Chapter Seven

Marissa was the first to wake up that morning…..afternoon, and if asked, she would swear that there was a smile on her face the second her eyes fluttered open. Perhaps her body could just sense where she was before she was even conscious.

She had never slept like this before, never woke up in a man's arms like this. With Gerry sex had always been cold, a chore, something she was expected to do because she was his. It was not something they shared or something that was mutually agreed upon and enjoyed. She was there to serve a purpose, provide him with heirs, and once that was accomplished, physically she was no longer needed. But it was different with Ryan; she was not just giving to him, they were sharing with each other.

Smiling to herself, she watched Ryan sleep. Facing him, their legs wrapped together so that their bodies were as close as they could be, her eyes focused upon the rise and fall of his chest with every breath that he took. With his arms wrapped snuggly around her, pulling her to him, the rest of her body was cocooned up against his, her head tucked under his chin so that she rested against his chest. Lying like this in his arms made her feel wanted, protected, cared for.

Remembering his exhaustion the night they spent together in the hotel, she carefully crawled out of his arms to let him sleep as late as possible while she made them something to eat. They had completely missed breakfast, and lunch would pass them by sooner rather than later, so she would just make whatever appealed in Ryan's kitchen. He stirred momentarily when she got out of the bed but snuggled down into the comforter and easily went back to sleep.

Not wanting to put on the clothes she had been wearing for two days, one because they were dirty and two because she wanted to be comfortable, she pulled upon the drawer she had seen Ryan pull clothes out of Friday morning and helped herself to a pair of his boxers and a wife beater, hoping he wouldn't mind. Going into the bathroom, she shut the door behind her softly as she went to take a shower and brush her teeth.

Twenty minutes later she emerged, freshly groomed, clean, and ready to start the day. Laughing to herself, she went over to the bedside and picked up the two hastily discarded condom wrappers from the night before, threw them away, and noticed….okay snooped in Ryan's bedside drawer…that he was almost out of them and that the box was looking a little old She knew she was being irrational and possessive with no right, but she liked the idea that it had obviously been a while since he had been with a woman and that what they had done together the night before was not something he did often. Making a mental note to pick up a couple of boxes on their way back to Newport that afternoon, Marissa made her way towards the door of the room to go to the kitchen but stopped dead in her tracks when a ray of sun caught her left hand and reflected tiny beams of light off of her wedding rings.

Glancing down at them it only took her a moment to make a decision that she should have made years before. Sliding the rings off of her finger, she found her purse and dropped them inside soundlessly. Laughing to herself she finally made her way out of the room as she quietly let her thoughts escape her lips. "Perhaps I'll find a use for them after all these years," and with that she disappeared around the door totally oblivious to the supposedly sleeping man who watched her every move with a smile on his face.

A half and hour later she reappeared in Ryan's bedroom as quietly as she left with tray in hand loaded down with food for both she and Ryan, but before they could eat she thought that she had to wake him up. Sitting the tray down, she watched his back for a few seconds before making a hasty decision. Stripping off his clothes she had just put on, she crept delicately to the side of the bed he was facing, lifted up the covers, and crawled in beside him as closely as she could without disturbing him.

"Ryan," her baby soft voice cooed into his ear as she left a gentle path of kisses across his now stubble covered jaw line, "it's time to wake up. You need to eat; I cooked."

When he still didn't move or say anything, she smirked to herself before moving her mouth to his and taking his bottom lip between hers and tugging on it gently. Before she knew what was happening, Ryan's arms snuck around her waist and pulled her body to his while he flipped them over so that her back was on the bed and he was hovering over her.

"Good afternoon to you, too," Ryan teased her not only with his voice but his lips as well as he barely let them tickle her own before pulling them away. "You know, it was not very nice to wake up without you here with me."

"Yeah, well, I was hungry," she complained, widening her eyes and pouting her mouth to look innocent. "I needed to refuel, and besides, I wanted to take a shower, too."

"You do smell nice," he said as he trailed his tongue down her neck until he reached the hollow between her clavicle bones where he dipped his tongue in and sucked tenderly on the skin. "Taste pretty damn good, too."

"Ryan," Marissa breathlessly replied, her voice making it evident that his actions were already sending her to the point of no return, "what about the food. It's getting cold."

"I'm not hungry for food," he shot back quickly without even hesitating a second to think of a response. "I'm craving you right now."

"But what about Q," she began before he stopped her from talking further by taking her mouth into his.

"Q's a big girl; she'll understand," Ryan dismissed after he pulled away from her, "and if she makes a mess on your floor, I'll scrub it myself, promise. Now are you done making excuses, because I'd really like to get started?"

Giggling, Marissa answered him by pulling the sheet over their heads to loose themselves in each other once again.

They were sharing a calm, normal Thursday afternoon two days later when all of a sudden Marissa spoke up, the seriousness of her tone surprising Ryan. He was working on the bathroom, the demolition complete, while she sat by and lazily lounged against the wall, painting her toenails.

There had been a silent agreement between them to just go with the flow, enjoy each others company, and let things progress naturally, but both of them knew that they could not remain that carefree for long. Their situation was too complicated, and their lives would change drastically as soon as Marissa's kids returned from camp in a few weeks and whenever her husband decided to pop back into town for his brief appearances at home.

They had already fallen into a routine where their days were spent at the house in Newport working on the bathroom, Marissa either contributing after Ryan showed her how to do something or sitting in the room with him reading, talking with him, or just watching him work, and their nights were spent at Ryan's house mainly in his bed. Q was healing so it was easier for her to travel back and forth with them, so that no longer presented as much of an obstacle.

"I don't want you do any more work on the house after you finish my bathroom." Before Ryan could interject or ask questions, Marissa continued. "I don't want to blur the lines between us anymore. I want to know what we are to each other."

Putting down the tools he had been using, Ryan turned to her and stared wide eyed as she closed the lid to the polish and looked up at him, her eyes filled with….hope…he realized incredulously. "What are we," he finally asked not even sure what label he would put on them. And I thought it was difficult to label us at the vet's office when we were just talking while I was working for her, but now…His mind trailed off unsure of what to think.

"Well I know that I don't want you to work for me and that I don't want you to think of me as your boss. That's why you can't continue remodeling the house, no matter how much I like you around all day long. It just….it would cheapen this, cheapen us," she explained hoping that he would understand what she was trying to say.

"But that still doesn't answer my question, Marissa," Ryan pressed, "just what exactly are we? We're not just friends; I think we moved past that mark a few days ago in that hotel bed." The lowering of her eyes told him that she agreed so he continued on. "And it's not as if you're my girlfriend…"

"I'm not," she interrupted him, the hurt evident in her tone. Standing up, she turned her back towards him and stared out the window into the late afternoon horizon. "So then what am I if I'm not your girlfriend, some woman you're just sleeping with, a bed buddy?"

Going to her, he went to take her in his arms, but she shrugged off his first attempt. Undeterred and knowing that her insecurities were showing, he tried again and found her much more receptive to his embrace. Lowing his voice so that it was not harsh but instead sensitive and soothing, he whispered into her ear as he held her closely to him. "Marissa you know this…what's happening between us is more than just sex, but how can you be my girlfriend if you're married?"

"But that's what I want to be," she said softly, her eyes filling with tears.

"I know, I know," he agreed with her, honestly believing that she meant what she said, "but it's just not that simple between us Marissa. You're a wife, a mother" ….unavailable. He did not say the word out loud, but, nonetheless, it hung in the air around them, choking Ryan and suffocating Marissa to the point where she could not stand in his arms any longer and had to move away.

Practically gasping for air as she attempted, unsuccessfully, to control her emotions, her voice rang out once again loud and agitated. "You call what I have with him…with Gerry a marriage," she snapped, her pained, self-deprecating laughter echoing throughout the room now void of fixtures, appliances, or furniture. "Do you call being ignored, abandoned, used," abused, her mind added on silently although Ryan knew exactly what she was thinking, "for ten years a marriage, because I sure as hell don't!" Clawing at her shirt, pulling it away from her throat as if she couldn't breathe, and gulping for air, she turned to Ryan one last time tears cascading down her cheeks as she cried silently. "I can't be here; I need some air."

With that, she ran out of the room, but it took Ryan mere seconds to realize that he had to go after her, that he had to fix this, to comfort her, that he had to figure out a way to keep her in his life; he couldn't loose her now.

He found her in the kitchen rummaging through her desk looking for her keys. Her hands were shaking so badly she could barely grasp anything she picked up, and he knew it would be impossible for her to drive like that. Gut wrenching sobs escaped her lips as she seemed to be battling not only her present but also her painful past, things Ryan knew nothing of and had no idea how to help her through. Going up to her, he did not hesitate a moment and grabbed her arms and held them by the wrists with one of his hands as he wrapped his other arm around her quaking body pulling her to him. Kissing her hair softly, he began to speak in comforting tones in an attempt to relax and comfort her.

"Hey, hey," he began, "I'm sorry." When she didn't push him away, he continued. "I can't pretend to know what your life has been like living here, what it's been like to be married to your husband, but…," he paused momentarily as he had to forcefully swallow down the bile that had risen in his throat at the thought of what her husband had put her through, "but I do want this. I want us, and I don't care what the rest of the world thinks; to me, you are my girlfriend. Everything else we'll figure out together….as a couple." As he said his final words, he felt her relax against him and breathe deeply, her sobs quieting.

He felt her pull away from him, assuming she was about to say something, but before he could even react, she had pressed him roughly up against the door to the pantry and pressed her body into his, taking his mouth in a greedy, rough, insistent kiss. Too startled to think, his body just reacted naturally as his hands found their way to the zipper of her dress. Moving it down her back quickly, he pushed the straps down her delicate shoulders and let the dress fall to the floor leaving her in just her thin, lacy thong. His hands quickly removed that as well while her hands moved deftly to his waist, unbuckling his belt and removing him of both his pants and boxers in one motion. Their lips parted long enough for her to rip his shirt off of his body before he swung her up in his arms and laid her down on top of the center island.

Jumping up on the island himself, he pulled her body up to meet his as she wrapped her legs around his torso and drew his body into her own, rejoining their mouths once again, but this did not satisfy either of their desires for long. Taking matters into her own hands, Marissa eased Ryan down onto his back, letting her mouth trail from his lips to his chest and then down his torso until she took him into her mouth causing Ryan to moan out in ecstasy. As she pleasured him hoping he returned the favor, the thought that she could arouse him so much seemed to only heighten her passion as well, and before she knew it she was on her back and Ryan's hands, lips, and tongue were taking her into depths of rapture she had never even known were possible before.

Just as she orgasmed for the first time that afternoon, she felt Ryan pull away from her and get off of the counter, but she was not finished with him yet. Trailing after him, she tiptoed up to his back and molded her body into his, wrapping her arms around his waist, letting her hands clasp him greedily. Biting his ear teasingly, her hot breath against his sweaty skin eliciting waves of delight in Ryan, she spoke huskily.

"Ryan, there are other counters to christen."

"What about condoms," he asked, his voice already starting to hitch with desire.

Laughing at her own presumptuous nature, she replied, "check your wallet. I wanted us to be prepared….for anything."

He did not need anymore encouragement and readied himself for what was to come. Lifting her up, he surprised her as he entered her while he walked them to the nearest surface, the kitchen sink, before hoisting her up to sit on the ledge and continuing his motions. Somewhere in the middle of their frenzy, he became aware of cool liquid tricking down his chest, abdomen, and back as Marissa had turned on the sink to let her fingers run in the water before drizzling the water down his steamy skin. The sensation was amazing, and from that moment on, all rational thoughts vanished from both of their minds.

Several round later, both completely satiated, Marissa sat in Ryan's lap, his fingers idly tracing patterns along her upper legs and occasionally sliding down to caress and tickle her inner thighs, her mind completely void of the fact that she would have to spend a few hours the next day cleaning her kitchen while Ryan worked in the bathroom, she surprised both of them with an idea.

"Maybe I should get a job," she said.

Staring at her out of shock, Ryan couldn't help but let his mouth fall open. "Are you serious," he asked her. "After what we just did in here, your kitchen….multiple times and in several different places, you're thinking about getting a job right now?"

"Well yeah," she began, the confidence her voice had held when she first expressed her idea gone and replaced with uncertainty and doubt. "I realize the timing is a little strange, but it makes sense."

"And what about Gerry," he continued to press her, unsure of where she was going with this and not wanting to let his hope take over. "I thought he said you weren't allowed to work."

"I know, but….what if….I mean….just in case,…." her voice trailed off leaving her sentence open ended but they both knew what she meant. Just in case we become serious, just in case I leave him, don't you think a job would be a good idea?

Deciding to just let her think out loud and to be supportive, Ryan dove right into the topic. "What would you want to do," he queried, his interest apparent in his voice.

Taking her hands in his, he laced their fingers together, smiling to himself when he, once again, noticed she was ringless.

"I have no idea," she admitted ruefully, giggling softly at herself. "It was just something I never considered to be an option, so I never let myself think about it. Plus, I'm limited because I never went to college."

"Don't worry about that, right now," he instructed, "just tell me what you'd want to do."

"Something with children, I know that much."

Ryan pondered for a minute. "What about teaching?"

"I think teaching would be great," Marissa agreed, "but that would take me four years as a full time student to be able to do it, and that's not really practical right now. I need a job I can start where I don't need any long-term training."

"Day care or babysitting," he offered.

She was silent a moment while she thought, and when she finally spoke, her voice was distant, quiet, as if she were thinking out loud or dreaming. "Do you know what I always thought the perfect job would be? Have you ever seen Steel Magnolias….no wait, of course you haven't. This is the guy, after all, who named his dog after a female agent from the Bond movies. Anyway," she continued as he chuckled at her ribbing of Q's name, "there was this character in the movie, Shelby, and she adored children but wasn't supposed to have them for health reasons…"

"But you can still have children, can't you," Ryan interrupted her, the slight feeling of panic he was experiencing astonishing him.

"Of course I can have children; I'm like a baby machine," she dismissed his worries, "but you're not staying on topic here, focus. Anyway, she loved children and got a job working in a nursery at a hospital taking care of newborns. I want that job."

"What happened to her," Ryan inquired.

"Who?"

"This nurse…..what did you say her name was, Shelby, what happened to her?"

"Oh, she died, because she had a kid anyway even though the doctors told her not to and her transplant failed, but she's not the point," Marissa answered breezily. "The point is I think I want to try nursing. I could maybe start out as just a basic nurse…whatever they call them…"

"Nursing assistants," Ryan offered.

"Sure, and then take classes online or at night slowly until I get my LPN license." Finishing excitedly, she twisted in his arms to peer into his eyes. "So, what do you think?"

"I think," he began, the teasing quality in his tone hard to miss, "I think that for someone who supposedly had no idea what she wanted to do, you came up with a pretty in depth plan rather quickly."

"Okay," she conceded, smiling at the fact that he caught her, "so maybe I had thought about this a little bit."

"A little bit," he continued to mock.

"A lot," she conceded, rolling her eyes at his taunting manner.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought." Kissing her hair, he hugged her tightly to his body before speaking again. "I think it sounds like a perfect plan. Do you want to go to the library tonight and do some research. You can go onto all the nursing sites and check out the local hospitals while I….I don't know….look up porn?"

Standing up, she held out a hand to him to help him up off the floor as well. "Yeah, I don't think so mister. The only naked body you'll be looking at tonight is mine or your own if you don't behave."

Walking out of the kitchen after picking up their clothes, they went towards the stairs to shower and get changed for dinner.

"Maybe I could do some shopping then….for lingerie?"

As they made their way up the stairs, Marissa laughing at his naughty internet ideas and Ryan chuckling to himself as he listened to her mirth, Q just rolled her eyes, repositioned her still sore body, and fell back to sleep, snoring slightly.

Sunday evening found Marissa pottering around the kitchen making dinner for her and Ryan, while he went to pick up some movies for them to watch that night. She had sent a list of what he was allowed to get, requesting just one James Bond movie so she could finally figure out just who exactly Q was named after.

Thinking of Q, she went to go to the backyard to check on her. It had been unusually hot and humid…even for Southern California in August…that day, so she had set up the boys' old kiddy pool in the back yard and filled it for water for the lazy dog to lounge in all day. She had gone out there earlier to bring her back inside, but as soon as she went to lift her from the water, Q had started to whine in protest, so she let her stay in longer. Just as she neared the door to go outside, the phone rang. Picking it up on the third ring, she was delighted to hear the voice on the other end.

"Mommy," Cooper's voice rang out excitedly, but before she could even greet him he continued in a rapid pace. "How's Q? Is she feeling better? Can I talk to her?"

Smiling to herself, Marissa moved with the cordless phone back to the door and exited into the backyard. "You had perfect timing, Cooper; Mommy was just going to go and check on her when you called. Is it really hot there today, too," she asked.

"Yeah, but what about Q," he pushed on missing the importance of her question.

"Q is fine; she's getting better everyday. I think she misses you and your brother, but she's content now. She's swimming in your old pool because she was hot."

"Mom," Cooper giggled, "she only met me and Garrett once."

"Garrett and I," Marissa corrected, "and I think she liked you. She doesn't have any kids to play with normally, but that's enough about Q; how have you been?"

"I'm good," he shrugged off her inquiry. "I got this really awesome, giant frog yesterday but the camp counselors made me put it back in the pond. I wanted to bring it home, but they said you wouldn't let me. I tried telling them you were a cool Mom," Marissa smiled at this while her son rambled on, "but they wouldn't listen to me."

"How about I take you to the park one day when you get home and you can catch a frog there….or we can buy you one from the pet store," Marissa offered.

Practically jumping up and down, Cooper responded, "really?"

"Really, really," Marissa teased. "Now, back to you; how have you been? Have you been a good boy, are you listening to your counselors? You're eating right, right?"

"Yes, Mom," Marissa heard her son say in an annoyed tone, picturing him rolling his eyes as he said it.

"And you've been brushing your teeth twice a day," she continued to quiz him.

"Uh….I've got to go Mom; Garrett wants to talk to you. See you soon; I miss you."

"I miss you, too, honey."

He was silent a moment, and when he spoke Marissa knew he was slightly emotional. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Cooper." Before she knew it, Garrett's soft, kind voice had replaced Cooper's high-strung, loud one.

"Hey Mom."

"Garrett, hey baby; how are you," she asked in a voice that matched his. "Have you been looking after your little brother and getting enough sleep?"

"Yeah," he answered shortly, not out of rudeness but just a lack of words. "How are you?"

"I'm great, missing you and your brother though," she responded.

"You're coming up for Parents' Day in two weeks, right" Garrett request.

"Just try and keep me away."

"And Ryan," she heard her son start to hesitate and she became nervous herself. Did he suspect something? "Can Ryan come up, too," he finally spit out in a hurry. "I kind of wanted to show him this new pitch they taught me, and he can see me play in the end of the summer game. I'm starting, just like he said I would!"

Marissa had to fight to hold back her tears and to keep her voice steady. "I'm sure he'd love to be there, Garrett. So, I take it you like, him, honey, Ryan I mean," she asked cautiously not wanting to sound too eager.

Her son's voice was full of excitement and happier than she'd heard him in a long time. "Yeah, Ryan's cool. He plays with us, he listens to me when I talk, Q is awesome, and…..and he makes you smile. I'm glad he's your friend, Mommy."

"Me, too, baby, me too," was all that Marissa could choke out, tears forming in her eyes.

"Well, I've got to go. Give Q a hug for me, okay, Mom?"

"I will."

"Love you," her son told her proudly.

Echoing his sentiments, she responded back to him, "I love you, too, Garrett, so much. See you soon." And with that, they hung up the phone.

So caught up in the phone conversation, she did not hear Ryan walk up behind her so that when he knelt down beside her by the pool, she jumped in surprise.

"Did the boys just call," he asked.

The boys…like they're our sons, she thought to herself while a wide, brilliant smile spread across her face. "Yeah, they called to invite both of us to Parents' Day in two weeks. Would you like to come with me?"

"Really," Ryan was amazed and his voice showed it, "they want me to come, too?"

"Requested directly from my very shy and quiet son, Garrett, personally," she shared with him proudly. "You know, after an invite that special, you can't turn it down."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he said honestly. "We'll make a weekend out of it, take Q."

Walking back into the house, arm in arm, he couldn't help but notice that she became quiet all of a sudden and that her eyes were misted over with unshed tears.

"Hey, what is it," he pressed.

"It's just….talking to them….," her voice trailed off.

"Makes you miss them all over again, doesn't it," he finished for her, receiving a positive shake of her head to indicate that he was right. "Just remember that they'll be home soon." Kissing her forehead gently, he patted her rear end towards the kitchen making her laugh. "Now go and grab whatever you made for dinner and I'll grab the movies I got. Where do you want to watch them?"

"In bed," she replied without a second's hesitation, causing a ridiculous grin to form on Ryan's face.

"Okay, I'll meet you upstairs in five. Don't worry; I got us Die Hard 1, 2, and 3. You'll be smiling again in no time."

Not particularly listening to his words as she gathered up their meal and put it on a dinner tray, it took a moment for his words to sink in. "Alright, I'll be up in a few," she began before she realized what he had said. "Ryan," she screamed, annoyed and trying not to laugh at his audacity while running after him up the stairs, their food forgotten, "those movies were not on the list!"

As they playfully fought on her bed, pillows in hand, the movies were forgotten, the dinner turned from hot and delicious to cold and unappetizing, and Q continuing to float around in the kiddy pool as the day faded into night and, just as Ryan predicted, her cares floated away with the salt tinged breezes moving in off the sea.