Adam's Choice
Chapter Seven—ADAM
The sprint to my bedroom is done in what seems to be a matter of seconds. My frazzled mind tells me even He-Man couldn't have done better, but my thoughts don't stay there for long. All my attention focuses on the items I have in my hands: Teela's picture and her autobiography.
My heart is pounding frantically in my chest. I feel elated, because I know what this has to mean! If Teela didn't have feelings for me surely she wouldn't have entered the Seligere. But before I let my assumptions consume me, I bring the paper to my eyes once more and finally read what I almost ruined with water. The words on the first half of the page are smeared slightly but are still legible…
Dear Adam,
I know I'm not supposed to be writing you a letter. The application and the rules I heard in court clearly instructed all applicants to write an autobiography for you to read, but I hope you don't mind that I'm bending the rules a little. What could I have said in an autobiography that you don't already know? Very little since we've grown up together.
I've gone back and forth all morning about this whole business with the Seligere. I'm going to be honest with you, Adam. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I was shocked when I heard what your father wanted you to do. I was even more surprised when you agreed to do it. It's left me feeling confused and concerned, mostly because I don't know what I want or even what you want. I've been beating myself up figuratively and literally over how I should handle this and what I should feel, but the truth is I haven't a clue.
I know the point of the Seligere is for you to find a lady who is interested in courting and perhaps marrying you. I'm going to be frank and say the thought of you choosing fifteen girls whom you feel you could possibly develop a relationship with has blinded me with a jealousy I never knew I could possess. It tells me that perhaps there's something I've never admitted to myself all these years as I've stood beside you as your best friend and bodyguard. Is it possible that I have feelings for you? Clearly, I do. I just don't know how deeply it runs. So, Adam, I've entered the Seligere and it's not for the reasons every other girl has. They want you. There is no question about that. I have entered because I want to discover exactly what it is between us. Is it friendship or something more? This is our only chance to figure it out now, but of course, that's assuming you want to know, too.
Adam, I want to be one of your fifteen and I'm asking you to keep me in the running until either you have decided you do not want me in it or I have figured out exactly what I want, whichever one comes first. I have no idea how you feel. Maybe you're just as confused as I am. If you are, I think we should give ourselves this chance. If by some chance you know you already have feelings for me, I beseech you to not throw all your hopes onto me. Even though it pains me to say this, I do want you to take the Seligere seriously. If I discover that I only see you as a friend, I don't want you to have mediocre choices in a future spouse because you only wanted me. I couldn't bear to be the reason that you didn't find a suitable partner. And, if you already know that there is no future for us, then I beg you to please burn this letter and never mention it. We can continue to be the friends that we have always been and nothing has to change. Don't even mention to your parents that I've entered. I know my father would never tell anyone.
Well, the decision is up to you. Whatever you decide, I will abide by it. I know this letter has probably confused you. I know I've always made myself seem like a girl who doesn't care about love, but the truth is I do. It's just hard for me to know and show that fact. I suppose that's what I want you to know about me that you might not have known before. I do feel. I've just grown accustomed to shoving those feelings aside, because I've had other goals that I wanted. First it was academic excellence, then it was joining the Royal Guard, then it was climbing my way up its ranks to Captain, and now my goal is this. I need to know what it is between us and I hope you do, too.
Your Friend No Matter What,
Teela
Slowly, I let out a shaky breath as I stare at the letter. I'm not quite as happy as I was before I read it, but I'm not completely disheartened either. She does want to be in the Seligere. She is jealous at the thought of my being with someone else. She wants to discover what she feels. All in all, it's a chance that I didn't think I would get, so I suddenly find myself smiling.
"YES!" I cry as I fall back on my bed, pumping my fist in the air and then hitting it on the mattress beside me. "YES! YES! YES!" I'm sure my screams of joy would have gone on longer, but my elation woke up Cringer.
"A-Adam? Are you all right?" he asks.
I lift my head and look towards the tiger. He seems to be amused, but I can't really tell. It doesn't matter, though. I simply smile and reply with enthusiasm, "Yes, Cringer. Things are finally looking up again!"
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"What should I do?"
The question isn't in regards to whether I should choose Teela as one of my fifteen or not. That is definitely going to happen. What I am questioning is what I should do in the immediate future. Should I follow the rules of the Seligere and not tell her right away that I'm going to choose her? Or maybe I should tell her? I do need to inform her that I agree to her terms—I will keep her in the competition as long as she wants to be there, as long as there is a chance for us to become something more. I do want her to know that as quickly as possible. So, now the question is how I tell her.
The possibilities are endless: a letter, a stroll through the gardens, sending a message through her father…But for now, I have to put those options aside. A second ago, a guard came to my door and informed me that my father wants me to report back to my office immediately. I already know what he wants. He wants to know why I ran and for me to continue going through the applications. I don't want to choose anymore girls, but I know I have to, not only because Teela asked me to but because the quicker I choose them, the quicker the Seligere will actually begin. Then, I'll be able to take Teela out on dates and spend time with her as a suitor.
I smile just thinking about it, but then I have to remind myself that I shouldn't get my hopes up too high. Teela is still deciding if she wants to be with me. I have to give her the opportunity to make up her mind without pressuring her too much. And, she's right. If things don't work out between us, I will have to choose one of the other fourteen girls to be my bride. It is important to choose ladies that I might actually like. As much as it pains me to think about being with someone besides Teela, I have to do this correctly for all our futures.
The realization sobers me quickly and brings me back down from out of the clouds. Teela's in the Seligere, but she's not mine. She's not even close to being mine, yet. In fact, she might decide that she doesn't want me at all once things get started…
Now, I'm getting a little anxious again.
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