AN --

ok so more flash backs - yay!
seriously, i hate writing flashbacks, its so much work, and im so lazy :)

sorry it took so long, but there was alot to put into this chapter.

Enjoy

Disclaimer - dont own it... yet!


EPOV

I sat on my couch listening to some music, but I wasn't really paying all that much attention to it. I wonder what had Bella so upset that she would just ignore me and run off. Well, she didn't exactly ignore me, but she might as well have.

I just wanted to make sure she was ok, I hated seeing her upset or angry, it made me sad.

……………

I knew I should have just left well enough alone, left Bella to get on with her life, but how could I? She was my everything, my life, my love, my soul, the one person whom I had envisioned the rest of my life with. It would only be every now and then right? Just to make sure she is still safe and happy.

I climbed up the wall and into her open window… why was her window open? She only ever left it open if she wanted me to come in for the night. I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of her room, watching her sleep like I had many times before.

She was so quiet and peaceful, which was nothing like my Bella, usually she would talk in her sleep, and roll around, but tonight, there was nothing. I sat watching her for 3 hours before something happened. She called out my name in her sleep. I smiled sadly to myself, she was still dreaming about me after everything.

"No Edward, wait, come back!"

She was crying now, salty tears running down her cheeks and I felt the pain wash through me like it had the day I left her. But this time it was worse, she was unhappy because I left her, 4 months along, and she was still unhappy and missing me even.

She had started tossing and turning in her bed. The crying, now not just silent tears, but also broken sobs, while she kept repeating my name over and over again.

It was at that point my resolve was about to crumble when she shot up in her bed and screamed. I quickly moved from the chair into the closet right next to it, waiting for her to go back to sleep. Then the door to her room opened and Charlie walked in, turning on the light.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, bad dream again, sorry dad."

"Ok, night"

And then he just walked out, like this was happening every night, but it wasn't, was it? I mean it couldn't be. I looked to Bella, seeing her lying on the bed in a ball with fresh tears running down her beautiful face. I wanted so badly to go over to her and comfort her, but I knew I couldn't.

If I walked out of this closet and comforted her, I don't think I could ever leave again, it was already going to be hard enough, but it had to be done. She would get over me eventually; some things take time that's all.

Soon enough Bella had cried herself to sleep. I slipped out of her closet and out of her open window running off into the night.

………………

It hurt so much not to be able to reach out and touch her, all I wanted to do was comfort her, but I knew I couldn't without having to stay with her, I didn't have to strength to walk away again. I guess it would have been better if I did stay with her.

………………

I missed my Bella so much and I had finally decided that it was time to go and get her back; I couldn't stand living without her anymore. I sped through Forks wanting to get to her house as fast as I could. I would knock on the door and talk to Charlie about it first, and then I would talk to Bella, and I would do anything to get her to forgive me and to take me back.

Well almost anything… I would beg, I would grovel, and I would prove myself in no matter what. Unless she had moved on, in which case I would leave her alone and never bother her again.

The first thing I noticed when I pulled up was that Charlies car was gone. Ok, well it looks like I might have to skip Charlie and move onto Bella, I could do that, I would just have to talk to Charlie later, right?

I walked up to the front door and knocked loudly twice. Nothing. I tried again. KNOCK, KNOCK. Nothing still. Maybe she was asleep. I walked around to the side of her house, and stared to climb up to her bedroom window. It was open so I stepped in to find it empty of Bella, her scent was everywhere, but it was weaker then it usually was, like she hadn't been here in a while.

I lay down on her bed pulling one of her pillows over my head relishing in the smell that I had missed so much. The burn that came to my throat was welcomed and praised and I inhaled as much of her scent as possible.

I decided I would go out and find Charlie; I walked outside of the house and picked up on his scent, following it through the town. It then started to lead outside of town and I picked up my pace wondering where on earth he could be. Then I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw his police car, it was parked outside the cemetery. There was a small crowd of Bella's family and close friends crowding around a grave.

I walked up to them to see whose grave it was, and to see if my Bella was there. Jessica Stanley saw me coming and stepped aside to let me in. I nodded my head at her and looked to see whose name was written on the stone.

'Isabella Marie Swan – Beloved Daughter and friend. RIP'

"No!" I said a little too loudly. Everyone looked over to me and I stared back at them hoping it was all a cruel joke.

"Edward?" I heard Charlie's gruff voice ask.

"I… She… NO!"

"What are you doing here Edward?" I heard Renee ask lightly.

"I came back, I missed her too much, I love her and I came back for her, but she, and I'm…"

I ran off into the forest at human speed then and as soon as I was out of sight I started to sprint at full speed.

I went back to the swan residence and went up into her bedroom again. On the floor was the blue blouse that I loved on her, she always looked so good in it. I picked it up and smelled it, it still smelled of Bella. I then walked over to her night stand where the locket she would always wear was sitting.

She loved that locket, more than anything. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. And with one last miserable glance at what was left of her I jumped out of the window and walked over to my car.

I put her blouse on the seat that she would always sit in and started up the car leaving it all behind.

……………..

If only I was there for her, I could have protected her, I could have stopped everything. But now I know at least, that it wasn't my fault she had died, and even though she is un-dead, at least she is still living in some form.

……………

I knew this was going to be hard, no one would want to hear about Bella, and I'm sure that they would all blame themselves or me for it, or just us leaving in general. The one reaction I was looking forward to the least was Alice's. She always told me that without us Bella would just wind up getting herself killed. But she never saw it, she just guessed, and she guessed right.

I pulled up at the house that my family were currently staying at. I know they would be surprised to see me, I didn't spend much time with them anymore, I didn't like having them around when I was so depressed because I knew it affected them too.

I stepped out of my car and was greeted at the door by Carlisle and Esme. They both looked delighted to see me, but once they anticipated my mood, both of their faces fell. I had told the family that I was going to go back to Bella and that I would come back and tell then what had happened, but I don't think anyone had expected what I had seen.

I walked past them into the house and into the lounge room.

"Can everyone come here please?"

The second I said it, everyone in the house was standing in front of me. Jasper tried to calm the room down, everyone was very nervous and I smiled at him slightly, thanking him for the effort.

"Ok, so you all know I went back to see Bella, but unfortunately, all I managed to see was a gravestone… Bella's dead." I said the last word with a very shaky voice, I was so close to losing it, but I didn't want to lose it in front of my family.

So I took in a deep breath to try and calm myself, it only worked a little bit, or maybe that was Jasper again, I wasn't sure.

Surprisingly, Emmett was the first to speak.

"She's… Dead? She can't be"

"Em, I saw it with my own eyes. Charlie and Renee and all of Bella's friends were at her grave. The stone read 'Isabella Marie Swan – Beloved Daughter and friend RIP.' I saw it all Em."

"No…" she was so quiet I almost couldn't hear Alice. She walked out of the room and Jasper went to follow her.

"Jazz, I'll go."

He just nodded to me giving me a pat on the back as I walked past him.

I found Alice Sitting on a rock near a river in the forest. She was staring into the water.

'I told you' I heard her say in her mind, and I couldn't help but think she was right. She had told me not to leave her, she had warned me that something bad would happen, and clearly it had.

"Alice… I'm sorry."

She turned to me with such sadness in her eyes; I knew if she could cry, she would be, as would I.

"Don't be, you did what you thought was right, we had no way of knowing."

"But I should have been there, I should have been able to save her. I know I could have, even if I had to change her, I could have done something at least!"

She pulled me into a tight hug.

"Don't Edward, I know you naturally blame yourself for everything, but just stop ok? This isn't your fault, you didn't know, I didn't know and I should have, but this isn't either of our faults ok? It was fate; clearly it was how it was meant to be."

I looked at her pleading with my eyes that she would say something, anything to make the pain go away, but all she did was hold me tighter humming Bella's lullaby to me.

"I'm here for you Edward, but that's all I can offer. I'll always be here when you need me, but I can't take the pain away, I can't make it stop hurting. But instead I can hurt with you. We both lost a love here Edward, and we can both suffer together, its better than being alone at least."

…………..

Alice and I had always been close, but that was the start of a whole new level of closeness for us, after that we would be together all the time, talking, or even just sitting there remembering Bella, well when I was around at least.

………….

I was checking up on Renee again, I had made a habit of this it seemed, I would often find myself checking in on them, making sure that they had everything that they needed, and if not I would find a way to get it too them.

I knew it was stupid, but it was the only way I could hold onto my Bella, my beautiful, magnificent, loving, dead Bella. But I had grown attached to Renee; she was so free and alive, even in her now older age. She was 56 and still having as much fun as ever, if not more. Although, unfortunately, that also meant she was still getting herself into trouble all the time, now I understood where Bella had gotten it from.

Renee was out doing her shopping and I was following her in the alleys, making sure I was there if she needed me, of course usually I would follow her out in the open so I seemed less mysterious, but it was a very sunny day today. I wasn't paying attention and before I knew it she had disappeared. I searched around for her in panic wondering where she could have gone. Then I heard a scream from an alley near by.

I ran at top speed, reaching her in seconds, I stopped before they could see me, so that I wouldn't expose myself. As I saw the scene in front of me, I felt the anger swell up in my body. This stupid, punk teenager was trying to rob her, it was sick! Suddenly he backhanded her and she fell to the ground, he went to grab her purse but she reached out and grabbed it before he could.

For this she earned a kick in the ribs, and that was all I could watch. I walked over to him, pulling him away from her and punching him square in the jaw. I had to restrain myself so much just to make sure I didn't hit him enough to kill him, but I knocked him out cold. I pulled out my cell from my pocket dialling 911 and explaining things to the police and telling them where he was before I turned to Renee.

She had a small cut just above her right eye which was bleeding like mad. I held my breath, not really worried about my control, but still not trusting myself enough to be able to breathe freely. I ripped off one of the sleeves on my shirt and used it to try and stop the bleeding at her head. I then helped her up as she stared at me with wide, confused eyes.

I searched her mind to see what she was thinking, only to see an image of Bella and I at the hospital after the James incident. I just smiled at her as I heard the sirens of the police approach.

When they got there I gently leaned Renee against the wall, making sure that she wouldn't fall before I walked off into the darkness of the alley. I decided that the wound above her eye was enough that even if she did tell the police what she thought about me, they wouldn't believe her.

I stayed in the alley, keeping to the back shadows so no one could see me, making sure that Renee was taken care of properly, then when she was taken off to hospital to be looked at further I pushed off from the wall I was standing against and made my way out of the dark alley, into the town which was now darkened by the blanket of night.

……………

I held on so tight to anyone who was close to my Bella, it was one of the only ties I had left to her, what else was I supposed to do, I couldn't just leave it, I knew that they would both get into trouble without Bella around, neither of them were really all that independent, they relied on Bella to help them and give them strength.

……………

"Good Day sir, how may I help you?" The man at the bank window asked.

"I need to talk to your manager" I replied handing the man a $50 note.

"Right away, sir" He replied walking off and tucking the money into his pocket.

An older man walked out who looked slightly annoyed.

"What can I do for you Mr…."

"Cullen" I replied with a knowing look.

"Cullen?" he asked a bit amazed

"Yes, I believe we have an account here at your bank."

"Yes, yes you do, please come into my office so we can talk."

We walked into a rather bland looking room. It had a desk, on one side of the desk there was a bit black leather chair, and on the other side there were two small plastic chairs. Next to his desk was a filing cabinet, but that was all in the room. I turned to him raising an eyebrow.

"Please Mr. Cullen, take my chair, you don't want to sit on one of these crappy things do you?"

I smiled at him politely and took his seat while he sat in one of the 'crappy things'.

"Now what can I help you with today Mr Cullen?"

"I'm here to discuss Charlie Swans Mortgage." I started, "I want to pay it off for him entirely and a little extra and you are going to tell him that everything was a huge mistake and that he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Got it?"

He just nodded his head dumbly.

"Good now, how much does he owe the bank"

"Mr. Cullen, you can't be serious, Mr. Swan owes a lot of money."

"How much?" I asked getting slightly annoyed. He wrote the figure down on a piece of paper. I glanced down at it and then started to write the amount plus $4000 extra on a check for the bank. I signed it and went to hand in over to the manager, just when he was about to grab it I pulled it back.

"Ring Charlie first, and don't tell him anything about me."

I picked up the phone and dialled Charlie's number handing the phone over to the manager.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mr Swan?"

"Yes…"

"This is John Christen from the Bank."

"Look I already told you people, I can't get that kind of money!"

"Yes, that's why I am ringing. I am the manager and I was going through some files when I noticed yours, and I thought that something wasn't right with it, so I followed it up and noticed that you had already paid off your mortgage, so you don't need to worry about it any more, it was all a big mistake."

"Really?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, thank you then."

"Ok, bye Mr. Swan."

And then the line went dead. The bank manager smiled up at me and I handed him the check, walking out of his office, and out of the bank.

I was smiling all the way to my car. I know I shouldn't have interfered but what else could I do? I had been watching Charlie go bankrupt for months now, I had to do something. And now he could be happy and not have to worry about finances. Money was one of those things that I didn't need, and didn't mind giving away, if it happened again, I would give him the money again. And if he ran out of money, I would find a way to give some more to him.

………….

Carlisle kept telling me not to get attached, because humans were so fragile, but I did, and like all other humans, they had an end.

…………

I was making my way towards the tree line at Renee's funeral. It had been requested that it was outside in the sun, during the day. So of course I couldn't show myself. Everyone was starting to walk up onto the stage giving a speech about how Renee influenced them and what she meant to them and how they would all miss her dearly.

There was a slight breeze that day, and suddenly it blew directly into my face and a smell hit me. It was so familiar, and yet so unknown. It reminded me of Bella, sweet and floral, she always had a very floral scent.

But it couldn't be Bella, because Bella was dead, I went to her funeral as well.

Then a lady walked up onto the stage, she looked a lot like Renee, as she started talking I figured that this was Renee's daughter. I had seen her before a few times with Renee, but I never knew it was her daughter. She was so much like my Bella, the way she held herself and the slight clumsiness in her step. It almost hurt to look at her.

She had the same reddish-brown hair that my Bella did and her eyes were the same brown, in fact now that I thought about it, she didn't just look like Renee, she looked a lot like my Bella, but she was so different still, Bella had a lot of Charlie in her where as this woman clearly didn't. She started to talk about how her mother had an angel to watch over her and I smiled sadly at the thought.

Ever since my Bella had died, I had clinged onto any mortal connection there was to her, which basically meant her mother and father. It wasn't that I felt obligated to do such a thing, it was merely because they were all I had left of her.

Then that smell hit me again, and I tried to work out who it was coming from, but it wasn't coming from someone in the audience who was grieving over Renee's death, no it was coming from somewhere behind me almost. I turned around to see if I could find the scent, but suddenly it was gone, and so was the person it belonged too.

………………

But I was closer to Charlie than I was to Renee, because Charlie reminded me so much of Bella, and if it wasn't for him living in Forks and taking in his daughter to live with him, I wouldn't have ever met her.

…………….

I had been there when Charlie died, you should have seen the look on his face. I walked into the hospital room with Alice by my side. Charlie looked over to us with a shocked look on his face.

"Edward, Alice?" he asked, his voice raspy. It was very clear that he was close to the end, so very clear that it almost hurt. I had grown attached to Charlie over the years, he and Bella were so alike, and he was the last link I had to her, I didn't want to let that go, and I didn't want to see Charlie die.

But Alice had had a vision, and she told me how scared he would be, so we came here to help him move on and let go of this world.

"Hello Charlie." Alice said quietly smiling sadly. I picked up his chart and looked at it.

"What are you two doing here? And how are you still so young? It looks like you haven't aged at all." he was starting to panic.

Alice went and sat on the edge of his bed and put here small hand on top of his.

"Charlie, I know you're scared of dying, but we're here to help you let go. We have been watching over you for a while now, and it's time for you to let go. You will be going to a better place, a place with Bella, and I'm sure she is waiting for you. It's ok to be scared, but you need to let go, you'll be in a better place." She whispered.

He looked up at her with fear in his eyes, and then over to me.

"Thank you, both of you."

And then his eyes closed and we heard his hearts final beat before he left this world forever. We both walked out of the room quickly, knowing that staff would be there in seconds because the machines were going off.

………..

And now I was at his funeral, standing amongst the trees again, knowing that it was too dangerous to show myself again, because chances are, a lot of these people knew me.

There was a sudden tap on my shoulder and I turned to see Alice standing there smiling sadly.

"I'll always be here for you, don't forget that."

The service started and people started going up on the stage telling stories about Charlie. And someone said how he had an angel watching out for him, and I smiled at this, because just like with Renee, I had been there for him, but unlike Renee, I helped him, I was there when he took his last breath.

It was an overcast day, but it wasn't raining, although there was a lot of wind, which isn't all that strange for Forks. Then it hit me, it was the same scent that was at Renee's Funeral. I looked over towards Alice to see if she had noticed it too, and she was standing there with wide eyes. She then turned and ran off into the forest, I ran off after her, wondering why she would so that.

"Did you smell that?"

I just nodded my head.

"God, it smelled so much like her, but so different, I… what was that? Who was that?"

"I wish I knew, whoever it was, they were at Renee's funeral as well."

"What if it was her?"

"It couldn't be, Bella's dead Alice…"

Alice started to search the future looking for any sign of Bella, but failed.

"I guess you're right."

………………..

After they had both died I had a lot more trouble dealing with things, I didn't have anything left to cling too, so what was I supposed to do? I had nothing, no one.

………………

It had been 50 year, 50 years since I had seen the love of my existence. That night in her room, god, if I had only known it would be the last chance I could get to see her, to touch her, to smell her. I can't take it anymore. I just can't.

She was my everything, my life, the air I breathed, her intoxicating smell kept me alive, the beautiful blush that would creep upon her cheeks kept my dead heart beating. And now, now it was all gone, and I had nothing.

So what reason was there for my life? If I had no Bella, then what was my purpose?

Death was all that was left for me. Death was the only way I could be with her again. I don't believe there is an afterlife for my kind, but maybe, just maybe, my love for Bella will be strong enough to break through that so that we could be together again.

I wasn't thinking anymore, I was walking but I wasn't sure where I was going.

Then I saw something in Alice's mind. Me, Volterra, death. Well, it would have been a good plan while it lasted, maybe I could get away without her doing anything, maybe she would pity me and let me stop my suffering once and for all.

"EM! JAZZ!" I heard her call in a worried voice. They both came running down the stairs and looked at her worriedly.

"Stop him!" she said pointing to me. I started to run for the door but Emmett tackled me pulling me up. I tried to struggle out of his grasp but Jasper was helping him hold me back. I knew that I couldn't get out of this, not with both of my brothers up against me. So I stopped and let them drag me upstairs to my room where they threw me on the floor and walked out looking confused.

Then Alice walked in and closed the door behind her.

"Why?"

"Because I'm miserable, because it hurts so much all the time, everything I do, see, think, smell, it all reminds me of her. It hurts for me to live, so why can't I just stop my suffering, is it really that selfish?"

She just pulled me into a hug and showing me all the good times she and Bella had in her mind. At first it hurt to think about her, but then a warm feeling came over me as I watched my Bella laugh and have fun, she was alive again.

And then I realised what Alice was doing. As long as I thought about her, she would still live. She could live in my memory, forever, it might not be as good as the real thing, but it's the best I can do.

…………………..

Alice, she was always there, whenever I didn't know what to do, she would help me.

I walked down the hall towards the room that she and Jasper shared. I knocked on the door lightly and I heard Jasper call me in. He was sitting at the floor with his legs spread and Alice sitting between them, lying back on his chest.

He smiled up at me lightly and Alice looked up from the magazine she was reading.

"Can I talk to you Alice?"

She jumped up from the floor, giving Jasper a quick peck on the lips and then started to walk down stairs, I followed her out to the river where she sat on the edge on a rock, letting her legs dangle in the water.

"What's up?"


An --

ok so i refuse to write anymore flashbacks, seriously.

review please and make me happy :)

next chapter up as soon as i get around to it - life pretty crazy at the moment.

:)