Autumn. The time for swirling leaves and crisp air. Reds, yellows, and golds that fade to brown litter the yards and parks. Sweaters to keep the chill away. Pumpkin flavored everything. Candy corn and hay rides. And sunshine, sweet and golden. I've been counting the seasons. I'm happy. That's it. I don't know why i thought that was so hard to do before.

My life is crazy, but there's always a reason to smile. Sodapop was my reason.

Have you ever had that feeling where you're extremely happy. Then you realize, you're you, and you're never this happy. That's how I felt. There was no way anything ever worked for me. So you can imagine my surprise when me and Soda made whatever "we" were, offical, and NOTHING went wrong. I felt it though, that quiet before a storm. The moment before everything turned. It felt like i was free falling into blackness, not exactly hurting, but i was scared.

Lily and I had been staying at the Curtis house for a while and finally felt at home somewhere. It was a month or two that we had been living there, that i had gotten a call from Noah.

"Hello?" i asked balancing the phone on my shoulder as i chopped the carrots for a stew. "Hey, Sugar?" He said into the line.

"Hey Noah, look before you start again, i'm not -"

"I ain't asking you to come home. Just stop by for a bit. I wanna see Lily."

I sighed, and put down the chopping knife. I crossed my arms and leaned on my hip. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, "okay Noah, i'll be there in a bit." I hung up the phone and scraped the carrots into the pot.

I walked into the livingroom and leaned on the door. Darry wasnt with the gang today, he had a roof to tile in the upper part of town. Lily and Two-bit were sitting on the floor watching Micky. It was strange how similar they were. Cartoon freaks, for one, but they always sat with a drink in hand. Of course two-bit with his beer and Lily with a juice pouch, but still, similar. Soda sat on the couch leaning over the coffee table to arm wrestle Steve. Johnny sat in the arm chair while Pony sat on the arm, they were looking into a car magazine. "Sugar, have you seen the new mustang? It's tuff." Johnny said, staring at the black and blue car. I laughed, "naw, i'm more of a cupcake kinda person. Not as noisy. Hey, Lily," i said taking a knee next to her. "Wanna go see uncle Noah?" She looked up at me and nodded excitedly. "Good, run and got get your jacket." I kissed her forehead and she an off into Sodas room.

"You're going to see Noah?" Soda said looking concerned. "Do you want me to come with y'all?" I snorted. "He's my brother Soda, he's not gonna kill me or nuthin'" He didnt look convinced. And his onlyresponse was a raised eyebrow. I walked over to him looked into his eyes. "I'll be fine,." I kissed him softly and he gave a small 'mkay'. I picked up Lily and said i'd be back in a few.

About twenty minutes later we arrived at Noah's house. I unbuckled Lily and walked her to the front porch. I opened the front door and followed my brothers voice to the living room. That as when i saw him.

Collin. My ex-boyfriend sat laughing with my older brother.

I remember being so, so heartbroken. The boy I knew in high school who came randomly into my life looked like a grown man. He'd given up not even a year post the birth of our kid. The boy who brought me so much joy in five short months before her, had broken my heart then gotten himself locked up afterwards.

He told me it was because of the things going on in his life. The issues with his parents. His sister. A death in the family. He seemed to have so much going on, so much to try and be strong through and he felt he couldn't give himself to a relationship, to a broad and a kid.

In the months afterwards, I cried, I moped, I cried some more, and then I was at peace. I had my daughter to be strong for. I understood why he did it and I understood it wasn't me. It wasn't me who was responsible.

"Collin" i said holding Lily to my leg.

"Hey, Mel" he said grinning. I watched him wearily. "What are you doing here? Thought you were doing time in the cooler?" He chuckled. "That's a way to great someone." He smirked and looked down at Lily, arms stretched outwards. "Come here baby. Come give daddy a hug." Lily hesitantly looked at me. "You're not my daddy. Soda is." She turned around and went behind my leg. "Yo got my kid calling another guy daddy!?" I cringed a bit.

"She has a name." I spat back, "and she chose to, plus she hasn't seen you since she learned to crawl. Can't really blame her." I said eyeing him. He sucked his teeth then sat back on the couch. I turned to Noah. "THIS is why you wanted me to come over?" I shook my head and scoffed. I picked up Lily and turned to leave. "Wait!" Noah grabbed my arm to stop me. "Just let her stay the night. Okay? You know how it feels to have a broken family. Just one night Sugar." I rolled my eyes. He was right. "One night," i said holding up one finger. "I'll come get her in the morning." He smiled at me, relieved. I sighed at him and handed Lily over. I kissed her forehead and told her she'd be staying at uncle Noahs for the night. She kissed my cheek and said "I wove you mommy." I said i loved her too and sent another glare towards Collin. When i got back into my car, i kept a blank face. It stayed that way all the way back to the house. I pulled up and looked at the small home, that had a warm glow to it. I felt warm tears sliding down my face. Not because i was sad, but because i was pissed off. I was happy, and NO one was going to ruin that for me.

SOOOOOO! IM BACK.. HERE WAS A LIL SUMTHIN SUMTHIN... MORE TO COME..