A/N: This was really boring too...oh well, let me know what you think. Review!
Chapter 7: In which a lot of Animals are Eaten (Or Almost)
"Well okay," Ammy said to the remaining sparrow guards. "So do you guys know where she could have gone?"
"Hmm," said the sparrows. "Last time we hoid (heard), she was headed off toard (toward) da Cutta's 'ouse. Dun know what she'd do there."
Ammy had a momentary relapse and awakened a short couple seconds later.
"Well that's nice," she said, smiling pleasantly. "Thanks for sharing. Hope you find her soon."
She padded off back into Taka Pass and proceeded to feed some foxes nearby. Then she circled some trees. Although she accidentally made the sun come out instead, which irritated her slightly.
"Um, Ammy?" said Link. "Aren't we supposed to find the sparrow girl?"
Ammy didn't look at him, but kept blooming trees. "I am NOT going back to that house again, Link. They freaking tried to KILL me. And the way that woman came after me…" She shivered. "I'll forever have nightmares about it." She then looked at him, grinning wolfishly. "But if you'd like to save the sparrow, be my guest."
He turned pale. "Um, no, I think I'm okay, ha ha…"
So they wasted time pleasantly that way until nightfall. Then a demon scroll came after them, and while trying to run away they fell down a cliff and ended up in the Cutter's valley again, except this time on the roof. After their hearts stopped pounding with fear, Ammy blew a hole in the roof with a cherry bomb and peered inside. Mr. Cutter was asleep, and Mrs. Cutter was sharpening her knifes. She glanced up at the hole in the roof and scowled. "Hmph, how inconvenient. The moon reveals our true character. I must stay out of it." And then she turned back to her knives a manically happy smile on her twisted face.
"That sounds interesting," Link whispered to Ammy. "Heheh, let's drag her into the light and see what happens."
"Do it yourself!" she hissed at him, pushing him into the hole with her nose. Unfortunately he grabbed her paw and dragged her down with him.
"DAMN YOU, LINK," she said.
"Hmm? What are you doing back here, mutt?" Mrs. Cutter asked, stopping her work for a minute. "You sure got some nerve, breaking into people's houses like this." Ammy's heart stopped for a dangerous minute as the creepy woman inspected her hungrily. "Nah, you wouldn't even make a decent snack," she said, going back to sharpening her knives. "Luckily, my husband caught us a nice sparrow. When it's finally stopped tweeting, we can dig in. Hee hee!"
"What a creeper," Link shivered. "Drag her into the moonlight and see what happens!"
Ammy closed her eyes and grabbed Mrs. Cutter's dirty kimono and dragged her into the light. Her shadow was all clawed and twisted and in general not human-looking.
"GRAWGH! HOW DARE YOU, MANGY MUTT! YOU SAW ME! YOU SAW ME! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL EAT YOU ALL UP!"
"LINK, THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!" Ammy cried as the Cutters transformed into giant evil fan-and-sword birds. "WAAAAAAAH!" she screamed, and frantically power slashed, cherry bombed, and hit them with all her divine might. At last they were defeated, and they left behind a box, from which popped out the sparrow's daughter. She was adorable and wore pink with a pretty red bow on top of her head.
"Thank you so much for saving me, doggie!" she cried, and ran up and pet Ammy's head. It was strange to be pet by another animal. She giggled and said, "My name's Chun, the flower of Sasa Sanctuary! Can you take me back home, doggie? I'm afraid more monsters will come and get me."
"We're not a day care, kid," Link said. "But I guess we'll suffer to escort you back home."
Chun looked at Link and giggled. "Booooooger!" she said.
Ammy stifled a snicker. "Oh shut it, brat," Link snapped.
They arrived back at Sasa Sanctuary, and the sparrow guards stopped them.
"Hey hey hey, whatchu doin' back 'ere, Scruffy?" said the SWWOWTTOROTT.
"Yeah, nobody's getting' through this gate till da Boss's doaughta's found! Got it?"
Chun chirped. "I'm back guys!" she cried, jumping up and down.
"Boss! Boss! She's back! Chun's back!" the guards shouted.
The panels moved again, revealing the fat-ass ugly sparrow.
"Pop! Pop!" Chun cried, flying up to him and bouncing with love on his stomach. "I'm sorry Pop, I won't go out on my own again!"
"…chirp chirp," said Big Daddy Jamba.
"Uh-oh!" said the SWWOWTTOROTT.
"Da Boss is…ECSTATIC!" said the other.
"Are you sure about that?" Link asked, still confused.
"This doggie saved me, Pop! Please give him a reward!" Chun said, smiling up at her daddy. For a moment, Big Daddy didn't do anything. But then he chirped and raised his wings, and the gates burst open.
"You're lucky, Scruffy," said the guard. "Da Boss has takin' a liking to you."
"Yeah, so you bettah gets your butts inside and thank 'im greatly!" said the SWWOWTTOROTT.
And because they didn't want to get their toenails ripped off, they did.
Inside the inn was hectic. Sparrows ran around carrying dishes to all the rooms, shouting back and forth in Brooklyn accents. It was pretty funny, especially when Ammy head butted a sparrow carrying some food and he stopped to catch it all again. Then she fed him some seeds.
"AMMY, DO NOT FEED THE BIRDS!" Link ordered.
"I'll do what I want!" she retorted. He pointed at a sign that said, "Do not feed the animals" and showed a picture of a sparrow. "Dammit, stupid rules," she muttered, and headed up the elevator to receive her gifts and praise.
When that was finished, they headed to the bathhouse area, because that was where Princess Fuse marked the Canine Warrior on their map. Ammy was going to bypass the spring because she hated baths anyway, but a sparrow was making a scene and Link wanted to check it out.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry, but the hot springs is closed!" the sparrow said tersely. "We've run out of water at the moment! I've been praying and praying, but the water just won't come! Oh I am a failure at life! I must beat myself to death with my fried drumsticks!" And he proceeded to stick the burning drumsticks on his forehead until his feathers caught on fire.
"Wow, what a deranged way of going about things," Link said.
"What would my ancestors think?" the sparrow wailed. "I was born to watch over this bathhouse, and I have failed! Oh, beating myself to death with my drumsticks is a fitting end for someone like me!"
He wailed and continued to burn his feathers. Ammy and Link felt quite disturbed but didn't know how to handle the situation.
"Ah, the smell of bamboo and burning feathers sure brings back memories!" said a voice they recognized from Mr. Bamboo. He staggered towards them, taking a long time about it. "Oh hello wolfie, little green elf, masochistic sparrow. I'm feeling very fine today, how about I help you with something?"
"Please leave me alone to sacrifice my flesh in offering to the gods!" the sparrow sobbed.
"Ugh," said Ammy, sniffing the air. "I don't want his burnt flesh. Turnips would be better."
"Well how fortunate for you!" said Mr. Bamboo. "I just so happen to have a water stick on my back! I can dig up that water for you in no time (wellwiththehelpofwolfiethatis)."
"Did I just hear a disclaimer?" Ammy huffed.
"Oh come on, wolfie, it'll be fun! Like a game!" Mr. Bamboo said.
"She'll do it!" Link said. Ammy glared at him. He grinned back and kicked her down the hole.
"DAMN YOU, LINK I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" she called.
"Let's do this, wolfie! OUCH!" said Mr. Bamboo as he stepped onto a spiky block.
DIGGING GAME COMMENCES WITH EPIC DIGGING MUSIC.
"Here it is!" cried Mr. Bamboo, doing the disco with his finger pointed to the sky and his other hand on his hip. Ammy dug in that spot and water gushed into the spring.
"HUZZAH!" everyone cried.
"Oh, I am so happy!" the sparrow said. "I shall dance the hot spring hop forever more!" And then he started jiggling his butt and waving his drumsticks up and down in the air, which apparently prompted another constellation to shine.
"Ah, Amaterasu, origin of all that is good and mother to us all blah blah blah…I, Nuregami, will be happy to lend my power, Waterspout, so you may be forever clean and sparkling and smelling of roses!"
"I hate roses," Ammy grumbled, but she took the power anyway. She had evil intentions of dunking Link with it, and she chuckled to herself at the thought.
"OH NOES I'M ON FIRE!" shouted the sparrow, whom by this time Ammy believed to be a first-rate idiot.
"What are you waiting for? Put 'im out, Ammy!"
She ducked her brush in the water and sprayed it…right on Link.
"GAH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, FURBRAIN! I SAID THE SPARROW, NOT ME!"
"That was for making me go into the Cutter's house," she said. "And for forcing me to play that digging game."
She was very tempted to leave the sparrow like that, thinking he would at some point realize he could just go into the water himself. But she hated the smell of burning feathers, so she put it out for him.
"Shaweet. One step closer to getting that smiting power, Ammy!" Link said.
They headed up the path to the bamboo forest and found a fat sparrow crying about his dog. They found the dog in a huge shoot of bamboo, not knowing how it got there or how it could move around from one shoot to the other.
"I think it's a wizard, Ammy," Link whispered.
"Or maybe an alien," Ammy whispered back.
But anyway, no one really cared about this dog. It was so unimportant, in fact, that they forgot all about what happened after that.
"Hey Link, how'd we end up getting this blue orb?" Ammy asked as they headed towards Agata Forest. "It says Satomi Power Orb, aka Naryue's Pearl. And I don't know how it got there."
"Beats me," Link shrugged. "Just go with it."
So they left Sasa Sanctuary behind, although not before Ammy fed all the animals (excluding the sparrows, much to her chagrin).
When they reached Agata Forest they found Kokari whistling by the Deep Abyss, looking worried. Ammy was getting hungry, so she hunted down a rabbit. Then she fed the others.
"Have you guys seen Ume?" he asked. "He disappeared again! Oh, what will I do? I must be the unluckiest guy on earth!"
"Yeah, probably," Link said. "But we haven't seen him. We kinda need to though, cuz we think he's a Canine Warrior."
Kokari stared at him blankly. "What?"
"Nevermind," Link said.
"Well, I hope he hasn't fallen in," Kokari said, looking over the edge. "My fisherman's instincts tell me the legendary fish has awoken. Its name is…WHOPPER!" His eyes grew big as he described the huge fish. "Legend says he swallowed the reflection of the moon, which is why the moon never rises in Agata Forest!"
"Or maybe you can't see it cuz of all the ugly mossy trees," Ammy offered.
"You don't think Whopper could've swallowed Ume too, do you?" Kokari asked Link, ignoring Ammy.
"Well, that dog has a tendency to get eaten a lot…" Link said. "There's probably a high chance he was…Wait, damn, that means we failed our quest for the Canine Warriors! C'mon Ammy let's look around for him, he's gotta be here somewhere!"
They headed up to the spring and found Kushi with an insanely huge and heavy-looking barrel.
"Hmm, so here's the barrel…and here's the water…and…and…ugh, I don't know how I'm going to get the water in the barrel!" She mumbled some more to herself and stared down into the spring. Ammy took pity on her and filled the barrel with her newfound power. She "accidentally" overshot and hit Link too.
"GAH FURBRAIN, DON'T HIT ME TOO!" he shouted.
Kushi turned around. "Oh look, it's you two! I don't remember meeting you because you raided my sake cellar instead of asking me, but I am a very forgiving young woman. I'm trying to make 8 Purification Sake for the upcoming festival, but I seem to be having problems…" She looked into the barrel. "Oh, what's this? I seem to have water in the barrel now! How wonderful! Now to just—carry—this—back—"
"I WON'T LET YOU!" cried a red imp, throwing his guitar at her.
"What the hell, dude?" Link said. "She didn't do anything to you!"
"BACK, FOUL BEAST!" said Susano, running up to save the day. Two more imps appeared, this time yellow drummers. "AH—ERM—T-take one m-more step and it will be your l-l-last!"
Be a man, idiot, Tsuki said, ever sensitive as always. More imps flew onto the scene.
"I think they're just trying to have a party," Ammy said helpfully. Everyone ignored her.
"F-f-f-fine! Y-y-you as-asked for it! D-do not fear, f-fair Kushi, the g-great Susano is here to s-s-save the day!" He dropped his sword, he was trembling so much.
DON'T DROPTHE GREAT ME, YOU IMBECILE! Tsuki shouted.
"Susano style SWORD OF PASSION!" Susano cried, jumping up and cutting down the demons with the help of his godly siblings. "Huh?" he said, inspecting the sword. Even Susano wasn't an idiot. He knew wooden swords did not cut down demons, although why he still carried it, no one had any idea.
"T-thank you, Susano," Kushi said, blushing. "You were so brave…are you listening, Susano?"
"I knew it," he said. "This sword is possessed!"
Give him a cookie, little sister dear, Tsuki said sarcastically.
"By the gods, I will expose your nefarious scheme!" Susano declared. "You listen to me, O evil spirit of the sword! I will not be controlled like some tool!"
Too bad, cuz you are, said Tsuki. And I'm not evil, or planning a nefarious scheme, you idiot!
"He thinks trying to take my astral pouch is nefarious and evil," Ammy smirked. Tsuki sent her poisonous vibes, and she power slashed him.
Dammit, Amaterasu! I'll get your astral pouch if that's the last thing I do!
"Whateves," she said, going back down to Kokari. Kokari pulled on his fishing line and miraculously brought up a huge red tadpole.
"What the hell, is that tadpole the Whopper?" Link said incredulously as it went by. Then he rubbed his eyes and gaped at the pink thing in the tadpole's mouth. "OMIGOD IS THAT UME? WHAT THE HELL'S HE DOIN' IN THE FISH'S MOUTH?"
"UME!" Kokari cried. "Oh no, my line snapped!"
Ammy sighed. She hated fishing with the Wii remote, but it was all for the sake of the Satomi Power Orb. And Ume too, she supposed. So they fished and caught the Whopper, which floundered about on shore and spat up Ume, who was miraculously not digested. It also spat out a rabbit with red markings, which Ammy thought looked delicious and decided to eat.
The water on the surface of the Deep Abyss shimmered, and a constellation appeared. Ammy filled in the blank stars and waited, but nothing happened.
"Where's Yumigami?" she asked, looking around.
Amaterasu, said Tsuki tetchily. Did you by any chance eat the rabbit that came out of Whopper's mouth?
Ammy looked guilty. "Um, yeah. Why?"
Because that was Yumigami.
Silence.
"OH SHITZ, YOU JUST ATE A GOD, AMMY!" Link cried, not helping things a bit.
"Not like that brush power was useful, anyway," she retorted. "Tsuki can always make the moon shine for me, can't you?"
Stupid little sister, Tsuki grumbled.
A sudden thought occurred to Ammy. "Tsuki," she said. "If I ate Yumigami…does that mean the mochi in our bet is the last mochi Yumigami ever made? As in, we won't ever eat her mochi again?"
Silence.
Well shit. That just made our bet worth so much more, now didn't it?
A new fire kindled in Ammy's eyes. "I AM SO GETTING THAT MOCHI, TSUKI!"
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! Tsuki cried. Ammy now had so many things at stake. The fate of the world, her pride, and Yumigami's last mochi.
"Alright Ume, let's get this fight over with so I can get a head start on my brothers," Ammy said.
THEY FIGHT.
"You are worthy of bearing the Canine Tracker," Ume said. "But I cannot return Princess Fuse's summons. Please take this in my stead."
An orange orb came out of his bandana and hovered over Ammy's nose. Link conducted the Zelda jingle and the scroll at the bottom of the screen read, You got Satomi Power Orb Justice! (aka Din's Pearl).
"Yes," said Ammy. "Thanks to Hayabusa's time saving technique, we now have all three of the last Satomi Orbs! Alright Link, let's sprint back to Fuse's place! Yumigami's mochi is at stake here!"
"Plus, we're probably way behind the prophet in terms of nabbin' that treasure," Link grumbled. "Alright, Ammy, FULL SPEED AHEAD!"
