Dean crawled into bed and stared at the windows on the far end of his room. He was tired and not tired all at once. It had been a long day of sharing. He had not wanted to cut the sharing short, but somehow he knew that it was necessary, not for the reasons that one might imagine though. Past the window he could see the sky and a night full of stars. It was clear again, and tomorrow his driveway would be cleared too. The clearing of the driveway meant that the interview could end now. A small puff of smoke drifted past his window. He watched it dance and dissipate into the night, a spectre on the wind.
Dean slid his legs out of the bed and sat up. Another cloud of smoke wafted past. Benny. Dean got up and walked over to the window. He pushed open the glass door and walked out onto his veranda. He glanced over toward the other end of it. Benny had left his room for a smoke and was sitting on a chair on the veranda just outside of his door. Dean walked over and leaned on the back of another chair facing him. "Hello, again Dean." Benny took another drag off of the cigarette. "Thought that you were going to sleep."
"I am. I just saw that you were up, and…" Dean didn't know how to finish the sentence.
"Looks like the weather finally cleared up a bit." Benny's voice was low and soothing.
"Yeah. Still cold though." Dean raised his hands to his own arms and gave them a brisk rub. He was wearing a thin tee shirt over light pajama bottoms. It wasn't the best attire for being outdoors.
Benny stubbed out his cigarette and got up. "Guess your guy will clear the driveway tomorrow."
"Yeah, he likely will." Dean paused a moment. "I'm sorry I cut the story short. I didn't mean to make it unnecessarily dramatic."
"I didn't mind." Benny made a slight move closer to Dean and rested his hand on the back of the chair near Dean's own hand. He let out a little huff of air then added, "Actually, I'm lying. I totally minded. I minded a lot. Half the reason I'm out here smoking instead of sleeping is your damn story." He laughed, a little awkward sound that came out mostly as a snort.
Dean looked down a little sheepishly and moved to the side of the chair. "I know how much more of the story is left. I know how it ends, and I'm not sure I can share it."
Benny moved to face him more. "You shouldn't rush. I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to. I don't have anything else on my plate this week."
"What if it takes me longer than that?" It wasn't what he had really wanted to ask, but the question worked for him none the less.
"Then I will find myself driving back out here at every opportunity." Benny's hand drifted up to Dean's arm now. "I meant it when I said that you shouldn't rush."
Dean looked into Benny's eyes as he spoke and concentrated on both the look and also the feel of his hand, strong and steadying on him. "What if I drag the story out, and I never get to the end?"
Benny tipped his head to the side in a questioning move. "Why would you do that, Dean?"
Dean reached out to Benny and looped his hand around his waist. His fingers threaded through Benny's belt loop. He felt himself pulling just a little at Benny. Benny's other hand came up to Dean's cheek. His thumb brushed back and forth across Dean's jaw. "I never liked being alone. I always surround myself with people. For the last year though, I have been rather alone. You being here, reminded me how it felt to not be alone."
"What about Charlie?"
"That's different."
"Oh." Benny moved a little closer. Dean dipped his head down a little. Their breaths mingling in the cold desert night.
"I have a hard time letting people in. You let them in, and it doesn't last." Dean's words came out between them in a graveled whisper.
"Sometimes it does." Benny whispered back.
"No. It's that kind of thinking that drives in the knife. You start hoping and believing that it can be okay, and then it is always the same. Always with the adios." Dean didn't break his gaze with Benny while he spoke. His fingers moved a bit on Benny's side from his waistband to the exposed skin on his side. He felt Benny shiver a little with the touch.
"Maybe it isn't always like that. Maybe it doesn't always have to be adios." Benny's fingers moved up to the back of Dean's head and threaded into his hair.
"It would be though. Nothing good ever stays." Dean felt sad when the words poured out of him.
Benny said in a quiet whisper, "I would stay." He leaned in then and pressed their lips together, softly. The gentleness of the move pulled Dean closer. He slipped his other hand around to Benny's back, holding him there. The kiss did not deepen. It was just a small series of little movements and the press of their bodies together. At one point Dean sucked on Benny's bottom lip a little, but the kiss did not go beyond that. They slowly parted. Dean stepped back behind the chair and Benny moved back toward his door. "Goodnight, Dean."
"Goodnight, Benny." Dean smiled at the way that he seemed to stagger a little back to his room. Guess I shook him up a little. Dean walked back to his doors and returned to his bed. He laid there for a while and stared at the door. He could not fall asleep. He finally rolled over and faced the other side of the room, the other side of the bed. His face fell a little from the peace that it held a moment before. He reached out a hand to the emptiness. He closed his eyes and felt the spot that dipped in a little. He imagined it filling up. A body replacing the emptiness. "Cas." His voice whispered out on the cusp of sleep. He imagined his hand resting on a heartbeat, the steady drumming of life coursing along next to him.
He saw his eyes blue in the dark room, watching him while he was trying to sleep. He brushed his hand back and forth under the covers, feeling the coldness in the spot, imagining warmth, and flesh, and bones. I still love you. He just thought his words now. It was his nightly prayer, a thought that he hoped could span great distances. And as sleep fully overtook him, he thought it again and added, I'm yours forever.
He woke to a quiet tapping at his windowed door. His eyes cracked open, and he rolled to face the sound. He could see Benny self-consciously standing on the other side with a coffee mug in hand. Dean oozed up and out of the bed, sleepiness still controlling his muscles. He stumbled over to the door and opened it. "Morning, Dean. I come bearing coffee. Have breakfast with me out here." Benny tipped his head in the direction of the veranda. Dean leaned out the door and looked toward Benny's room and saw that he had a full breakfast spread laid out on the outdoor table. "I had your cook set us up out here. It seemed like too beautiful a day to be inside."
"Hmm. Still waking up. Let me get my robe on, and I'll join you." Dean dipped back into the room and found his grey robe on the back of a chair. He shrugged into it and threw on some slippers. He plodded over to Benny, who was now seated at the little table..
"Hope you don't mind my doing this." Benny scooped some eggs onto his plate and then pushed a mug of coffee over to Dean.
"Not at all. It's a good day for eating outside." Dean lifted the mug of coffee to his lips and inhaled the rich aroma before taking the first sip. "Sleep okay?"
"Meh, good enough." Benny tossed a half smile Dean's way. "Spent too much time thinking, I reckon."
"Hmm." Dean hummed past the rim of the mug in a type of agreement. He had spent a fair amount of time thinking last night too. His focus had been a bit on the physical, Benny's eyes, blue and familiar, Benny's hands, strong and steady on his own arms and face. His thoughts had been an oddly churning sea last night. The past and present all mixed up in dreams. Cas and Benny one face, one body, one everything and then they were not. Benny took over at some point and Cas faded away. Dean had awoken from that moment with a start, body covered in sweat, staring off at the ceiling.
He had considered leaving his room to make the trek over to Benny's door. He had thought that it might be welcomed. He had thought that it might be just the thing to get him over his own sorrows. Dean thought all of these things, and then he realized that he just couldn't move toward any of that. It did not feel right somehow. He began eating his breakfast and casually glanced up at Benny while moving the first forkful of eggs to his mouth. Benny was watching him, not eating as he did so.
"Are you just going to watch me eat?" Dean mumbled around a mouthful.
"I am going to pick at this meal and stare you down until you finish the story." Benny smiled over at him. "I honestly don't know how I can eat anything with all the mess in my head. I keep trying to piece together how you two fixed things, and I can't seem to see it." Benny lifted his mug of coffee to his lips.
"Maybe we didn't," Dean offered with a sigh.
"No, you did, and I won't accept any other variation on that truth. You were with him again. Come on, Dean. Tell me the next bit." Benny sounded pretty desperate, and Dean felt kind of bad again about dragging the story out.
"I'm sorry, Benny. I didn't mean to make this torture for you. I've never told my story before, so I guess that I never really saw it as something that would move anyone. It is just the way that things were, ya know?"
"It is completely moving."
"So, my story really kept you up at night?" Dean asked as he buttered his toast.
"Among other things. I certainly didn't expect to be kissing you last night." Dean glanced up at Benny as he mentioned the kiss and then tried to suppress the grin that tugged at the side of his lip.
"These last couple of days have had many unexpected moments." Dean paused a beat then added, "Regrets?"
"Not a one." Benny took a bite of food from his plate then looked back at Dean. "Well, maybe one."
Dean felt a little uncomfortable about the idea that had bloomed in his head when Benny spoke. Of course, he had a regret. Of course, this was too fast, too much. I'm way too much of a mess for him. He chose to ask anyway. "What do you regret?"
"I should have convinced you to stay, or I should have followed you back to your room. Either way would have proved less torturous." He seemed to blush a little with the admission.
Dean felt the color rise in his own face. They both ducked into their food again, avoiding each other's glances. "I'm not sure how that would have gone. I think that the right call was made last night." Dean paused then added without looking up, "for now."
"Hmm." Benny reached over and picked up Dean's hand from off of the table and kissed the back of his fingers, softly. "Then you need to tell me more about you and Cas to get me through this." Dean looked up at him, and watched him as he seemed in no hurry to release Dean's hand. "Please."
"So, I guess the least torturous way to go, is to fast forward to the night of the premiere of Righteous Man. It was June, and the film had gotten so much hype that it was guaranteed to make a profit. The premiere was going to be a very well-publicized event. I was going to attend with Charlie on my arm. I hadn't seen Cas in months. He had stayed in Cairo longer than anticipated, and he made no attempt to get in touch with me or Charlie. He had likely seen all of the tabloids and wondered why I had been such a deadbeat, but he didn't come home and question me. He had thought that it would be for the best to maintain distance. I became a bitter, angry man. I had the film in Canada, but that had hardly been enough distraction." Dean tipped his eyes back to the sky and thought for a moment. "Actually, I should begin there, and not at the premiere. That place matters, and something that Gabriel said there made a difference. So, yeah, I'll tell you about that first." So Dean dove into his story, not in the summer, but back into the spring that felt like winter in that small part of the world.
Dean sat off to the side of the outdoor set, freezing his ass off. The snow was more slush than snow, and everyone was miserable. The winter weather had lasted longer than any of them had thought possible. Gabriel had worried that they would have to make artificial snow to finish out some of the scenes, but mother nature had done her part for them. While he stared down at his shaking hands, one of the assistants walked up to him with a blanket. Dean tried to wave him off. "Gabe told me to give you the blanket. He doesn't want you getting sick." The assistant held out the blanket again.
"Piss off. I don't need it." Dean waved it away again. He was tough to work with, he knew, but he just didn't care anymore. At least the cold allowed him to feel something that wasn't just anger or sorrow. It was also better than the awful numbness of plodding through empty, hollow days alone. Even Meg seemed to stop speaking with him. She had tried at first to be a comfort, but it went nowhere. He did not tell her the truth about Lisa's son. He was too angry about the situation to share anything about it with anyone. Charlie knew, and so did Sam. That was enough. So instead of talking with Meg, Dean was much more willing to isolate himself. He watched from a distance as the tabloids tore up Charlie. He watched from a distance as they tore up everything. He could publicly deny the child was his, but somehow, that felt like a bad solution. The kid would have it rough enough, having begun his life so publicly. Dean was not going to announce to the world anything that could make the child feel like he was an unwanted burden.
The assistant walked away with the blanket and not long after, Gabriel came over and slunk down into the space next to Dean. "Not the most comfortable seat." The wood slab that Dean was sitting on was worn down and a little splintery. It was also a bit wet with the melted snow. Dean turned to him with a ready retort about no one asking him to sit there, when he realized that this was his boss and that he should just shut-up.
"Yeah. You ready for me to film the scene?" He looked down at Gabriel's hands and noticed that he was holding the blanket that the assistant had tried to force on him before. Dean scowled.
"Not until you warm up. Your lips are blue. I can't film you like that. We'll likely hear the shaking in your lines."
"I'm not that cold." Gabriel handed him the blanket anyway. Dean took it and wrapped it around himself a little.
"What's eating you, Dean?" Gabriel looked at him while he asked. Dean tried to avoid the gaze.
"Nothing. I didn't mean to snap at the assistant, if that is what this is about." Dean couldn't seem to push aside the irritation in his voice. He was still bristling from the night before when he had been assaulted by paparazzi on his one random adventure into Vancouver. He had gone with some of the crew for a little break. It had been a mistake. He powered through though. All that driving for all that torture. Never again.
"It's more than that. You seemed much happier when you first started filming with us, then you weren't. Is it the tabloid stuff?"
"It's uncomfortable." Dean didn't want to talk about it, but he couldn't think of a graceful exit.
"I can imagine. It must be hard for the people that care about you too." Dean looked at Gabriel and tried to assess his meaning. He added, "I talked with Meg a little. You two use to get along. Seems you have pushed her aside for a more solitary existence lately."
"She doesn't need to be mixed up in my mess."
"What about Charlie? Maybe you should call her and have her come out here?"
"Don't see why. I'm only going to be here for a week. That is, unless you have plans to extend this thing." Dean felt a little hopeful for a second. An extension would be welcomed. L.A. did not feel like home. He worried about going back to his apartment that had memories now tied up with Cas.
Gabriel began rubbing his hands together for warmth then raised them to his face, breathing steam into them. "I couldn't if I wanted to. You've got your premiere, and the studios said that you absolutely had to be available for that. Plus, I think that you need that. You know, you can't hide out from your problems here forever. Gotta face the music sometime."
"Hmm." Dean did not want to think about that. The premiere would be tough, to say the least. He got up then, but Gabriel pulled him back down to the seat. "What now?" Dean felt irritated again.
"Meg told me that she doesn't believe that the kid is yours."
"Meg should mind her own business."
"Maybe." They sat there for a bit before Gabriel continued. "Going back for the premiere might give you an opportunity to fix some of your mess. I don't get why you don't just tell the world to bugger off. Tell them the kid isn't yours or whatnot. It would save you a lot of grief."
"I don't want to do that."
"Why?"
"Imagine if you had to grow up with a bunch of people going out of their way to say how much they were not connected to you. Between me and his actual dad, that dick, he doesn't need anyone else saying that they don't want him." Dean looked away from Gabriel toward the set. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention any of this to anyone."
"Of course, Dean. You do know though, that it would just be you setting the record straight if you told the world that you were not the father. It wouldn't be a bad thing. It would be good for Charlie too wouldn't it? At least, that's what Meg seemed to think when she was hypothesizing." Gabriel watched Dean's face as it shifted and twisted into several emotions at once, irritation, sadness, then resignation.
"I already fucked that up beyond repair."
"I don't have much experience in this area, but secrets are bad. You keep 'em for too long and they seem to eat away at your soul. When you start being honest about the situation, things will just start slowly getting better, not just for you, but for the people that you care about too. I think that maybe if you can't do this for yourself, that maybe you can do this whole honesty thing for them." Gabriel got up then and gave him a swift back slap. "Come on, let's get this film done so you can go home."
Dean got up with him and thought about what he had said. It wasn't profound or anything, but it made him reevaluate his stance. It made him look at the damage that had been done from too much solitude and anger. He got up and followed Gabriel back to the rest of the crew, ready to put this film to bed.
The time between being home and the premiere was short. Charlie came to his apartment and dragged him out for tux fittings and interviews. They avoided the paparazzi as best as they could, and draped smiles on their faces whenever they couldn't. They didn't talk much about the situation at first. She just hugged him at the airport, pressing her head into his chest. He brushed a kiss down into her hair and whispered, "It's good to be home."
A few days into their planned outings and Charlie finally brought up the elephant in the room. "Are you ever going to ask about Cas?"
"Figured you'd bring him up if there was any reason to. He has made it clear that he is not interested in me anymore." Dean was walking at her side. They had decided to take a trek out to Venice Beach to look at a few shops that might have a dress for Charlie. Mostly, it was just nice to get away from the apartment, and this was an excuse.
"Dean, he's coming back soon. I don't think that he ever just up and decided that he was uninterested. You all just need to talk." She wrapped her arm around him more and squeezed him close.
"I think that I let things go too far. I know that I need to tell him, but I'm not going to force him to talk to me or anything."
"That's stupid. As soon as I see him, I'm telling him everything. It would be better if it came from you though." She looked up at him with sad puppy eyes, practically begging him to just do what was necessary.
"I think that he is dating his director. I don't want to mess up his situation. It'll be easier for him to just think that I am a colossal ass." Dean tried to avoid eye contact now, but he could feel Charlie digging her fingers into his side. "Ouch, Charlie."
"There's more where that came from. Now get your head out of your ass. He isn't dating Balthazar. He's never even shown the slightest interest. Haven't you seen the interview feeds with them?"
"Yeah, where do you think that I get my information. They were rather cozy. Did you see the way that he kissed Cas on the cheek? He also had his arm all snaked up around him. None of that was platonic." Dean broke away from Charlie a little, then he noticed the photographer skulking around the corner up ahead and he put his arm back around her waist. "Paparazzi 12 o'clock."
"Hmm, saw 'em. No rest for the weary huh?" She leaned into him. And in a lower voice, "Cas didn't reciprocate."
"Not while the cameras were rolling. He's too smart for that."
"Balthazar is just affectionate. He isn't actually flirting. I think that you are reading too much into it." They ducked past the photographer who was clicking away on his camera as he followed them.
"When are you going to acknowledge your child, Dean?" the man asked as he continued to follow and shoot.
"Fuck off, man. Can't you see, I'm trying to have a little down time with my girl here?" Dean flashed him a grin that was more menace than kindness.
The man turned his attention to Charlie then, "How does it feel to be the other woman? Does it bother you that you are keeping him from his kid?" Charlie ducked her head into Dean's shoulder and that was all it took for Dean to just lose it. He turned on the guy and snatched the camera out of his hands. He flung the thing out into the street and in a flash his fist made contact with the guy's jaw. He staggered back. "I'm going to sue you for all you are worth." He rubbed at his jaw as he smirked back at Dean.
"Then I guess that I better make it worthwhile." Dean moved on him again, this time his fist collided with the side of the man's head, knocking him back but not down for the count. He swung back at Dean, catching him in the ribcage. It hardly seemed to register. Dean swung out with his other arm, catching the man in the gut, doubling him over. He could feel Charlie at his back pulling at his shirt. He swung again; this time he caught his face just right and the man fell to the ground in a heap. He wanted to keep beating him, but Charlie was really pulling on him now.
"Stop, Dean. You have to stop." Dean could feel the rage cooling, but only a little. He leaned down to the unconscious man and checked for breathing. He was breathing.
He turned to Charlie. "I'm sorry." He looked back at the man. "I'm not sorry too."
"Come on. We need to get out of here." They rushed away from the spot as a few onlookers came over to investigate, but they did not get far. The police showed up and there were questions, and more that had to be dealt with. Dean seemed to slip into a type of fog. His vision tunneled and his answers to their questions reflected the nature of his focus. The man chose to file charges until Charlie got a moment with him. She had asked him what it would take to quiet the whole thing down.
Dean had not been allowed near enough to hear the conversation. He saw Charlie looking back at him with concern painted on her face. She turned away from him and continued the conversation with the man. She looked back one last time, a sour downturn to her lips came with a quick nod. They got out of the situation cheaply, all things considered. Charlie refused to tell him right away how much it had cost. She had told him later that she had feared that he would not allow this solution. He came to accept this later. It was all that he could do, and frankly, he did not regret the beating of the man one bit.
The premiere was a culmination of events. He had been interviewed by Entertainment Tonight. He had been asked all of the typical questions about the filming and the things that he enjoyed the most. He kept it simple. He and Charlie had a set script of stories that he could tell at these things. Mostly, Dean was working hard to keep his emotions in check. He knew that he would see Cas tonight. It was practically the only certainty that he had concerning the night ahead. He knew also that Cas was being interviewed later in the day by the same people that were currently sitting across from him. It would all likely be spliced together in a way that would make it seem like it had been done at the same time.
Dean sat across from the blond haired man and folded and unfolded his hands in front of him. "Are you nervous?" He had asked rather calmly. His tone put Dean a little at ease.
"A bit. I feel like tonight is going to be either the best night of my life or the worst. Hopefully, people like the film. I have to admit that I don't really know how it will go." Dean put on his most charming smile and leaned back a little. He was attempting to fall into the calm, stable persona that he and Charlie had developed. He needed to look confident.
The interview seemed to progress through all of the predictable paths. There were the questions about his upcoming role in Gabriel's film and his future plans. There were the questions about his youth, and a slight direction into his life with dear old mom and dad. He had expected that, somewhat. He was just getting comfortable when he saw a familiar figure walking past the windows near the production booth. His gaze locked on, and he followed his movements as he made his way through the room just beyond the studio. Cas.
The interviewer snapped his fingers in front of him. "Hello, Dean. You with us?"
"Oh, sorry. I just thought that I saw Cas Novak over there. I must be seeing things though, 'cause I heard that he wouldn't be back here until later this evening." Dean shifted about uncomfortably in his seat.
The interviewer turned around and looked in the general direction that Dean had gestured. Cas was gone, or had never been there. Either way the interviewer did not see him and said, "Hmm, I have him scheduled for 3:30 because he said that his flight wouldn't even get in until the afternoon. Seems like it might be too early for him to be showing up."
"Well, I guess that I am just seeing things then, or he has a twin. Either way, let's get through this thing."
"So, how long has it been since you've seen Mr. Novak? Seems like you two had become best friends and all during the early promotional tour. He had a lot of kind words to say about you the last time that I interviewed him."
"Really?How nice. I haven't seen him since he flew off to Cairo for his new film. I have nothing but kind words for him. I was lucky to have met him."
The interviewer shuffled through his papers a little, leaned back farther into his seat and asked, "What do you think that you'll say to him after all of this time apart? Do you think that you'll just drop back into the old comfortable camaraderie?"
"I would like to think so. We became fast friends. It would be a shame if there was any awkwardness. I look forward to grabbing a cup of coffee or some burgers with him and catching up." Dean hoped that his words would carry with them the message that he hoped that Cas would understand. The interview went back down familiar paths. There were questions about Charlie and their 'relationship' as well as some questions about the current dramas with Lisa. He worried that he would not be able to evade the topic enough. He smiled through the awkwardness and when he left, everyone was pleasant.
As he left, he couldn't help but look around the studio a little for Cas. He was having a bit of a focus issue and found himself whipping his head around at odd moments looking for the figure that he knew so well. He did not see Cas though. He made it home and checked his answering machine for messages. There were the usuals from the studio, from Sam, and from a few friends that had wanted to wish him well. He wandered into his bedroom and looked at the tux that was hanging from his bathroom door. It still felt odd being home, like it was too quiet. He had started looking into moving, but had not committed to it yet. He just couldn't feel comfortable in this space. He slowly changed out of his clothes and into the tux. He cast a glance over at the clock and figured he had practically no time to get it all together if he was going to pick up Charlie. He looked into the bathroom mirror before leaving and gave himself a little scowl. Should probably shave. Then he thought a little more about it and realized that he couldn't. He would have to take off the suit and then get dressed all over again. He reached up and rubbed at his chin. He seemed to be trying to convince himself that it looked just fine. It was actually attractive in a rugged sort of way. It added shadow to his features that gave him an a tougher vibe.
He decided to leave before he could consider it any further. He grabbed his wallet and keys and dashed out the door. The drive to Charlie's place would take nearly twenty minutes in even the best of L.A. traffic. He wondered, secretly, how Cas was going to get there on time if he had an interview at 3:30. That barely gave him enough time afterwards to change and drive to the theater. Clearly, he is not going home to get ready. He had mused on this point. He had also thought about how their first encounter could go. He knew that it would be awkward. He worried about how it might be difficult for both of them. He knew that he tended to fail at making his points properly. He wondered if he would be able to tell him about Lisa and the baby without making him feel any pressure about their relationship.
Really, he should just feel free to do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. Dean didn't really feel this, at least not the part about Cas moving on, but if he told himself it enough times, then maybe he would come to at least accept it.
When he pulled up in front of Charlie's place, she was already outside, at the curb. "For god's sake, Dean. We're not going to make it on time." She didn't even let him shut off the car. She threw herself into the passenger seat and he took off. The whole situation would be funny if she would just let it be.
Dean laughed anyway. "They can't start without their stars."
"They can and they will. Plus, I will be the one doing damage control for your sorry ass when you are late. So, put the pedal to the metal." Dean complied and they tore through the streets. He managed to weave in and out of the traffic in a way that could only be described as miraculous, both because of the skill and for the mere fact that they survived it. They got to the theater with a minimal amount of moments to spare. They wandered through the crowds, posed for pictures, and answered questions as they made their way in. Dean kept looking for Cas. He did not see him.
"Have you seen Cas yet?" He leaned toward Charlie with the question.
"No. You?"
"I keep thinking that I see him. I thought that I saw him at the studio during my interview, but I guess I'm just crazy." She gave Dean a little squeeze and he added, "He is coming tonight, right?"
"Yeah, he is contractually obligated. Plus, I would imagine that he wants to see this. It is his first film after all."
"Yeah." Dean still scanned the aisles looking for the familiar mop of brown hair. He looked toward the front and saw Zachariah instead. "Shit, made eye contact with Zachariah." The man made his way toward Dean with a Cheshire Cat's grin. His hand was extended even before he reached him. "Hey, Zach." Zachariah seemed to cringe with the nickname.
"Hey yourself, Dean." He released Dean's hand and then gave him the dude slap to the shoulder. "I got you a seat all saved up front." He turned to Charlie then. "I'm not sure if we officially met. I'm Zachariah, the director."
"I haven't had the pleasure." She shook his hand and then added, "I'm Charlie, Dean's manager."
"Oh, I thought that you were his girlfriend."
Dean added, "That too."
"Well, nice job, Winchester. She looks like quite a catch." Zachariah threw her a wink and Charlie just raised an eyebrow.
"Well, okay then, let's get to those seats." She began pulling Dean forward. They headed down the aisle.
"Novak showed up earlier with his girlfriend. Funny how you all managed to find time to get women during my little film. This just tells me that I gave you all too much free time." Zachariah was trying to joke and ended up laughing at his own words.
Dean spoke merely to keep from freaking out about the prospect of seeing Cas so soon. "Yeah, you were way too soft on us. We should totally shoot 20 hour days next time. I only need like, what four hours sleep to be functional." There he is. They got to the row and Charlie made her way down the aisle. Cas was in the middle with three seats next to him. Meg was on his left. They were talking and not looking toward Charlie or Dean.
"Cas," Charlie called out to him. She rushed down the row a little. He stood up and smiled at her then his eyes fell on Dean and he looked a little wistful. She pulled him into a hug and he hugged her back tightly.
"Charlie, you look lovely as ever." He sounded so formal. He looked over her shoulder as he said the words, making eye contact with Dean.
He let her go and she stepped to the side as much as the aisle would allow. Dean moved closer and said, "Good to see you again, Cas." Cas reached out to him and took his hand in a quick shake.
"Good to see you again, too, Dean. How has Canada been treating you?"
"Cold." Dean laughed a little, hoping to mask his discomfort. "How was Cairo?"
"Hot." He looked into Dean's eyes. "It's good to be home, though."
"I imagine it would be."
"You haven't come back to L.A.?" He stopped for a moment then after seeming to consider added, "Oh, did you move to San Francisco?"
"Uh, no. Why would you assume that?" Dean looked at him, trying to read him.
"Isn't that where Lisa lives?" He lowered his voice into a softer tone; only Dean and Charlie could hear it.
Charlie moved past Dean and said, "You sit here next to Cas. I'll sit on your other side." She pushed Dean into the seat. They each sat after him.
The lights were growing dim. Dean leaned toward Cas and said, "He is not my child."
Cas looked at him, his eyes squeezing shut a little in a squint. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. She told me about the real father. He's a dick. I send her money to help out, but the kid is not mine." The lights were off completely now and the film started playing. Dean whispered in the dark. "I know you hate me, but for what's it's worth, I'm sorry."
Cas' hand reached over and squeezed his in the dark. "I never hated you. I wanted you to have the family you deserved. I never got to have that with my dad. I didn't want you to have regrets."
Dean squeezed his hand back and was about to say more when Zachariah leaned over and shushed them. Dean dropped his hand and leaned closer to Charlie to conceal how close he had been to Cas. She wrapped an arm around his as the title came up on the screen. The movie spilled out in front of them and Dean did his best to focus on it. He glanced at Cas every now and then and most of the time Cas would turn to him at the same time. Their eyes would lock and Dean would feel warmth in the dark. He hooked his foot up behind Cas' and smiled when Cas did not pull away.
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AN: Thank you all so much for the lovely comments. I realize that I have not updated Dean, the Dangerous... this week. I hope that this is okay as a substitute. I am going to get back to it after the weekend, maybe. I just need to be in the right head space for it. This fic has been a good place for feeling the feels. Plus, I get to make Purgatory/season 8 references. Thanks again for all the love. Thanks in particular to 1hotpepper for the comments (yes it is tomorrow now I think). Thanks rainystv for the thoughts on Benny and Dean. I think that you'll approve of my plans. At least, I hope that you will. Thanks pyroleigh for the appreciation of the flow. I have been trying to work on tone, so this has been a bit of an experiment. Thanks Igniting for even appreciating the sad stuff. Sorry for the tears. Thanks to all of you who have followed and faved this fic too. That is just all kinds of awesome. Love and unicorns to you all dearies.
