I am so sorry for the delay in getting this posted. For all you teachers out there, you know how it is this time of year – pure craziness! I'm hoping that having some free time will allow me to focus on this a little more, especially after my four-year-old goes to bed.
On another note, please, please, please review. This is my first fan-fic and I'm not really sure how it's going. Even if you think it's horrible, please let me know. To those of you who have reviewed, thank you, I really appreciated it.
I do not own Twilight, but man I wish I did!
Chapter 7
My Muse
EPOV
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I tried to find my happy place. Flying was not my favorite thing to do. Over the last few years or so I was required to fly often and I was getting better at it. Well, a little better. For the life of me I will never understand how something that weighs so much can stay suspended in mid-air without crashing to the ground.
Happy place, Masen. Find your happy place.
"Oh. My. God! I can't believe it!" I opened my eyes to see a girl about fifteen or sixteen years old staring at me with the widest smile I had ever seen. Apparently there wasn't an age requirement for first class.
Please don't let this be her seat. Please don't let this be her seat.
"I'm sitting next to Edward freakin' Masen. Holy shit!" The squeal she let out made my brain feel like it had razor blades in it. She proceeded to sit down in a flurry. If I hadn't practically ducked I would have felt the full impact of her hot pink, chucked full backpack.
"Hi, my name is Leah. I can't believe I'm sitting here next to Edward Masen. What are you doing in Forks? Oh my God, you so have to take a picture with me. My friends are going to freak out!" Without taking a breath, she started digging through her bag handing me a ton of shit to hold onto while she found her camera. I was pretty sure that in that pile of shit was an actual condom. I wasn't a hundred percent sure, but there was no way in hell that I was going to actually look at it to confirm my suspicions.
"You are so much cuter in person. I loved your last movie. Do you have a girlfriend?" She had found her camera and held it up as she leaned into me so that we would both be in the shot. As the flash went off the stewardess came over and politely told her that she needed to put the camera away. I mouthed a thank you behind Leah's back and the stewardess gave me a sympathetic smile.
She complied and began taking all of the crap from my lap and put it back in her bag. "Oh my God, that's embarrassing." She held up what was in fact a condom and slowly put it back in her bag. She said she was embarrassed, but the look on her face showed the complete opposite. I just looked around and pretended I hadn't heard her.
I tried to be nice to Leah. As much as I couldn't understand the hype, I knew that this was a big deal for her. But she wouldn't shut the fuck up. The girl didn't take a breath, which I guess was okay because I didn't have to really say anything. She talked about the trip she was taking to visit her father, her friends, school, and fuck knows what else.
This is going to be a long ass flight to Los Angeles.
Since I wasn't getting a word in edgewise, I drifted and started thinking about the events of the last few days. As much as I couldn't put my arms around it, I had changed. The old Edward made promises and didn't keep them. He lied and manipulated to get what he wanted. He drank recklessly and used women for sex. He didn't care about anyone but himself. The rain in Forks had washed away an exterior shell that took years to form. I felt like a young, innocent, naive man again. I wanted to be a better person…for Alice.
Who the fuck was I kidding? I wanted to be better for Bella too.
She didn't like me. That was something I wasn't used to. Women, I can't even say usually, ALWAYS fawned all over me. These women were consistently the same type. They wore too much make up and too little clothing. They smelled too sweet and threw themselves at me without giving their dignity a second thought. When they talked, their voice dripped with sex and it was obvious that they were not interested in getting to know me as a person. They could care less about my likes and dislikes or my thoughts and beliefs on anything. They just wanted an I Fucked Edward Masen story to make their friends green with envy. I very rarely failed to disappoint. I was exceedingly willing to give them that story in exchange for a mediocre night of less than gratifying sex.
Can you say pathetic?
Bella was not one of these women. Her emotions were pure and honest. She didn't care about my fame, my job, or my money. I chuckled as I remember how I tried to intimidate her and it backfired. She gave it right back to me and demanded that I treat everyone, especially Alice, with respect. I also recalled how she looked at me with appreciation as I played the piano while Alice sang at the restaurant. Her warm chocolate eyes thanked me from the bottom of her heart.
She was also brave, braver than any person I know. When people she loves are being threatened, she instinctively went into protective mode even though I could tell it wasn't in her nature. She took on that reporter without a second thought and completely put him in his place. Hell, she even took on me, a few times. I had tried to apologize to her but she wasn't having it at all. She saw right through me. Getting on her father's good side just pissed her off even more. It was so cute how she stomped and pouted around her house in her pajamas as I made myself at home.
Those pajamas…
Those pajamas threw me for a loop at first. The tank top didn't reveal too much but hugged her curves in all the right places. It stopped just short of the flannel pants leaving part of her midriff exposed. I had a sudden urge at that moment to kiss her stomach and I started staring like a pervert in a strip club. She became uncomfortable with my ogles and folder her arms across her body. I felt ashamed for making her feeling that way.
"I mean, she is a total bitch for saying that, don't you think?" I jumped a little as Leah's nasally voice brought me back to reality.
Was she talking to me?
"Yeah, totally. Can you excuse me for a moment?" She got up to let me out but I was pretty sure she groped my butt as I slid past her. I felt extremely uncomfortable because she was way too young, but she just gave me a look like there was more where that came from if I wanted it. What was with teenage girls being so easy these days? I gave her an awkward smile and headed to the restroom. And that is where I stayed for the remainder of the flight.
Reduced to hanging out in a toilet. Well ain't that just peachy?
Shortly before landing, I made my way back to my seat and closed my eyes. When the plane finally touched the ground, without skidding off the runway and combusting into a raging inferno I might add, I practically jumped over Leah and made my way for the door. I didn't even look back as I pushed my way through the line. I was pissing everyone off, but I didn't care. I needed to escape!
I had to remind myself that I didn't have a publicist anymore. If I had, there would have been a car waiting for me. Since Jacob was no longer on my payroll, I hailed a taxi to take me home to my apartment. I was glad to be home, but I felt like a part of me was missing. I was too exhausted to pinpoint what it was, so I took a shower and crashed into bed.
I woke up to my phone ringing. I looked to see that it was well after two in the afternoon.
Who the fuck?
I looked at the caller ID to see that it was Alice. No doubt she was testing the number to see that I would actually answer. How adorable was that?
"Good morning, Alice…" I hadn't even gotten all of the words out when I was cut off by the little pixie on the other end.
"Really, Edward, it's two-thirty in the afternoon. Did you just wake up? I went to all my classes, ate lunch, and went to the library already. For an adult, your productivity level today is a tad bit disappointing. Oh, and Jasper says hi." I had to laugh as I heard Jasper yelling hello in the background."
"Okay, Mom. Actually, the flight was a little rough."
"Was there a lot of turbulence?" Now it was time for me to have a little fun with her.
"No, I just spent most of it in the restroom?" I knew she would come to the wrong conclusion.
"Eeewww, that's just gross, Edward. Way too much information!" Her reaction made me chuckle.
"No, no, it wasn't like that. If it were, do you think that's something I would share with anyone? I like to keep those things to myself. I was just avoiding someone." I then went into the story about Leah the nightmare. She laughed but I could tell she was still feeling sorry for me and my lack of privacy.
"Um, Edward? Can I talk to you about something?" Her tone suddenly got more serious. My heart starting to rise up and take residence in my throat. I only left twenty-four hours ago, but I don't know anything about cancer. Can someone's condition change overnight?
"Are you okay, I mean, do you feel okay...?" I couldn't hide the panic I was feeling. As far as friends go, I wasn't being a very good one. If she indeed was getting sicker, I was supposed to be the strong one. Instead, I turned into a bumbling idiot.
"Jeez, Edward, relax. I'm fine, at least for the moment. I just wanted to talk to you about Bella."
Oh, thank God. Wait…Bella?
"What about her?" I tried, unsuccessfully, to sound like I hadn't really given Bella a second thought since I left. The truth was I couldn't stop thinking about her.
"I heard about your apology and that it didn't go so well." I had to remember for future chats that this family has absolutely no secrets. Part of me admired that. Part of me wished the Cullen's didn't find out that I had completely antagonized Bella. Even though I knew that it was not my intention to get her all riled up, I didn't want anyone of them thinking that I did it on purpose. I never really cared about what anyone thought about me or my actions, until now.
"That is the understatement of the year. I'm afraid your teacher doesn't like me that much." I could at least say that with complete honesty. The girl despised me.
"Well, see, that's just it. I know for a fact that she…has feelings for you." She sighed before she said the last few words.
Whoa, hold the phone. Feelings for me? Bella?
"What do you mean you know for a fact? Did she share that with you?" Curiosity filled every ounce of me as I hung on every word Alice was saying. I was the one acting like a thirteen year old. Next think I know I'll be asking Alice to pass Bella a note in class that says circle yes if you like me.
Your love life depends on a child. You've hit a new low there, Masen.
"Well, she doesn't know that she has feelings for you yet, but trust me, she does. I can sense it. When she called me Sunday to help me with my homework, she seemed distracted. And then in class today, she just looked confused, which is not like her at all.
"Alice, I hate to burst your bubble, but I think you're reading way too much into this. She wants nothing to do with me. I think your senses are a little off." That did it. I managed to piss her off.
"Don't underestimate my senses, Masen. It's a freakish thing about me that I've had for as long as I can remember. I am right about ninety-five percent of the time. She likes you, that is a fact. Just like you like her, but I'm pretty sure you already knew that."
"I don't like her. I just met her." I immediately went into denial mode. I wasn't sure if I had feelings for Bella or not, but there was no way I was admitting anything to Alice.
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't"
"Fine, you want to be infantile about this Mr. Masen, you go right ahead and do whatever gets you through the day. But, mark my words, one day I'll be saying I told you so." She was breathing fire and I could almost feel it coming through the phone.
"Care to make a little wager on that, squirt?"
"I don't think it would be good for your image to encourage underage gambling, but since you see no problem with it, I'm in. If I win, you have to come to our Moving Up Dance at the end of the school year and take pictures, give autographs, and dance with every girl in my grade."
I groaned. This was exactly the type of thing that made me run in the opposite direction. "How many girls are in your grade?"
"About fifty. Oh, and I also want you to save the last dance for me."
"That's a pretty tall order."
"What, are you afraid you won't win? Where's all that confidence?" She actually started making chicken noises. She was going down.
"No, I'm not afraid. I agree to your terms, all of them. But if I win, you have to make an appearance on national television with me…" She cut me off.
"Doesn't really seem fair to you, but what ever floats your boat." She thought she was getting off easy.
"You didn't let me finish. You have to make an appearance on national television with me, in your pajamas. And you can't go out and buy a cute pair at the mall. I want you to wear the ones I saw you in yesterday." There was a gasp and then silence. She was hesitating.
"Those pajamas weren't even a matching set. You are pure evil, Masen."
"What, are you afraid you won't win? Where's all that confidence?" I tried to imitate her voice and then made some chicken noises like she had.
"Fine, you're on. It doesn't matter, I'm going to win." She was pretty sure about herself, but I could tell she was nervous about being seen on television in her pajamas. "Listen, I gotta go. Have a good day, Edward, at least what's left of it." She had to get that last dig in.
"You too, Alice. Talk to you later." I hit the button to end the call and laid back on the bed thinking about everything Alice just said. Could Bella be interested in me? It was highly unlikely. Not to mention we were a plane ride away from each other. It would never work.
Why are you even contemplating this? She's not interested. But Alice seems pretty convinced…
I was fully engrossed in the battle going on in my head when my phone began to beep indicating a new text message.
Yes, you do. And there are exactly 57 girls in my class. You should start practicing your dance moves now. –A
When Alice thinks she was right, she never, and I mean never gives up. I texted her back about her being too funny for her own good and decided that it was time for me to get to work. The filming for my next movie was going to begin in a few days and I had still no publicist. When I promised Bella that I was going to do right by Alice, I decided I needed someone who would put me in my place and keep me from screwing up. It was easy in Forks to be well-behaved. However, here in Los Angeles, I was afraid I would be unable to resist temptation and get sucked back into my old life of chaos. I needed someone with balls. I also needed someone to be there at every moment to make sure I wasn't fucking up. I decided I would hire a personal assistant that would also act as a publicist.
After a few phone calls, I realized that getting one of those was not going to be as easy as I thought. A combination of my rebellious reputation, Jacob's badmouthing me all over town, and the latest pictures of the restaurant fiasco showing up in every gossip rag published, no one wanted the job. How could I blame them? I was a major liability. It didn't matter that I was considered one of the hottest sensations in the film industry at the moment. They didn't want to touch me with a five thousand foot pole.
Finally, after several rejections, I tried a smaller, lesser known agency. I was put through to an Angela Weber who didn't treat me like I was the plague. She was actually very nice and I liked her immediately. I don't know why, but I told her everything, from how I became an orphan at a really young age to how I came to the decision to clean up my life for Alice. She didn't judge, she just listened. When I was through, there was silence. I had gone on and on for almost half an hour. When she didn't say anything, I knew it wasn't a good sign.
"I'm sorry I unloaded all of this on you, Miss Weber. I won't take up any more of your time. Thank you." I tried not to, but I sounded defeated.
"Mr. Cullen, wait, don't hang up. I appreciate your honesty and believe it or not, I believe that you want to change. I want to work with you, but I also have to be honest. This agency takes pride in the fact that we have close, intimate relationships with all of our clients. We purposely stay small for that reason alone, even when it means we have to turn people down. We can't afford for you to live up to your previous reputation. It would ruin us. So, if we took you on as a client, I would work 24/7 to make sure your professional needs were met, but I would also have to be very hard on you. Sometimes you will not like what I have to say, but you will have to trust my judgment and follow my advice no matter what. If you can agree to this, I think we have a deal."
I was beginning to like this woman very much. I could tell she would work very hard on my behalf and keep me in line at the same time. She also was willing to take a chance on me when the rest of the entertainment world was just waiting for me to self destruct.
They're gonna have to wait for a long time..
"Where do I sign?" We agreed that I would come in to her office the next day to discuss the particulars and draw up a contract.
After getting off the phone, I was so encouraged by how my life was taking this new direction I decided to celebrate. The old me would have called my friends and gone out to a club where I would have drunken myself into oblivion. At the end of the night I would go home with some girl giving it up way too easily and then left in the middle of the night without even leaving a note. It was all so pathetic and yet it was all I had known for the last five years.
That was my life…not anymore.
Instead I felt the urge to sit down to the piano that I hadn't played in forever. A melody began to bubble out of my soul and I allowed it to flow out of my fingertips onto the keys. It was light and animated, yet feisty and determined. I worked on it for the rest of the day and into the night. When I was finally satisfied with the final product, I realized where all this creative inspiration came from…Alice. It epitomized her essence.
Alice was my muse.
