Here's the latest update. I have Plans for the next chapter. Oh yes. Plans.
Warning: pretty much the same as last time, although Sephiroth did get a bit antsy (just so you all know, I refuse to write actual chocobo sex. You can beg and plead, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Use your minds to imagine what they're doing. Besides, I don't know how bird sex works. Do you?)
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or anything else. I make no money from anything, let alone fanfiction.
Chocobo Races - A Chocobo Farm Story
Now, Zack wasn't one to brag (really, he wasn't) but his chocobos were awesome, even if they were completely and utterly mad. All of them were fast and gorgeous and had that extra special brand of chocobo madness. Currently, it was time for the most important Chocobo Race of the year – the Annual Chocobo Race of Midgar. Unlike most Chocobo Races, this one wasn't being held at the Gold Saucer and was taking place just outside Midgar. Zack had a very good track record there, but unfortunately that was with the slightly saner chocobos he'd once had. All of them had now been replaced with what he affectionately called the Crazies (except Vincent, but Vincent had become a Crazy).
Because they'd all been growing up, he hadn't entered any Chocobo Races for a couple of years (Vincent and Cid had been adults, yes, but they weren't as fast as say, Sephiroth and were entirely too busy with their own lives to race). But popular demand was seeing him back on the circuit and he was taking his chocobos with him. The problem was that none of his chocobos were exactly suitable for racing.
Sephiroth would try to kill the other chocobos and eat their jockeys. Cloud would try his hardest, but it was highly likely that Sephiroth would break onto the track and chase him, which would do bad things to his nerves. Besides, Cloud had to look after his four chicks and being a race chocobo was not something a breeding chocobo did.
Genesis would doubtlessly try to tempt all the other chocobos off the track and behind the nearest barn for a quickie or five and that would be... terrible. Just terrible. It would mean the end of chocobo racing. Angeal... now Angeal was a possibility, if he didn't get sidetracked by Genesis or anything. Zack-the-chocobo was another contender, especially if he thought it would get Aerith-the-chocobo's attention. The only problem was that he had the attention span of a gnat. Aerith-the-chocobo herself was unlikely to be a good racer. She was gentle and ultimately slow. Besides, there was a distinct possibility that she was laying, so that meant she'd be immediately out (bad for the eggs).
As for the Turk(ey)s, Zack was very sure that if he so much as approached any of them with a saddle – especially Rufus – they'd try to kill him. They were also closing ranks around the new chocobo Zack had found. She looked a lot like Genesis, but as far as Zack knew they weren't related. He'd called her Cissnei and she spent a lot of her time trying to fly (she was the same colour as Genesis and thus, trapped on the ground). The Turk(ey)s were not for riding, Zack knew that (at the very least, he wasn't going to try unless Aerith forced him to).
That left Tifa (laying), Barret (too slow), Cait Sith/Reeve (too slow), Nanaki (too convinced he was a cat or something) and Yuffie. Of those, Yuffie was the best option, although Zack really didn't want to ride her because she had a tendency to leap a bit too much and do spinning high kicks for no apparent reason. Well, there was always Vincent or Cid. Back before Lucrecia had died and Sephiroth had hatched, Vincent had been a good, reliable chocobo, who always managed to win every race, even if he wasn't actually entered. Cid hadn't been raced before, but he was getting on for a chocobo and seemed to wark a lot at younger chocobos.
Yeah, Zack was screwed. He had no chocobos that could reliably be raced. When Aerith got home after he came to this conclusion, she found him whacking his head on the table and moaning about his chocobos being too insane.
Eventually, it was decided (Aerith bullied him into it) to take all of them and just race whichever one seemed the most agreeable at the time.
Surprisingly, on the day of the first race Sephiroth was actually behaving and allowed Zack the rare privilege of riding him. When Sephiroth figured out what they were here for – namely, they were going to be racing – he decided no other chocobos would be allowed to win. As the first race began Sephiroth warked as loudly as he could, terrifying all the other chocobos on the racetrack. Then Sephiroth pulled a few tail feathers as he threw other chocobos out of his way. Zack decided to just hold on and hope that Sephiroth didn't kill anyone. They came in first, by several minutes. All the other jockeys were terrified of Sephiroth, who was not above mauling them.
On the second day, Sephiroth was in a black mood and not even Genesis would go anywhere near him, so Zack grabbed Cloud and hoped that Sephiroth didn't realise. Cloud turned out to have a very good turn of speed and they won the first few races without any mishaps. Unfortunately Sephiroth realised that Cloud was missing (Clephy and Kadaj had been bugging him) and broke out of his stall and onto the racetrack in his search for him. At the sight of Sephiroth, Cloud warked in terror and bolted, winning the race by miles. Sephiroth was faster though and soon caught up, prompting Zack to perform a high speed flying dismount before the irate black caught Cloud and proceeded to do unspeakable things to him right in the middle of the racetrack. Zack was lucky he didn't get disqualified.
And so it continued, with him riding Angeal (who won the race only to leap off the track to chase Genesis and beat up the chocobos he was with), Tseng (who 'persuaded' the other chocobos to not even begin the race), Cid (who took to the air and flew them to victory), Reno (who got all the other chocobos drunk before beginning the race and don't even ask how he did that), Barret (who won despite being slow, simply because he shoved the other chocobos out of the way) and finally Yuffie (who won the first five races before getting bored and devising a new game of 'knock the jockeys off' to ease her boredom).
Zack apologised profusely for his chocobos, but there was nothing he could do about it. Although he won and the public loved him (good boy charm + steady girlfriend + crazy chocobos = eternal love from the public), the jockeys and their chocobos did not, so he was asked very politely not to enter a race unless it was on a saner chocobo, like that nice chocobo he used to have, what was his name? Oh yes, Vincent.
Zack had said that Vincent wasn't quite as sane as he used to be, but he'd try to ride saner ones next time, like Zack-the-chocobo. There was some polite coughing before he explained that Zack-the-chocobo was Aerith's blue and he'd had nothing to do with naming him.
The trophies he'd won got put on the mantelpiece and Zack went back to doing what he did best. The chocobos decided that the racing life wasn't for them and went back to doing what they did best, namely, making Zack's life as difficult as chocoboly possible. And all was well again in the world of Zack's Chocobos.
And there you have it.
Next chapter, we see the rise of a terrible new danger... the rise of...
KINGDOM HEARTS.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN.
Rethira
