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Bucky sometimes thought Karina had some sort of mind controlling abilities. He wasn't sure if mind control or telepathic abilities were possible, but he then he realized there was, but Karina was evidence to support his theory it did. He meant that light heartedly too. Or the slightly scarier thought was she knew how to work him. She knew him better than he knew himself at this point. Her minor from undergraduate school in psychology seemed to be beneficial to her when it came to him. He was starting to think he made a premature assumption that she would make a terrible spy.
The first thing that was making him question Karina's bewitching tongue was somehow he let her give him a haircut. He didn't even know how it happened until he was sitting outside on her balcony shirtless, with a towel over his shoulders, with Karina behind him snipping away. He felt incredibly naked not having his hair to hide behind. The new style left his face all in the open. It left him exposed. He thought she was going to cut it and style how he had it back in the 1940s,it was similar to a point but she made it more modern giving him more length on the top, but still short on the sides. He could admit he slightly panicked when she produced clippers with a devilish grin. It was evident she was planning that moment for months. She couldn't even hide the wide smile that he was shocked didn't hurt her cheeks, as she took pride in cutting his long hair. He was sure she even saved a lock of his hair.
But it did come out nice. He could admit it was a little jarring looking in his reflection as he resembled the man printed in history books and museums. Although he wouldn't give Karina the satisfaction of admitting it was nice having his hair cut. He didn't realize how much of a hassle it was having long hair until it was gone. Or the most glaring fact was no one seemed to really pay attention to him besides the occasional lingering female stare that Karina pointed out they were totally checking him.
Despite seemingly hiding in plain sight, it didn't stop him from running his hand through his hair a bit self-consciously and somewhat nervously. Being exposed as he was, he felt unprotected. The feeling almost made him queasy especially with how Karina looked at him. He couldn't recall anyone looking at him the way she did. Or better yet knowing his past and the blood that covered his hands, he never expected someone to look at him like she did ever again.
He wasn't even talking about amorously. She looked at him with such reverence that he recalled Steve looking at him at a time. Hell, he recalled having the glint in his eyes when Steve joined the army and became Captain America.
Her emerald eyes that he knew couldn't be replicated with any type of paint to reproduce held a warmth he craved. Warmth he didn't know he would need from anybody. Sometimes he felt the way she looked at him she never looked at anybody else in her life. The look was reserved for him only. It was a look – a warmth – that would thaw the many winters he was accustomed too.
His hand went to run through his hair for the millionth time when Karina's small petite hand intercepted.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly.
"You don't need to apologize," Karina began before she tugged him to stop. "It's just if you're not comfortable, we can leave."
A frown settled on his face at the thought he may have been hindering Karina's time here as she was worried about him and his mood. Despite him feeling slightly uncomfortable with the new hairstyle, he was enjoying going on the rollercoasters and spinning rides that they bounced between. In the beginning, he thought he was going to throw up and he got a very vivid memory of watching Steve throw up after riding a roller coaster. But once he got used to the feeling, he was enjoying himself and he felt relaxed for the first time in almost 70 years.
So he felt like a wet blanket. "No, I want to stay. I'm having a good time. I remember going with Steve to Coney Island."
He watched as her eyes lit up making the green more vibrant as she looked at him brightly, "Let me guess the Cyclone was your favorite ride?"
Bucky gave her a sly smile confirming her suspicion, "Steve threw up every time."
"Poor thing, I hope he threw up over your shoes."
"You wound me, sweetheart." Bucky countered as his arm went around her shoulder bringing her into his side while he glared at a group of teenage boys who were ogling Karina. "Besides I imagine it is different from what I remembered."
"Yeah, the one you remember closed after the war. It was a fire; I think that was the catalyst of it closing. But you know it went through a couple different owners and then they revitalized it and opened it back up."
Bucky frowned faintly as that park was just another piece of his history that no longer existed, just like his old neighborhood and various stores and buildings. They were all gone either by age or businessmen. Or simply they changed with the times.
"Well one thing hasn't change is that they take all your money." The former soldier added lightly.
"Oh sounds like there is a story there. Let me guess, couldn't win at one of those rigged carnival games?"
"Lost 3 bucks trying to impress a redhead – Dot, than Steve spent our bus money on a hot dog. We had to ride in the back of a freezer truck to get home," Bucky recalled. Even though he could feel he really liked the girl, and he was glad he could even remember something as simple as a date at Coney Island, he felt talking about another dame while with another dame wasn't exactly proper etiquette.
Karina laughed lightly before her eyes settled on the various games lining the walkway. "Why don't you show me how good your aim is now?"
Bucky looked at her slightly flabbergasted, "Are you questioning my aim?"
The ebony haired woman shrugged her shoulders flippantly at him.
Bucky sensed a challenge and he wasn't going to back down from one and besides he thought he could use the target practice even though he knew his skills would never rust. Although for extra measure, "You don't mind this right? I don't have to fake…"
Karina looked at him puzzled before she shook her head, "No, I actually want to see how good you are."
His blue eyes narrowed slightly as he eyed the aisle of games before he turned back to Karina, "You're keeping into account the games are rigged according to you."
"Worried you won't be a crack shot," Karina goaded mimicking shooting a gun with her hands even with the sound effects.
"I don't think I'm worried about a kid carnival game ruining my credentials." Bucky responded while he led her over to the Ring Toss.
Bucky found that Karina wasn't lying about the games being rigged. Even with the ring toss, the hard plastic that the loops were made with was more likely to bounce of the bottles that were marginally smaller than the width of the loops. In knocking over the milk bottles, the soft ball really put the emphasis on soft. With the balloon darts, he already suspected the darts were dull and all it took to pop his little balloons was some extra weight to his throws. With those few games, Karina and he were already carrying very large stuffed animals. The easiest game was testing his strength with the mullet and he had to be extra cautious as to not actually break the machine. But he knew the game that he and Karina were looking forward to was the Shoot the Star game.
As he played the games, Karina was silent as she watched him play. She didn't tease him or try to distract him from the games. Although he thought she kept her bantering nonexistent because she looked forward to the gigantic stuffed animals he was winning for her.
He quietly took the rifle from the carnival worker who explained the rules to the game as he gladly took the $5 bucks it cost to play it. Karina was next to him barely able to wrap her arms around all of the stuffed animals.
"You sure you are going to be able to handle another one in your collection?" He asked as he eyed the rifle with a slightly bent barrel. He could only think how they altered the pellets.
"Are you sure you are going to be able to win this one?" Karina countered.
"Well, I haven't missed yet," he muttered as he took his first shot to gauge how off the mark he was and where he might need adjustment. Bucky quickly and efficiently created the perfect circle around the red star and he tried to ignore the slight churning in his gut at the image of the star considering he had one ingrained on his left shoulder.
The ex-assassin knew the game was definitely rigged as the worker looked shocked at how effortlessly he made the perfect circle.
"He was in the military," Karina explained.
"Sniper?" The worker questioned in awe looking at him.
"You could say that," Bucky said with a tight smile.
The worker didn't question anymore, but directed to the area of gifts that Bucky could pick from. As usual, Bucky motioned for Karina to pick whatever pleased her, but instead she shook her head.
"You can pick this one." She insisted.
Bucky looked back to the multitude of animals displayed ranging from foxes, wolves, lions, whales, and hawks all in bright colors. His eyes glossed over the stuffed creatures before he settled on the one animal that wasn't exactly on the rack for winners, but below it.
A medium sized turtle.
"Can I have that turtle?"
The worker grabbed the animal and passed it to him. "Thanks for the service to our country, sir. You and your lady enjoy the rest of your day."
Bucky accepted the animal and bit back the shame and guilt that the worker's words dredged up. Only if the boy knew exactly what he did during his service. But he swallowed it down as he turned to Katrina who was looking at him slightly worried mostly likely thinking the man's words would sour the mood.
He gave her a gentle smile as he held up the animal that she gladly accepted. "I think this might be my favorite one."
Bucky rolled his eyes at her words, but he couldn't deny the warm feeling that replaced the churning in his stomach. As she took the so called runt of the group compared to the other animals, he watched her smile at the animal that conveniently fit in her oversized purse.
He roamed over her small frame that was encased in another dress, a form fitting pastel blue one with white polka dots. The straps were thick across her tan shoulders and supported the dress that tastefully showcased her chest area. The dress was pinched tight around her abdomen while the dress was much loser and marginally flared at her waist. She had forgone any jewelry except silver hoops. Her hair was placed in a tight large bun on top of her head with her bangs swept to the side as she was growing them out considering the summer heat.
"Hey," he called out softly.
Karina looked up at him questionably.
"I meant to tell you earlier," he paused as his tongue felt dry and he felt nervous which was incredibly foreign to him even with his memories. "You look beautiful."
He watched as a blush erupted from her cheeks to her chest as her green eyes quickly averted from his gaze, "Thank you. And you always look good, it's almost disgusting."
His brows pinched together at the oddity of her words, but he knew it was a compliment. Grabbing the haul of his winnings, he realized it had gotten incredibly late and he could hear the much louder buzz of electricity due to the bright fluorescent lights of the park coming on. He felt a faint pressure on his forearm and turned to Karina. "Are you up for one more ride?"
"What do you have in mind?"
Instead of giving him a verbal response she dragged him to the only ride that only had five people in line, The Ferris Wheel.
With their prizes, the first half of the ride was spent looking at the scenery. He couldn't help be amazed at how much architecture and technology had changed since he could actively remember. He knew he wasn't looking at his hometown of Brooklyn, but he imagined this part of Romania wasn't drastically different. Both had skyscrapers, high population, an amusement park, and a distinct taste and flavor that were renowned with the locals. And just for a moment he could replace the image of Romania with his dated image of the Brooklyn Bridge, East River, the various skyscrapers, and he even believing he was at Luna Park.
At the half way point during the ride, where they were fittingly placed on the top, slightly swaying inside the cart, Karina broke the peaceful silence.
"Thank you for coming out with me. I know crowds aren't your thing, but I really appreciate it. I hope you at least enjoyed yourself."
Bucky looked at her fondly, "I did. I can admit I was skeptical, but I had a great time." She smiled brighter and the lights accentuated her bright green eyes.
His flesh hand free from a leather glove unlike his left one, went to grab her hand, but realized he was already holding it.
They left the carnival after the Ferris wheel both of their pockets a lot lighter than before, but neither of them minded. Bucky's initial plan was to make sure Karina safely arrived at her apartment and head home himself and reflect on the day's events. Instead, he found himself accepting her offer of coming insider her place and somehow he found himself lying next to her on his back looking up at the stars on the roof of her apartment complex.
The humidity of the night had slightly decreased and surprisingly there was a nice breeze to combat it.
The stars were remarkably bright and visible due to the neighborhood Karina lived in had a few street lamps that were hardly reliable to see in the dark. He wished he had Steve's artistic capabilities because it was something he wanted framed.
"It's nice right?" Karina whispered next to him and he became acutely aware to how close they were laying next to each other. He could smell the jasmine in her hair and the sensual tint of her perfume that lasted through the heat. If he were to extend his arm she could easily nestle into him and rest her head on his shoulder.
"Yeah, it is," he settled on as he tried to remember the constellations he was taught in middle school.
"In Brooklyn, I dreamed of seeing the stars like this as everything today is so polluted by technology – lights. I replaced the stars with city lights and the occasional fireworks, but nothing beats this. God, I still haven't even seen a shooting star."
"Steve likes to draw stuff like this – nature."
"Those drawings must be worth a lot of money."
"He's good," Bucky said picturing the various pieces of art he could remember. Good wasn't even the right word to describe Steve's artistic skills. "Went to art school too after high school. He used to draw to earn money on the side. I actually hung a lot of his pictures up. My mom loved them."
"Can you draw?"
Bucky snorted and thought about Steve's failed attempts to teach him the basics. He didn't have the patience for it although he did appreciate the anatomy class he tagged along to with Steve, "Stick figures, I'm your guy."
Karina released a giggle from her throat as she shook her head and they settled into another lapse of silence. The screeching of car tires against cement and the occasional cackles of laughter of commuters providing background noise.
As he laid there, it seemed inevitable that his thoughts would turn black considering the darkness of the night was cloaking him – hugging him like an best friend. The darkness was an old friend providing perfect cover while he executed missions. The shadows welcomed him with open arms and covered him as he moved stealthily with them to his target. It was because of the night he was able to become a ghost story. It was also at night when the quiet became too loud for him. It was when the screams chased the wind to find him – to haunt him.
He knew he would never be able to forget or ever wash the blood away from his hands. But he could make atonements for those whose lives he took. He wished somehow he was able to apologize to his victims. He wished he was able to tell them he was sorry and that he never survived the fall from his train. He wished he could rip Zola, Pierce, Karpov, and anyone involved in his conditioning as The Winter Soldier apart.
"Karina, what would you wish for?" He asked referencing to her comment of never seeing a shooting star.
"Hmmm, if I saw a shooting star right now," she paused in thought for a few seconds before she provided her answer and her could hear the smile in her voice. "I don't think I would wish for anything. I wouldn't change anything at the moment."
He instantly deflated at her response. Sometimes, he didn't understand how Karina so smart and so aware of who he was and what he did could be so fine with it, as if it didn't faze her at all that one day he could snap and accidently hurt her. Or either Hydra or various governments would gladly take her down with him. He couldn't even classify it as blind faith with her at the notion they would always live in Romania undetected.
"Karina –"
"What?" She interrupted hotly at his exasperated tone as she leaned up on her forearms. He didn't need light to even know that her face was set in a scowl.
"You –" he began to say, but was cut off again by her angry tone.
"I what? Am I stupid because I would prefer to be here with you? Or am I stupid for seeing the situation for what it is? I know what the risks are, Bucky." He winced at the use of his name that he knew was more familiar to him. It felt wrong leaving her mouth and he knew she must of have been angry with him and he waited for her words to slur into angry Russian. "I can recall quite vividly what it feels like to have your hand almost crushing my throat. But I also know that you were fucking brainwashed –"
"But I still did it," he cut her off firmly and giving her no chance in finishing her thoughts. "I remember all of them…" He trailed off as he got flashes of all his victims screaming, crying, and pleading with him to stop. They wouldn't tell anyone he was there. They begged him to not hurt their family, children, and spouses. He remembered how some of them ran trying to delay the inevitable. Even if he happened to hesitate like he did with Stark, he still finished the mission. His metal limb still caved someone's face in or crushed a throat. His hands still pulled a trigger. And even if a part of him felt a spark of something he still went back to base and followed protocol and listened to his handlers praise him for his work that was shaping the century. "And I still did it," he choked out as his eyes became watery and he refused to look in Karina's direction even as he heard her move in the night and her cool arms winded around him in a hug and moving him so his head was resting on her exposed shoulders. He was sure she felt his tears trailing on her collarbone. She didn't say anything and he appreciated that she didn't say that everything was okay. He appreciated the silence she provided as he relaxed in her embrace and he became flooded with her perfume.
He could only think about how unworthy he felt in having Karina knowing about his past. He didn't deserve to have someone comforting him. But in all the time he and Karina had gotten close she had reiterated over and over about choice and consent. He needed to respect her decision in staying with him every day and to be his friend. And he needed to admit to himself how much he appreciated her decision in dealing with him. He needed to accept that she wasn't just going to up and leave. She wanted to be with him.
Eventually he took a long deep breath and didn't even realize how he audibly inhaled in her scent and nuzzled into her. "You know shooting stars are meteors right?" He pointed out trying to bring some humor to the depressing mood he brought and his response was some laughter.
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