Tony may have, possibly, just a little, teensy, tiny bit fucked up. That's what he was known for, right? So who cares?

Peter, apparently, seeing as he was as white as a sheet, yet green as slime, all in one. Just because his aunt jumped to a conclusion?

Ummm, excuse his French, but what the hell? Did...

Oh, fuck me, Tony thought. His aunt didn't freaking know that he's Spider-Man!? Well, let's see just how far I am in the shit house, shall we?

"Oh, no. I just call him that, 'cuz he is as thin as a fu- freaking twig. Like a daddy long legs. Which is a spider." Tony explained, inwardly cursing his awkward and stupid lie to hell.

"OH! I'm sorry, Mr. Stark-"

"Please, call me Tony."

"Tony. I'm sorry, I just worry about young Peter so much! Spider-Man must get so many injuries-"

"Oh, he does!" Clint shouts from across the room, only for Natasha to smack upside his head.

"-I could never imagine Peter getting hurt like that!" May finishes, acting like Clint's rude interruption never happened.

At this point, Peter was standing there, mouth hanging open, wide-eyed, stock still, and it wasn't for his eyes, which were focusing on every little thing in the room except for Tony and Gwen, they would have thought him dead.

Bruce was worried, but stood his distance from the group, listening as Tony awkwardly (FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE! HE FINALLY DOES SOMETHING AWKWARDLY! YESSSSSS! Sincerely, everyone on Earth and Asgard alike.) ended the conversation with Ms. Parker.

Ten minutes later, Peter has moved a wink.

Tony didn't mean concerned in the slightest, gabbing a whiskey from his 'drink shelf'. He got two cups, and a shot glass. Filling the two cups, he glanced at Parker, but that was it. Clint ran to get one of the glasses, needing a little somethin' somethin' for his headache, which was coming from sudden stress. Natasha got the other glass, smirking when Tony threw back a shot.

Sure, they were drinking even though there were teenagers present, but none of them really cared.

Gwen sighed as she reached out for her phone that was resting on the edge of the counter. She quickly sent a text to her mom, explaining that she was staying with Peter, and they weren't sure if the two of them were going to stay at May's or the tower.

Her mom wanted to know if they needed a ride, if they went to May's. She also said, NO SEX.

Steve gave Gwen a weird look when she gagged, blushing bright red.

Luckily, Gwen almost throwing up made Peter snap out of his funk.

!#$%^&*()_+

Peter disappeared somewhere, but drunk-as-fuck Tony 'couldn't give two shits less', in his words.

Tony also insisted that Eminem play, and 'if anyone tries to turn it off, I will stab you, then kick everyone out!' Tony was well past tipsy, when Mockingbird came on. Tony started almost-sobbing, and Thor shrugged Tony over his shoulder, then quietly put him to bed.

Tony said he wouldn't let anyone turn off Eminem, and JARVIS wouldn't no matter the pleading. Gwen didn't mind, but everyone else did.

And when Peter comes back from God knows where, he smiles at the sight Clint putting cotton in his ears, Steve's back, as he retreats down the hall, Bruce passed out, and Natasha just looking ticked off.

Ah, Peter thinks as he steps around the avengers strewn around the floor, the avengers in their natural habitat!

!#$%^&*()_+

May Parker is not a damn fool, she knew something was up. So, when Peter came home to get his stuff, she 'pounced' on him. (Verbally, of course! May never wants to hurt Peter, and never will!)

"Peter? What did Tony mean about 'spidey?'"

The teen stops walking for a second, but starts walking up the stairs again, in the blink of an eye. "Oh, nothing. He gives everybody nick names, I just happen to get one stupid like that." Peter frowns, "But, you know. There are some worse ones. Capsicle, Hawkass, Natashalie..." Peter lists.

May waves her hand in front of his face, cutting him off. "I just want to know something, Peter. Please be honest with me. Are you Spider-Man?"

He almost lies, because in that moment, all Peter could think about was the dangers of her knowing, of anyone knowing, so he almost lies. "Yes." That's all he says before fleeing up the stairs to his room.

May stumbles back, luckily falling into a chair at the table.

Peter can't be Spider-Man! He can't. He'll get hurt, and get killed and get hurt! I can't make him stop, either! May internally worries. He is such a big part of the news, and he saves people! But the good doesn't outweigh the bad. Pros: Peter saves people, he is an idol and role model to little children. Cons: He gets hurt. He could be killed. He could put everyone at his school, and in his family, in danger. He's still in school! What'll he do if Spider-Man has to save the day, and Peter has to do English homework? He can't end up like Ben... May won't allow it.

Peter flew down the stairs, a blackish bag in his hand. May stood up. "Peter! Wait."

He stopped, turned around to look at her, and raised an eyebrow.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, I..."


AN: Still short, but an earlier update! I know, I'm still terrible. :( Sorry for the majority of this chapter, Tony loving Eminem is a headcannon of mine, I did the time thing like that so you could see what went on when Peter disappeared. I own nothing but my own mistakes, (there are a lot of cuss words in this, wow) please review, God bless!