A bright green flame flickers in the palm of Lumen's hand, casting a murky, undersea glow all around her. The magic of the mark is easier to bend in the Fade, and it seems to be the only thing she can control in this wretched world of dreams. She's still trapped in the same formless space as before. But spending night after night in the most boring, recurring dream ever has given her plenty of time to study her mark and the magic it grants her.
Lumen wonders if Solas will be able to recover her memories at all. She certainly hopes so. But her true reason for inviting him into her dreams is so he can release her from this strange, inescapable dream. She just didn't want to explicitly ask him to do so- she didn't want to seem weak. Perhaps it's a bit arrogant to think that she can use him as she has used so many others, since he can see through her lies so easily.
She can't lie to a liar.
Despite her lingering wariness of said liar, she's depending on him to find her. It's exhausting to keep the Fade flame burning for too long, and when the light goes out, those hundreds of unblinking eyes come back. The Dragonborn isn't afraid of much, but being stared at by a multitude of eyes is a little disconcerting.
The darkness around her shifts, and she watches in rapt attention as the Fade becomes something eerily familiar. Suddenly there is ground beneath her feet, but it is blackened and charred from an explosion so intense that it fused bodies to the ground. A giant rift rages in the sky, spewing out demons and bursts of energy.
"This is-" she gasps when she sees a woman fall from the rift. It's not just any woman- it's her. "This is not my memory," she finally says, hoping the words will offer some comfort, but she finds none.
"This is my memory."
Lumen gasps and whirls around to see Solas standing behind her. "I don't have any memory of this."
"I would be surprised if you did," he says, using that know-it-all tone of voice that grates on her so much. "You had just been dragged through the Fade, from one world to another, and thrust into the heat of battle."
"Why are you showing me this?" she asks, watching as her memory-self Shouts at Cullen. It's a wonder she didn't kill him.
"Because you need to see it," he says. "You need to understand why they fear you, and you need to make amends for it."
"Oh, I need to, do I?" she snarls, filled with the need to be contrary for the sake of it. "Shouldn't the Inquisitor be feared?"
"Don't be a fool, Lumen," he says, a feral growl lacing his words as he turns to face her. "You need them to trust you, to be willing to fight and die for you. Like it or not, you are the one with the mark, and you are the only one who can seal the rifts. In sealing the rifts, you just might find your way home."
She turns away from him to watch his memory, not knowing what to say. She sees herself plea with her fellow elf, hoping he might show more intelligence than the humans. But rather than help, he sends a bolt of magic screaming through the air, hitting her right in the chest and knocking her out. That certainly explains why her body ached when she woke in the prison cell. It's a wonder she survived such a hit.
"You dick!" She swats his arm, prompting him to stumble away in shock. "You could've killed me!"
Solas levels her with a glare as he rubs his arm. "For what it's worth, you were trying to kill all of us."
"So?" She folds her arms as a cold breeze whips through her hair, the scene changing with the winds. The dark, depressing crater that had once been the location of the ill-fated conclave turns into one of Haven's picturesque sunrises.
Solas heaves a long suffering sigh. "I had lost hope when the Breach formed," he says, forcing his voice to be calm as he shifts the subject of their conversation away from violence and to something he's more comfortable with. "I thought there was no power in existence that could stop it from growing. But then you appeared. You- with your strange powers and your mark." He turns to face her when he says, "You changed everything."
Lumen cannot place the strange look in his eyes or the tremor in his voice. It could be sadness. It could he hope. Or it could be something far more stupid than either of those emotions. What she does know is that he's standing just a little too close, and he's looking at her just a little too intensely for her liking.
"If you try to kiss me I will cut you."
He barks a laugh of confusion. "I would sooner kiss a charging druffalo. I would live through that experience, at least," he says, taking a polite step away from her. "My apologies. I am more comfortable in the Fade and I tend to get carried away with my thoughts."
She wants to argue that personal space is just as real in the Fade as it is in the waking world, but she decides to drop the subject. "So you can show me your memories," she says, glancing around at his memory of a beautiful sunrise. "But what about mine?"
"That is more complicated," he admits. "It took a bit of effort to find you. I wasn't certain if you could experience the Fade as a mage does since you are from another world and definitely not a trained mage. However, I find it curious that you so vehemently deny having any magical ability when you so obviously do."
"Everyone in my world has some magical ability," she snaps. "Some use it and some don't. I'm terrible at casting, so I just don't do it. Now, can we get back to the subject of my memories?"
"Everyone can use magic?" he asks, while a sad, almost wistful look flickers across his features. "Truly?"
"It's not a big deal," she says quickly. "Anyone can pick up a spell book and learn how to summon fire or ice. But just because you can light a few candles with a flick of your wrist doesn't mean you stand out from the rest. And no one gets locked up in a tower and guarded by drug-addled thugs on the off-chance that they might fall prey to demonic possession."
"You come from a world where magic is commonplace and mages are free," he breathes, almost disbelieving.
"Can we get back on subject?" she asks, uncomfortable with the raw emotion in his voice. "My memories…"
"Oh, yes, of course. I do think I can help you, but since you are only connected to the Fade through your mark, and through me at the moment, I may not be able to pinpoint the exact memories of what sent you to Thedas in the first place."
"Okay," she says, drawing the word out. "So what does that mean?"
"It means that I need you to concentrate," he says, clasping his hands behind his back and regarding her carefully. "I should warn you that we could step into any memory."
Lumen sighs, knowing what he's implying. They could stumble in on anything, no matter how private or how depraved. She has a lot of memories she doesn't want anyone to see- especially Solas. But she will have to take a chance if she wants to find out how she got here, and how to get home.
"All right, Solas," she says, finally giving in. "Do what you need to do."
He takes her marked hand, holding it tight as the green light flares. She struggles against the insistent pull of the Fade. It's not in her nature to submit, or to give in. It's even more difficult to allow her memories to be plundered and picked through. But just as she is prepared to wrench her hand from Solas' grip, to tell him to find another way because this is too much, too painful, the Fade shifts and bends, and then she is no longer in the Fade- she is home.
Later she will make Solas explain exactly how this works. She wants to know how just a small manipulation of her mark could pull images from her mind and bring them to life all around them. She wants to know how she could be standing inside the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary, the scene so real, she can smell the herbs boiling in Babettes alembic. She wants to know… if she's honorbound to kill Solas for laying his uninitiated eyes on the Night Mother.
She probably is, but it is not a concern for long, because soon that memory dissolves and forms into another, and another. The images from her life flicker in and out of sight like a guttering flame in a strong wind. When she finally thinks she can force the memory to remain for their perusal, it flutters away.
"Concentrate," he says, squeezing her hand tighter when she tries to pull away. "You must focus, Lumen."
"I'm trying," she says, even though they both know she's doing a piss poor job of it. "This is really fucking weird!"
"Try harder!"
Lumen yelps when a new, unwanted memory surfaces. A not-so-distant memory of Alduin bearing down on her, his red eyes blazing, and a foul, acrid smoke billowing from his nose and mouth. The terror she felt then is like a physical presence now. It is far easier to recall her fear than to remember the triumphant swell of victory she felt when the dragon finally fell. But just like the others, the memory is gone as quickly as it came. The Fade swirls around them, stirred by her power and by his. It is hard to breathe, hard to think- and just when Lumen is ready to call the whole thing off, the Fade falls silent and still.
The memory brought forth is less distant, but still unclear. Most of the scene around them is cast in deep, murky shadows, but she can see herself clearly enough. She watches her memory-self walks through what she knows is her bedroom, but the details just aren't there. Obviously, she wasn't meant to remember what happened, which is a frightening thought. Who or what wanted to hide this from her? It's such a mundane memory of a typical evening at home. Her memory-self runs her fingers across the collection of books on her bookshelf, before finally heaving a frustrated sigh and turning to rifle through a nearby chest only to pull out a large book.
The book is not just any book; it's the Oghma Infinium. She's toyed with the book over the years, always wanting to glean some more knowledge from it's pages, but always wary of the toll such knowledge would take on her mind. It's never done anything strange, though. It is not like the Black Books which pulls the reader into Hermaeus Mora's realm, but that night… something different happened. She doesn't know what exactly, because the memory is growing darker by the minute, but before it winks out entirely, she hears the distinct, dulcet tones of Hermaeus Mora calling her name.
Notes: I just had to poke a little fun at that scene with Solas in the Fade. I know it happens after Haven, but since this is an AU/crossover thingie I assume I am allowed to mess with the timeline a little bit. Call it "artistic license" or something. XD
Sorry for the delay in posting! I hope you all are still with me! I want to apologize for any typos or errors that you may come across. I'm doing my own proofreading and sometimes I just miss things.
