I felt so… Weird writing this chapter. It was extremely difficult for me. Even though I know exactly how things are going to go… I just couldn't find it in myself to get this all done in one sitting. I started it directly after posting the last chapter, and had to finish it bit by bit after that. I hope you all enjoy it. Don't lose faith in me, this is a Spuffy fic.
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"Love, I wish you'd look at the truth right in front of your face. Any future with me isn't going to be good for you. It's going to be painful and sad, you won't be happy." He spoke softly, trying his hardest not to cause more tears. "I can't give you what you deserve. You say you don't want it all now, but in a few years, you will."
"No. I won't. In a few years I'll still be sitting here wanting you." Buffy's words were like daggers as she sat up, an angry look crossing her face as the tears kept flowing. "Just get out. Leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now." She stood and walked over to the door, and he just sat there shocked. Whatever he'd said to set her off he now regretted. When she opened the door and gestured out he stood and made his way over to her.
"You have to understand Buffy, I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have…" he whispered, a pleading look on his face as she closed her eyes and turned her face away from him. With that, he bowed his head in defeat and stepped out only to have her close the door just behind him. If he'd been a bit slower she would've shut his duster in the door. Quickly he made his way back to Giles' flat with a blank look on his face. He had no clue how to fix things this time.
Buffy on the other hand, was seething mad and utterly crushed. The only thing keeping her from curling up in a ball and crying until the sun came up was the anger. How dare he think he knew what she'd feel, how she'd feel? How dare he act like he knew what was best for her? That plan hadn't gone so well the first time, what made him think it would this time? Silently she went to the kitchen in search of another beer, needing nothing more than intoxication at this point. After she'd opened the bottle she downed nearly half of it and began walking around the flat. "Love, I wish you'd look at the truth right in front of your face," she mimicked him in a horrible attempt at a British accent and rolled her eyes before taking another long drink of the beer. "I'll show you the truth." She mumbled before finishing the beer and walking back to the kitchen with the empty bottle. No sooner had she set it down then she'd pulled out another bottle and opened it. "I can't give you what you deserve." She mimicked him once more and bobbed her head as she did so, taking a drink of beer before snorting, "Obviously you don't want to, or you don't think I deserve you." She scowled at the thought and took another drink. When she was about to begin ranting about all the reasons she wanted to hate him someone knocked on her door. "Absolutely wonderful," she mumbled and walked over to open it.
"I'm not here to talk. Spike came back all gloom and doom and… Are you drinking?" Angel had just noticed the beer in her hand. She shrugged and stepped aside for him to come in. "Why are you drinking?" he asked skeptically.
"Because I'm an adult," she smiled and held it up, "And I can drink if I want to."
"Alright, well, back to my point. I figured you might need someone, you know? So I came over. I can leave, I can sit and listen, I can do whatever you want…" he looked at her, worried for her sanity at this point. She'd begun walking around rambling about a 'bloody jerk' and how much of a 'complete fool' she felt. "Buffy, I don't know…" he wasn't sure where he was going with that sentence but he stopped short when she found her way to him.
"Just stay with me tonight, please?" she asked with the saddest look on her face he'd ever seen. When he nodded a sad smile crossed her lips and she took his hand and walked to the couch. "Can you just hold me? Like you used to?" The look on her face was one of defeat as she let the emotions run through her. She was past the point of tears now, and on the look of exhaustion and sorrow. He had no choice but to sit and pull her into his arms and just hold her like she wanted. "Thanks." She whispered into his chest, burying her face in his shoulder.
"Anytime." He mumbled, trying not to get too ahead of himself. While this meant he stood a chance to him, he was nearly certain to her it was nothing more than an old friend comforting her in a time of need. Her heart beating against him was like a sweet melody to an old favorite song. He'd missed the rhythm of her heart. His hand found its way to her back and began gently rubbing circles as her breathing became more even.
"I really missed you." She said into his shoulder before looking up at him and resting her head on his chest again. Her eyes had already begun swelling after all the crying, she just looked so empty. He had to keep control over himself to stop from just pulling her closer and holding her there forever. "I know everything got all messed up last time I saw you, but I just…" her words trailed off. There was no way she was going to talk about him. Not like this with Angel, not here, not now - probably not ever.
"I missed you too," he spoke softly, his eyes falling closed to just take in that sweet scent that screamed Buffy at him. She'd always be that sweet young girl in his eyes; she'd always mean more to him than anything in this world. He'd never stop loving her.
"Remember that first night, when we met. Before I ever found out you were a vampire. When I thought you were just this strange mysterious amazing guy who knew all about my life?" she said, looking across the room at nothing in particular, just remembering. All she wanted to do was get her mind off what had happened with Spike tonight. "I was so lost in you then," she laughed half heartedly at herself and shook her head before quickly burying her face in his shoulder then resting her head on his chest again.
"I remember." He nodded his eyes still closed, unable to look at her. He was afraid he'd do something stupid and mess up this beautiful moment they were having. "I remember this bright, beautiful girl… You were so self aware. Every thing in the world was telling you to quit and you kept on fighting. You were such a strong young lady, now you're this strong beautiful woman…" his words got quieter as he finished and finally died out. She was still staring off at nothing.
"You taught me a lot. About life and about love." Her voice stayed at a whisper. He guessed that her throat was sore after crying. Softly she brushed across his chest, remembering the time she'd spent with him all those years ago, when she was just a young teenager madly in love.
"You taught me a lot too." He replied, his arm moving to lay across her back. "Not a day goes by I don't think about the time we spent together." Quietly, he admitted both to her and to himself.
"I think about it often." Buffy felt the need to let him know she'd never forgotten their time together, although she'd certainly gone days without thinking about it. Most her time spent on memories was spent on memories of her and Spike. She only thought of Angel and Riley on the nights she truly let herself remember her past - every last bit of it.
The rest of the night they spent in silence, just on the couch holding onto each other. Buffy's breathing eventually fell into a peaceful rhythm, which told Angel she'd fallen asleep. As soon as he got a good grip on her he carried her to her room and laid her on her bed. Looking at her for a moment, he brushed some hair out of her face. When he was about to turn around he felt her hand on his. "Stay with me?" she asked, her eyes still closed. He didn't reply, just slid off his shoes and climbed into the bed beside her, noting that her room had no windows before wrapping and arm around her as she turned to face him. Her head found his chest and she was asleep once more – shortly after he fell asleep as well.
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His eyes opened before hers, and he gladly saw that she was still deep asleep. Her face was innocent and familiar, but still slightly puffy from the long night before. Glancing around, he noticed that it was ten and closed his eyes again. Giles had mentioned something as he'd walked out… What was it? Just as he thought he'd remembered he heard a light knocking on the door and his eyes opened again. Before he could say or do anything the door opened and in came Faith, coffee in hand.
"B wake up…" her words fell short when she noticed Angel in the bed. Slowly, the blonde stirred awake and the two glanced at each other, then at her. "Well, good morning sunshine…" Faith smirked as she walked to the bed where Buffy was just beginning to sit up. She set the coffee on the night stand and put her hands on her hips. "I would've brought a cup for you had I known you were here." She laughed and turned after that, exiting and pulling the door closed behind her. Buffy's hands were covering her face as Angel sat up, stretching his arms. She'd confined him to one position the whole night, so he was a bit stiff.
"Faith," Buffy's voice cracked when she said the name. He looked at her curiously and tried to figure out what she'd meant by it, "She can take over the class today… I'll go get some blood – from the butcher." She added before looking around and finding the coffee her roommate had carried in. After taking a long sip of it she passed the cup to Angel and let her hands return to her face. "Ugh I don't want to get up." She scowled and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Faith," she called a little louder, knowing her roommate hadn't gotten far. Knowing Faith she was probably just across the hall waiting to be called in.
"Yeah B?" she the voice came from outside the door. Buffy could practically hear the smirk in her voice. Of course Faith thought they'd done more than they had last night, of course.
"Can you take care of the class today? I've got to run to the butcher. They haven't… In a couple days I'm sure." Skipping over the worse bit, Buffy explained herself and made her way to the bathroom to brush her hair and her teeth, not bothering to wait for the 'Sure thing,' that Faith let out. Finding her brush, she ran it through her hair a few times then glanced at the mirror before pulling out her tooth brush. At that point, Angel had appeared and leaned against the doorway. "You can stay here, for the day." She said when she'd finally spit and rinsed.
"Thanks." He supplied a grateful smile and held out her coffee but she shook her head and mumbled something about him drinking it before walking past him back to the bedroom and to the dresser in the corner. "You don't have to go. I can wait and get some tonight," he offered, not wanting to put her out of her comfort zone. They'd already caused enough trouble.
"No, I'm happy to." She smiled softly, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I want to get out anyways. I haven't been out since you got here." She shrugged and pulled out some jeans and a red loose fitting shirt. When he turned around she quickly stripped and pulled on the clothes she'd taken out. "You can turn around now." Buffy said before turning back to her dresser to pull out socks. "I shouldn't be too long, but I'll pull the curtains closed on my way out so you can leave the room." She spoke as she walked back to her bed to sit and pull the socks on followed by the boots she'd kicked off yesterday.
"Thanks." He nodded and took a drink of coffee. He wasn't sure if she was avoiding talking about the night or if she didn't feel the need to, but he wanted to. He was curious about what Spike had said, what they'd talked about, and what last night meant. Before he could ask anything, though, she stood and walked out.
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"What was I thinking?" she whispered to herself when she pulled the door closed behind her. While she knew letting Angel stay with her last night was wrong, deep inside something told her she'd not only wanted but needed it. Without realizing it, her feet had carried her straight to Giles' flat. Closing her eyes, she cleared her mind and knocked gently. Giles answered quickly, apparently on his way to class.
"I just stopped by to ask for the key, I'm going to the butcher so I'll have to leave some in your fridge." The words came out a bit more strained, but graciously he handed her the key once he'd locked the door.
"I've left the curtains open. He won't be able to leave the hall. I don't think he'll want to. Whatever the two of you discussed… he's shut himself off in the back room." Buffy nodded at his words and he hesitated for a moment before placing a firm hand on her shoulder. "You'll prevail." He added before giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze and heading off to class. Taking a deep breath, Buffy headed off en route to the butcher.
When she returned – a good forty minutes later – two bags in hand, a shaky hand unlocked the door. Quickly she darted to the fridge, put the blood in, and turned to leave. Of course, though, he'd caught her scent. Without a second of waiting she darted for the door. As it swung shut behind her she heard him beginning to speak, but he'd waited too long. Relaxing, she made her way back to her flat carrying the second bag with some blood for Angel. Since the halls were empty she took her time getting there, not having to avoid the students was nice. It had been a long time since she'd been able to just relax and think, just breathe. In the year she'd spend here, Buffy devoted all her time and energy to the students and Scoobies. Doing that made it easier for her to avoid remembering the time she'd spent with a certain peroxide blonde she'd much rather forget at this point. All the nights she'd cried, the nightmares she'd been unable to escape, all the memories that would rush back… Shaking her head she pushed it from her mind and tried to focus on happier things. Her friends were all happy. The school was doing well. As she opened the door to her flat she made sure to quickly close it in case Angel was in the front room.
"Sorry it took so long." She held up the bag when she spotted him on the couch. "Had to stop by Giles' to leave some there," leaving it at that Buffy made her way to the kitchen and smiled when she turned to find him right behind her. "Someone's hungry." She laughed and stepped aside so he could prep and enjoy his 'meal'.
"Not a problem. I went through some of your CDs and movies, organized them." He shrugged as he pulled the blood out and began hunting for a cup. Once he'd found one he filled it and stuck it in the microwave. "You really need to put more thought into them. It'd be easier to find what you're looking for if you did." As he spoke he put the remainder of the blood in the fridge and returned to the microwave to pull the cup out when it dinged.
"Well, if I did that what would you do with your time?" she asked with a smirk and shook her head. "Want to watch a movie? We can do anything, I've got the day free." She looked around, noting that nothing around the flat looked enjoyable in the least bit. All they had was a training area and the little living room which Faith was the only one to use unless they had friends over.
"A movie sounds nice." He nodded and took a drink, "What movie, though? You haven't got much. Just a lot of comedies and action movies."
"Faith," Buffy shrugged and walked to the DVDs, "She's the only one who watches anything really. She said something about me liking 'Scary Movie' or something. I don't know – it's supposed to make fun of horror movies I guess? She tried to tell me about it but I was reading through some papers one of the girls…"
"I've heard of it." Angel laughed and followed her. "You probably will like it. It's sort of funny because it's so stupid."
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So, you can blame my father for the cut off. I'll be following up shortly. Not sure how to go through the day. All the talking and whatnot. This was too hard for me to write -.- I'm not sure I'm liking this chapter much at all, but here you have it. The next chapter should be written by tomorrow, I hope. Not sure yet. Hope you all like this one.
Spuffy will find their sweet ending, just stick with me. Sorry if it seems I keep saying that, I just don't want you to think I've turned on you :P
Much love to all of you and a big thank you to aramaral, she found the story through my Tumblr and literally inspired me. She gave me some writing fire and just her interest helped me decide on how to go with things.
EDIT - I'm not going to be able to get the next chapter up tonight, or even tomorrow. It'll probably be late Friday night before I post again. However, I'll write as much as I can between then and now and hopefully it will be long. Sorry!
