Final Chapter: New Light
After yesterday, I wasn't going to waste any time. A chance to talk with Faith? I'll take it. It's what I've wanted ever since the summer. It might be the last time I ever get to talk to her, judging things by the way they are right now. I knew in my gut that our conversation was probably not going to be the most pleasant. But I was hoping it would give me closure.
So I thought as I waited patiently in the hallway outside the school library. It was already the next school day. Whoever said "time flies when you have fun", I'm inclined to agree. I might not be having fun, but when something similar happens, there is no doubt that time comes and goes like the wind. Just over 8 months ago, Faith and I were friends. 8 months. It seemed so long when you think about it. And yet, it feels like all that time had passed within a span of a day; sort of sad in a way.
I checked my watch. There was still about half an hour before class started. I still had no idea where Faith's locker was, but I intended to find out. Thus, I waited for her to show up, so I could figure out where her locker was. I recalled, with a twinge of pride, that Faith had always shown up about 20 minutes before classes started. At the very least, I can credit myself with good observation skills.
Just as predicted, after about 10 minutes, I noticed a small figure walking past. I had been leaning against the wall, so anyone who walked past me would not have noticed me unless they turned around. Taking a chance, I tailed the figure. Now don't get me wrong, there are about a hundred girls in this school who look like Faith from behind, but my instincts told me that this was most likely her. The girl I was following continued walking forward until we reached the end of the hallway, and turned to a locker on her left. I walked past her, and placed myself about four meters away from her. She still didn't notice me. I simply watched. I was trying to get a better look at her face, to make sure that it was Faith. In the way we were positioned, if I was able to see her face, she would be able to see mine as well. The girl was unpacking her backpack and putting textbooks into her locker. As she reached down to take hold of another textbook, her eyes met mine. A smile made its way to my face.
I was right. It was her. It was Faith.
Faith's right hand was frozen, and she had a strange look on her face, like someone who just saw her long dead brother on the street. She stood up straight and turned to face me. "Good morning." She said in a voice that was barely audible.
"Yo." I replied. I walked up to her. "Sorry, is this a bad time?"
She shook her head. "No, not at all." She returned to organizing her textbooks and binders.
I leaned against the locker next to hers, and let out a sigh. "So, what was it you wanted to talk about?"
Faith put one more binder into her locker, before turning back to me. "I wanted to say…That I'm sorry. For all the things that I said to you." Did she just lower her head?
I gave her a hard stare. Her gaze appeared to be fixed on my fingernails. It's like she doesn't want to look me in the face anymore. I glared at the locker directly opposite of me. Well, sorry at this point doesn't really seem to cut it. Then again, it was better than nothing.
I huffed and turned to face her again. "You know, your words cut deeper than any sword. This may not be for me to say, but I think you should be mindful of what you say to your friends. After what you said to me…I haven't felt so bad since grade 5. And to tell you truth, I'd rather not be reminded of that."
Faith didn't look up at me. She still had her head lowered, so I couldn't tell if my words had hit their mark. After about a quarter note rest had passed, Faith spoke up again. "I'm sorry..."
I continued to look at her. I couldn't help but feel really guilty. Perhaps I was too harsh there. Faith was my friend. I probably should have been less confrontational.
I drew a deep breath before continuing. "Well, I was honestly worried. I'm just glad that you don't hate me."
This was when something peculiar happened. Upon hearing that I said, Faith raised her head looked straight into my eyes. It was almost like a glare. It was enough to leave me with an uneasy feeling.
"I don't hate anyone." She said in a very serious tone. Oops. There's another one of those "Shouldn't have done that" feelings.
Faith abruptly turned around and continued getting her school things ready. I tried to take a gentle tone. "Well, I'm relieved to hear that. We don't need to be friends, if you don't feel comfortable with that. If you would just, say "hi" when we see each other, it would be enough for me."
"I probably won't say hi. Most likely, I'll just wave and be done with it." Was her reply. Seems like I'm still being shut out.
Faith got her school things ready, and turned back to face me. "I've been backstabbed, betrayed, and lied to too many times. That's why I've decided to keep my guard up from now on."
I felt so disheartened after hearing that. That's why you didn't want to be friends? I've only ever cared about you, Faith! What makes you think I would betray you? After all the things I've told you, after all the things you've said to me, what made you think that?
…Of course, I couldn't say any of the above. I already knew that any attempt at convincing her was a cry on deaf ears. I wasn't going to try at this very moment. "A wise decision, I suppose." Was the pitiful response that I was forced to give.
A moment of silence surrounded Faith and me. There wasn't anything else left to say. As far as she's concerned, we were different sides of the same coin. So, I decided to take my leave for the last time.
"Well, I have to get going. Good luck with school." I said as I got ready to walk away.
Faith stood still for a moment…before looking up at me with a smile; a smile as faint as twilight, but definitely a smile. "You too James."
It was dazzling. I was left with a funny feeling in my chest, as I waved good-bye and walked away.
….
Epilogue: A Silent World
It's been a while since Faith and I last spoke. Maybe a month since? I don't know. I haven't been counting the days. I rarely see her nowadays. We pass each other in the hallways every now and then, but that's it. And most of the time, I've been too scared to say "hi" to her. It's like whenever I see her now, I'm hit with this massive wave of fear and nervousness, for reason that I can't even begin to comprehend.
I continued with my studies as was expected of me. But no matter how I tried to move on, Faith just never really seems to leave my mind. It was strange really. At this point, she had probably forgotten all about me, and she's also probably stopped caring about me as well. The question is why do I still feel so sad? If she doesn't care, why do I? All my friends have been telling me that I'm too obsessed with her, that I'm talking about her all the time, how I always look at her Facebook Wall and Instant Messenger, and so forth. Well, who knows? I'm just desperately trying to make sure that not all the ties between us are cut. It's sort of like Naruto and Sasuke. This might be crazy, but I took a picture of her off of Facebook and kept it on my computer. It's just to remind me 20 years from now, how much this girl named Faith meant to me.
You know, as a matter of fact, when I first entered my ELA class in high school, asides all the acquaintances and friends I knew from before, Faith was the first person I noticed. She jumped out at me, like a beautiful flower blooming on a battlefield. It was only then when I wanted to become friends with her, get to know her better. I guess I was successful to one end, and unsuccessful to the other. Despite how things seem now, I'm still holding onto the hope that we may be able to get together again, some day in the future; maybe in another life, if this lifetime isn't long enough. But I want to be able to walk beside her again, laughing and smiling the way we used to. Faith is my friend. And that statement will stay with me as long as humanly possible.
Fin.
"In a silent world, I fluttered down. I was snow."
