Author's note: Last one, so it's long too.

To K-san, again, thanks for the critique. Different reactions filled me. Like, shut the fu*k up or thank you very much. My point is, complaining didn't help, yes. But when you complain, it just gone, better. Sometimes what we need is just a listener, or in this case, a reader. And I am not yet having any kind of suicidal attempts that CLEAR. I am not that rushed. I am a coward, I admit. Every tablet I drink I vomit back out. So I haven't yet ended up in hospital. (for some other reasons like broken sacrum or massive dehydration I did, but that's beside the point). But I have researched.

And my English? I am being rude but for me as long as people understand what I want to convey, I am fine with it. It's the choice of readers to read. And I always read everything I can understand. So it's fine by me. You seemed like a hard person, but I starting to like you. Not in a Florence Nightingale unconditioned kindness way, just like a 'hey, you are not that bad' kinda way. Do you want to be my beta if you cared about my grammar that much?

Thank you for giving me a topic to write on. And Mitsuke-chan,- san, I thank you for giving me the courage to post this one. Someone gotta talk. Someone gotta listen. And that's the theme for this chapter. And to my other reviewer (sorry about not writing your names), Fuji is my second fave character too (after Yukimura Seiichi). I won't kill him if I don't need to. XD

Enjoy!


When he woke up, all he wanted to do was sleep back in. Everything was white and light and hard. It wasn't his bed, it wasn't his pillow. His bed was fluffier and his pillow wasn't that tall. He looked up, white ceilings welcomed him.

"Syu-chan! You are back! Are you OK? How do you feel?" A female sound he knew greeted him in panic. Fuji smiled, automatically.

"I am fine, nee-san. Why are you here? Why am I here?"

Her sister looked like a mess. Her mascara was ruining her pretty face with two black lines coming down each cheek. She didn't seem to care, with all the tears and sobs. "I found you on the bed last night. I thought you were sleeping, but then I saw you so pale and when I opened the bed cover you were red, all covered in blood. I was so scared, you stupid! Why did you do this to yourself!?"

"What did I do?"

"You damaged your hand, bloody idiot! You stabbed your left hand until you damaged most of the major nerves. Luckily they could sew back your arteries and veins, but now… you might ended up losing your hand! And you were bleeding so much that they thought we lost you for a second…"

"Nee-chan, relax…" Fuji tried to move his left arm, but yes, it didn't move at all. He changed to his right and grabbed his crying sister's arm. "I am fine now, and I am sorry for being an idiot."

"Yes, you better be sorry."

"… sorry." Fuji repeated his apology. He looked around. "… where's mom? Or… dad? Or… Yuuta?"

"They are not here, but Yuuta is coming soon. I called him just now and he is on his way. Anyway, who cares about them? I saw the paper on the table, Syuusuke. I was thinking if you want to be with me instead."

"nee..chan?"

"Dad called me last night to say they want a divorce. I don't care, but then I remembered you. I thought I could offer you to live with me. My fiancée said it was fine. So I came. And lucky I came. Lucky I still remember you. You bloody stupid teenager."

"… Why do you remember me?"

"Why? Of course I will! You are my brother, for God's sake!"

"Won't you think it's better if you just forget I am not there?" Fuji chuckled. "Our parents tried their best to do that."

"I am not. Because I love you." Yumiko stood up, gently cupped Fuji's cheek on her hands. "Look at me, Syuu-chan. Do you think we are not a family? You are my brother and I will make sure you live through with that."

"But nee….chan, I don't… they don't want me, so I thought you too, and then Yuuta left home and… it was lonely inside the home, you know, and … and… I don't want to impose, so why don't I just go? I… don't want to make it clearer that everybody hates me! And I did… truthfully, honestly, I didn't try to commit suicide, it was just some glasses and stabs, I thought the blood gonna stop gushing out if I sleep, so I went to sleep… I didn't even think I will end up here! Nee-chan, tell me you don't mad at me? I am an idiot, yes, but I you hate me too, then I … maybe I…"

"I understand, Syuusuke. I understand…"

"… No, you don't. Dad wants you. You hold a value for him. But who wants me? Nobody!!! Just because I prefer man? Just because I prefer to be hugged and not to be the one who hug? Just because I wanted to find safety since I couldn't find it from home? Dad always loves you, admit it, he likes you. Mom was always with Yuuta. And I, I need to wait! Because it's always you or Yuuta first! I didn't matter! So I am searching for a place where someone could give me a damn as if I am number one! And that makes me lesser than a human. That makes me a sinner. That makes me a trash. You don't understand. Just go. JUST…"

Anger and frustration replaced his former guilt and sadness. Fuji yelled at his sister, the first time in his life. He wanted to cry. But the baffled sister of his didn't even flinch.

"Fuji."

The sound of Tezuka Kunimitsu stopped unstable Fuji from further yelling. He glanced over and found the whole tennis club members were on the door, looking worriedly. Fuji blushed. Oh, the shame. The shame of get caught yelling. He was a perfect sadist, he never yells. He always plays it cool. But now everybody saw him in his worst state. Great.

"Fujiko… nyaa, we are… just worried about you. Can we… come in?" Eiji asked in small voice, wondering if he asked the right thing since he never hears a single yell from the tensai.

Fuji swallowed. "why… are you here? Who called you?"

"Me." Her sister rose up, trying to erase the smudge on her cheek. "I'll retouch my make up for a while, you go and be with them first. Be polite, Syuusuke."

"…yes."

"Good boy. I knew you always are. We will talk later."

Fuji stared at his smiling sister. He was just yelling at her and she still smiled for him. What was that? Is she out of her mind or what?

Because you are my family.

Why now? Why did she say it just now? Why did she say it like it was the only truth that matters, just now, when Fuji has decided to give up? Why did her words make him felt like a pathetic little boy; the one who only thought about himself and cried wolf? Why he felt rather guilty now?

"Fuji… How are you? Are you OK? What happened?" Oishi smiled awkwardly, taking a seat beside the bed. Fuji realized that he wasn't alone in the room and came back to his consciousness. The other members of the club took their places, leaving Tezuka a straight access to the bed and the cocky first year no accesses to even see a glimpse of Fuji.

Fuji sighed. He was partially grateful and embarrassed. This meant everybody knew what had happened between the first year, Tezuka and him. Or at least have their own version of what happened between the three of them. Fuji looked for escape. He smiled at Eiji and Oishi, pretending he didn't see the captain and the rookie.

"I am fine. It was just a small accident. I hurt my hand with the broken frame. Nothing much." Fuji showed his bandaged hand, trying to move it around. But it seemed so clear that the hand wasn't as good as it used to be. Fuji just realized he couldn't move his middle and little fingers.

"It's seemed so deep and painful, nyaa…" Eiji stared at the bandages which covered the whole left arm. "But you can still play tennis, don't you?"

"… I don't know." Fuji smiled grew tired, realizing that this was the main reason they came to see him. Just to make sure he was still useable as a tennis player. It's tennis or nothing. If Fuji couldn't play now, then he won't be count as friends in this circle anymore.

No. he shouldn't think too much. They might be just saying it; they might be really worried about him. He sighed. How much could he trust anybody? How much could he believe that they were there for him and that's all?

"I heard that the rehab gonna be a little tough." Inui stepped in and smiled. "From the data I collected, you will be off this hospital by tomorrow but still need rehabilitation to move your finger. That will take about 3 months. And you require a psych consult."

Fuji was taken aback. "… Psych consults? Why do I need them?"

"Because they believed you were trying to kill yourself."

The room was silent, and Fuji thanked the insensitive Inui to bring the matter in front of all the members. Now everybody knew, Tezuka knew and the cocky first year knew. Great. He couldn't hide anymore. What should he do? Explaining the real thing that he wasn't even trying to kill himself? But they would think of him as a disturbed, coward gay.

"I am not…! Fine. I am telling the truth. I wasn't even thinking of killing myself. The frame was … well, I throw it and it broke, and the glass pierced through my skin when I was collecting the shattered pieces, and … well, when I saw the blood, I thought it was quite pretty…. Fine. I am a freak. I am a weird, disturbed coward. And gay, on top of that. I believe you all know. And now I don't need pity. I don't need attention. If you worried about tennis, I assured you I will play if I could, but if the doctor says no then I will quit the team. Who think of me as disgusting, you are more than welcome to vomit and leave this room. Who thinks of me as stupid, you are free to laugh. I don't care anymore."

Silent was forced into the awkward atmosphere. Fuji flipped his head to the side, refusing to see any of his team members. He would open his eyes when everybody has leave. He would bask in his depression, enjoying the truth about how alone he was. Funny when he thought somebody could receive him. He did like Taka, because he was so gentle. And he did, love Tezuka, although the captain was never gentle. After all every human comes and goes to and from the world alone. So he would be fine alone too.

"… How about the others, who really cared and worried and don't find you funny or disgusting? How about me… you best friend, nyaa?" suddenly Eiji stepped out, shouting. "I don't think you are stupid. You are tensai, you get better results in everything we do! I never think you are disgusting, just because you are gays. People just can't choose their destiny, right? I believe we were the best of friends, so…. How about me? Should I leave the room too?"

"Eiji's right." Oishi stepped in. "How about people who genuinely wanted you back? We need to you to win the winter tournament, Fuji. And even though you couldn't play, or you need to rest, I believe having you cheered for us from the team seats meant more than just winning."

"From my data, the psych consult wasn't as bad as you think. It's just a protocol you need to take. If you were fine, you won't need to continue it." Inui added, trying to make up for his mistake.

Fuji bite his lower lips. "… don't… saying stupid things like that. … You embarrassed me."

"Nyaaa~? Fujiko's embarrassed~! Nyaaa~!!! Can I stay, then? I would love to embarrass you more!"

Fuji blushed and pouted, but smiled immediately. Eiji hugged him, burying his head on Fuji's neck. "I am glad you are fine, nyaa…."

"Thank you." Fuji smiled back, burying his face inside his best friend's hair.

"But." Suddenly Eiji let go the hug. "I believe you and Tezuka need to talk. Oishi, could you please make everybody leave the room for the two of them?"

Oishi smiled, answering the order of his double; who suddenly showed so much maturity. As the Seigaku's mother hen, he ushered the whole team out leaving the stoic captain (who stood stiff beside the bed) and Ryouma (who refused to move).

"Fuji sempai." Ryouma spoke out, when everybody was out from the room. "I believe you saw me and Tezuka-buchou kissed yesterday. And I want to explain it to you. I, do, like him. He is good and frankly, cool. But I didn't know you were already in relationship, well, I guessed but I won't count my horses, so… I force kissed him. And now… I feel sorry for what I have done."

"… What do you want then?" Fuji answered coldly. "Do you want to laugh at the truth? We are no longer together, me and him. So you can… count your horses now."

"No. We are still perfectly together." Tezuka suddenly spoke, stern and calm.

"Right." Ryoma grinned. "So Fuji sempai, please get well soon. And then… I will make you pay for my lost." He pulled his cap and left the room, leaving Fuji with the stoic buchou.

Fuji sighed. "What did you mean by we are still 'perfectly' together? It was clear that you gave him chances, you like him as well. I want full devotion. If you think you can be with me and him at the same time, I think we better call this stupid relationship off. I am a tensai with beauty, many likes me, so…"

"… Then why did you cut your wrist? Isn't that because you think nobody loves you anymore? That's why you were crying… the last time we…"

"If you want to stay with me because you pity me, you pretty much have crushed my pride, Tezuka Kunimitsu. I don't need your pity. I am not that terrible to be pitied by you…"

His words were swallowed by Tezuka's mouth. Their lips crashed, and it was the first time Tezuka initiated a rough kiss. Fuji tried to pull out, but Tezuka kept barging in, and in the end Fuji gave up. He enjoyed the tongue, the touch, the lips. So… nostalgic, even though he did have them just yesterday.

Tezuka broke their kiss softly and gently pecked Fuji's forehead, cheek and nose. He brought the tensai into his embrace, whispering words he wanted to speak out but didn't know how to start.

"I… would never abandon you. I would gladly accompany you yesterday, making you know that you are loved, if only you tell me what's wrong. You never tell, and I respected your privacy, but now… I think I was foolish of giving you such privacy. I thought our relationship was something mature, we are both more mature than our age, yet… sorry. I sometimes forgot you are a child too, and we do need to talk thing out. I expected you to understand me while you expected the reverse from me. And we are not adult yet. We are still… too childish. I am sorry. I am sorry for not paying more attention to you. So… don't hurt yourself again? It's rather… painful to see you lying on the bed with the bandages."

"…" Fuji could feel his tears coming back. Comforting scent of Tezuka's and the arms around him made Fuji knew he was at least, loved by his (ex) boyfriend. Tezuka did really love him. And maybe he still was, that moment. Suddenly he felt so stupid. He thought everything from his point of view, he didn't think about other aspects and possibility. He was blinded by the fact that his parents rejected him and made a simple conclusion that nobody loves him. And the kiss… he should have known. He should have give Tezuka the chance to explain. Yet he didn't and maybe he couldn't because he was busy protecting himself from further (expected) hurt that time. "I am sorry too…"

"I heard about your parents… and if they don't want you, I want you. You can stay with me. We can share an apartment together. I am ready… to move out if you don't want to move into my house."

"A…" Fuji was speechless. "Are you… proposing to me?"

"…" Tezuka blushed, hugged Fuji tighter. Fuji flinched, but enjoyed the pressure. He smiled.

"Thank you, Tezuka. I love you too."

************


One chapter down. And I think the next will be the conclusion.

Now, what will you say, K-san? (It's rather fun now, expecting you to critique me). I am a maso (I guess).

Everybody have their own depressing times. I had passed mine. When I thought back, it sounded ridiculous, but at that time, I did believe I was the poorest in the world. So I respect all of you who are in your bottom(est) pit now. I believe it would get better, or if not, I pray it would get better.

CHEEERS~! Reviews would be much appreciated.