith in the dark just a little longer, just to preserve her sanity. He thought of just telling her that he called to hear her voice, that he loved her and missed her and was thinking about her. He thought about it for that moment, but he knew he couldn't do it. He knew that if he held off any longer, then it was just another moment of lying, another moment of keeping something so important from her. Another moment of lying to not just her, but to his son, her mother, himself. It was breaking his heart as he listened to the concern in her voice, knowing that only moments before she was sleeping soundly, most likely beneath the Christmas tree waiting for him. "Meri…" He whispered.
"Derek, please tell me that you're alright." She said into the line as she slowly sat up.
"I'm alright." He said.
"Mom?"
"She's fine." Derek replied, feeling slightly more uplifted that he could say those encouraging words to her.
"Then why did you call me?" She asked, not in an accusing way, just a small lift in her voice as she stared at the ornaments on the tree, her eyes slowly following the string of lights as she tried to fathom why Derek would call, knowing that she was awake.
"Is everyone sleeping?"
"Yes… Yes, Derek." She said softly, her voice becoming slightly more panicked as she listened to his voice. She could tell that there was something that he was not telling her, but she knew she'd have to pry it out. "Derek, what is it?" She asked as she listened to his pause again, she could hear a slight sniffle. "Derek?" She said again.
"I am not in the car, baby." Derek said softly.
"What?"
"I'm not on the way to Boston." He said as he closed his eyes tightly, looking to the ceiling he clenched his eyes as he held the phone to his ear and listened.
"Derek? What are you talking about?" She asked.
"I'm about 40 minutes from Mom's house. Your mom was paged to a hospital there, here."
"Why are you there? Derek? Why was mom paged to another hospital? I don't understand." She whispered, though she was fairly sure she did understand. "You said you talked to them." She whispered.
"I know."
"You said they were alright!" She exclaimed as she stood up. "You said they were alright and you talked to them!" She shouted into the phone.
"Richie is alright. Greyson is sick." Derek whispered.
"YOU LIED TO ME!" Meredith screamed into the line as suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around her and scooped the phone from her ear. She turned immediately and fell into the arms of the person who had reached for her, burying her head in their chest.
"Where are you, Derek?" Mark said into the line as Meredith began to sob into his chest.
Mark got the directions to the hospital from Derek as Meredith cried into him, her angry feelings toward Derek were directed directly into Mark's chest as she sobbed. He rubbed her back delicately as she tried not to shout, knowing that it was possible that she had already made a scene or woke someone up, she clutched Mark's shirt tightly. As he closed the phone, she pushed at his chest and glared at him, pushing him away from her. "How much did you already know?" She accused as she glared at him.
"Meredith, I didn't…"
"Yes you did! You had to have known something." She said angrily. "You knew something or you wouldn't have been down here! You wouldn't have been down here to keep me from saying something I might regret."
"Were you going to say something you might regret?"
"I regret nothing that I say to that man." She said, pointing at the phone. "He lied to me!"
"He lied to you to protect you, Meredith. He lied to you because he loves you. He lied to you because he knew that this would be how you would react." He said bluntly as she shook her head angrily at Mark.
"This?" She said angrily. "He was concerned that I was going to react like an angry mother whose child is in danger and was told otherwise?"
"No." Mark whispered. "He was absolutely positive that if he told you something when he knew nothing, that you would bear the brunt of the weight, that you would break yourself over it. They're alive, Meredith, and Greyson is sick. Greyson was sick when you sent him away, the only question now is, how sick is he?"
"How sick is he, Mark?" Meredith asked as her anger started to evaporate slowly into the air. "How sick is my baby?"
"All he said was get there now." Mark said softly.
"Are you lying to me, Mark?" She asked as she stared into his eyes angrily.
"I wouldn't dare." He said as he shook his head.
Meredith stared into his eyes steadily, she glared angrily at him as he shook his head. He gave her an innocent look as she tried to decide what to think, say or do. "Take me there now." She said as she stomped across the floor toward the stairs.
"Where are you going?" Mark asked as he watched her turn around sharply.
"I'm going to go talk to my daughter. Get clothes on, you look like an ape." She said as she looked at his bare chest as he gave her a look of surprise. "Come on, you're married to Cristina Yang, don't tell me that's the first time you've ever heard that." She muttered as she turned and moved for the stairs quickly.
Meredith reached the top of the stairs and wiped the tears from her eyes as she walked toward the room where her daughter was sleeping along with a couple of her cousins, and Mikala. She took a deep breath as she reached for the door handle, and opened it slowly.
The beam of light from the hallway shot across the room and illuminated it slightly as a couple of the girls shifted in their sleep. Meredith stealthily made her way across the room as she knelt next to her daughter. She took a deep breath as she touched her forehead lightly with her hand. Mariellis' eyes opened slightly as she caught a glimpse of her mother in the moonlight. "Mommy?" She said softly from her sleepy spot in the bed, she yawned. Meredith watched her look up at her. "Are bum and dum here yet?" she asked as Meredith smiled sadly at her daughter's nicknames for her brother.
"Sweet pea…" Meredith whispered as she tried to remain calm, though her voice deceived her calm.
"Mommy?" She whispered as she sat up, her eyes alert, her face showing her concern.
"The boys had some car trouble." She said softly. "They aren't far and Daddy is already there checking on them."
"Are they okay?" She asked nervously as she swallowed hard.
"Oh, they're just fine." She said, her voice a tad shaky as she said the words as she watched the disbelief in her daughter's eyes. "I have to see for myself." She whispered.
"You're not going to be here for Christmas morning?" She whispered as she watched the disappointment in Meredith's eyes. "It's okay, Mom." She said as she shrugged slightly. "I wouldn't blame you anyway. I'd blame those troublemaking brothers of mine." She rolled her eyes. "They never just let you have a good Christmas." She said as she gave her mother a hopeful smile. "Besides, it's technically Christmas morning right now." She said with a sly smile.
"You be a good girl for Granny and your Aunt Cristina."
"GG is going with you?" She asked as she raised her eyebrows.
"She went with your daddy. Uncle Mark is bringing me once we figure out how to get a car." She said in reply as the little girl shook her head.
"Oh boy, GG is already there? I wouldn't want to be those boys, not in a million years." She said with a giggle as she watched Meredith give her a slight smile. "Mom?" She said as Meredith tilted her head. "I love you."
"I love you too, baby." She said as she kissed her cheek slightly.
"And Mom?" She said as Meredith turned her head toward her daughter as she stood up to walk from the room.
"Hmm…?" Meredith whispered.
"Merry Christmas." Mari said as she smiled at her mother and watched Meredith smile a genuine smile back at her.
"Merry Christmas, Mari." She said softly, as she blew her daughter a kiss and slipped from the room.
Derek had hung up his phone and sat in the stairwell for a while, his head was between his knees as he stared at the floor. He could hear Meredith's voice in his head, shouting about the fact that he had lied, and all he wanted to do was tell her that it was for her. He had lied, and he knew he shouldn't have, but it was for her own peace of mind. With a loud sigh he stared at the ceiling, his head tipped back and hit the concrete wall a bit hard, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered at this moment. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes as he thought of his son, his sickness, his pain. He closed his eyes for a moment and all he saw was the blood of his son on his hands. "I have to get out of here." He whispered as he stood up carefully, leaning against the wall as he rubbed his eyes and left the stairwell in search of Richie.
Richie sat in the hospital room, watching the bed with his brother lying in it. They had taken his blood and done a full physical, and now they were attaching monitors to his body. The doctor was preparing to set his arm, and his other arm had been restrained in the event that he woke up. Richie remained quiet, his eyes watching everything the doctors did to his brother as he just remained silent.
"You were in the car accident with him?" The doctor asked, trying to make conversation with Richie, which he appreciated to an extent as he was keeping his mind off the bigger facts of Greyson's condition.
"Yes, sir." Richie nodded as he swallowed hard.
"Did you want to be looked at, are you feeling alright? Did you break anything?"
"I'm fine." Richard said as he stared at his brother. He paused for a moment and realized his tone may have come off as rude. "I'm sorry…" He whispered. "I'm alright, thank you." He whispered.
"Did you want a police report, or anything like that?"
"No… no, the snow plow guy… he um… he called a tow truck and someone to get the car. There's nothing of value in it. I took it out after the accident. They're going to call me about it." Richie whispered.
"Any soreness? Cuts, bruises?"
"I am fine, I'm fine… please… please just worry about him, not me. Just worry about him." Richie said with a sigh as he shook his head. He stared down at his brother's restrained hand and swallowed hard as he tried so hard to remain strong. The door opened and he didn't turn to see who was standing there, knowing for sure that it was one of two people.
"Why is he restrained?" Ellis asked as she reached forward and pulled the restraint from his wrist.
"He was very violent before he went under sedation, Doctor Grey, we thought it would be best if…"
"Really? You thought it'd be best to scare the shit out of the kid when he wakes up? Genius idea doc. You should be up for a Pulitzer peace prize for your bedside manner." She said as she looked over his work with Greyson's arm. "Show me your technique for setting his arm." She said as she watched the doctor continue to look at Ellis with a mix between confusion, surprise and irritation. "Well, are you going to do it, or do you want me to do it?" She asked as the doctor looked back to Greyson and continued his procedure. "Well, are you going to explain to me your technique, or are we doing a mime impersonation?"
"GG." Richie said softly as he tried to get her attention. She turned her head toward her grandson and watched him shake his head. "Just let him do it." He said softly as Ellis watched her grandson for a moment.
"You need some sleep." She said softly as she walked toward him. She reached forward and touched his cheek watching his eyes stay on hers.
"I don't want to sleep. I need to stay with Greyson."
"I can stay here. You need sleep."
"No, GG, I have to stay here with him. You need to find out why his body is trying to kill him." Richie whispered.
"Richard." She said softly as she touched his cheek.
"I got him into this mess, GG." Richie said as he stared into his grandmother's eyes.
"You did not get him into this mess, Richard." She whispered. "He has to have been sick for months. This accident didn't do anything but bring light to what has been hurting him."
"What do you think it is, GG? How is just replacing his liver going to fix it? What hurt his own liver, GG?"
"We have to find that out." She said softly.
"In the meantime?" Richie whispered. "Is he just going to lie here in pain, GG? Is he just going to deteriorate in front of us? What happens if we can't find a liver, GG?" He whispered.
"I'm going to be tested. Your father, your mother is going to want to be tested. We're going to look for a match."
"You don't need to be dead to donate your liver?" Richie whispered as he swallowed hard.
"No, the liver is a very unique organ. A person can give a portion of their liver, and have it transplanted into someone else's body, and in about 4-6 weeks, it is generally back to normal, and the other person has a second chance." She whispered.
"So, I could be tested and if we're a match I could give Greyson a portion of my liver?" Richie asked.
"No." She said, her voice sounding more indignant than informing. "You're not going to do that." She said softly. "It's too risky." She said as Richie shook his head.
"It's not too risky for you or Dad to do it, but it's too risky for me?" He asked as he raised his eyebrows.
"No, Richard." She said stubbornly. "Drop it."
"What if it's not a match? What if you and Dad and Mom aren't a match?"
"Drop it, Richard." She said softly as she looked over at the doctor as he watched the two of them, he looked back to Greyson's arm and continued setting it. Ellis looked to Richie and back to the doctor. "I have to go find your father." She whispered as she turned and walked out of the room.
Richie sat staring at his brother, when his eyes lifted to the doctor. "I want to be tested as a possible match. I'm of age, and I can make that decision for myself." He whispered as the doctor nodded, knowing full well to keep his mouth closed about it, but also knowing Greyson's dire situation, he wasn't about to refuse a possible donor, even if it did go against the wishes of Doctor Ellis Grey.
