"When it started we were alright,
But night makes a fool of us in daylight...
There we were dying of frustration,
Saying 'Lord, lead me not into temptation,"
–Coldplay
---
Saints and Sinners
Sylvie and Callahan had been dating for a year. Sylvie was now in her fifth year, and Callahan was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts. During this time, they had grown quite close, although Sylvie, try as she might, could not push thoughts of Sirius from her mind.
Sirius, in fact, had gone back to his old ways, but in a more refined fashion. He'd made amends immediately with Holly, who, of course, jumped at the slightest show of interest from the handsome boy. He did not, however, ask her out again. Holly, therefore, was left slightly jilted when he asked out Catherine Willoughby, the girl in his year, also in Gryffindor, whom he'd dated for the longest time of any, three months in their fourth year. Sirius knew he was settling, and that Catherine was really no match for Sylvie in his mind, but he didn't want to be alone and she was a very sweet girl, and fairly pretty. He and Catherine dated on and off throughout the rest of his fifth year, and over the summer, and into the present. Catherine would occasionally become fed up with Sirius' ways, and his sometimes obvious favoring of Sylvie, even in front of Catherine, but she always came back because he was charming and, well, he was Sirius Black.
Sylvie had some difficulty with the fact that Sirius was going out with Catherine, but she decided the same as he'd decided about Callahan; if Sirius were to go out with anyone, it might as well be Catherine.
Sylvie had been pleased to discover that she'd been made a prefect. She came to know Catherine through the prefect meetings, as well as Lily Evans, the girl for whom James Potter perpetually declared his love, even though he was perpetually rejected. Sylvie could easily see the appeal; Lily was an extremely pretty girl with long, red hair and almond-shaped, surprisingly green eyes. While Lily was very kind, Sylvie could tell that she was not a person to be crossed. Sylvie secretly admired Lily for her brazen courage, which she'd first noticed during an incident last year when Sirius and James were publicly humiliating Severus Snape, a Slytherin boy who associated with types like Mulciber and Avery. Lily had quickly come to his defense, regardless of the popularity of James and Sirius, but when Snape had called her a mudblood, she had turned on him as well and ended the friendship that many had regarded as strange.
Callahan had, of course, been named Head Boy. Sylvie had received the letter from him telling her this shortly after the pre-term letters from Hogwarts arrived.
Sylvie didn't see Callahan for the entire summer. He was Muggle-born and came from a very wealthy Muggle family, with whom he traveled for the majority of the summer. Once the school year began, Sylvie found that he was very busy and spent much less time with her than he had the previous year.
They rarely ever had free time alone, as he always seemed to be busy with schoolwork, Quidditch game plans, and Head Boy duties. His attitude towards her did not change; he still treated her with the utmost courtesy, and the rare time they did spend together was fantastic, whether it was in the Gryffindor common room, walks on the grounds, or wherever they found themselves when they both had free time.
Although everything finally seemed to have found a balance in the lives of Sirius and Sylvie, things are very often not as they seem. Together in front of their friends, they were as they'd been before they'd kissed by the lake over a year earlier. Things were a bit cooler and more awkward, of course, but they did their best.
If only a thin layer of their careful façade were pealed back, their struggle would be obvious. Whenever one became too close to their respective girlfriend or boyfriend, the other would suddenly become extremely busy, or would find that something urgent was happening somewhere else that required their immediate attention: They would find some silent excuse not to look at each other during these times.
They'd seen each other once over the summer. Sylvie had spent the majority of her time with Vanessa, which was convenient seeing as Sirius spent the majority of his time with Remus, James and Peter, sometimes as James' house and sometimes at her own. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him (How she wanted to see him!), it was that she was afraid of what would happen if she were left alone with him, given what had happened the few times they were alone together the year before. So she found a way to make it so that she was not home when Sirius would be staying there.
She was due to arrive back home a few days before the term was to begin, and, she hoped, after Sirius would have left. She arrived back to her home very early in the morning by Floo powder, well before anyone was awake. As soon as she stepped out of the fireplace, however, she knew that Sirius, as well as James and Peter, was still there and her heart leapt and then sank. She took a deep breath as she looked around and surveyed the living room. The telltale sign was the two extra pairs of shoes places next to the fireplace. Sylvie did a double take. Shouldn't there have been three extra pairs of shoes? She sighed as she realized whose were missing, and looked out the window at the field behind her house.
He was down by the lake, she just knew it. She suddenly felt nervous and indecisive. Should she just go to her room and pretend to sleep until others were around to buffer her and Sirius or should she go to the place they first kissed and face him alone for the first time in months?
She knew the answer before she even asked herself the question. She quietly went to put her bag down in her room, checked herself in the mirror for any signs of ash or stray strands of hair, despite herself, and swiftly made her way outside into the balmy summer dawn.
As she approached the lake, she saw him immediately. He was standing on the bank, skipping stones across the lake's gleaming surface. He seemed taller to her than when she'd last seen him, which was highly likely considering his age.
She watched him for a few moments more, trying to build up her reserve and self-control, then she gingerly stepped closer to the rocky bank.
He spun around as soon as she was a few steps away. At first he looked shocked to see her, but then his face broke into the grin that make her feel warm inside.
"Hello, stranger," she said quietly, unable to stop herself from smiling too.
"And who are you? You look so much like a girl I used to know, but I haven't seen her in so long I can't be sure now…" he said sarcastically, the grin replaced by a mock-puzzled look.
"Oh stop, you know who I am," she giggled.
His face grew just the slightest bit more serious. "Yeah, I do," he said, nodding slightly.
She hated the awkward silence that followed. She wanted to keep the mood light; it was best for both of them. "Speaking of strangers, are you taller? You've definitely got a few inches on the boy I used to know," she said, smiling.
"Yeah, I guess I have, then," he said, seemingly bewildered.
"Suits you," she said simply. He grinned again.
"I'd say lets have a seat on the dock, but it's very early and I'm not quite in the mood to go in after you once you fall in again," he said in mock-disdain.
"Oh, please! You snuck up behind me and I was sitting all the way on the edge!" she said indignantly.
"Sure, Sylvie," he said, rolling his eyes.
"I mean it! You know my reflexes are normally cat-like," she said, unable to keep from smiling.
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "Then what was going on when James and I tried to teach you how to play Quidditch last summer?"
She shrugged simply. "I didn't want to make you feel bad about yourselves."
They stared at each other for a few moments, then simultaneously broke into laughter. They sat down on the grass behind the bank.
There was more of the silence Sylvie hated, and then Sirius asked her the question she had so far avoided asking herself.
"So where do we go from here, Silvery?" he asked quietly. She could feel him staring at her, but she kept her eyes on the lake, now glittering with the reflection of the rising sun.
"I don't know," she sighed. "I just don't know, Sirius." She made to glance at him and couldn't look away. His dark eyes were so warm and deep at that moment that she temporarily lost her breath. With the way she saw herself in his eyes, the way he looked at her then, she couldn't help but feel comfortable, despite the bleak turn the conversation had taken.
"This isn't easy," he said.
"I know it's not. Why do you think I was away all summer?" she said quietly.
He nodded, understanding.
"I guess…" Sylvie began slowly, thinking her words over before allowing them out of her mouth. "I guess it all comes down to whether we'd rather be saints or sinners."
He looked bewildered. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what kind of people do we want to be? Do we want to be the kind of people who sneak around behind their friends' backs and do things like we did last year, or do we want to try to be decent, and just…just try things out the way they are now? As friends?" It pained her to say this, but she knew she was right.
He nodded slowly, absorbing her words. "Saints or sinners…" he mused. "Well, I guess I could give saint a try, for a change," he said haughtily, his grin giving him away, but Sylvie didn't miss the trace of sadness in his eyes that reflected how she felt. It was getting harder and harder to be near him.
"I think that's the best way to go," she said softly.
He nodded again, looking away across the lake. "For now," he mumbled. She wasn't entirely sure if she'd heard him correctly, or if she'd heard him say anything at all, but if he'd said what she thought he'd said, she felt a warm feeling grow inside of her that refused to go away.
She sighed once again and turned to look out at the lake with him. After a few moments of less-awkward silence, Sirius spoke again.
"We'd better get inside before your mum and dad get up," he said, standing up and offering her his hand.
Sylvie stared at his large, square hand before her, and then up at his face, which was partially obscured by sunlight.
When she gripped his hand, he pulled her to her feet with ease. She looked up into his eyes for a moment, and then, without having any prior intention to do so, threw her arms around him in a tight hug. He instantly returned the gesture, resting his chin on the top of her head. She buried her face in his chest and inhaled deeply, trying to take as much of his soapy, spicy smell with her as she could.
"Silvery," he sighed softly. He tilted his head down slightly and kissed her forehead before they broke apart. She had never felt more at ease than when she was in his arms. She didn't realize she was crying until he smiled slightly and cupped her cheek with his large hand and wicked a tear away from under her eye with his thumb. She felt silly.
They stared at each other again and both nodded, understanding each other perfectly. Slowly, they made their way back to the house in the early morning sunlight.
Sirius and Sylvie upheld their silent agreement for the next four months. Their relationship was that of a friendship, a strong one to the untrained eye, but to the good friends of each party, the struggle was more than evident.
Despite the resolve on either end, they still avoided being alone together.
On the snowiest December night of the year so far, Sylvie and Callahan were walking the corridors. Since she had finished her work, and since Sirius and Catherine were sharing an armchair in the common room, she had decided to go with him on his nightly patrol, part of his duty as Head Boy.
They walked in silence. Did they really have nothing to say to each other? Sylvie tried to think of something. "How were your classes today, Cal?" she asked.
"Oh, you know, difficult as always, but manageable. What about yours?" he asked without looking at her; his eyes scanned the dark corridors, which were illuminated by the lit tips of his and Sylvie's wands.
"They were alright," she replied softly. "I'm having a bit of trouble with the Cheering Charm, do you think you could give me some help with it sometime?"
He smiled down at her, his face kind. "Of course, Sylvie, how about tomorrow before Quidditch practice?"
She smiled back. She was touched by his gesture, as she knew he was very busy as of late, what with Head Boy duties on top of his responsibilities as Captain of the Quidditch team. She was very glad to have him as her boyfriend, even if he wasn't…
No, she told herself. Don't think about that. Not now. She shook her head ever so slightly. Callahan's eyes were back on the corridors. She didn't notice him check his watch.
"It's almost nine o'clock, Sylvie, you should get back to the common room," he said, stopping. She realized that they were at a crossway of corridors, ones that she recognized. If she took the one on her right, the Gryffindor common room entrance would be but a few steps away.
"But Cal, I've got nothing to do there, that's why I came out here with you," she said obstinately. Her mood worsened as she thought of Sirius and Catherine together in that armchair. She was in no rush to get back.
"Sylvie, do you really want to be caught out after hours?" he asked, his voice soft, but with a very stern undertone.
"Why, are you going to take points from Gryffindor if you catch me?" she huffed.
"No, I…" he began, confused by his girlfriend's uncharacteristic attitude.
"Or is it that you're afraid you'll be caught with me out of bed at a late hour and that you'll be held responsible?" she said, he voice angry. "I'm not a child, Callahan, so stop patronizing me."
"Sylvie!" he said sternly, snapping her out of her angry state. "You're being ridiculous. I know you're not a child." She'd never heard him use that tone of voice off of the Quidditch field before, and he'd certainly never used it in speaking to her.
They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.
"I just don't want you to get in trouble. I'm sorry if it seemed like something else to you," he said softly, in the low voice that Sylvie happened to like.
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry too," she said, stepping away from him. Her bad mood would not subside.
"You're not even going to kiss me good night?" Callahan asked. The slight tone of jest in the way he asked made her even more angry, but she kept it at bay, seeing as there was no use to get into it there and then. It just bothered her to no end that he didn't even take her anger seriously! She sighed, rolled her eyes and stepped towards him.
"Good night, Cal," she said softly, reaching up and planting a small kiss on his cheek before turning and walking towards the Gryffindor common room.
"Good night, Sylvie," he said quietly. He watched her retreating form until she disappeared behind the portrait. Once she was gone, he shook his head to regain his focus. She'd been so moody and waspish lately, she didn't at all seem like the Sylvie he had started dating a year ago. It vexed him, even though he knew it shouldn't. He sighed to himself and continued on his rounds.
Sylvie was in a worse mood upon reentering the common room. The fact that Sirius and Catherine were now on different sides of the room, talking to different groups of friends helped only a small bit.
She chose a seat next to Vanessa, who sat with Remus, Holly, James, Sirius, and Peter. She avoided Sirius' eyes, as she had learned to do when she returned from anything involving Callahan.
Vanessa also knew better not to ask her friend anything about her excursion in Sirius' presence. "Hi, Sylvie," she said simply.
"Hi. How's your work going?" Sylvie asked.
"I just finished it actually."
"Oh, good," Sylvie said brightly.
Vanessa nodded and glanced sideways at Remus, something that didn't go unnoticed by Sylvie. James, Sirius and Peter were involved in a discussion of their own, one that was apparently very funny.
It didn't escape her that the awkwardness of her and Sirius' situation had seeped through to their friends' actions when they were all together. Instead of ribbing Sylvie about being out with Callahan, like James normally would have done if Sirius wasn't present, James was decidedly distant from her. This behavior, along with Vanessa's seeming lack of interest in what had gone on, given that Sylvie's mood was obviously worse, led Sylvie to believe that their friends were in on a silent agreement of their own when it came to Sirius and Sylvie.
The night ended with Catherine coming back to sit on Sirius' lap again and Sylvie suddenly developing a splitting headache that could only be cured with bed rest.
---
A week later, Sylvie was walking in the corridor at night again, but for a different reason; she had a particularly nasty essay to write for potions and had gone to the library for more books to use as sources. She was alone.
Having lost track of time, she stayed longer than she'd intended, and before she knew it, the library was closing.
She walked quickly and briskly back to the common room, not enjoying being alone in the dark corridors. Along the way, she thought she heard gruff voices not far from her. She walked faster, and soon she crashed into a tall, lean figure with dark hair and nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Sylvie?" whispered Sirius. He'd placed a hand on either of her shoulders to steady her.
"Oh, Sirius," she whispered back. "You scared the living daylights out of me, I thought I heard—"
"Shh," Sirius said sharply, his head turned, obviously listening to their surroundings.
They both heard the gruff voices again, more clearly now. Sirius recognized one of them as Mulciber and assumed the other was another Slytherin.
"…don't know what you're getting at Mulciber, why do we have to be out here so late?" one of the voices near whined.
"Will you shut up?" Mulciber snapped. "We don't want to get caught by one of the teachers, or worse yet, that stupid Mudblood Head Boy, Knightly."
Sirius heard Sylvie make a quiet but indignant noise. He cringed inwardly.
The other voice made a disgusted noise. "This school has really gone to the dogs. A Mudblood Head Boy! Atrocious."
"He does have Lupin's sister as a girlfriend though," Mulciber said. "What I wouldn't give to be alone in a room with her for a while…"
"Mulciber! A Gryffindor? Please. And don't even think about it, you know who Lupin's friends are."
"Black and Potter," Mulciber spat.
"Yes, and is a Gryffindor fifth year really worth it?"
"Have you seen her?" Mulciber replied greedily.
"Of course I've seen her, idiot, but I've also seen what Black and Potter are capable of, and they'd do a lot worse than make you go bald for a few weeks if you did anything—"
"They're damn right we would," Sirius growled, his grip tightening with rage at the sound of Mulciber's words.
Sylvie was appalled by what she'd heard, and terrified. She was also very thankful that she'd bumped into Sirius on this particular night.
"I am going to—rip—them—limb—from—limb…" Sirius continued, edging towards the voices.
"No, Sirius!" she hissed desperately. "Let's get away from them, please!" She hadn't intended for her voice to show her distress so much, but she couldn't hide it.
Reluctantly, Sirius nodded and took her hand, pulling her silently into the nearest classroom and sealing the door.
"I cannot believe those bastards!" he growled, shoving a desk out of his way as he entered the room. He stood with his back to her, leaning over the desk, his hands clutched on either side, trying to calm himself. Then, he began to pace. "At least they know enough to be afraid, because if any of those Slytherins lays one filthy finger on you, they will wish they'd never come to school here." His tone and mannerisms were malicious until he stopped to look at Sylvie, who'd sat down at a desk and had her head in her hands. He could tell she wasn't crying, but he didn't like to see her distressed.
"Sylvie," he said, stepping closer to her. She sat up to look at him. "I don't want you to worry about one single thing. James and Remus and I will make sure nothing ever happens to you." The gears in his head began to turn as he thought of ways to take preventative measures against Mulciber and his friends.
Sylvie stared at Sirius' face for a long time. His voice was low and soothing to her, exactly what she wanted to hear. She feared nothing at this moment. Nothing at all, while she was with him.
She noticed how close he was standing to her; he was almost up against the desk, right in front of her.
Sirius, as close as he was, could count the small amount of freckles on her nose. He'd never noticed them before.
They could feel the heat radiate off of their bodies, could hear each other's every breath, every heartbeat, growing louder in the silent classroom. Sylvie vaguely felt Sirius' hands grasp her waist, he moved them tentatively up her back and down to her waist again. She was also vaguely aware that she'd her hands were resting on his shoulders. All that mattered here his eyes.
Her eyes. Mirroring, for the first time ever, his expression of longing and intensity. The distance between them continued to close.
As Sylvie closed her eyes and prepared herself, one thought ran through her mind. It was very quiet and faint, but she just heard it.
Saint or sinner?
The answer was clear as their lips collided.
AN: So sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I hope you enjoy it because I really enjoyed writing it. I've already started working on the next chapter, so it won't be long before that's up too. Read, enjoy, and review please!
