Disclaimer: I own these words, but Stephanie Meyer owns the characters. I also own Jasper's original songs, but not the covers that someone else wrote.

This is where I thank my beta, LithiumReaper. Without her, this story would not be where it is. She's amazingly perceptive, that one.


Jasper:

I was torn, and not between anything good. In fact, I was torn between the two worst possible situations ever; between chasing after Bella and trying to get her to understand that everything that Charlotte had just said was complete and utter shit and that she was the only girl I had slept with since New Year's night and she was the one who made my music run, and telling Charlotte to shove every single thing she said up her ass and yell at her for screwing it all up.

Yes, they were the worst situations possible, because I didn't want to fuck up my relationship with Charlotte and I didn't want Bella to know how much she had actually affected me. That would only complicate us more. She didn't want anything from me but sex. If I told her, she would run away. But then, if I didn't, I would lose all of her.

Fucking hell.

I had hated seeing Bella standing there, taking every hit that Charlotte could throw with a hard heart. She shouldn't have had to put up with it. She especially shouldn't have had to deal with being treated like a second-class citizen while she stood there half naked. But before I could do anything, she was out the door and gone before I had time to blink. I could never understand how Charlotte could treat her like that. In fact, I had never understood how Charlotte could treat anyone like that. She had been doing it for as long as I knew her. She was fiercely independent, ferociously loyal, and had the guts and mouth of a predator. If you got on the wrong side of her or went down a path she perceived as wrong, you could literally feel her wrath. I knew that well. I was generally the receiver of it.

"Damn it, Charlotte, that was cruel," Peter scolded. Charlotte didn't give a shit. She just kept looking at me; testing me. I returned the anger.

"So, what is it, Jasper?" Charlotte asked expectantly.

"Char, stop it, seriously," Peter insisted. "This has gone too far. You two need to chill the fuck out."

Charlotte still didn't pay him any attention. One-minded, she expected me to reply to her bullshit.

"You're a fucking bitch, Charlotte," I told her, forcing my way towards the door. I wasn't going to just sit by and take that shit. Not this time. This time was different, because what she had said and what she had claimed had been completely off mark. I may have fucked up before, but this wasn't one of those times. Charlotte didn't even flinch. Peter looked like an angry lion after hearing me insult his girlfriend. I didn't even bother to put my shoes or a shirt on as I flung open the door and let it smash against the wall.

"Where are you going!" Charlotte demanded.

"Where the fuck do you think I'm going?"

Charlotte was about to protest, but I didn't let her, slamming the door in her face. Then I took off down the hallway.

I took the stairs, racing down them four at a time. I couldn't even think about being stuck in an elevator, waiting to get to the bottom floor. I had to go as fast as possible. Seven flights of stairs later, I was finally bursting out of the ground floor staircase.

Bella wasn't in the lobby. As fast as I could, I ran out onto the street, searching desperately for her through the pounding rain. I took off to the left, running a few blocks down the road, ignoring the curious stares. Soon, my chest was constricting, and I had to turn around. Picking up my pace, I sprinted down the right end of the street, looking even harder, wondering whether I had taken the wrong turn. Still, I couldn't find her, and I felt like collapsing on the pavement in exhaustion.

"Son, are you alright?"

An elderly man approached me with an umbrella as I stood there in the rain, searching for Bella, his eyebrows knitted with worry. His concern shook me from my paranoid state and brought me back down to reality. What the fuck was I doing? I probably looked insane. I was insane. And why the fuck would Bella want to talk to me even if I did manage to find her? It was all quite illogical and idiotic.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I just…I'm fine."

The man looked at me questioningly. "Step under my umbrella. You must be freezing."

His kind brown eyes with the laugh lines around them reminded me a lot of Charlie. It made everything much, much worse.

"Oh, thanks, but that's okay. My apartment is just over there."

I pointed in the direction of the building. The man nodded, his eyes twinkling, and gave me a kind smile.

"Best get there, then."

He was right. There was no point in standing out in the middle of the rain. Bella was gone. I had to at least get dressed before I went looking for her again.

I threw the door to the apartment open, anger flooding through me. Charlotte had completely fucked it up, and I wasn't going to keep my distaste a secret.

Peter and Charlotte were already in the living room having an argument when I arrived. Both turned to me automatically. Charlotte looked pissed. Peter looked shocked. He knew that we were both going to go at it as soon as he saw the look in my eyes.

"I can't believe you fucking did that! Who the hell do you think you are?"

Charlotte didn't even flinch as I yelled at her. That made me even angrier. I couldn't help it when I threw a punch at the wall, furious and needing an outlet for my anger. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to run and kick and scream and make my blood pound and my heart strain. I wanted to get it out.

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Jasper. You don't give a crap about her! You've never given a shit about any girl you've fucked!"

I didn't care how true that used to be. Bella wasn't just some other girl. I hated Charlotte, and I wanted to let her know just what a completely judgemental bitch she was being.

"You have no idea how I feel, and the way you treated her was nothing but cruel! I swear to God, Charlotte, I am sick of your shit. You're not my mother. You're not my boss. You're just my roommate. I swear I will leave, without a second glance, if you ever do anything like that again!"

Charlotte threw her hands in the air, exasperated, tears filling her eyes. She looked desperate, biting her lip and trying to make the words come out right. She almost looked pained or tortured.

"Damn it, Jasper, sometimes cruelty is the only way to get through to you! I've tried talking to you normally, but you never fucking listen. It's always the same. First you start drinking, then you start bringing a random girl home every other day, and then you leave again. And last time you left, we didn't see you for three years. I'm not going to let you do that again! I'm not going to let you tear this family apart again! Even if I have to hurt someone else in the crossfire, I will do it! You cannot keep doing this to us!"

Charlotte looked like she was on the edge of tears. Peter tried to soothe her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Charlotte shook him off, a shudder ripping through her, and shrank away from him. That hit me hard. Seeing her refuse him was almost unnatural. But still, I didn't let it faze me. I was still seeing red and hating everything about her forceful, pig-headed, bitchy personality, even if the mention of family had gotten under my skin.

"You're so quick to judge people!" I spat. "You think you know what's going on when you really have no clue! You're so set on the idea that I'm going to leave again that you've become a fucking prison warden. Leave. Me. Alone. And never talk to anyone I know like you just did, or I swear I will leave, and not because I'm fucked up, but because you pushed me away!"

Charlotte looked absolutely terrified. Even Peter was frozen with shock. I couldn't hold back the anger flooding my veins.

"Jasper, you can't. This can't be about that girl – what was her name – Izzy! She's just a girl! You can't…Why do you give a shit?"

Typical. I felt like punching something again. I did, and I felt my knuckles crack as my fist hit the wall.

"She's not just a girl! She means more than any of the other girls, ever. And it's not just about that! For fuck sake, Charlotte, don't you get it? I'm sick of the way you treat me – you and Peter. You're so set on the fact that I might go off the rails that you forget to be my friends and let me actually move on! I can't take it anymore! And for fuck sake, my sex life has got nothing to do with you!"

Charlotte was stunned to silence. She was silent for an unnerving amount of time, just watching me. I knew what part she was picking up on.

"Why do you care about her that much? You can't seriously be that attached to a girl you barely know –"

That was when it hit her. Charlotte's eyes widened and her lips parted as she such sucked in a strained breath.

"She's the girl, isn't she? She's the one who made you start writing again, isn't she?"

Charlotte was stunned by the realisation. Peter looked thoroughly confused.

"Wait – what?" he demanded. "Writing again? As in actual songs, writing again? You're kidding me."

Charlotte was still silent. Peter was demanding an explanation. I didn't want to give them one.

I shook my head. I still wanted to be angry at her. I still wanted to yell at her and give her a piece of my mind. I didn't want to discuss this shit with her.

Instead of answering, I walked straight into my room and grabbed my duffel bag. I only had one idea of where to go, and so I started grabbing random clothes from my room and shoving them in there. I picked out a t-shirt from my drawer and threw that on, slipped on a pair of shoes, grabbed my wallet and my keys, tossed my bag over my shoulder, and headed back into the kitchen.

Charlotte and Peter were standing there watching me, wondering what I would do. When they saw the bag they both started freaking out.

"Wait, Jasper, dude, where are you going!" Peter called.

"Jasper, no, wait! You can't leave! Please!"

I turned around to face them, seeing red. "For the last time, Charlotte, quit trying to tell me what to do. I'm sick to death of it."

She looked pained, pleading with me with big, hurt green eyes. "But…but please, Jasper, don't go. Not yet. We can't…we can't lose you."

I almost laughed at the thought. "You're not fucking losing me, damn it."

"But then where are you going!" she demanded.

"Away for a few days. I need to get out of here."

Before either of them could reply I threw open the door and slammed it shut behind me.

:::

I couldn't go and find Bella. Why? Well, simply, because I had nowhere to look. I didn't have her number. She had mine. I didn't know where she lived. She only knew where I lived. She instigated our meetings. She had the power to appear and reappear as she wished. I just waited, like some wide-eyed prepubescent boy waiting for the angel of his dreams to come swooping mysteriously back into his life. I had no control over her. The mystique of it was intoxicating, but when it came down to issues like this, it was torture. The only thing I knew was where she worked, and she wouldn't be there on a Saturday morning.

When Garrett came to answer the door he was groggy and sleepy-eyed. It was understandable. It was probably only ten in the morning, and no doubt he had been out the night before. But at that moment, his sleep schedule was the last thing on my mind.

When he realised who I was you couldn't ignore the surprise on his expression. "Jasper. What are you doing here?"

"I need a place to crash for a few days. Can I stay with you?"

Shaggy-haired and still coming to grips with being awake, Garrett nodded and stepped aside. "Make yourself at home. Couch is yours."

"Thanks, man."

Garrett led me into the lounge and indicated where I could throw my bag down. The good thing about Garrett's place was that he lived alone. I wouldn't have to deal with any more fucking roommates. The other good thing was that Garrett was easy going. If I needed a place to stay, he would let me, no questions asked. He knew when to speak and when to stay quiet and mind his own business, unlike a lot of people I knew.

"Tough time?" he asked, heading towards the kitchen, as I sat down on the couch.

"Roommate troubles," I said simply.

Garrett let out a short laugh. "Huh. Exactly why I don't have them."

Perfect.

"Thanks for letting me crash here. I will be out of your hair in a few days."

Garrett shrugged nonchalantly and poured himself a glass of orange juice. "Not a problem. Stay as long as you need. Food is in the fridge, bathroom is down the hall. You know the drill. Make yourself at home."

Garrett walked back to his bedroom, and I slouched down onto the couch, mentally kicking myself for fucking everything up so badly. If I told Bella what the hell was going on, I would lose her. But if I didn't, I would still lose her. Either way, I was fucked.

:::

Bella:

Once I was out of the door, I took off at a run down the hallway. I may have tried to keep my composure in the apartment, but once I was out the tears fell hard and my blood pumped heavy. I ran straight to the elevator, slamming the call button mercilessly. I was impatient, tapping my foot as the elevator groaned its way up seven stories. I was standing there for all of five seconds – although it felt like five hours – when a door behind me was opened and a familiar voice greeted me.

"Bella! Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?"

I turned around, spotting a pretty, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, petite girl standing in the doorway down to the stairs, wearing gym gear and carrying a handbag.

"Lucy," I said, breathless, embarrassed as hell. "You – uh – what?"

Lucy was my co-worker – a pretty, popular nineteen year old studying Music Technology at Seattle University. She had stars in her eyes and a rich daddy backing her every move. And seeing her that morning, when I was feeling even worse about myself, was absolute crap.

Lucy smiled and stepped forward. "I just got back from the gym. What are you doing here?"

"I – uh…"

I was stunned to silence. I didn't have a story, and I didn't want to tell her the truth. Luckily, Lucy was talkative enough to not wait for an answer.

"You should come into my apartment! Have a coffee with me – or, uh, a tea. You might be sick of coffee." She giggled uncontrollably at that. "I feel like I haven't talked to you for ages!"

Still flustered, I nodded, and was soon dragged down to the end of the hallway, Lucy's little hand gripping my wrist tight.

Lucy's apartment was amazing. For a nineteen year old student working her way through school, she definitely had it made, with the latest appliances and styles to decorate her home. As soon as we were inside she took my coat, hung it up, dropped her bag on the counter and flipped on the kettle.

"What do you want? I'm having a green tea. It's so delicious, and it makes me feel a treat after a workout. Would you like one? It has camomile in it!"

I nodded mindlessly and slid into one of the black swivel chairs. I had never heard someone get so excited about camomile before.

"So, Bella, how have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you for ages!"

"I saw you at work yesterday," I reminded her.

"Oh yeah, but a lot has happened since then," she giggled as she placed a teabag in each cup and poured hot water over them.

Tell me about it, I thought bitterly.

"Oh really?" I asked. Those two words were enough to set her off on a long ramble about how she spent the few hours we were apart.

"Well, as you must remember, I left early. So, to kill time, I went to campus and worked a bit on my assignment – which is going fantastically, by the way." Lucy grinned. I smiled too and blew on my tea, trying to cool it down before diving in to try it. "When I came home – it must have been about six by this time – I was walking through the lobby and…" her voice trailed off, her perfect cheeks going bright pink with blush. It made me self-conscious. When I blushed, I looked like a blotchy tomato. When she blushed, her blood pooled all cute and perfect in the middle of her cheek. "…and I met the cutest, most gorgeous guy on the planet."

Oh Jesus Christ, this is the last thing I need to hear about, I thought cruelly. I was being bitchy. I was. I knew that. But I was feeling like complete and utter shit and I didn't need to hear about any fairy tale romances from perfect-Lucy.

"That's great," I encouraged, trying to smile. My cheeks were tense from dried tears. I doubted whether she had even noticed.

Lucy took a long drink from her tea, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"He was absolutely beautiful. Kind of…rough and tumble, you know? But still absolutely gorgeous. He wasn't the pretty type that I usually go for, but he was just so…rough and… and gorgeous. And when he smiled I almost died. I walked straight into him, see, and I dropped my bag. Without a second thought he dove down and picked it up for me and oh, it was so nice. But he was smoking, which was really gross, I have to admit. It killed the moment a bit. But still, he was gorgeous."

You've said that, I snapped to myself.

"He lives in this building, I think. I've seen him before. He didn't move in very long ago. But whenever he sees me he smiles at me. He's so…pretty. He lives just down the hall, actually."

That was when my heart sunk. Desperately, I hoped she wasn't talking about who I thought she was talking about.

"He apologised to me, and it was so lovely. And he was so…casual. He wore paint-stained clothes, which was a bit of a turn-off, but still…endearing, you know, like he doesn't care what people think about him. And he had fucking sex hair, Bella. Sex hair."

Oh Christ. My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. Yes, I knew who she was talking about. Kind heart, paint-stained clothes and a heart-hammering smile. That was Jasper down to a T.

Gulping down the lump in my throat with a burning mouthful of tea, I tried to speak through a dry, raw throat.

"Sex what?" I sputtered.

Lucy giggled, not looking at me, her blue eyes glazed over and staring out the window longingly. I thought for a moment that they both suited each other. They were both blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful people with hearts of gold. Or at least I thought Jasper had a heart of gold.

Somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach I hoped to hell that she wasn't going to fall in love with him. I didn't want her to get hurt. Lucy was a sweet, hare-brained dreamer with her eyes on the sky. She was a lot like my mother in that way. If she fell for a guy who hurt her, she was the kind of girl who would have it destroy her life. And even though I had only been sleeping with Jasper for a little while, and was a long way away from falling in any sort of love with him, I had still been hurt, and it had made me feel like my stomach had been wrenched from my body. Jasper was the kind of guy who could make you feel attached, and no matter how small that attachment was, when you lost it, it would hurt like hell. Some people would call it an addictive personality. He had it in high school – even though he was bad news, you were drawn to him – and I hoped that Lucy wouldn't fall for it and get hurt. She was too young for that; too innocent.

And I was blowing things out of proportion a lot, but that was what I felt. There was a very thin line you could walk with Jasper between enjoyment and infatuation. I just really hoped she didn't topple over it only to have her heart broken. And although I hadn't had my heart broken as such and I had brought it on myself by agreeing to the 'not exclusive' rule, and had hardly any right to be angry. But, I was still hurt. I didn't want Lucy to feel that.

"Sex hair," Lucy enunciated. "Like, you know, when it's all unruly and shaggy and fucking sexy – when it looks like they've just had sex. Perpetual sex hair is like the biggest turn-on. It's kind of like yours is now." Lucy broke down into a fit of giggles at that sentence. "Of course, yours is not turning me on, but you know what I mean! Messy and curly and shaggy and sexy!"

Oh fucking hell. I could barely deal with this.

"I just don't have a clue how to kick something off with him! I mean, I tried to talk to him yesterday, but he said he was in a hurry and rushed off! How am I supposed to get things moving if I can't get him to talk to me?"

You could make it blatantly obvious that you like him. He seems to gravitate towards that, I thought bitterly.

Desperately, I jumped off the seat, trying to make an excuse to get out of there. My cruel internal monologue was driving me insane. It wasn't healthy to sit there and soak in my juices. I had to get the hell over it and move on.

"Listen, Lucy, I have to go. I'm really sorry. My roommate and I are…going out. Today. Soon. Um…with the guy…just…talk to him. But take it slow. I'm sure that you two will – uh – get on great. Just don't…overthink it."

With that, I practically ran out of her apartment before she could say a thing.

:::

I got home before Angela woke, still sleeping deeply after a big night. I rushed into my room, my breathing laboured, desperately trying to get my head together. Slamming the door shut, I leant against it, trying to catch my breath and my thoughts; trying to actually make sense of everything that was going on. After a few moments of refusing tears, I pushed down the sick feeling in my gut, and moved on.

I didn't want to go to work on Monday. Some sort of illogical morose feeling had come over me. I felt like a gutted fish, floating aimlessly. But, most of all, I felt over-dramatic and idiotic. And I hated feeling that way. I shouldn't have felt that way. But sometimes feelings are things you cannot control, no matter how hard you try.

When I arrived at work Lucy was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Only when she actually spoke to me did I actually realise why. The revelation made that sick feeling bubble up again.

"Bella!" she squealed, rushing up to me with a wide grin as I came through the door. It was barely seven in the morning. I couldn't understand how anyone could be so energetic at seven in the morning. "Bella, we're getting the painters in today!"

Damn it. I had forgotten about that. The boss had told us last week, but it had slipped my mind completely. Most of the shop had wooden walls, apart from the back wall. The boss was having the old royal green painted over with a musky, woody blue. It was a much needed paint job and he thought it suited better, and although I had my apprehensions, I accepted it gladly. The old green paint was fading and cracking. It needed a change.

Still, I didn't really understand why she was so excited about painters.

"Great," I smiled politely.

Lucy's expression suddenly straightened. She saw how unimpressed I was.

"You didn't look at the truck outside, did you?"

"No. Why?"

"He's the painter! Him – the guy I was telling you about! He's a painter! That explains the paint-splattered clothes!"

Lucy dissolved into a fit of blushing giggles. I was shocked to numbness. That was the absolute last thing I needed. The world seemed absolutely set on throwing Jasper and I together at the most inopportune times.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, unable to hold it in, and Lucy frowned.

"What?"

"Nothing," I recovered quickly. "Is…is he here?"

Lucy nodded enthusiastically, her mind on other things, not noticing my reaction. "Yes! He has a friend, too, and the friend is quite good-looking. Of course, I don't like him, but you might!"

No. No fucking way.

I didn't answer. Lucy didn't mind.

"What should I do, Bella? Gosh, I'm so nervous! What should I do?"

I couldn't answer. I couldn't string together any sort of coherent sentence. Then, when the door behind us was thrown open, I jumped, and felt a chill crawl up my spine.

"Uh, hey, we're the painters."

That voice was foreign. I knew it wasn't Jasper, but I was too scared to turn around and see who it really was. I was locked in spot, and so Lucy looked towards our visitor, plastering on a wide, friendly, beautiful smile, before skipping over to him.

"Hi! Yes, of course, I'm Lucy. And you are?"

"Garrett."

"Hi, Garrett. Uh, that's Bella. Welcome, I suppose."

"Thanks," Garrett said. "Uh, I have some paperwork to go over with you. Is there anywhere we could sit while my co-worker brings in the gear?"

Lucy nodded like a bobble head. "Yes, yes, of course. Let's take a table."

Lucy led Garrett over to a table at the side of the shop and started going over the paperwork. I still hadn't moved an inch, but when the door squeaked open again and I was hit with a chilly breath of air, I refused to look around and high-tailed it to the counter.

"Bel–"

Even hearing a small amount of his voice killed me. I really did not need this right now.

When I reached the counter I grabbed the cleaning spray and a rag and started wiping it down, scrubbing the surface violently, trying to get out my frustration. I heard him place the paint cans down and start walking back towards the door. I could feel his eyes on me as he walked away, and I refused to meet them.

The whole situation was incredibly tense. Jasper continued walking paint cans and rollers and sheets in, trying to catch my attention. Lucy kept peering over the top of the paperwork, trying to catch Jasper's attention. And I kept scrubbing at the counter mercilessly, refusing to let anyone catch my attention.

After about five minutes, Jasper was finished, and so were Lucy and Garrett. Straight away, Lucy headed over to Jasper to introduce herself. I was surprised and shaken when Garrett appeared in front of me.

"Hi. Uh – Bella, right? Nice to meet you. I'm Garrett."

Flustered, I nodded. "Yeah, Bella. Hi. Good to meet you."

Garrett smiled kindly. "Could you just sign here, please, next to Lucy's signature? It's just to confirm we are here. Bureaucracy and shit."

Garrett gave me that cheeky grin that said that he wasn't a big fan of bureaucracy and shit. I returned with a smile and signed quickly.

"Great. Thanks. We'll keep out of your hair. Promise."

"That's fine," I reassured him nervously.

Garrett headed away towards Jasper and Lucy. Lucy was leaning against the wall as Jasper knelt down to mix paints, giggling and smiling all cute-like. Jasper seemed to be lapping it up, too. Asshole. She was just a baby.

I didn't notice, but I was staring at the two quite coldly. When the bell on the counter rang Jasper turned to me quickly, surprised. Lucy wasn't aware of the noise at all. And when Jasper's eyes met mine, my heart jumped into my throat and I turned away immediately.

Standing in front of the counter with her little arms folded was a young girl, not ten years old.

"Cappuccino, please," she requested, speaking with a proper English accent. "It's for my mother."

Taking the little girl's money, I made the coffee and readied myself for a busy Monday morning, acutely aware of Jasper's presence in the room and wishing that he would just disappear.

:::

Jasper:

When I found out we were painting the coffee shop, I tried to pull a sick day. I tried anything I could think of to get out of it. Being in the same room as Bella for the entire day while we both tried to work and hide the fact that shit was going on between us would be damn near impossible. Not only that, but I was the last person that Bella wanted to spend any sort of time with, and although I wanted to fix what was wrong with us, I didn't want to do it in the workplace and practically force myself on her.

When I arrived, Bella was dead set on ignoring me. I was okay with that. After trying to get her attention to show her that I hadn't planned this, I realised that she didn't want a bar of it. So I stopped. Or at least I tried to. Her little blonde, overenthusiastic co-worker was set on hounding me, and as I watched Bella, she was furious at this. I could only guess about what she was thinking; Don't go near him. He'll hurt you. Jasper, you're such an asshole. Leave my friend alone.

Yeah. I knew what Bella would be thinking, and I tried to brush Lucy off with indifference, but she wasn't having a bar of it. She was set on talking about our apartment building, of all things. Apparently we lived in the same building. I didn't know how she knew that, but it wasn't exactly a pleasing realisation.

Eventually, Lucy left, and Garrett and I could finally get to work. My eyes couldn't stay off Bella as we started stripping the old green paint from the wall. Desperately, I wanted to apologise to her. But just as desperately, I didn't want her to know that she was the one I wrote about. It was a predicament, and having her in the room and knowing that the issue could flare up at any moment was hell.

When Garrett started talking to me through his face mask, my mind was only half in what he was saying.

"Lucy seems to like you, Jasper," he chuckled. "She seems very…enthusiastic."

"Yeah."

"And she knows where you live, too. She's definitely interested."

"Lucky I'm staying with you then, huh?"

Garrett turned to me, stopping mid-scrape, and raised an eyebrow. "She's cute though; long blonde hair and blue eyes. Perfect."

"I prefer brunettes."

"I bet she'd be like a rabbit in the sack."

Great. How fucking appealing.

"You're welcome to take her from me."

"She's not my type."

"You have a type now?"

He turned to me again, pissed but amused. I grinned like a child. "Funny, Whitlock. Just do your damn work."

Garrett went back to peeling the paint, and soon I found my eyes shifting over to Bella. She was standing behind the counter, making coffees as Lucy took orders. The steam from the coffee machine was giving her this odd, beautiful pink glow, and the smell of freshly ground beans was enticing. She moved freely and unreservedly behind the machine. She lost all of her apprehensions and self-conscious attributes. She seemed free when she thought that no one was looking at her; when she was dancing in her own mind, her hands working like a piece of art. It was beautiful, really.

After about two hours the busy time drew to a close and few people were coming through the door. That was when Bella grabbed a rag and antibacterial spray and went to clean the tables. She worked quickly, but this time she seemed tense, out in the open where any eyes could be on her. Including mine. I was making her uncomfortable. So, reservedly, I looked away and continued my own work.

Within a few moments of me turning away from Bella, Lucy appeared by my side, smiling brightly. I dropped my scraper to my side and pulled the mask away from my face, dropping it around my neck as I turned to her.

"Can I help you?"

Lucy looked honoured. "Can I get you boys a drink or anything?"

I turned to Garrett. He was peeling his mask away from his smirking face, placing it on top of his head.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you want a drink? I can make you anything."

I looked to Garrett. He smiled cheekily, politely turned her down, and put his mask back on. Lucy was still waiting for my answer.

"Uh, no, thanks, I'm good. I think I will keep on working at this. We can get it done quickly for you and get out of your hair."

Lucy looked worried. "Oh no! No, that's fine! We like having you here! Right, Bella?"

Lucy turned to her friend for backup. Bella was startled out of her rhythm. When she looked at us, I couldn't make out any emotion in her expression.

"Uh yeah, right," she dismissed, not even knowing what we were talking about. I looked at her for a few moments longer, trying to figure out what she was thinking. She refused to pay attention.

Lucy turned back to me and smiled. "So, what are you doing?" she asked, nodding towards Garrett scrapping the paint.

"Getting rid of the old stuff. It makes the painting easier and longer lasting."

Lucy looked thoroughly intrigued, although I couldn't imagine why. Painting was boring as shit. The only good part was at least this wall wasn't beige.

"Cool! So, how did you get into painting? Did you always want to be a painter? Are you artistic at all?"

This girl was way too enthusiastic. Way too enthusiastic.

"Uh, no. No way. I just…fell into it."

"Fell into it? How is that? How do you do that?"

You've got to be kidding me.

"Well, did you always want to work in a coffee shop?"

Lucy looked insulted at the thought. "No! Gosh, no! Who would want to do this as a career? No, I just found the listing in the paper. It's a part time job for while I'm in college."

"So you just found it, and it suited. Same with me and this job."

The epiphany hit her. When I saw her big, naïve eyes widened, I had to backtrack a little bit.

Did she say college?

"Wait, Lucy, how old are you?"

Lucy grinned and flicked her hair away from her face. "Nineteen, just a few months ago."

Oh fucking hell.

Garrett heard, and he coughed and spluttered and tried to hide his laughter. There were even tears in his eyes from the apparent hilarity of it. Lucy frowned at him, worried that he was choking on something. I felt like kicking him in the shin. I did just that – subtly, of course, so Lucy, with her oblivious eyes, never noticed when Garrett sent me a glare.

Nineteen. Nine-fucking-teen. Teen. She was still a fucking teen.

That has to be illegal.

"Nineteen," I enunciated, hearing the number buzz around my head like a fly. I remembered nineteen. That was a bad fucking year. I also remembered who I was at nineteen, and who I was at that moment. I fucking hated myself at nineteen. I couldn't deal with another one. "Nineteen. Teen. Teens. Wow. Huh."

Lucy looked very worried. "Is there something wrong?"

"You're still a teen."

"I'm nineteen. That's barely a teenager."

"Nineteen," I repeated.

Lucy blushed. She thought I was just saying it for shits and giggles.

"Stop it," she chimed, pushing my arm. "It's not that bad."

Oh Christ. Flirting. Abort mission.

I brought my scrapper back to the wall. "Listen, Lucy, I think you better let me get back to work. Garrett's pulling all the weight over there, and we've got to get this done."

Lucy giggled, nodded like a bobble-head and trotted back to the counter. Catching Bella's eye, I noticed that she was very unimpressed. When I went back to work, Garrett pulled his mask away to speak. I shut him up before he had a chance.

"Don't even try it."

Garrett laughed, held his hands up in surrender, and turned back to his work with a big smirk.

:::

When lunchtime rolled around I was quick to head out the back to the truck to grab my sandwich and water bottle. Garrett unlocked the back and we sat in the open tray, munching on our food in silence. The tension had been thick in the shop. I think it was even thick to the point of Garrett noticing that something was up. Bella refused to talk to me, Lucy wouldn't leave me alone, and Garrett was stuck watching the whole show play out. When Lucy had talked to me, Bella looked like she was about to bite my head off. When Lucy wasn't talking to me, Bella went back to her usual self. There was something magical about her when she thought that no one was watching.

Being around the two for so long, I realised something explicitly different between Lucy and Bella. Lucy was upfront. She was direct. You didn't have to guess with her, because you knew what she was thinking. She darted around like a hummingbird with a bright smile and a kind heart. She was pretty and perfect and equally wonderful. She was kind. She was young, and unsullied or bruised or damaged. She was light. She was the sun. She smiled and greeted people, and before she even said a word you knew everything about her. She was dreamy and predictable and naïve.

But Bella wasn't anything like that. Bella was midnight blue. She moved with grace and invisible presence, like the wind. When she interacted with people, she wasn't really there. She was closed in on herself, watching something else entirely; seeing something that none of us could see. She wasn't demanding of attention like Lucy was, but in a way she subconsciously attracted it anyway. In a way, she attracted it more than Lucy, because when you watched her, you were caught up. You were caught up in the way she moved, the way she talked and the way she looked. She was like the wind, or the water, or the moon. She was like midnight. And she was enticing – more enticing than any other girl I had known.

Garrett was still munching on his sandwich when I picked up the old guitar lying in the tray, enjoying it quite thoroughly. He didn't even glance at the guitar, completely used to my random strumming in the lunch break, and went on smiling as he took a large bite. My playing was smooth and plucky, without a steady rhythm, grooving and hypnotic, Hendrix style. Without putting any thought into it, I started humming the words that were in my head, and even though the rhythm was choppy, I felt it in my bones; the words just came, like they were born that way.

She's just a night-bird,
Oh baby, she's a night-bird,
Bluesy streaks in the midnight sky.
She's just an angel,
Oh baby, she's an angel,
Flying on through the deep blue sky.
She's an angel,
Oh baby, she's an angel;
An angel with stolen wings who wants to fly.
My Papa, oh he told me once,
"Son, you can't keep what you can't catch."
But Papa, oh Papa, I want to know
"When can my angel be mine?"
My Papa replied to me, his voice a shade of grey
"Son, you can't catch your angel today.
Your angel, she's born to fly away.
Ask her once, tame her sweet.
But son," he said, "your angel has to fly her own way."

Sometime during my strumming Garrett left and headed inside to the bathroom. I barely noticed, and once he was gone I stopped humming and started singing under my breath. I didn't know how much time had passed before I heard the backdoor open and close again. When it did, a weird feeling hit me. Garrett wasn't back. Someone else was.

My hands froze and I turned towards the door. Back near the wall was Bella, a trash bag in her hand, caught like a deer in headlights. Slowly, my hands started moving again.

As soon as I spotted her Bella ducked her head and headed towards the trashcans against the alleyway wall. Dully, my fingers plucked soft chords, and Bella looked tense as she walked, dropped the bag into the can, and headed back past the truck.

She wasn't going to say a word, and for some reason, that wouldn't settle well with me. So as she walked past, I spoke.

"Bella."

Bella stopped in her tracks and turned. "What?"

I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry."

Her expression didn't change. Some sort of acceptance had settled over her. "For what?"

"Everything."

She glanced away from me, her eyes on the ground, and changed the subject. "What were you playing just then?"

"I don't know."

"Where did it come from?"

I didn't know, so I didn't answer. Bella understood.

"It's yours, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"You're very talented," she acknowledged.

I didn't agree. "Only when inspiration strikes."

Bella gave me a small smile. "Whoever she is, you should keep her around."

"Who?"

"The girl who Charlotte was talking about – the one who makes you play."

I saw a flash of some hurt in her eyes. I didn't want her to feel that. "Bella, no, I –"

"It's okay, Jasper. Really. It's fine. I get it." She shrugged, kicking at a pebble on the ground and missing completely. "You didn't break any rules, right? I just kind of wish you had told me, you know? It just…it just wasn't nice to find out like that. That's all."

No. No. No. I didn't want her to think that. I didn't want her to feel like that. No.

"Bella, there was no –"

I went to explain, but a loud slamming of the door interrupted me. Bella swivelled around like lightning. My eyes flashed up to our visitor, my hands skidding to a stop. Lucy was there, and with a wide smile she bounded over to us, her eyes alight.

"Jasper! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Lucy came over to the tray and hoisted herself up next to me. My eyes went to Bella. She was shrinking away, her arms folded around her chest, blushing in embarrassment. Lucy noticed me noticing her.

"Oh, Bella! I didn't see you there! What were you two talking about?"

Bella looked to Lucy, and then to me. I looked at Bella. Neither of us had even started to make an excuse before Lucy bounced to a new topic.

"Oh, is that a guitar? Do you play? That is so cool, Jasper! Play me something! Oh please, would you?"

I looked to Lucy, shocked. Bella shrunk even further away as she hung off my arm, tugging like a child.

"Lucy, I don't think –"

Lucy wasn't having a bar of my protest. "Oh, go on, Jasper! Please?"

I looked from Lucy's blue eyes to Bella. Bella smiled weakly, almost in acceptance, but there was sadness in her eyes. Then, she nodded.

"Go on," she encouraged, although there was no soul in it.

Sighing, I plucked a few chords, and sang the first song that came to mind.

"Where it began, I can't begin to know when, but then I know it's growing strong…"

Lucy gripped my shoulder tight, and leant into me. I hated the intrusion into my personal space – especially when I was trying to play – and wanted to shake her off my skin. Bella stood back, listening kindly, and after barely half a minute I stopped, unable to keep playing.

Bella simply smiled. Lucy acted like the whole world had changed.

"Wow! You are so good! That is amazing! You should go professional!"

Oh fucking hell.

I laughed. "Ha, no, it's not that great. Really."

"No, no, it really is! My father is a record producer, and I reckon he would kill to sign you!"

Bella shrunk back even more at the offer.

"You're kidding."

"No, I'm not! I'm studying Music Technology at college. I would kill to produce someone like you. You should give me a CD or something and I'll get my Dad to have a look at it. He owns a record company!"

Wait. Stop. Back up.

"Music Technology? What the fuck is that?"

Lucy laughed like it was some sort of joke.

"I'm basically studying to become a producer. We learn the technicalities of music – about recording and producing and things – you know, so I can work in my Dad's label."

The technicalities of music? To me, music wasn't a technical subject. It was about soul. The thought of the technicalities of music dampened it.

"You need a degreefor that?"

Lucy looked shocked. "Well, no, but I want it."

Right.

"So, do you play anything then?"

At that moment, she looked shocked, as if that was a joke too. "Play? Oh gosh, no! I don't have a musical bone in my body! But you don't need that to be a producer. I know how to make things sound good."

Oh.

"That's great."

Lucy grinned, and then practically elbowed me in the ribs in an attempt to be playful. That was when Bella turned to leave, her expression something terrible.

"So, you should definitely give me a CD and I'll see if my Dad would be willing to sign you!"

I tried to smile. "Thanks, Lucy, but I'm not really interested in that. I just play for fun."

"But you're really good! You can't waste that talent!" she claimed.

"Really, Lucy, it's fine. But thanks. I better get back to work."

Quickly, I placed the guitar back under cover and darted for the door Bella had disappeared through. I caught her in the back room, calling her name and making her stop.

"Bella, wait!"

She turned to me slowly, controlled. "Yes?"

"That's not anything. You know that, right?"

She looked confused. "Jasper, I wouldn't mind if it was."

"But it's not."

"Okay."

"I don't want to sign with anyone, either."

"But she's right. You're talented."

"I don't want to sign with anyone. I'm not a musician."

Bella gave me a look that said she knew far more than I did. "Just be nice to her. She's young. Don't hurt her."

What?

"What are you talking about? There's nothing there, Bella."

"It's none of my business whether there is or isn't," she answered, shrugging, before she walked into the front room to serve a customer.

:::

Bella:

Jasper could play. Jasper could really play. I had seen it when he played November Rain, but at that moment, I realised that he could really play his own music. He could make it. He was talented. More than talented, actually. And for a moment it tugged at my heart, because my father had been talented, too, and he had spent his life being talented, but not taking it anywhere, and instead suffered through a lifetime of heartbreak. The reminder hurt, and as much as I was annoyed at Jasper, I didn't want that for him, and for a moment I thought that we might have reached an understanding.

But Lucy was interested in Jasper, and she was throwing herself at him, and I worried for her because I didn't want her to get hurt, but I also worried for him because he didn't seem to want it, and I was also hurt and a little pissed off and I didn't want to see them flirting in front of me. But then he didn't show any interest in her, and I didn't want her to get any more emotionally invested, but his playing had softened my attitudes towards him, and everything was very, very confusing. And as I worked that afternoon, serving customers, I couldn't get my head around how I felt. I hated Jasper for lying, but then he had never really lied, and he hadn't broken any rules, and it was all very complicated.

When Lucy cornered me in the backroom in the mid-afternoon, I already knew what was coming before she said anything.

"What's going on with you and Jasper?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

"Nothing," I lied. "Why?"

"Well, because you two were outside together and…I want to know why."

Her expression was serious, but she still had that flighty look about her that she never seemed able to shake. "We were both taking a break at the same time. It's no big deal."

"So you don't like him?" Lucy demanded.

Like him? What were we – in sixth grade?

"No."

"Oh, okay, good!" she giggled. "That's great! If you had, that would have been awkward."

I smiled. "No chance of it."

Lucy was satisfied with my claim. "Great! So, anyway, what do you think of him? I mean, I think he's amazing, but you haven't told me what you think!"

"He's – uh – nice," I sputtered.

"Nice? Jeez, Bella, don't hold back," she chided.

I didn't want to say it, but I couldn't help it. My protective instincts were going into overdrive. "Well, I mean, I just want you to be careful. That's all."

"Careful? About what?" she demanded.

"Well…uh…I mean…you're just young, and Jasper is older, and…I don't want you to get hurt. You know how guys can be. He could be a heartbreaker."

"I'm not that much younger!"

"You're nineteen," I reminded her. "And he's twenty three."

"That's not much difference!" she claimed.

"You've just moved out of home, Lucy. You're just starting out. You're practically a baby. You do a lot of growing up in those four years. Jasper is…different."

Lucy laughed heartily. It had to be the most serious I had seen her in a long time. "I'm not a baby, Bella. Trust me."

"I know. It's just that guys like Jasper can be tricky sometimes. Don't get too attached, you know?"

Lucy laughed even louder then. Suddenly, she was mature, and not the flighty Lucy I knew. "Bella, I'm not in love with the guy. I just want to fuck him. That's all. And it's not like I'm the Virgin Mary or anything, unsullied by the sins of the world. That ship sailed a long time ago. Sex is sex, and I want sex with Jasper. That's all."

I didn't want to hear that. I really didn't. I didn't want to know that she wanted to sleep with him like I had, or that Lucy – the girl who I thought of as a little sister – had grown up and experienced things long ago that I was just learning about now.

"But sex can be tricky, too, Lucy. You can't get too attached. He might hurt you."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I'm not a delicate little snowflake, Bella. And trust me – I'm a fighter. It's not like I'm ever going to fall in any kind of love with the guy. I'm not delusional, contrary to popular belief. Sex is easy and fun and quick."

"It's not always that simple, though."

Lucy's boisterous laugh almost made me feel bad. "With this, it is. And plus, in my experience, the guy who takes your virginity is generally the guy who breaks your heart into pieces and rips out your soul. Any guy after that is a piece of cake. Jasper will be nothing in comparison."

Lucy smiled and trotted out the door then, sending a gorgeous grin Jasper's way. I couldn't believe anything she said. Her experience had been the complete opposite of mine. The boy who broke my heart and ripped my soul out of my chest was not the one who took my virginity. The one who took my virginity was Jasper, barely a month before. Edward was the one who destroyed me, and we had never slept together, yet he still managed to split my heart into a million pieces and make it feel like it would never be whole again. Sometimes it felt like, even five years later, it still wasn't all there.

Yeah. I had to disagree with Lucy on that one. Edward was the one who had broken me. Jasper would never be able to do it.

:::

A few hours later, Lucy left early for class, and with her absence, the shop was very quiet. Garrett and Jasper worked in silence, and I made coffee for the few people who came in. My mind wasn't in it, though. Instead, I was dwelling over the complicated situation I was in. Lucy was interested in Jasper, which she had a right to be. But I was her co-worker and friend, and my relationship with Jasper was complicated as hell. No doubt, there was a possibility for drama there.

It was nearly six o'clock in the evening when Garrett and Jasper started to pack up. When they were finished, Garrett went to use the bathroom before they left. Taking the chance at that moment, I approached Jasper, who was waiting by the door. As I walked over to him he turned towards me, blue paint splattered over his clothes and streaked across his cheek, confusion washing his features.

"Can I have a word?"

For a moment he looked puzzled, but soon Jasper nodded. "Sure thing."

"Privately?"

Silently, Jasper nodded again, and we headed out to the backroom. Once inside, I pulled the door ajar and turned to face Jasper, who was leaning coolly against the counter.

"What is it?" he asked.

"We need to talk about this thing. Deal with it. We shouldn't leave it hanging like this."

"What exactly do you want to clarify?"

"The rules."

Jasper opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He eventually shut it and nodded. "About the exclusive thing?"

"Yes," I agreed. "It's just…you had a right to – uh – sleep with other girls. We agreed on that, and I don't have a problem with it. It's just…"

My voice trailed off when I remembered how I had acted and how immature it had been upon learning about the others. I shouldn't have been like that. It was hypocritical and absurd.

"You would have liked to know," Jasper answered for me, his expression lifeless and his eyes averted to the floor.

"Yes," I gulped.

Jasper nodded, but he still wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was chewing the inside of his lip, staring at his shoes. "So we have another rule: we tell each other if we sleep with anyone else or want to see anyone else, so that they can then decide if they want to continue with this thing, right?"

"Yes," I whispered.

Jasper nodded again, and for a moment I swore that he slammed his eyes shut. Still, he wasn't looking at me, and all I could see was the top of his unkempt mop of hair as he spoke again. "So then where does this all leave us? Are we still…okay?"

That was the question that I did not want to face, because I didn't know the answer yet. There were too many problems and issues rushing around in my head, and I couldn't pick one to just go with. Dealing with our issues was something that I didn't want to do – especially not that week, when everything else was slamming me too. There were so many reasons to continue with Jasper, but also so many reasons to discontinue it completely.

"I don't know," I admitted.

Jasper looked defeated, and took what I said the wrong way. "So that's it then; it's over?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I mean that I don't know what I think yet. I can't…I can't deal with it at the moment. But I think that a little break would do us good. This agreement wasn't supposed to be complicated, and we need to remember that."

Jasper was still refusing to meet my eyes. I hated not seeing his reactions. "How long?"

"A week. Maybe two," I offered.

Jasper nodded then. A moment later, he pushed himself away from the bench. "Well, I guess I will see you in a week, maybe two, then."

Without another word, Jasper walked straight out the door and out of my life.


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