/I could've written this shit 8 hours ago, but I didn't know how to make a smooth transition between the previous chapter and this one, so I kept opening Word, thinking about it and then closing it. Fuck me. For once, I would like to write something and NOT end it in the middle of the night.
Anyway, here's your dose of bullshit.
(Edits I put while writing)
EDIT no. 1: Goddammit, it's past 12 AM. No fap for today, ehh…
EDIT no. 2: Actually, why not…?
EDIT no. 3: Stop writing edits and finish the chapter, moron.
EDIT no. 4: I'm trying to come up with something funny for this fourth edit, but I clearly can't.
/
Nezu used his magic to teleport all 1-A students to his location.
(seriously, I've spent 8 hours thinking about what to write, when I could've just gone with the usual, safe "X used their magic to do X". I'm so dumb)
"How the fuck…?!" the students shouted, confused.
"We don't have time to explain, bitches." Nezu said, "I need you all to find Midoriya Izuku, right now."
"That bitch?" Kirishima chuckled, "What do you need him for?"
"WATCH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, KIRISHIMA! ! !" Ochako screamed at him.
"Yeah, who the FUCK do you think you are?" Toru added.
Kirishima backed off, remembering that one time when he and the other guys were making fun of Izuku, and the girls heard them and broke their arms in several places.
"Are you done?" Nezu asked, "Whatever. Now, listen. We have found out that the aliens can ONLY be defeated by hitting their only weak spot – and that is their assholes."
"Can't the pro heroes try to do it themselves?" Tsuyu asked.
Nezu shook his head, "They tried, and failed. It's too difficult to get past those tentacles and chainsaws."
"Then how do you expect Deku to do anything about it?" Ochako asked, "I doubt he's fast enough to get behind those aliens, anyway."
Nezu smirked, "Heh… you see, I've got a plan, that might just work out."
He took out a piece of paper from his ass and unfolded it. The students looked at it, but it didn't seem like much at first glance.
"Dafuq is this?" Kaminari asked.
"This..." Nezu said, "Is the ancient map to the tomb of the legendary Japanese emperor, Toshiba Anime Hentai."
"? ? ? ? ?"
"He lived ten thousand years ago. He invented fisting, and perfected it. Nobody was able to escape his fisting wrath."
"Are you on crack?" Mina asked.
Nezu snorted, "Actually, yes. But this is real shit, guys. You need to find Midoriya and make him enter the tomb. It is said that the spirit of Toshiba Anime Hentai appears only to those, who are experienced fisters. The thing is, I don't actually know if the tomb exists or not, it's only a legend. But looking at our current situation, I say we have to try."
Sero shook his head, "This sounds dumb. I ain't going anywhere.
Everyone agreed that this plan is retarded, expect for Ochako.
"I will go." She said with a serious expression on her face, and everyone looked at her, "If there's even a slight chance that this tomb exists, we have to bring Izuku there. For humanity's sake."
"Bitch, hello?" Kyoka said, "You really believe that this tomb exists? Ten thousand years old tomb of TOSHIBA ANIME HENTAI?! Have you ever heard of this guy? Did Japan even exist that long ago?
"Well, the principal said…"
"LOOK AT HIM!" Kyoka pointed at Nezu, "He's a fucking raccoon! THAT TALKS! He injects CRACK into his eyeballs! Just look at him!"
Ochako and Nezu exchanged looks. Nezu raised his hand and said "Sup?".
"I believe in principal's words." Ochako stated, "He might be a talking animal, but he IS the principal, after all."
"Yup. I am. Listen to what she says, bitches." Nezu added.
The others spent a few seconds considering the idea.
"I will join you, Ochako." Tsuyu said, "This is the only thing we can do, anyway."
"K, count me in as wel." Mina said.
"Don't forget about me, BITCHES!" Toru shouted and joined them.
"I guess…" Kyoka said unwillingly.
Nezu smiled, "Sick, we've got a team of five, anybody else?"
The guys were scratching the backs of their heads. Then, suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, Yaoyorozu has spoken:
"Umm, I can go, if it involves taking part in an unforgettable adventure around the globe, like Lara Croft in Tomb Raider."
"I'm pretty sure you have your priorities fucked up, but whatever." Nezu said, "Alright, so these are all the girls. Guys? You surely won't let all those girls go alone, right?"
Kirishima cleared his throat, "Well, about that…"
"IF YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I FUCK YOU UP?!"
Everyone looked at Ochako, who was so fucking furious, she made Kratos from God of War series look like a little bitch.
"Ochako, I was just trying to…"
"I DON'T CARE, YOU LITTLE SHIT! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP US SAVE THE WORLD, YOU CAN GO DIE SOMEWHERE, LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING WORM YOU ARE! THAT'S RIGHT, I FUCKING SAID IT! YOU'RE TRASH! EVERYBODY HATES YOU! SO GO, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT! GO RAPE SOME CORPSES LIKE SOME LOSER! CUZ THIS IS THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT, RIGHT? FAPPING AND RAPING DEAD BODIES! GO AHEAD! LET THE GIRLS TAKE CARE OF YOUR PROBLEMS! WHY HELP US, WHEN CLEARLY THE PROBLEM WILL SOLVE ITSELF? AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL RAPE SOME CORPSES WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, RIGHT? WHY WASTE THE OPPORTUNITY?! WELL GO, DICKHEAD! WE DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP! GET! THE FUCK! OUT!"
Kirishima crapped his pants, and so did every other guy.
They ran away, afraid of getting their dicks ripped off.
"… Huh." Nezu said after a few seconds, "That was a bit of an overkill, girl."
"I didn't know you can drop bombs like that, Ochako!" Mina said, "I'm impressed!"
Ochako breathed out, "Sorry, I actually didn't want to shout at him like that. It's just that the new medicine I've been taking for the past couple of days doesn't seem to work. It was supposed to be more effective than the previous one, but I can't notice any improvements. If anything, I think my mental state has gone even worse. I'm hyperactive all the time, I can't control what I say or what I do. I feel like on crack all the time. The headaches never stop, my sexual needs are omnipresent and cannot be quenched by any kind of porno, I can't sleep at night, my eyes hurt from staying up all the time, I get aggressive very easily, and my overall self-confidence has dropped so low that I can't bring myself to do anything productive. I get depressed every time I think about my grades, and no matter what I do, I can't help but think that I'm wasting time. But, don't worry, it's okay."
After five seconds of everyone wtf-ing at what Ochako said, Nezu finally broke the silence by a loud cough.
"Well, if that wasn't unexpected and depressing…" he said, "Alright, anyway. Let's focus on the mission. Before we go to the ancient tomb, we've got to find Midoriya Izuku. Any idea where he might be hiding?"
"Nope." Toru replied.
"We don't even know how he escaped the prison in the first place…" Tsuyu said, "The cameras didn't notice anything."
"But we do know ONE thing!" Yaoyorozu exclaimed.
Everyone looked at her.
"… we do know that he has green hair, and his name is Midoriya Izuku."
"…" Nezu opened his mouth, trying to say something, but he couldn't find anything.
Mina pat Yaoyo on the back.
"Hahaha! Yes, that's right, Yaoyo!" she said, laughing, "You're so smart!"
"Oh, thank you! But it wasn't that difficult…" Yaoyo said, blushing.
"No, you VERY smart. VERY. So, how about you take this SPECIAL phone…" Mina gave Yaoyo her own phone, which she stole from her pocket just now, "… and call everybody in the world if they happened to spot any green-haired Midoriya Izukus in their area, how about that?"
Yaoyo gasped, "Really?! You want me to fulfill this difficult task, because you can't handle it? Oh my God! I'll be glad to help you all!"
"Yeah, cool, so, take this phone, go to that ruined Taco Bell over there, hide in a fridge and make some calls, aight, girl?"
"You've got it!"
Yaoyo grabbed the phone and ran to what used to be a Taco Bell.
"Sick." Nezu said, nodding, "Alright, we have no clue where he is, we have no idea if he's still alive, and we don't know anyone who might know anything about his whereabouts."
"That's right." Ochako said, "What is your plan, principal?"
Nezu looked from one girl to another, each looking at him with hope.
"Plan? Who said I had a plan? Don't look at me like that!"
"But… you said…"
"I only said that we need to bring Midoriya Izuku to the tomb. I know where the tomb is, I have a map, after all. But I don't know where Midoriya is."
"Don't you think that finding Deku is, like, the most important thing?" Toru asked, "Without him, this whole plan is pointless, and we're just wasting our time."
"Hmmm…" Nezu scratched his chin, "Idk, lol."
Kyoka grabbed Nezu and shook him really badly, "YOU FUCKING COON, WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?!"
"Hey, please calm down, or I'll call the police."
"The police is nonexistent, dumbass." Mina said, "They ran away as soon as the aliens attacked."
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Ochako exclaimed.
"What, what's going on?" Tsuyu asked.
"Deku was in prison, right? Prisons are correctional facilities, right? Facility is a very complicated word, and what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think 'complicated'? That's right, it's the law. Who enforces the law? It's the POLICE! The Police was a British rock band. They made a song Every Breath You Take. What does Deku like the most, and couldn't live without? That's BREATHING! To breathe, you inhale, and then exhale. What rhymes with both of those words? It's IMPALE!"
Kyoka sighed and put Nezu down, "… aannnd?"
"… I don't know. My chain of association has ended…"
Meanwhile, Yaoyo has returned.
"Guys! I found him!"
"What?!" Everyone said in shock.
"I called random numbers to ask about Izuku, and the tenth person I spoke to turned out to had seen a boy with green hair, who looked just like Midoriya Izuku from My Hero Academia."
"How the FUCK is this possible?!" Mina asked, clearly confused.
"Don't question it." Nezu said, "This is a shitpost."
"Alright, so where's Deku?" Ochako asked.
"He's in a small village named Las Mierdas, in Mexico." Yaoyo replied.
"Dafuq is he doing there?"
"Probably hiding."
"Alright, let's go!" Nezu shouted enthusiastically, "You coming or what?"
"You're not going with us, principal." Tsuyu stated.
"Why not?"
"Because you're a raccoon, and they don't let raccoons on airplanes." Toru explained.
"That's just racist."
"Sorry, you have to stay." Mina added, "Don't worry, we can handle it."
"Really? Well, I thought I'd come with you, as your senior and teacher…"
"No need, really :)" Ochako said, smiling, "Besides, you wouldn't want to be there when we get there."
"… oooohh, I get it. You think I'm gonna let you go alone? Forget it, I'm going with you."
"No, you're not." Kyoka summed up the conversation by sticking a dynamite up Nezu's asshole, which sent him flying ten miles away.
The other girls applauded Kyoka, who nodded with appreciation.
They went to the airport, stole one of the airplanes and made Yaoyorozu steer it, since she's so smart and shit.
The village of Las Mierdas was five hours away. Yaoyo was steering the plane, excited for the responsible task she was given. Meanwhile, the other girls were doing… something, in the back.
To be continued…
This chapter turned out to be a one giant dialogue chain, but I DON'T CARE.
Also, my head hurts, so no fapping for me tonight. *sigh*
Btw, I wrote seven chapters of this shit, and I still get this feeling that I should write Jirou instead of Kyoka. I don't remember how they call her in the show. I get the Japanese names and surnames mixed up all the time, lol. But, they sometimes call Izuku by 'Izuku', and sometimes by 'Midoriya', and this makes it even more confusing for me.
