It's Saturday again and I'm exhausted. It's been a long week of partially avoiding my friends, hanging out with Tori, and staying up late texting with her. It feels like much longer than a week. My connection to Tori seems so much stronger than so little time. My emotions have just taken a hold of me and I'm just so tired. When I'm with her I get this buzz. But you take her away and I'm just a mess. I feel like I haven't slept in months. But tonight is the dance recital Jordan has been practicing for for almost two months. And I wouldn't miss it for anything.
I've seen Tori almost every day this week. We've been meeting up after school at the coffee shop where we had met. I always get a coffee and she always gets an iced tea. We've become so comfortable with each other that we do actually talk about everything. And with everything she says, every new bit of information about her life, every time she gets excited about something that seems trivial to me, every kiss, every touch, every time I catch her just staring at me... I fall for her a little harder.
We didn't see each other on Wednesday because my parents went out of town and I had promised Jordan I would take him to his dance rehearsal. Tori wanted to come with, but I just wasn't ready for them to meet. I had apologized and told her she could meet him soon. And by Saturday I was ready to introduce the two most important people in my life. But first I had to explain things to Jordan.
"Hey, J," I say as I sit him down across from me at the kitchen table. "I'm sorry you haven't seen Beck in a while."
"I miss him," Jordan admits.
"I know you do," I say. "So I need to explain why he hasn't been over here lately."
"Okay," he says.
"He was my boyfriend," I explain. "You understand that, right?"
"But he's not anymore," he says with a sigh.
"No," I start, "he isn't." And now it is time for me to continue the story. "Tonight you are going to meet someone new. Someone who means more to me than Beck did."
"But I liked Beck," he confesses.
"So did I," I say. "And he really likes you. And if you want to see him again I will set something up. Because I know he would love to see you."
"I'd like that," he says. "Is this new person your boyfriend?" he asks after some consideration.
"Kind of," I say. "Yes. But here's the thing." I take a deep breath. "She's a girl."
"So she's your girlfriend?" he asks without faltering.
"Yes," I say. "Exactly."
"Okay," he says. The tension in my face releases. Clearly he can see my relief. "Were you scared to tell me?"
"To be honest, I was." I say.
"Why?" he asks.
"Well," I say, unsure how to explain it. "A lot of people out there aren't okay with it. With two girls being together."
"Is she cool?" he asks. "And nice?"
I laugh a little bit. "Yes. She's very cool and very nice."
"Then I'm okay with it," he says.
"And that's all that matters," I say. "Thanks, sweetie. You're really going to like her."
"Why aren't mom and dad here?" he asks me.
"I don't know, J. They went out of town again." I didn't have an answer for him. "But I'm here. And I'm really looking forward to watching you dance."
"And that's all that matters," he says, repeating my sentiment.
And with that we both go to our rooms to get ready for the night. I finish getting dressed and sent Tori a text message. "My brother is perfect."
"I take it it went well." She replies.
"He had roughly the same reaction your parents had." I write.
"Mild indifference?" she asks.
"With the bonus of confusion over why I thought it would matter!" I write back.
"Perf. Really excited to meet him." She says.
"You know what? I'm excited too." I respond. And I actually mean it.
I make macaroni and cheese for dinner. Jordan and I eat while watching some silly kids show on television. He's so confusing sometimes. He's really growing up so quickly, maybe thats why he sticks to such childish shows. An attempt to keep that part of him alive.
We finish up quickly and drive to the dance studio. Jordan runs backstage to get ready just as Tori's mom's car drives up. "Hi Jade!" Mrs. Vega shouts out the window.
"Hi!" I shout back. Tori leans into her mother and whispers something, then gets out of the car, walks over to me and takes my hand.
"Have fun, girls!" Mrs. Vega shouts as she drives off. Tori waits until the car is out of sight to lean in and give me a quick kiss.
"Hey there, princess," she says.
"Hey you," I respond.
"To the dance!" she exclaims and pulls me up the stairs and into the studio. We're there pretty early and are able to get seats near the front. We look through the program and stop on Jordan's bio.
Tori reads it aloud. "Jordan West is 10 years old. He loves dancing and singing and acting and his parents but mostly his sister Jade." I can't help but smile.
"See?" I say. "He's perfect."
"You're perfect," she whispers as she leans into me. She kisses me on my now bright red cheek.
"Oh no I am not," I say.
"I recently reevaluated the word and its meaning," she explains. "So yes, you are."
"I assure you I'm not," I say.
"Jade," I melt at the sound of her speaking my name. She puts her hand on my cheek and gently pulls my head so I'm facing her. She leans in and kisses me and for just a moment I give in. I'm drawn back out by the sounds of a woman behind us gasping loudly, standing up, and walking away. Tori sees the scared look on my face. "Come back to me."
I turn to face straight ahead but as I do I take her hand and hold it tightly with both of mine. Not ready to face the world, but with no intention of letting go.
